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Is love an illusion or reality?

 

 

 

 

Is love an illusion or reality
Is love an illusion or reality

 

Is  love an illusion or reality? Does it truly exists? Recently, there had been a lot of curiosity on this term called ” love”.

A lot of persons are beginning to doubt its existence as a result of the  ugly experiences they had in the past.

While some few others who had not really experienced such, and  have decided to give it a try,  in the bid to feed their curiosity, got discouraged along the line  after hearing or witnessing  other people’s experience.

As human, we all crave for affection. We all desire to be in a relationship where the love of our partner supersedes our’s . but unfortunately, these expectation seems like an illusion. Hence the question. Is love an illusion?

Here is an experience of one my client who is yet to recover from a severe heartbreak.

I once doubted the existence of love.I never believed in it, not like I was some strong hearted lady. However, I wasn’t an emotional type. My philosophy and motto in life has always been ” to achieve tremendous success. I never had any flare for relationship with the opposite sex.

My routine each day was to wake up, say my morning prayers, prepare and dash off to work. Then retire home in the evening to rest and prepare my body and mind for tomorrow’s hurdles and activity.

At my leisure time, I would prefer enjoying my solitude by either reading an interesting thriller or seeing a movie. I never had interest in improving my social life.

However, a colleague of mine invited me to a birthday pool party.

At first, I declined with the excuse that I wasn’t feeling too good. But she insisted till I gave in and accepted her invitation.

My decision wasn’t a bad idea after all as I had so much fun.  One I’ve never had I ages because I was so  preoccupied with work.  In the course of the celebration,  I discovered there was this  cute and charming guy who wouldn’t stop staring at me.

He finally summoned courage to approach me.  He asked for a dance, and afterwards collected my mobile digit  and asked me out. I played a little hard to get, but right in mind I couldn’t resist him.

He was so appealing, smart, intelligent and above all successful. He was every lady’s dream. I accepted his proposal. And from that moment, my life changed automatically. It is no longer the usual go to work and retire home to rest.

Now I had to try as much possible to strike a balance between my work, social life and relationship.  I learnt how to handle my  job and relationship simultaneously.  It wasn’t easy at first. But I felt it was worth it. For the first time, I experienced what it feels like to be in love and to be loved. I was so carried away by fantasies that I gave in my all to ensure the relationship worked out.

But unfortunately, it never lasted. I soon discovered that my prince charming was a cheat, liar and womanizer. I couldn’t contain the hurt I felt after discovering such. I was so destabilized for several weeks/ months. Nearly lost my job, but despite all this, started wanted him back because I felt I would never find someone like him. Despite the way he treated me, I still needed him around.

Though I wouldn’t call this love but  obsession  . I was so obsessed with him that I became so needy and desperate to have him back.

And the more obsessed and pushy I was, the more rejection I received from him. It really took me time before I could come to the terms of accepting the reality. With such experience, I kept asking my self  the rhetorical question. ” is love an illusion or a reality”.

 

A quite number of us has undergone similar experience. This story is just a practical way to explain why so many people assumes that love does not really exist. Is-love-an-illusion? Let’s find out.

Is love an  illusion? Here are some of the reasons why most folks believes it is.

Is love an illusion or reality?
Is love an illusion or a reality?

 

Unrealistic expectations

As human, we often seek for the best in all our endeavors and pursuit, and relationship is not an exception. We all desire to have that partner who seems perfect in every aspect. We wish to have that flawless partner who meets up to our expectations and standard. We just want to see all the attribute in one person.

But unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way. We should set our priorities right and look out for more important qualities. It should be a scale of preference.

Here is an instance. A man may desire to have a pretty, elegant, smart, intelligent, respectful  and well behaved lady.

He might get the first two or three qualities in her, while the others might be absence. Or he might get the last three and vice versa. It is up to him to set his priorities right and choose the one that matters most, knowing that he may not find all in one individual.

This is why we often end up with heart breaks, and then the conclusion that love is an illusion. We focus more on abstract choices than realistic choices.  Forgetting that there is no perfect individual. Is high time we began to set our priorities right, in other to avoid further heartbreak.

Imaginary relationship. 

Just like creating an image of unrealistic partner, another assumption that gives rise to the question ” is love an illusion or reality is the usual habit of   imagining and  picture of how our  ideal relationship ought to look like in our minds.

But ironically, most of these assumptions are imaginary. They are mere fantasies and maybe far from reality. These assumptions often occurs when we view a lot of romantic movies or read a lot of romantic novels. Those ideology and display of affections  gets registered to our brain, and we assume that our relationship must be similar to that in all ramifications including in the display of affections.

For instance, you desire to have a man who serves you coffee on the bed. While these may be good, it does no actually portray that every man who desires to have a relationship with you must serve you coffee on the bed. And that wouldn’t imply he does not love you.

Everyone has gat their own unique way of expressing love.  So one shouldn’t conclude that love is an illusion when is not a replica to the image and fantasies  created in the mind or from media sources.

Another important factor we must understand is that no relationship is rosy.

Every relationship undergoes different phases. And each phase is accompanied with lots of challenges.

