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Coping with long distant relationship challenges.



Coping with long distant relationship challenges
Long distant relationship challenges


Long distant relationship challenges can put a strain on a long term relationship if not handled carefully. A lot of relationship has ended in an unplanned way because both couldn’t handle the distant barrier.

No matter how busy we tend to be, there are times when our emotions yearns for urgent attention.

Even though we may try to ignore it and push it aside, but at such time, it seems like a difficult task because is only natural to experience the warm affection of people we love and care about.  is natural to have the urge to be cuddled, caresses and pet.  Is not out of place.

However, how we handle it a times matters especially if the relationship is a long distant one.

Long distant relationship challenges can only be curbed if couples begins to understand what relationship is all about. Unfortunately, a lot of folks have a wrong view and ulterior motive as regards to relationship. To some, is a way to curb their sexual desires, while to others is a gateway towards their financial benefit. Hence, I tag it ” friends with benefits.  rather than Relationship.


Here are some things every couple should know about long distant relationship.

Relationship entails friendship. 


Coping with long distant relationship challenges

In other to overcome long distant relationship challenges, we have to understand that the basis or foundation of every relationship ought to begin with friendship. Friendship connects the heart and bond the souls irrespective of the distance.

In friendship, people can stay together as long as they wish irrespective of the distance.

You still remember those friends you once met in school,  you had great moment with them, but as soon as you graduated, it seems as though you’ve lost  sight with them for several years especially if you reside in different states.

However, while you might loose sight with them, you won’t loose the bond you shared with them especially if you still have their contact..similarly, distant relationship will always survive once there is friendship in a relationship. While romantic partners may forget each other, True friends rarely does.

Out of sight shouldn’t be out of mind

We’ve often hear the popular saying that out of mind is out of sight.

This assertion usually result as a result of building a relationship based on infatuation and mere attraction.

Such relationship usually becomes a night mare as soon as the romantic aspect is no longer viable.

In a relationship built on true love, distance can only separate the physical body, but can never separate the heart.

Once the heart is for each other, separation becomes evitable. Even though the romantic aspect is eliminated, both souls will still long for each other, despite the number of years they’ve been apart.  

long distant relationship challenges and how to cope with them

Emotional challenges.

One of the greatest challenges facing folks in long distant relationship is the issue of expressing their affections with one another.

When we are in a romantic relationship, we often  crave for romantic affections and physical intimacy. Ranging from kissing, caressing, and petting. And to some extent love making.

Even couples practicing  Celibacy may still long for romantic expressions and togetherness. It is quite normal. This one of the huge challenge in long distant relationship. And most times, if not guided properly, might result to Infidelity.

This is where building of friendship becomes a necessity. Couples whose relationship are built on friendship can easily survive this challenge than couples whose relationship are built solely on romantic attractions. 

Another way to curb this issue of emotional challenge is via  communication.

 Communication is a strong pillar holding every relationship especially long distant ones. Gone are the days when one need to spend a fortune before communicating with his/ her partner. These days, communication has been made easily accessible via various channels including social media.

The recent invention of video calls has equally made communication more fun and adventurous. With face/ face calls, you can easily understand each other’s mood and gestures, detect each other’s demeanor or countenance, and see each other’s facial expression which are more effective than mere chats.  


Insecurity and trust issues

This is another huge challenge for couples in a long distant relationship. As human, is normal to feel insecure especially when our heart is full of doubts.

Sometimes, this doubt may not be as a result of a past experience, but as a result of our imaginations and negative thoughts.

Even couples who are not in a long distant relationship do feel insecure a times, let alone couples who rarely see each other. There is usually this thought of who is she with at the moment? Where is he at the moment? Who came to spend the night with her? Such thought no matter how we try to erase them keeps occupying our minds especially if the relationship lacks trust. And this lack of trust sometimes is prompted by an encounter the affected partner might have had with the other.  We know that trust is not gained but earned.

This is to say  that any form of suspicious behavior can reduce or derail the trust one have for the other.

So in other solve this mind puzzle associated with insecurity, couples need to learn how to trust themselves. And in the case where one of the partner have broken the trust in the relationship he/ she needs to work on it i n other to have  Regained.







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How does men show commitment?




How does men show commitment? This is one of the vital question asked by every lady who desires to be in a Healthy relationship .

To men, commitment is not just a “mere” not even an act. But an investment.

You know how crucial investment is in the lives of many especially goal getter and people who desire to be successful and make a lot of fortune out of their lives  right?

Before people begin to consider about investing their fortune on something.

They must have considered the possible outcome and its possible yield in future. That implies that they have to undergo a thorough thought and make a well detailed analysis.  After so much thoughts,

They must have reached an uncompromising  decision of whether on not to invest. At this point, they must be certain of their decision and be sure there is no doubts or double minds about it.  Similarly, this is just the definition of commitment from the male point of view. And this is why so many men develop commitment phobia in a relationship.

Men’s view about commitment is quite different from that of the female gender. This is why men show commitment when they are certain of the future and not just at the beginning of a relationship.

Recall that the Emotional differences In men and women ain’t similar. While women are guided by emotions, men tend to be more logical and realistic.

For example, when a woman is in a new relationship, and probably so much in love with her partner,she will become overly attached to the point that she will  expect everything done within a short time.

