How I ruined my relationship

CIt is often said that past experiences may sometimes have a correlation with the future. And that was exactly my case.

I have never experienced true love and happiness in my past relationships. Being an emotional and sensitive type, I have this quest and need to feel loved, cared for and attended to. But unfortunately, it had never worked that way.
I’ve heard a lot of people talked about zodiac signs and how it speaks a lot about individual’s personality including their love and emotional lives. Being an Aries, I couldn’t doubt its possibility as it seems so true in my case.

Initially, I often get pissed off and irritated when people complain that true love was not actually in existence. Because I was a fan of true love and commitment. I usually try my best to put my all in a relationship, I have this capacity to express my love towards whomever I was in a romantic relationship with. I ensured they got the very best of me..my love, care and attention. But despite all my effort, it seems not to be working.

Having giving all my all to my partners in the past..I expected to have it reciprocated, since relationship was meant to be mutual and not one sided. But unfortunately, my expectations never came to pass.

The need to be loved seemed so strange and was like a night made to me. because no matter how much i invest, i couldn’t get it. I gave out my royalty, my commitment, my love and everything, but all I got was series of heart break.

They all knew my weak point, they all knew how emotional and sensitive I was. That’s why they manipulated and took me for granted. They made it seem as though they were doing me a huge favour by dating me. I would apologize and admit I was at fault just to keep things going. I endured their nonchalant attitude and negligence towards me, hoping they would change, but all to no avail.
I practically begged for their love because I was so scared to loose them. The love I had for them turned into obsession that I find it so difficult to let go even at the detriment of my own happiness . I lost my self esteem.

I became needy and obsessed which made then distanced themselves the more.
It has usually been the same line of words. ” he is not the right man for you”Each time I sought for an people’s opinion . I had to ponder on it, and at first, I felt and thought the same way. But then , having been in several relationships with others and experienced similar experience. I began to wonder what the problem was? Could it be possible that none of them was the right man for me? All did they all conspired against me to subject me into emotionally trauma??? The more I ponder on this rhetorically question, the more confused and devastated I became.

I keep getting the assurance that the right man will come. But when will that be?? I kept on asking my self. Maybe when I might have given up on love? I was becoming so impatient. I couldn’t hold back the feelings anymore. I was at the verge of giving up on love and treating people exactly the way I was treated.

To be continued