The ability of both couples to come out stronger and emerge victorious at such time really shows they are compatible and meant for each other. So before asking the question ” is love an illusion? Make sure you have a clear understanding of how relationship works. Avoid unrealistic expectations and fantasies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why some long term relationship never succeeds.?

 

 

 

Why some long term relationship never lasts
Long term relationship

Long term relationship as the name implies is usually a relationship in which both couples began a cordial friendship  with the intention of achieving a common goal in the long run.

In most cases, Such relationship usually lasts longer,  Because  It has gone beyond the usual friendship and  honey moon phase into what is expected as a life time commitment.

In Contrary to most folks assumption, long term relationship does not necessarily imply dating someone for close 3-5 years or more. However, it has more to do with with quality of the  relationship and the intention of both parties involved. So what makes a long term relationship?

Characteristics of a long term relationship.

 

 

Adjustment

 

At the beginning of every relationship, couples seems so perfect for each   other that they hardly see faults. Everything they does seems flawless in each other’s eye. There will always be pretense and putting up character in other to impress and fit in each  other’s life.   But as the relationship progresses and the honey moon phase is over. Adjustment begins. No more hiding of flaws or imperfections. You can comfortably joke with each other or fart in each other’s presence, without feeling remorseful/ embarrassed  about it and your partner won’t feel bad about it too.

Freedom of Expression.

Short term relationship is often derived by  infatuation. What do I mean by this? People in short term relationship are always scared to express their feelings towards their partner for fear of hurting them. Even if it means hiding the truth from them at the detriment of their future.

Whereas in long term relationship, reverse is usually the case. The sincere love existing in such relationship will always spur you to be honest to your partner. No matter how the truth hurts, you wouldn’t mind spilling it out, because you want the best for them.

You will always know you are in a long term relationship, when you are not scared to give your partner solution on how to get rid of their body or mouth odor  . Provided you are doing that in a polite way. You can easily tell them about their weight by recommending a good diet to keep them in check. Also the need to have a regular visit to the gymnasium.

Transparency

Why most long term relationship never lasts
Long term relationship

When adjustment begins in a relationship, honesty most times becomes inevitable.

At this stage, you are not afraid to tell your partner any secret or past especially If you are longing to take the relationship to the next level. Because it is certain that they would find out soon which might be disastrous.

Now having known some of the characteristics of a long term relationship. One may still ask, why do some long term relationship rarely succeeds?  Honestly, I’ve seen people date for so long, having some of this characteristics mentioned, yet still goes their separate ways.

Here are some reasons, And how you can make a -long-term-relationships- work.

Reasons why some  long term relationship never succeeds.

Familiarity.

Familiarity they say breeds contempt. It is human nature to value things which are less available than things which are  easily available. Here is an illustration,in our respective families, we  accord more  respect to an older individuals  who is an outsider than we give to our  older siblings.

Similarly, A lot of people begins to take their partner and relationship for granted as soon as they discover that the love is greater on their sides. They tend to relax as soon as they find out their partner is striving and putting all the effort to ensure it works out. Such relationship rarely lasts, because as time Goes on, the one striving to make it work will get tired and move on.

 

Lack of understanding. 

Sometimes is not how long people dated each other, but how well they understood each other.

Couples need more of understanding than love. When there is understanding, there will certainly be tolerance. An instance is this.  You can be in a relationship for so long, yet can’t put up with each other’s character because there is no understanding.

I have witness people date for so long, even intending to make their relationship official. But couldn’t achieve that aim because they couldn’t cope with each other’s excesses. Remember that no perfect individual exists. You might have a lovely and caring partner, but either they are temperamental or  insecure. The only factor that can secure such relationship is understanding. If you think they are worth spending the rest of your life with.

Incompatibility.

People can date for so long, yet disengage as  soon as they discover that they ain’t compatible with each other. They don’t think alike or do things alike. Their understanding and instincts tends to vary a lot. And such incompatibility often leads to constant arguments and fights.

 

Continue reading Why some long term relationship never succeeds.?

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Are you dating yet lonely?

 

Dating yet lonely
Dating yet lonely

 

Dating yet lonely? Have you ever find your self in a relationship, yet it feels like you ain’t in one? You feel lonely, void,  empty and devastated.  Your relationship status says you are hooked up, while in reality, you are single.

The scenario is likened to one having so much luxury in life yet feeling restless  and void.

Rather than living in comfort and satisfaction.   You know the usual saying, ” the Rich also cries”. In translation to our topic. It could also mean “that people in relationship  could also feel lonely and void despite our assumption that their relationship might be thriving  smoothly.

Falling in love usually comes with a feeling of excitement. It is awesome knowing that someone feels the same way you feel about them.

You check up on each other, hang out too often. Relationship are not just a title,  These are what spices up a relationship. That feelings of togetherness, that feelings of having someone to confide in at difficult times. Without all these, you will always feel lonely despite having a relationship.

Unfortunately, a lot of folks feel this way. And this could be a sign that you are in a  one sided relationship.

Such relationship can keep you off balance, leaving you in a confused state. You are always skeptical of whether or not it will work out.