Ranging from commitment to formalizing the union. Women can’t really wait to be proposed to. Every woman regardless of how long they’ve dated their significant other is hoping and anticipating for that moment when he will pop up the question concerning marriage.

While men on the other hand sees commitment and marriage more like a huge responsibility. Hence the reason why they don’t rush it. They usually take their time to be certain they are ready and much prepared for the responsibilities ahead.

However, despite the fears associated with commitment. A time will definitely emerge in a man’s life, when the need to commit will be so intense and mandatory. This is the interesting part every woman desires to know. How do men show commitment?  What are the signs to show that he  longs  for a   long term relationship.

How does men show commitment

Several ways by which men show commitment.

Involving family members

This is one typical ways by which men show commitment. While a woman may be eager to meet  his significant other’s family or probably introduce hers to him even at the early stage of the relationship.

Men loves taking it slow and steady. They hate to be pressurized on such as that is a bold step.

This explains why men who just want flings  avoid involving the family members because that is a huge part of commitment. They often imagine a likely scenario of promising to sponsor someone only to abandon  them and leave them devastated.

Except a man has developed some sort of trust and confidence and is rest assured that she is whom he desires to spend the rest of his life with, he will never take the bold step of involving family members yet.

This explains  why a lot of them abscond from involving  their family members at the early stage of the relationship. To women it might seem like a normal act, but to a man, it means a lot.

Entrusting you with his personal items.

One of the apparent ways men show commitment is by entrusting you with things that are valuable and confidential to them. Commitment goes with trust.

For a man to commit,,he must have established some kind of trust for her significant other.

And when there is trust, security becomes certain and a necessity. With that, he can easily leave some of his personal items without having fears.  Some of this items ranges from his house keys to his ATM cards/ pin numbers. and so forth. These are items he wouldn’t  leave for to just any individual.


He will discuss confidential matters to you.

Another vital ways by which men show commitment is by confiding in you in their personal/ family matters.

There are some personal matters we may not like to share with our friends except the one who is so close and dear to us. So when he sees the need to confide in you, that is a big sign of commitment.

Such confidential matters can only be discussed with family members, this shows that he wants to include you as a part of his families too.


He shares his goals with you and seeks for  your opinion. 

He has other friends, yes!!! But your opinion matters a lot to him and he sees it as a priority. Soon, your opinion will always be the first to sought for when you both finally settles down.

And so seeking for your opinion now implies that he’s looking forward towards that in the future.

External link you might also like. /10-ways-a-partner-shows-they-are-committed-to-you.


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Does being too available diminish value? .


Being too available,  Does it often leads to being less valued and disrespected? Would I loose my value once I start showing up too  often and frequent  in his/ her life, or would I be appreciated more?

These and many more are some of the controversial questions many  are so curios  to find the answers to. Especially folks who tends to show more commitment  and loyalty in their relationship.

You’ve heard of the popular saying, ” familiarity breeds concept’. People use this quote often to denote that being too available in someone’s life may lead to a situation of being taken granted. But the question is, is this a  really proven fact or just a general misconception?

This question may not have a specific answer, but depends on several factors. I.e the nature of the relationship, the person involved,  the intention and mindset of one or both partners.  This implies that being too available may affect relationship A and may not affect Relationship B.

Some relationship tends to become more stronger as soon as one or both partners began showering each other with lots of attention. There are people who were never in love with their partner initially, but their love began to grew as a result of the affection and care they got. In other words,  rather than make them loose interest, it stimulated their interest. That is the reason why the conception of loosing one’s value in a relationship solely because one is too available is not always true, but dependent on several factors which was earlier explained..

I’ll be explaining this factor one after the other.

Being too available in a relationship
Does being too available reduce value?

Being too available in a relationship. Some factors to consider.

Nature of the relationship

The nature of a relationship is a great determining factor of whether or not one may be taken for granted when he/ she becomes too available. When someone sees you as a fling  rather than a partner or soul mate, he/she maybe less bothered about receiving attention from you, because they desire nothing else aside the sexual pleasure they get from you.

And once they discover you are becoming too needy, showing up too often in their life, they will find a way to scare you away or flee. This is because you seems to be going in contrary to their intentions.

It is necessary to understand the nature of your relationship before throwing yourself at someone. Ensure that  their feelings, objectives and interest are similar to yours, before demanding to be valued.  It takes two to tango. Make sure you are in a well defined relationship. Else you will always be taken for granted.

Familiarity can only breed concept when someone ain’t seeing a future with the other who seems to be giving much of his/ her attention and also desiring to have it reciprocated.

 Egocentric MINDSET

Being too available can only diminish value if one or both partner are too egocentric and full of themselves.

People who value their relationship can never get tired of being in each other’s company or spending time together.

To such people, there’s nothing as being too available. No time spent together is ever enough. There is always willingness to do things in a mutual way.

There’s the desire to have each other around. So in this scenario, it all depends on the egoistic state of the parties involved.

People who value their Ego more than the relationship will feel threatened once they discovered that you are becoming less available. But when you were much available, they will term you ” needy and desperate” thus going for the ones that they appears unavailable and less reachable.


Sometimes, the reason why you may be neglected may not really be because you are too available.