You have other suitors hovering around you, but you just can’t accept any because you are still expectant that things might work out.

Are you dating yet lonely? Are you  feeling-lonely-in-relationship? Do you feel like your relationship suddenly became bored, hence no longer  the way it used to be when you both met each other.

You remembered those days everything was so exciting, then all of a sudden, those exciting moment became a nigh mare.

Dating yet lonely

Here are some of the reasons why you might be dating  yet lonely and depressed.

You pushed so fast

Perhaps, you couldn’t contain the excitement especially at the beginning  when the spark was still  igniting and thrilling . you became so attached to them, hence they began to withdraw.

This  usually happens when the other person desires to  have things slowly probably because they don’t want   committement. Women are the most vulnerable and victim  in this scenario. The withdrawal of a partner can be emotionally traumatic. This is one reason that contributes to the lonely feelings in a relationship.

No mutual effort.

Are you always pushing the effort alone yet without reciprocation? This is one of the obvious signs of dating yet lonely. Relationship ought to be mutual. You can’t maintain a healthy relationship  when you don’t have a like mind with your partner.

You remember the saying.  ” you can force a horse to the stream, but you can never force it to take water”. You can never be excited in a relationship where you have to nag repeatedly, or plead endlessly just to get an attention or have them reply your calls/ messages.

The Relationship is over

This is one obvious and significant reason that contributes to the lonely feelings in a relationship.

You might be dating yet lonely because your partner had left you long ago.  To most coward folks, going on silent mode is the easiest way to break up.

In other to avoid unnecessary drama and confrontations by their partner. So rather than break up verbally, they go on  radio silent hoping that you will get the message and move on.

Such treatment could make one feel lonely, while assuming he/ she is still in a relationship. They will leave you hung up without any assurance that the relationship is still on. Such feelings can be devastating because you can’t really tell your relationship status.

So what should you do when you are dating yet lonely?

Allow nature take its course.

Forcing a relationship to work will only leave you in misery. Whenever you find yourself putting all the effort to make a relationship work, then be rest assured that such relationship will never work. You will end up being lonely, confused and deserted. Stop forcing it.

Always create  room for mutual efforts. If it is not meant to be, no  matter what you do, it will never work.

Always ask for validation and reassurance.

Whenever you observe any odd behavior from your spouse, or discover that your relationship is loosing its spark. Do not hesitate to ask for validation to be certain that you both are still on the same page.

This is one of the significant reason why people often feel lonely even when they claim to be in a relationship. They end up leaving in assumption without knowing that the relationship is over.

Watch out for early signs.

Relationship doesn’t just come to end out of the blues, there are usually warning signals indicating that a relationship was about to end.

However, most times, we ignore these signs with the intention to save a relationship which had ended long ago. And at the end, it leaves us with empty feelings and  loneliness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to handle being ghosted by a partner

 

 

 

 

 

Ghosted by a partner
Ghosted by a partner

 

 

Have  you been ghosted by a partner?  Such feelings can inflict  an untold pain in any individual. It is so devastating. Your relationship was awesome, you can hardly go a day without  checking up on each other. Your communication was so effective in such that the  absence might  signal anxiety and self imposed fear.

All of a sudden, they stopped calling you, they stopped chatting.  They became so cold, distant and unavailable. Even when you try to do that, is either you are completely ignored or you get a cold and brief response. You attempt to visit, they keep giving you one and thousands excuses just to scare you away.

They just disappeared out of the blues leaving you in the cloud. You keep wondering what you did or what went wrong.  No closure,  no explanation or at least an  opportunity to apologize in case you erred unknowingly or did something to them unintentionally. They just backed out completely leaving you pondering if the  relationship is over.

A lot of folks had gone trough this phase or currently undergoing it at the moment. No matter how strong, skillful or competent you are, rejection sucks and kills one’s esteem/ ego. Being ghosted by a partner  makes you assume you ain’t good enough for the one giving you such rejection.

The feeling is better expressed than experience. And you know the worse?  There is no form of explanation to ascertain the reason behind their actions. This makes it more unbearable and difficult for the victims to accept the  reality.

But would you blame them? We all desire to have a  closure   at one point or the other. It is human to naturally seek for reason behind certain issues or attitude portrayed by people as it helps to calm our nerves and relieve the curiosity in us.it also a sign of respect signifying that someone values you and the time you once spent together as couple.

But unfortunately, people at the giving end have a different perception. Sometimes they ghost you because they lack the courage to confront  you that that they want to take a walk. So by ghosting, they will save themselves  the stress of being confronted  with unnecessary dramas by their partner and making a whole lot of explanation, including the closure they  are seeking for.

 

Nevertheless, We all hate to be ignored, that’s why we often ask for closure.  But  when this closure is not forth coming, we get pissed off and emotionally wrecked.

The scenario is likened to getting a rejection mail after applying for a job despite your qualification. You won’t just feel bad because you weren’t successful, you will also be curious to know the reason why you were rejected despite your competency.

However,  seeking  for closure might make you hung up there forever. Getting stuck with the rejections and emotions.  Yet without any explanation. You really need to get out from that  state of  depression by learning how to handle the trauma associated with being ghosted by a partner.

How to handle being ghosted by a partner.

Accept the reality.

Sometimes in life, we have to accept some facts that  we can’t possibly erase and being ghosted by a partner is one of them.

This is the first  step in Handling rejection such situations. But unfortunately, it is quite difficult.  sucks, We just wished to wake up and discover that everything was just a night mare. We often fight to get our sanity back because it seems we are loosing it at that moment.

However, you have to understand that moving on and recovering from any misfortunes in life which may  include loss of loved one, failure in business and  loss of  job. first begins with embracing  the fact that it has happened and you can’t reverse it. loosing a loved one to a cold hands of death can be  devastating. Some people never get to heal till they accept the fact that they would never see such person again. Embracing  the reality gradually enables them to absorb the shock and also aid their healing process.

So you have to  Accept you’ve been ghosted for real and not some sort of night mare. That will give you an insight to ascertain  the next action to take.

Avoid bugging them with calls. 

One of the common things majority of us do after being ghosted by a partner is bugging them with calls, text messages and incessant pleas to come back to us. this is a bad idea and may derail any chances of having them back again.

But most times, we just can’t help it as our emotions seems to be taking its toll on us at that moment. Our brain knows this is not right, but our  emotions just want to be in charge. Is our duty to stop it from taking control of the situation. Easy right??? Hell no!!!

Everyone knows this is a way difficult. each time you see them online, your heart skips and you wonder who they are chatting with that they couldn’t even notice your presence. In as much as it is difficult, you have to try. Exert the same energy they are using on you.

When you call, chat or email them and get a cold or no response. How do you feel? More rejected and hurt right?? The more you call and plead, the more you get rejected, hence making you feel more bad and worthless.

Why not stop all this attitude. It makes them think you are a psycho. Maybe, just maybe, they will reach out to you when you stop pestering them.

Use the Reverse psychology. ghosted by your partner? You have to use the reverse psychology. This works out mostly for people who might still be in love with you, but began withdrawing as a way to manipulate you emotionally and boost their Ego.

Most people do this Especially when they discover that you are head over heels in love with them.

They just want to exercise their supremacy in other to feel relevant. I just wish you would learn to understand these  category of folks. Then you will feel less bothered as soon as they begin to ghost you.

Complaining and nagging is a way to show them that you are vulnerable. But ignoring them and acting like you don’t care will most definitely get to them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Biggest turn off for men

 

 

Turn off for men
Biggest turn off for men

What are biggest turn off for men?

This is one of the core questions every  woman should ask before venturing into a relationship.  Relationship is like a joint business, the opinions and suggestions of both parties are needed in other to ensure maximum yield/ profit.

Though,  There might be variations in opinion and suggestions. But  At the end of the day, both parties sits down to  make their analysis and final verdict, in other to ascertain which idea to accept and the ones to discard.

Similarly, relationship can only thrive when both couples involve understands each other’s  preferences, and the different ways both gender reacts to emotions. The former might be easy to adopt as long as there is tolerance and understanding between couples. Whereas, the later might be a bit though for some folks especially if they are ignorant of the Emotional differences In men and women.


This is where the problem usually begins. Most women get into a relationship with the mindset  and confidence that their qualities and personalities alone will get them through, while others believes that once their partner truly loves them, they will always overlook any flaws which they portray. But unfortunately, this is not always true.

 

The scenario is just like having a business mindset and finance, and assuming that you only need these two factors to excel. While they are essential, they might not be the only factors needed. You also need to study your environment and understand how it works with the business you intend doing. If not, you will only end up investing in a non-  futile and unproductive land.

Similarly in relationships, you can’t have a good relationship, just by possessing a good quality, you need to know the biggest turn off for men. With that, you can always learn how  handle the male Ego . Without always having issues in your relationship every now and then.

And so the next question is, what are these turn offs,and how can you avoid them?

5 biggest turn off for men and how you can avoid them.

Nagging

This is one of the biggest turn off for men.  Every gender nags at one point or the other, but such attitude seems to be common among women. Because  men are logical beings.  men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus A man’s psychology  is built in such a way that it is emotionally strong to be calm at certain scenarios and address an issue more maturely. Whereas women are slightly different. They are emotionally weak and sensitive and thus they tend to react at any slightest provocation.

A friend once confided in me about her relationship, according to her, she has tried all she could to ensure it works out but all to no avail. From her complaint, I discovered that the bone of contention was her nagging attitude.calling your partner’s attention towards any weird attitude you observe in them ain’t wrong, but when your complaint becomes constant and unbearable, it gets  irritating and poses as a big turn off to men.

Nagging wouldn’t make them change but rather ignore   you the more. Learn how to control your emotions and insecurities.

Emotional weakness and sensitivity.

This is a significant turn off for  men. Men may claim to love women who are fragile and emotional.

But in reality, they actually prefers a confident woman. Men are hunters, they often derive joy in the chase, so they love confident women. A woman who wouldn’t compromise her principle or go in contrary to her decision just to please a man.