But because your availability has no positive impact to someone. You can be less available and yet not missed, while on the contrary, you might always be available and much more appreciated to the point that going invisible  for a short will create a vacuum in the hearts of others.

Does your availability often breeds  negative attitudes such as nagging? Insensitivity? Pride? Disloyalty? Fury? . if that is the case, be rest assured that your Availability  may become a burden to some people. This is where majority complains of being ignored because they are much available. But when your availability comes up with so many positive attitudes such as peace of mind,  submission, respect, intelligent views and mindset. You will be more desired every now and then.

You can also check out this external source being-available-hurt-relationship.









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6 manly characteristics that attracts women


There are numerous and attractive manly characteristics,  but when it comes to relationship,

There are more attractive features that arouses the interest of the opposite sex. It may vary from individual to individual as we all have our preferences.

However, some characteristics are commonly and generally  known to be more attractive especially when considering a life partner.

Every man is unique in his own way.we all have our weak points and strengths. A times, one may outweigh the other. But it is our earnest desire to have people judge us by our strength rather than your weak point.

It is our expectation to be  admired  by the later than the former. And so to that effect,we try as much as possible to exhibit an admirable and adorable quality of which we ought to be remembered of.

Men and women differs in a very diverse way. Especially when it comes to relationship and marriage expectations. Hence the term ” manly characteristics “.

For instance, when a man wishes to settle down, there are vital qualities he may look out for or expect to see in his ” supposed partner”. Others maybe vital, but these qualities are said to be his “basic preferences”and ” top priorities”. Same is applicable to women.

I’ve often hear people lament that men are scum or that women are wired. Such bitter expression usually occurs after having a severe heartbreak from the opposite sex.

But this has less to do with ” generalization and more to do with understanding manly and womanly qualities that attracts both genders.

Having a good look is good, being tall and having an attractive/ killer body is equally awesome. However, there are more awesome and  manly characteristics that nearly all women want or desire. They are not feminine qualities and so it is the dream of most women to have their partner in possession of them. So what are these qualities?

6 manly characteristics that attracts women.


Every woman desires to have a man who is not just good looking but smart and intelligent.  Such characteristics is so appealing. As a matter of fact, it is one of the qualities that most people look out for on a first date.

Imagine being with someone who finds it difficult to engage in a meaningful conversation with you or initiate an intelligent dialogue.

This could be a  turn off to most women. A woman will easily get bored being with a man who have a poor expressive skill.   Having good looks without being intelligent or smart may not attract the woman of your dream.

Manly characteristics

Sense of humor- 

This is one of the manly characteristics that is so popular and most sought for. Relationship is not a military platform where instructions are meant to be followed strictly without any objection. Relationship ought to be a free and fair  union,  where both parties  are  free to share their opinion and thoughts regardless of how boring, wired or absurd it might sound. Being mean always is unattractive. Women admire men who can joke when necessary and also express a sarcastic statement once in a while. This is what most women look out for especially on a first date.


Confidence and good composure

Most men are shy and introvert, no doubt about that. But the truth is that such trait can be unattractive.

Being shy and introvert is more of a feminine trait than masculine trait.  Women love it more when they have men who ain’t scared of expressing themselves.  Men who are not phobic in making the first approach irrespective of the possibility of being rejected. Men are known to be hunters. They love the chase and not the other way round. In other words, most women will find it awkward having a man who can’t make the first approach as a result of his introvert nature.

protective skills. 

This is a manly characteristics that most women never jokes with.

Every woman desires to have a man with  whom she can feel secured around. A man who will be ready to protect and defend her at all times. Women are known to be weaker vessels.

The  Emotional differences In men and women confirms that men are from  Mars, while women are from Venus. In other words, men are known to be stronger and more emotionally stable, while women needs to be protected and pampered at all times.  If a woman ain’t seeing that protective nature in you on the first approach, she might take a walk.


Career Driven

You don’t need to break a bank to impress a lady, neither do you need to owe a city to get attracted to your idea woman.

However, you need to be ambitious and goal oriented. You need to be focused and show a high sense of optimism in whatever you do.

Every woman wants a successful man. Being Successful does not imply you must have a huge amount of money in your bank account. But it does  means having the determination to succeed at all positive cost.

Being career, skilled or business oriented. Contrary to some men’s perception. Women are not all   materialistic   in nature. She might decide to take a walk, not necessarily because you are broke. But because you ain’t doing anything to come out from that state. You feel relaxed and comfortable,  hoping that manner will fall from the sky.

Any responsible and reasonable woman will most likely stick to you once she discovers you are industrious and purpose driven. You might not be  wealthy today, but once she observes that  you have vision  and striving to be better, she will get attracted.

High esteem and charisma 

When you have value for yourself, it will definitely attract value and respect from others. But when you look down on yourself,people will have no choice than to follow suit.

This is a natural phenomenon.  You maybe wondering why women get more attracted to men especially players  who tickles their fantasy via their charisma, and yet neglect that nice and good gentleman who had been pleading for their attention. Is all about esteem. high self esteem is naturally attractive and unnegotiable.





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When Playing games in a relationship becomes bad



Playing games in a relationship, when is it necessary? And when is becoming a wrong idea which might probably turn the other person off.

Playing hard to get in a relationship is so common especially at the early years of the relationship where everyone craves to be loved and cherished without giving out the impression of being desperate and needy.