A woman who doesn’t give up on her vision and purpose in life just because she is in a relationship, a woman who doesn’t see relationship as a top priority. A woman whose life and happiness does not revolve around a man.

No man wants a woman who is so obsessed with him. They often regard such women as a psycho. Learn how to control your emotions no matter how deep in love you are. It makes you appear more attractive and respected. Such women challenges their Ego and makes chase more thrilling and exciting for them.

 

women who talks and argues a lot. 

Men are known for acting, while women are commonly known for expressing their thoughts verbally.

Unfortunately, most women go about this in a wrong way. You must not yell, argue or puck a fight  just to have your opinion heard.if your partner often gets on your nerve, the first thing to do is to politely called their attention towards it. And when you do, give them some time to adjust for good.

If peradventure they don’t, rather than argue or yell, result to silent treatment . Trust me, it works wonders as no one likes being ignored.

5 Biggest turn off for men 1
turn off for men 

 

However, that should be your last resort, if talking to them did not yield any positive effect.

Women who Doubts them 

This is a turn off for both genders, however it affects men the most because they are the wooing gender. No man would like to be with a woman who doubts and monitors his every movement as a result of  lack of trust emerging from her past experience.

If you’ve never caught him cheating, there is no reason to doubt his love for you. Such doubts and insecurities are a big turn off to men.give him a benefit of doubt, until otherwise you suspect any fowl play in him. Don’t allow your insecurities destroy your relationship.

A woman who compares them with other men. 

Every man is egoistic, irrespective of his financial status and social class. Hence they try to impress their woman whichever way they deem fit in other to appear as the best among others. No man wants to be place in a competition whatsoever.

But unfortunately, most women are ignorant of this, and hence they compare their men or relationship with others especially their ex. This is a huge turn  off for  men because it bruises their Ego and drags  their self worth to the mud.

Every woman should realize that no man is perfect, hence should appreciate their man always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Attraction killers in a relationship

Attraction killers in a relationship

Attraction killers in a relationship, what are they? How can you avoid them? Before we give an answer to those questions. Let’s look at the term “attraction and what it really entails”.

Before making  a decision to do anything in life, there is always something special that must have prompted  to such decision.
You chose to study a particular course not because every other person does so. But because something prompted the desire to do so.

You went to a shopping mall and chose some clothes over the others, not really because others weren’t gorgeous. But because you got attracted to the selected ones.

Life is all about attraction, our choice and desire in life is guided by our attraction towards something.
Same phenomenon is applicable to relationships.

No relationship begins like a magic. There is always something that induced the desire, chemistry and spark to be with that special one.
There is something special about them that made them unique and outstanding among others. And this is what triggered the boldness in you to ask them out. This is called attraction.

It could be a physical attribute or behavioral attitude.
However, whatever is the source of attraction, it needs to be maintained by both otherwise it might be lost someday.

Attraction if not maintained might turn to become a distraction. Here is an illustration. Purchasing your desired clothes or accessories is not just enough

No matter How attractive they are, if they are not well maintained by regular, thorough and mild laundry/ ironing. They might begin to loose its glowing nature and becomes less attractive. Same is applicable in relationships.

Attraction killers in a relationship are one the Top reasons for divorce. During dating/courtship, You got attracted to your spouse for one reason or the other. The relationship later progressed to marriage.

But along the line, you stopped getting along with each other and began to encounter series of challenges which includes Constant arguments and fights. The attraction becomes invisible and seems no where to be found. What suddenly happened? Where is the attraction that brought you both in the first place? You asked yourself rhetorically ?

Now here is the answer.it has been affected by attraction killers in a relationship. So what are these attraction killers? Let’s find out.

What are the -major-attraction-killers-in-dating?

4 Attraction killers in a relationship.

EGO
Ego is one of the attraction killers in a relationship. Is one  thing to get attracted by someone, is another thing to respect them by being humble and down to earth.

A lot of people take advantage of the fact that their partner sees them attractive hence the reason to take them for granted. But such negative trait destroys a relationship faster than you can ever think of.

Being attracted to someone does not guarantee they will always stick to your misbehaviors Soon they would realize they deserve a better treatment. And they might

Decide to take a walk. It is human nature to feel egoistic when you get a lot of admiration and special treat especially from people you wish to have. However, one has to be careful, in other not loose a diamond out of ego. You know the saying, ” you really don’t know what you have” till it slips out of your finger.

Insufficient ingredients.
This is another basic attraction killers in a relationship.

In other to keep a relationship thriving.  Love is not just enough Neither is attraction. It needs to be spiced up by other essential factors such as tolerance and understanding. Remember as time goes, you will be faced with a lot of challenges in your relationship/ marriage..

Challenges that needs to be tackled by a mutual mind and understanding . when there is no mutuality or understanding, the attraction will wane off.

Clingy
Acting clingy often kills attraction quicker than you can imagine. It is awesome to express your affection to your partner..but don’t always do in a way that suggest you are too clingy or desperate.

No matter how someone loves you, everyone needs their space a times to sort out other vital issues on life, but that may not necessarily mean they’ve lost interest .

 

Negligence

Attraction killers in a relationship often times occurs as a result of negligence by both couples.

 

After the  honeymoon phase, most people develops a  negligence attitude, and tend to forget what attracted them to their spouse.

Relationship is like a car, it needs a regular check and   steady maintenance to work effectively. Without which it will always break down every now and then. Being attracted by one thing or the other ain’t enough. You need to maintain such attraction and add more spices to it. Just like a garden, you need to water your relationship every now and then to keep it glowing. Having an  effective communication often  really helps a lot in other to understand where you might be erring in the relationship for readjustment.

 

 

 

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3 ways to handle the male’s Ego .

How to handle the male's Ego
Male’s ego

Understanding the male’s ego is one of the best strategies to maintaining a healthy relationship.

It is often said that if you want to relate well with people without having unnecessary arguments and differences with them , you have to master their weak points and strength.
These are the two qualities that makes us who we are and how we react differently to things.

This is also applicable to the male gender. A man’s strength lies in his Ego.

The male’s Ego is like a weapon and defense to which they command respect, supremacy and authority over the opposite gender.

Have you ever wondered why your complaints and nags never changes anything. Each time you nag, rather than get the attention you crave for, you only end up turning him off and pushing him farther away.

This is because you are going about it in the wrong way, and this is one major mistakes most ladies make. They ‘ve not really understood how the male psychology works.

Unlike women, men are not always derive by emotions. This is one of the Emotional differences In men and women.

They hardly change their mind towards something except they’ve taken a decision to.What defines a  man is his ability to stand firm in his decision.

When you nag, you are indirectly telling him to stoop so low towards accepting your own decision.

To most of them, it is a a big threat to their Ego. Hence, they might not harken to your plea or nag.
You can’t handle the male’s ego without knowing how the male psychology works.

Understanding the male’s psychology.

 

Men love being in control

the male’s ego is fueled by

The fact that they often love to be in charge in every aspects of their life ranging from financial capability to their quest for power.

No matter how broke a man is, he often finds it difficult to seek for an assistance from her woman. He would rather stay broke or seek for assistance from a stranger than the former.

Most men detests dating or getting married to a financially independent women as a result of inferiority complex. To them, it is a big threat to their ego, hence they prefer being the financial boss.

Another factor that that shows that men loves to be in control is the fact that they love wooing a lady.  They love the chase. To them, the chase is a thrilling experience. Thus, they often place much values on the ladies they woo than the reverse.

Men hate rejections.

The male psychology is structured in such a way that it detests rejection a lot. Sometimes the rejection triggers their desire press further. Ever seen a man so desperate to win a lady’s heart? He does not give up till his desire becomes accomplished. Being rejected would often make him press further in other not regain his wounded ego. Most will even go as far as betting to have their aims achieved. Most women had fallen victims to deceit by men who just want to fuel their Ego in the guise of seeking for committed relationship.

They detests failure

A man’s ego lies in the fact that he would always conquer at all times. This is why they often work hard especially when they have received mockery or

Challenged to a certain point.
This is also the reason  why a man would do everything to win a girl’s heart then dump her afterwards.

Note: Men do not joke with their Ego. The male’s ego is like a self defense will always be egocentric, You can’t stop a man’s ego because they were natural created in such way. It is part of them. You can only stop him from using that to manipulate you emotionally. You can only learn how to handle it with maturity in other secure your relationship with him.

What are the -ways-to-handle-the-male-ego?

How to handle the male’s Ego

Learn to be in control.

By this , I don’t mean you should take his place or try to dominate him. Men will always like to be in control, but don’t allow him get you subjected with his controlling prowess. Don’t always yield to his request. Stand firm to your decision. Of course this will be a bit tough as your emotions will always want to conquer. But you have to try harder to conquer your emotions. Men love challenges a lot and often love women who challenges them a lot. If you want to bruise his Ego. Don’t always yield to his demands. This is the mistake most women do thinking they are making a lot of sacrifice in keeping their man and the  relationship.

But unfortunately, men sees thing in a different perspective. They love women who care a lot about them and at the same time, they love confident  women who ain’t  always tossed around like a robot. So you have to learn how to balance both. Show him love and affection, but let him know the world does not just revolve around him. Let him know you have your worth too and deserves to be respected. Learn to say “no in some situations. It doesn’t really make you a bad person. It only

Shows you are in control of your life. Don’t compromise your principle just to please him. As this is not a guarantee that he would stay.

Avoid nagging and unnecessary pleas.

 

Nothing fuels the male Ego like having a nagging woman or a woman who gets unnecessarily emotional.

They will always have control over such women. As a woman you have to learn how to get things from a man without nagging or being too emotional. Work on your esteem, let him know you truly deserve it.

There is more respect and dignity attached to being given something freely  and willingly because one truly deserves such treatment than being given because you nagged and pleaded for it. Trust me, the former will always be respected than the later.

 

Respect his decision

Men loves  women who respects every aspect of their life including their decision.

You can’t get a man change his mind  over something by engaging in a heated argument with him.