At first, we  may want to careless, or pretend not be fully attached with our partner so as to get their maximum attention.

Some people go as far as ghosting  their partner or paying little or less attention to the relationship in other to induce the other’s interest or make the other person become more pushy. We’ve heard about the saying.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Everyone wants to feel secured. Everyone wants to feel that excitement of being chased and  Hence the reason why so many resort to playing games in a relationship. But the question is? Does playing hard to get really guarantees that? Certainly!!! But not in all cases.

Naturally, man is a psychological being, hence the reason why reverse psychology works most times. It is natural to value things which are less available to us than that which is always at our disposal.

For instance, I was opportune to counsel a young woman who complained bitterly that his partner was showing him less attention.

She said and “I quote”. He rarely calls nor chat with me, I am the only one putting up so much work in our communication level why he does nothing. If I don’t call he won’t bother to do that. I feel neglected.  I feel am not his priority.

After listening to her complaint, I urged her to slow down  a bit on the level of her communication with him to see if he really cares. And if he does, it shows he still loves her but may just be playing mind games.

But  if he doesn’t notice that, it simply shows that he doesn’t care.  She did that and all of a sudden, he began to feel her absence and took up with the communication. This implies that playing games actually worked in this case. but may not work in other cases.  It might work in some scenario, while it won’t work in others. So how can we know when playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision? Below are some ways to know.

when  playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision.


When there is an  intense Commitment 

Playing hard to get maybe normal at the early years of the relationship just like was explained initially. You don’t want to come off as desperate. You really want to be certain   they have similar feelings with you before committing yourself fully.

However, when is obvious that the feelings are mutual and the other person was beginning to show a high level of commitment, playing hard to get at such period may be really unnecessary and unwise. It might signal the wrong message to the other party as a sign of  non – interest  and neglect towards them. Which might  turn them off and make them loose interest towards you and the relationship.

At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong idea. You may end up regretting it and hoping you turn back the hands of time. But unfortunately, they might have moved on. Is always good to know when best to play hard to get, and when you are beginning to derail from the initial plan.


Playing games in a relationship


When the relationship has been well defined.

Playing games in a relationship that has been Defined  is like cracking jokes during a serious conversation thereby disrupting and derailing from the subject matter.

For instance, a man may really have the intention of settling down, and thus may see a woman she is attracted to. At that point, he may not like to  entertain some form of dramatic and mind playing games.

He only expects her to  either accept or decline his proposal. Playing hard to get even when is obvious that she  has  feelings for him will only give him the impression that she is not  just interested. And thus, maybe compelled to move on by such impression. At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes unnecessary.

When the other party is emotionally stable.

Playing games in a relationship may only go well with  needy people and people  who have Insecurity issues.

But for people who are are emotionally stable with secured mind,  they may not really give a damn. Especially when they have  several options. Such people are equally familiar with such game playing. And thus may throw you off balance by acting like they don’t care once they discover your plan.

when you have a partner with dope, rare and admirable qualities. 

Playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision when you have a partner with adorable qualities several other persons look out for. Everyone desires to have a partner with dope qualities that sweeps one off their feet. Such is possible, but remember you ain’t the only person craving for such. So if you are opportune to have one,make sure you ain’t driving them away with so much mind games.

You remember the saying. ” you won’t value what you have till it slips out of your finger. Is normal to play a little hard to get to ascertain their intention and level of commitment at the early stage of the relationship. But don’t over do that to avoid driving them to another’s arm.



External source :/emotional-health/playing-games-relationships







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Should i tell him how i feel?


Should I tell him how I feel?


Should I tell him how I feel towards him? Should I make my feelings obvious, or would i be considered as cheap and desperate?

These are one of the fears most ladies have towards being the first to make a move or approach a guy especially in our society where such is considered to be absurd .

Men are natural hunters, and most often, they enjoy the thrill in the chase. They are mostly known for wooing or approaching a lady.

However, it doesn’t usually mean that having it done the other way round is all bad. But this is the general mindset of the society and thus placing some form of stigmatization to the woman.

Women have always been in the habit of concealing their feelings just because of what the society might say. They die in silence rather than tell a guy how they feel towards him.

Aside societal perception, this fear is equally based on the fact that they are scared of rejection or being exploited on.

Women find it extremely difficult to handle rejection unlike their male counterpart.

And this is why they feel so bad getting a negative response after summoning courage to unveil  their feelings. There is always an expectations of having a positive response and thereafter having the male folk take up from where they stopped in other to still retain their Ego and dignity. But unfortunately, reverse might be the case. Thus causing more hurt and bad feelings to the woman.

However, there is actually nothing wrong with telling a guy how you feel towards him.  It is one of the  most bravely acts and denotes self confidence. But the manner at which you let your feelings out really matters a lot as that will determine the tendency of either being taken  for granted or valued.

Before you tell him how you feel,  There are so many considerations that must be put in place, otherwise you might risk  being disrespected and taken for a ride. What are these considerations?



Should I tell him how I feel?
Should I tell him him how i feel?



How close are you to him? Is he a  friend? Or just someone you met at the eatery or club?

Have you been an acquaintance for sometime or he’s just a stranger? It doesn’t matter if he’s  your admirer or crush,

if you have not been friends or close for a while, it might seem embarrassing trying to approach him. The end might not  be so pleasant.