Such is a big turn off.  You ain’t competing with him over his Ego.you only want to command respect from him. Let him know you respect whatever decision he has to make for his life or relationship. Don’t nag or argue over it. It is called maturity. Such will bruise his Ego on discovering that you begging for his attention. He will also respect you for that as respect is reciprocal.

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How to connect with emotionally distant partner

 

 

 

Emotionally distant partner
How to connect with an emotionally distant partner

Emotionally distant partner can make a relationship become so stressful and uninteresting because you can only be bonded with your partner when you are emotionally connected with them.

They will make you  beg virtually for everything including their attention.

They seems unavailable especially at trying  moments in your life when you may need them to be much  closer to you.

You can imagine how it feels when you are emotionally down, and you chose to confide in a close friend or a relation. With the hope to find solace in their arms.

But unfortunately, they seems unavailable.  They couldn’t give you that    listening ear you yearned  for at that moment.

Such feelings could be so daunting. The excruciating pains emerging from such experience often feels like one who has been pierced by a sharp object. You will be so overwhelmed with the feelings of neglect and disappointment.

Emotions are so sensitive, if you really want infuriate pain into someone’s heart, the best way is to get them  down with their emotions.

This is why  having emotionally distant partner is one of the  Red flags in a relationshipin a relationship.

One of the basic reason why we venture into a relationship is to have that special one who we could share our happy moments as well as sad moments with them. The one who could easily detect our moods at various moments even when we are yet to utter a word.

The one who can gaze  at you and be able to identify your countenance. When all these signs are missing, then it is obvious you are dating an emotionally distant partner.

Signs of emotionally distant partner.

They are always busy.

Have you ever been in a relationship and yet still feel lonely?    No regular communications,  no signs of commitment.

You have to plead before your chats could be replied, you have to nag before your calls get answered.  they hardly visits, you have to send several notifications  prior to the day of visit, if at all you are allowed to visit.  You always get the  line ” Am busy now, I will call you back later”. Which they never does.

This is one of the obvious signs that you are dating an emotionally distant partner. Is either  they are busy or acting busy. Now the former can be normal, but only needs to learn how to  handle their job and relationship  simultaneously, in other to adjust in both. While the later, has only one purpose. To fan his/ her ego and show off their relevance.

They are physically present but emotionally absent.

These set of people can be with you physically, they can spend lot of time with you. But may not be patient enough to give you an audience.

They are only interested in having a physical intimacy with you, they just want to subdue their sexual arousal.  And once that is achieved, nothing else matters to them. They only call when they desire to be with you.

They don’t care about what is bothering you or what you might be passing through. Even when you disclose your burdens to them, they will only sympathize with you at that moment, and they may never check on you to inquire about it again. When you remind them, they will claim to have forgotten.so how can you -talk-to-partner-who is-emotionally-distant?

 

 

 

How to connect with Emotionally distant partner.

Communication

I know I really shocked you by mentioning communication. It would have been more easier to tell you to retaliate by ignoring them and acting like you don’t care as a way to pay them back .however, is not always right to complain about your relationship issues when you’ve not talked to your partner about it.

Before taking any decision in a relationship, is good to first discuss the issue with your significant other to ascertain their reason.

Give them that respect and benefit of doubt. It is only after then you can decide on your next line of action assuming there is no adjustment after that.  In some cases, he/ she might be the  workaholic  type. They might not really be aware that their unavailability is affecting you emotionally.

They might be not aware they are hurting you.pour out your feelings first, before drawing your conclusions.

Avoid nagging about it

So many people assume that if they don’t nag, their opinions might not be taken into consideration.

But unfortunately, nagging does not proofer any solution. Rather it does the opposite. Communication is quite different from nagging.

Communication means to speak up. While nag means to complain. The later seems like you are pestering someone ‘s life. As tempting as it maybe, avoid nagging at this period. You’ve communicated to  them, fine!! The best is to sit back, relax and watch if they would adjust. If they don’t, there is a better way to get back at them via their emotions. That will be our next point of discussion.

Use the Reverse psychology.

This works perfectly especially for people being emotionally distant towards you  with the purpose of feeding their ego in other to achieving relevance. How does this works? Before you can use Reverse psychology, you must be able to hold back your emotions and put it under control.

Just Like the name implies. ” Reverse” which literally means to turn down their expectations by doing the opposite of what they expected you to do. Now what do they expect you to do? Yell, sob , plead and nag endlessly. With that they’ve achieved their aim.

But if you can control your emotions at this time and be strong, rather than all the mentioned, withdraw your self emotionally from them too. Act like you don’t care, but don’t over do it. If they still love you, they will notice your absence  and might come  drooling back to you, when they realize that you’ve gat no time to nag about their negligence towards you.

By then, their aim of being emotionally available to you might have been defeated. Now they will be much concerned about not losing you. Reverse psychology only needs a strong heart and emotions. Don’t let your emotions ruin everything.

 

 

 

 

 

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How to maintain Emotional stability in a relationship

 

Emotional stability on a relationship
Emotional stability in a relationship

 

Maintaining Emotional stability in a relationship is one of the ways to get rid of Insecurity  and unnecessary tensions.