Telling a guy how you feel about him is best and more easier if you both have been friends.

And probably, he might have been showing some signs indicating that he wants you as much as you want him, but lack the confidence to express his feelings.

He may be the introvert type. Whatever the case maybe,  You have a better and higher  chance with someone you’ve known for a while than someone you barely know.

The former will respect your feelings, and even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he will disclose it to you politely. While the later might tend to take an advantage of that. He might assume you just needed a  fling with no string attached.

Maturity level

Before you tell him how you feel, check his maturity level and be certain that he’s matured and responsible enough to handle it without  publicizing it or making you feel less human.

Be certain he’s ready to keep it confidential . Only a responsible guy will appreciate such gesture, and see it as bravely rather than desperation.

A responsible guy will not lead you on nor try to hurt your feelings by taking an advantage of the fact that you approached him.  He will either accept to be with you if the feeling is mutual or politely decline.

Having known some factors to consider before letting your feelings out, let’s look at the best way to reveal your feelings to a guy without looking awkward or embarrassed.

Best Approach to tell him how you feel without looking desperate. 

Begin by displaying green lights .

Sometimes, non- verbal words conveys a great and more concise  message than verbal words.

Before you tell a guy you love him verbally, is more recommendable you first express your feelings in a verbal way to watch his reactions. Does he respond to it? Does he in anyone show that he feels the same way?

Knowing this is very important, as that will aid your approach.

However, you must apply caution while displaying your green lights and watching out for signs in him.

Don’t make your self too loose. Avoid intimacy at this period in other to ascertain his true feelings. Is important to note that some guys will play along with you, just to lead you on and take advantage of you. Then dump you afterwards.

The best way to avoid this scenario is to exclude intimacy at this period. Making the first move as a woman does not depict you are cheap. But making yourself available to be laid instantly. It is not always about making the first move, but what happens thereafter.

Being  celibate is surely the best as that will enable you guide your heart against exploitation. And still walk out confidently, with your heads high and esteem still intact in case you get turned down.

Be Responsible

Before you tell him how you feel, make sure you have an admirable qualities. In some part of our society, is awkward for a woman to express her feelings,

However, it can be thrilling knowing that despite her  idea of ignoring her ego in other to make the first approach, she has a lot to offer.

Such women are irresistible. Regardless of who made the approach. People love being with important personalities who add values to their life.

Being responsible will help boost your ego in such away that concealing your feelings to a guy would not demote your esteem or make you feel less important.


Become friends first

One of the best way to tell him how you feel about him is to become his best friend first.

Love grows gradually. He might not have feelings for you at the moment. But as you grow fond of each other, he might begin to feel the same way.

If he’s shy to express his feelings, you  can confidently do that, knowing that you both are already an item. Love built on friendship is usually the best. And turns out to be more productive and fruitful.

You can also read Should I keep our friendship and hold my feelings?









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a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair
A low key relationship or a secret affair


A low key relationship or a secret affair. Ever wondered if your relationship falls into the former category or the later?  Relationship can be very tricky especially in this modern age where lies and deceit seems to be common.  And game playing  seems to be in vogue.

We all have the picture of our idea relationship created in our minds. We often fantasize about having a healthy relationship filled with trust, loyalty and commitment. This is very normal.  We all want a relationship where we would be woken  with a lovely and romantic text messages on daily basis.

But unfortunately, there is a thin line between imaginations and reality. Often times, our imaginations are borne out of fantasies especially when our minds are focused on some of the factious   stories as obtained from romantic movies  and other media. This is why we get paranoid when things are in contrary to our expectations.

But the question is, Are we ready to embrace reality? This is where the problem lies. The truth hurts a lot. We often love to hear our interest and desire without considering the fact that it could be lies or deceit.

Identifying if a relationship is a low key or a secret affair begins with embracing the reality. Being aware of the fact that some relationship are just an illusion  and based on selfish motives rather than mutual benefits. Whether we believe it or yes, some relationships are just a secret affair in disguise.

The challenge has always been on how to differentiate a low key relationship from a secret affair. This often cause  a lot of argument and misunderstanding  between couple. One may desire to have a relationship that moves in a very gradual and slow pace, while the other may require a relationship that moves in a  fast pace. Everything becoming obvious from the wooing stage to the the honeymoon phase. 

You know the usual display of  affections in public and media by taking selfies together.

introducing each other to  your  loved ones and  Using each other  as your display pictures in social media.

Some people believes that portraying such attitude depicts a very significant way of showing your love and appreciation for a spouse.  While to some, it is totally insignificant and doesn’t really matter. A handful of others also have the notion that one can still be doing all this, yet might not really love his/ her partner. Some couples often have  Constant argument over this.   


The one who doesn’t see it as an issue usually tries to assure and convince the other that  he/ she only wants to take things gradual, and  doesn’t matter if the relationship is publicized as long as they both love each other . But unfortunately, this is not usually easy to believe.  The assurance may not be enough to convince him/ her especially in this Era where people flirt a lot in the guise of  being in a relationship. And so the best way to settle this controversy is to identify the signs that a partner might want to take the relationship slowly or just want to flirt. Everyone desires to know if they are in a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair

Ways to identify if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair

subject of discussion/ communication.

One of the ways identify whether you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair is to take a keen observation on the kind of discussion you normally have with your partner.

There is a popular adage which goes thus, ” is not how far that maters, but how well”. The speed at which an athlete begins a race does not really matter, but arriving at the final destination. It can be quite confusing knowing who doesn’t want to publicize a relationship and who wants to keep his/ her relationship private probably because they might be cheating with random partners.

But the first way to identify is through communication. Someone who just want to flirt with you might not be patient enough to get every detailed information about you.

They may display you  on every social media while blocking the other, just to give you a false impression. Most times, their discussion is usually centered only on romance and sex. Such kind of people never hesitates to ask for nudes. On the contrary, someone who desires to have a low key relationship may not necessarily do any of the above, but their discussion with you will give you a green light into what they truly wants. Such discussion are usually reasonable and depicts a future with you.

Open invitation to his/ her abode.

Another great way to differentiate between  a low key relationship and  a secret affair is having a welcome invitation by your partner.

Someone might be flirting with you, doing every intimate thing with you. But when it comes to inviting you to his/ her place, it becomes an issue. Probably because they have a skeleton in their cupboard.

And when you inform them of your visit, they will always find an excuse to discourage you from coming. But when he/ she is really interested in you, but only wants to take things one step at a time. You will be given a welcome invitation.

Such invitation is mostly based on the fact that you will soon become a part of their future and so need of restricting you.

Watch out for unnecessary excuses on special days.

You may be wondering if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair, then watch out for unnecessary excuses by your partner especially during your special days.

If they truly love you but wants to keep the relationship low key, they will never forget your special occasion because you are their priority. On the contrary, if there are rivals, they will rarely remember such dates. As there are much people demanding for their attention.

External source you may like to check on : is this A low key relationship or a secret affair?














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How low esteem ruins relationship



How low esteem ruins relationship

Do you know that low esteem ruins relationship so quick? Despite the effort and commitment of one or both couples to make the relationship thrive.

Low esteem is a very bad and unhealthy trait . it affects every aspect of life and relationship is not an exception. People with low esteem have a common trait. And that is ” Negative vibes”. They exhibit negativity in everything they do. They tend to give up easily and accept defeat quite often and this in turn affects their progression and supposed achievement in life.

Low esteem is one of the most proven cause of failure. If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe something can be ever  done or achieved by you,  how do you expect others to have confidence in you? You can’t give out what you don’t have. Here is a simple illustration. When an individual  volunteers him/ herself or willingly comes out to participate in a contest. He/ she is expected to have fans who will cheer him/ her up in the process.

Now the duty of those suppose fans is to support him/ her and boost whatever confidence he/ she already has in possession. The fans ain’t there to give you confidence, but to boost your confidence. That implies that there should be a presence of confidence in one before expecting to be cheered up or supported.

Similarly, low  esteem ruins a relationship, when one or both individual lacks  confidence, Love is reciprocal, and that includes self love. When you don’t love yourself, is usually difficult to get love from the  other person. This is the  Importance of self love in a relationship . A lot of persons might ask, what is the correlation of self esteem in a relationship?  How exactly does it affect or ruin a relationship? This is s good question. And that’s what we will be discussing right away.

How low esteem ruins relationship.

Fear and self stigmatization. 

One remarkable way by which low esteem ruins relationship is by imposing fear and self stigmatization to the victim.

Low esteem begat fear of uncertainty. This fear usually comes as a result of seeing or assuming oneself as not up to the standard of their significant other. Hence the fear of being rejected or dumped.

People with low esteem often have this habit of taking up the blame whenever there is misunderstanding in the relationship.

The rarely notice their own contribution towards the growth of the relationship.  And this negative trait is a great turn off to most folks.  No matter what, A handful of men and women admire a confident person.

A person who sees a great value in him/herself. When you have low esteem, you stand the chance of loosing your relationship to a more confident person.

Vulnerability to hurts, negligence  and domestic violence. 

When there is low esteem,  hurts and negligence may be inevitable.

A lot of individuals are being neglected and taken for granted because of the way they presented themselves to the one they are dating.

When you hold yourself in high esteem, people will have no choice than to follow suit . But when you present yourself as someone who’ve gat no value or respect, your values and worth will be dragged to the mold.

They will make it appear as though the relationship was a favor  to you. And that’s why you see most people loosing their sanity just because they are in a relationship.

The major contributing factor to this problem is “low esteem”. Self love begets respect from other source. This is why a lot of married folks are so stuck in an abusive relationship. The stereotyped personality they have about their partner makes them think they may never find another.

They place their partners in high esteem, while setting themselves low. And so will gladly take any form of treatment just to still have their presence in their life.


Insecurity  and neediness.

Another proven way by which low esteem ruins relationship is that it causes insecure feelings and neediness.

Low esteem imposes a certain kind of fear which leads to insecure feelings. When you don’t hold yourself in high esteem, you will often assume no one cares about you nor your feelings.

People with low esteem often get paranoid whenever they see their partner with any member of the opposite sex. They often create an imagination  or assumption that their partner is cheating on them with a better individual. They see everyone as a rival and so compare themselves a lot with other people who might be relating with their partner. And you the negative effect of insecurity and neediness? It ruins the trust in a relationship. With such low esteem, you may end up loosing or pushing your partner away.