It is a healthy habit every individual needs to cultivate as it attracts respect and dignity. However, it is not always easy especially when one has built his/ her happiness around their relationships and partners. In such that a greater part of their life now revolves around the relationship.

Maintaining Emotional stability in a relationship requires a lot of discipline and self control.

So many folks can’t stop asking themselves this question . Why am i too emotional and sensitive?For instance, they get paranoid   at any slightest provocation, always worrying and being insecure as soon as they discover a change in their partner’s attitude. And many has testified that this negative trait Never proffers solution, but rather had made their partner become more cold and distance towards them.

This is because no matter the intensity of the feelings or love,  nobody likes to be suffocated. Every human  occasionally needs space to sort out some issues in their life. Hence they might request for it at one point or the other. It takes a disciplined and matured mind to respect such decision rather than start nagging the hell out of them.

It takes emotional stability not to blow your partner’s phone with excessive calls when they couldn’t pick their calls at the initial time. It takes emotional stability not to  constantly check your partner’s phone in suspicion. It takes emotional stability not to get paranoid if they hadn’t reach out to you. As human, we all have the need to express our love and be loved in return. While that might not really come as expected, but we always crave for that.

So many relationship has lost its spark because one or both partners were often emotionally unstable.

A relationship can only thrive well when both minds are stable, As it only takes a stable mind to build and plan together. That leads us to the question.  Why is emotional stability in a relationship vital? There are several reasons why people ought to be emotionally stable in a relationship. Let’s look at some of these reasons before going ahead to discussion on how to maintain Emotional stability in a relationship.

Emotional stability in a relationship

The importance of Emotional Stability in a relationship.

It enhances Trust 

Trust is one of the vital traits in a healthy relationship. It is so vital that one would do everything not to loose the trust of their partner.

This is the reason  why people who cheat are always careful not to get caught. There is this sense of fulfillment and self confidence that evolves in one, knowing that your partner or a close friend believes so much in you. They can entrust a lot into your hands because they don’t have any doubt about you.

But unfortunately, emotional instability can disrupt that. When you are always unnecessarily worked up, you might begin to doubt the sincerity in your partner, you might begin to get unnecessarily suspicious. And that will lead you into imagining things  which might not be in existence. No one gets excited on discovering that they are not trusted. Such can lead to loosing a lovely partner or relationship.

There will be less worries and anxiety

A stable mind is a peaceful mind, and a peaceful mind creates a good atmosphere for positive thoughts.

When your mind is emotional stable towards your partner, you will often feel free to explore life. Worries can interfere  with your activities in life including your career. I’ve heard a lot of folks complained that they couldn’t concentrate on their work because they are worried about their relationship. Such worries can lead to loosing of one’s job and career.

You can handle critical situations in your relationship

When your mind is emotionally stable, you may find it difficult  to handle some difficult situations in your relationship.

Emotional instability can lead to irrational decisions. Here is an illustration. You caught your hubby in the act of cheating. At that moment, your heart is so devastated and your emotions so intense.

You really want to calm down and  think of possible ways to sort situations, but your emotions just want to get fierce because you are agitated at that moment.  Rather than act maturely and overlook things till you both gets home, you will get aggressive and might be pushed to create s scene  thereby causing embarrassment to yourself  and equally worsening the situation.

Emotional stability helps to get your mind relaxed in certain situations while thinking of possible ways to address it later.

You are in control of your self and emotion.

emotional stabilitygives you a sense of confidence, knowing that no matter what you might be passing through in your relationship or in the hands of your partner, you are still strong and not weighed down by such. It boosts one’s esteem.

With such confidence, you will easily realize that no one ought to be responsible for your happiness except You. It will guide your sanity even when you are beginning to receive a mixed signal from your partner indicating that they might be loosing interest in you .

How can you maintain Emotional stability in a relationship?

 Get rid of your  past escapades

It would have been more  easier to say  “build your trust with your  partner, but then you can’t build trust  someone when you still have your past experience hunting you. Trust issues might sometimes occur as a result of an ugly past experience. Perhaps,,your ex might have betrayed your trust and so you’ve vowed never to trust again. Such mindset can always lead to emotional instability and insecurity. You must first get rid of your past. Eliminate that phobia that everyone would betray your trust just like your Ex.

Avoid too much expectations

Emotional stability in a relationship can be achieved by not being too expectant. View relationship like life experiences.

In life, anything is bound to happen. The only constant thing in life is change. Your expectation does not determine what happens. No matter what we expect or the  plans we make  in our lives, fate has the capability of destroying those plans in just few seconds.

Similarly in relationship, expect nothing to remain permanent. Your once loving partner today might  become weird tomorrow. When you learn not to be too expectant, you can easily handle any issues in your relationship without being unnecessarily worked up.

Learn how to control your temperament .

Another vital way to maintain emotional stability in a relationship is to learn how to control your temperament . Certainly, some situations in your relationship might make you hurt or betrayed.

Often times, you will feel agitated, sad and furious with your partner’s attitude that you will  be pushed to nag , yell at them or do something wired.

However, you have to learn how to maintain calmness in certain circumstances. As that will always keep you in charge of your emotions .