Low esteem ruins relationship

How to overcome low esteem in a relationship.

Focus on your strength.

One of the reason why we have low esteem is because we tend to focus more on our weak point. We rate ourselves mostly with our weak point rather than our strength.

A lot of us forgot the fact that every individual has a weak point . and so we assume our’s is the worst. First begin by assuring yourself  that you are the best among your equals. Think more of your achievements than your  failures, focus more on your strength than your weakness. This will help you develop self esteem and not entertain any form of I’ll treatment from others.

Self love

Self comes just by loving oneself . do you know that that you can love yourself without any reason in particular. You can admire yourself every single day without any remarkable achievement.  Even as you rate yourself so low, can you deliberately hurt yourself or  allow someone else to do that? I guess no!!!

Then that implies that you still love yourself, despite your flaws. You still value yourself enough to be worthy of living despite your n non achievements, . Naturally, we all love ourselves,  despite our looks and qualities. We only need to extend that self love towards various aspects of our lives in order to boost our confidence and attract respect from others. You also need to read some Self love quotes To boost your confidence


Improve your standard.

Low esteem  relationship as a result of  self negligence. We may claim that love is the ultimate, yes no doubt about that. However, every man/ woman has a spec on the kind of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. And it varies from individual to individual. We all are attracted to various forms of unique and admirable qualities.

This  is the more reason why you need to work and improve on yourself. Don’t relax in expectance that your dream man/ woman  will love you exactly the way you are. You have to embrace reality. Work on your dreams and vision, get a skill, be dedicated and committed towards it. Keep making your life better, this will help build your esteem and give you an edge over other rivals.

You can also  read this external source . How low esteem affects relationship









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How to stop obsessing over an ex..



Obsessing over an ex is a very common habit after a terrible heartbreak. The habit is more common among folks at the receiving end of the break up. When a relationship ends in a non- mutual way. The one whose heartbroken was broken  tends to feel the pain more than the person who initiated the heartbreak. And often time, it  leads to psychological trauma and  depression.

When a break up occurs, there are two things usually involved. is either one initiates a dialogue with his/ her partner in other to talk things over and see if there is a chance of getting back together or move on.

While the former may seem so difficult than the later, but in actual sense,the later is usually more difficult. You know why? After initiating the dialogue, you might both arrive at a mutual conclusion that you no longer desire to get back together. And the next thing is to  move on and go your separate ways. But having  the the ability to move on is usually where the problem lies .

most people claim to have gotten rid of any feelings they had for their Ex, but at the thought or mention of their name, the rate of their  heart beat increases,when they  bump into them, their  feet and whole body begins to tremble and shiver. They  know moving on is the best option. But sometimes, they  just can’t help but have their thoughts engulf in their mind all day.

Even with the slim or zero chances of getting back with them, they  still  anticipate to get a bleep from them on your mobile.  They  can’t stop stalking them  on every social media platform even though they  no longer communicate with them.

This is what a we call  obsession. obsessing over an ex can lead to long term anxiety and depression.

Imagine having a strong urge to acquire something, but unfortunately you couldn’t afford it.  Normally, you are meant to keep your eyes off it and remain contended  because you can’t afford it at that moment. But then, you couldn’t  keep your mind off it. This is a similar scenario as to being obsessed with an ex. Before, we talk about how to stop being obsessing over an ex, let’s look at some of the reason behind such Obsession.

Obsessing over an ex

some Reasons why people are obsessed with their Ex. 

Expectations of getting back together 

moving  on after the break up is usually not easy, but it tends to be much difficult when there is a hopeful feelings of getting back with your ex. is normal to miss an ex after a break up, is normal to sob and worry as  these tend to aid  the healing process. The more you experience them, the better you get with time.

However, obsession sets in when you are stuck with the feelings of an ex with no plans of moving on soon, probably because you are expecting a make up with them which most times doesn’t happen.

And that’s why you get goose bump when you bump into them anywhere.that’s why you keep anticipating for their calls or messages  at every interval. That’s why you keep doing a lot of weird  and absurd things like calling them without having anything in mind to say, and then keeping mute when your  call has been taken.

Recalling only the good memories. 

One of the best tactics most people use in getting over their ex is comparing and contrasting  the good memories with the bad memories they had with them,

comparing  the number of times they sobbed, shed tears and worried and the number of times they were actually happy. If the former outweighs the later, they will realize that moving on was the  best decision for them.

Unfortunately, People who keep Obsessing over an ex often have a  different view of this.

They focused only on the good memories, thus making them assume that no one would ever make them happy again like their ex, hence the obsession with them.

promises in the past. 

Obsessing over an ex, sometimes occurs as a result of the promises that was made in the past.  Remembering these promises and anticipating for them often keep a lot of folks so stuck with the past, without any plans of forging ahead.

how to stop obsessing over an ex

Make up your mind to move on 

Every decision in life begins from our mindset. Nothing is possible without the consent of our mind. When you make up your mind to do something, you will always see the possibility of having it done  despite its difficulty.

This possibility is what will stirs up the determination. And so the next course of action  is to look for every possible way to have it done.

Similarly, when one is determined to move on, he/ she ought to try as much as possible to curb every distractions including anticipating for a make up or being hopeful of getting back together.

If you wish to stop obsessing over an ex, assume that the relationship is gone and gone for good. The earlier you accept the reality, the better it becomes.

Getting rid of the past memories

Just like we earlier explained, obsessing over an ex begins when keep recalling  the good old memories without considering how bad the relationship might have been in the past.

Most times, our emotions is often the reason behind this.  It derails us from seeing through the reality and understanding  that which is the best for us. Some people are still obsessed with an ex who abuses them both emotionally and physically.

To such people, love seems to  cover a lot. And that’s why they  feel pained rather than than being thankful for being liberated from such toxic relationship. They knew such relationship ain’t  healthy for them, yet, they ain’t ready to give up probably because they are scared of changing their relationship status to single again.

Such people needs an orientation to realize that one can be Single and still be more  happier and excited than being in an abusive relationship.






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Is she leading you on? Find out..

Is she leading you on?




Is she leading you on? So many men desires a very quick answer to this question as they might  have fallen victims to deceit in their previous relationship.

Being led on by someone you are attracted to and all of a sudden, you are dropped like a piece of trash. Such experience can be devastating. Imagine being attracted to a woman.

You met her, and immediately, you assume and concluded that she is the one. You developed a soft spot for her right in your heart. But unfortunately, you couldn’t find a way to relate your feelings.

You want to woo her, but at the same time you are scared of rejection!!! Rejection!!! That even sounds like a death sentence. No matter how strong one is, no one loves to be rejected. rather than stand the risk of being rejected,  You decided that  giving her  Green lights would be far better and save you such stress. You became closer to her, hoping she will read and understand the signs. At first, it seems not to be working. It seems as though you both are moving in the opposite direction. You want more than friendship, but she just wanted to be a friend.

Not quite long, things started changing. You discovered she was beginning to understand your intentions. She became closer than she was to you. You were excited, and you concluded that it was high time you declared your intentions to her.  Just as you were about to do so, you discovered that she was beginning to withdraw and disconnect from you again. She became cold and distant leaving you more confused and perplexed?

What does she really want, you kept  asking yourself rhetorically? One minute she’s cold and the next minutes she’s hot. Such experience can be devastating. Even the bible frowns at a scenario of being neither cold nor hot.

Relationship is more awesome when the interest is mutual. It gladdens the heart when you found out that your crush or partner is trying his/ her best to get you emotional entangled with them.

That alone stirs up every motivation to give in your best to the relationship as well. But when reverse is the case, you will always feel discouraged trying to get their attention.

Unfortunately, some people are being led on while hoping and anticipating for a blissful relationship. Some have already assumed an Imaginary relationship. Which in reality does not exit.  But the big question is, how can a man know when he is being led on? How can he differentiate a serious relationship from a fling.

Let’s see some of these signs

Is she leading you on?

5 signs she might be leading you on.

Mixed signal 

This one of the obvious signs indicating that a woman might be leading you on. Imagine being giving appointment for a job interview. You prepared yourself adequately, got the necessary requirements and credentials ready.

On the day of the supposed interview, you were punctual, hoping to be called and interviewed.  But unfortunately, you received a a very disappointing message instead, which read thus ” sorry, the above vacancy has been filled already, we are sorry for the inconveniences”. How will you feel. Sad? dejected?  Disappointed? Words alone may not be enough to express your likely mood at that moment.

Honestly,you will be left with the feelings of betrayal. Because they just raised your hope and made you became expectant of what does not actually exist. In other words, you were led on.

This is the exact scenario here. A woman who wants to spend his life with you wouldn’t hesitate to show  commitment in the relationship.

She won’t give you any reason to doubt her love. When she accepts to be with you, it will be so apparent that she really wants to be with you.  She will always keep in touch willing without being pressurized to do so.

Their interest is conditional.  

One of the reason why they are inconsistent towards you is because they are not really into you. When a woman  is leading you on, she will always be close to you  only when she needs a favor from you.

She won’t contact you except she needs  an assistance. At such times, you will discover that she is becoming too attached to you, and you will assume that this is a sign of acceptance.

Then after some time, she goes back to her cave, only to resurface again when the need arises.

She talks about her Ex constantly

One way to identify a woman who just want to lead you on,is that she will often talk about her ex in the bid to get you emotionally connected to her.

She might just need you as a a rebound ,  just to fill the vacuum created by her ex. and once she discovers that you are beginning to fall in love with her, she pulls away.

She won’t leave you, but you are an option.

When a woman is leading you on, you will always be an option in her life., she is not willing to commit,  but at the same time not willing to let go either.  She will keep you stuck by giving you mixed signal as though she loves you. While on the contrary, you are just a plan B in case the plan A doesn’t work out. So many had experienced this.

You won’t know their actual stand in your life. You just wished they would either stay committed to you or just leave you alone to find someone who truly deserves you.


She has a serious relationship, yet still wants you around

When a woman is leading you on, she might have a serious relationship, but yet still wants you around. She doesn’t want to date you, but only to enjoy your company.

This is why so many guys have been in the friend zoned for long. They keep hoping and expecting things to fall in place but all to no avail.

They can’t quit because they’ve received a lot of mixed signals indicating that their friendship status will graduate to dating soon.

External source you may like to check Signs-a-girl-is-just-leading-you-on