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How to connect with emotionally distant partner

 

 

 

Emotionally distant partner
How to connect with an emotionally distant partner

Emotionally distant partner can make a relationship become so stressful and uninteresting because you can only be bonded with your partner when you are emotionally connected with them.

They will make you  beg virtually for everything including their attention.

They seems unavailable especially at trying  moments in your life when you may need them to be much  closer to you.

You can imagine how it feels when you are emotionally down, and you chose to confide in a close friend or a relation. With the hope to find solace in their arms.

But unfortunately, they seems unavailable.  They couldn’t give you that    listening ear you yearned  for at that moment.

Such feelings could be so daunting. The excruciating pains emerging from such experience often feels like one who has been pierced by a sharp object. You will be so overwhelmed with the feelings of neglect and disappointment.

Emotions are so sensitive, if you really want infuriate pain into someone’s heart, the best way is to get them  down with their emotions.

This is why  having emotionally distant partner is one of the  Red flags in a relationshipin a relationship.

One of the basic reason why we venture into a relationship is to have that special one who we could share our happy moments as well as sad moments with them. The one who could easily detect our moods at various moments even when we are yet to utter a word.

The one who can gaze  at you and be able to identify your countenance. When all these signs are missing, then it is obvious you are dating an emotionally distant partner.

Signs of emotionally distant partner.

They are always busy.

Have you ever been in a relationship and yet still feel lonely?    No regular communications,  no signs of commitment.

You have to plead before your chats could be replied, you have to nag before your calls get answered.  they hardly visits, you have to send several notifications  prior to the day of visit, if at all you are allowed to visit.  You always get the  line ” Am busy now, I will call you back later”. Which they never does.

This is one of the obvious signs that you are dating an emotionally distant partner. Is either  they are busy or acting busy. Now the former can be normal, but only needs to learn how to  handle their job and relationship  simultaneously, in other to adjust in both. While the later, has only one purpose. To fan his/ her ego and show off their relevance.

They are physically present but emotionally absent.

These set of people can be with you physically, they can spend lot of time with you. But may not be patient enough to give you an audience.

They are only interested in having a physical intimacy with you, they just want to subdue their sexual arousal.  And once that is achieved, nothing else matters to them. They only call when they desire to be with you.

They don’t care about what is bothering you or what you might be passing through. Even when you disclose your burdens to them, they will only sympathize with you at that moment, and they may never check on you to inquire about it again. When you remind them, they will claim to have forgotten.so how can you -talk-to-partner-who is-emotionally-distant?

 

 

 

How to connect with Emotionally distant partner.

Communication

I know I really shocked you by mentioning communication. It would have been more easier to tell you to retaliate by ignoring them and acting like you don’t care as a way to pay them back .however, is not always right to complain about your relationship issues when you’ve not talked to your partner about it.

Before taking any decision in a relationship, is good to first discuss the issue with your significant other to ascertain their reason.

Give them that respect and benefit of doubt. It is only after then you can decide on your next line of action assuming there is no adjustment after that.  In some cases, he/ she might be the  workaholic  type. They might not really be aware that their unavailability is affecting you emotionally.

They might be not aware they are hurting you.pour out your feelings first, before drawing your conclusions.

Avoid nagging about it

So many people assume that if they don’t nag, their opinions might not be taken into consideration.

But unfortunately, nagging does not proofer any solution. Rather it does the opposite. Communication is quite different from nagging.

Communication means to speak up. While nag means to complain. The later seems like you are pestering someone ‘s life. As tempting as it maybe, avoid nagging at this period. You’ve communicated to  them, fine!! The best is to sit back, relax and watch if they would adjust. If they don’t, there is a better way to get back at them via their emotions. That will be our next point of discussion.

Use the Reverse psychology.

This works perfectly especially for people being emotionally distant towards you  with the purpose of feeding their ego in other to achieving relevance. How does this works? Before you can use Reverse psychology, you must be able to hold back your emotions and put it under control.

Just Like the name implies. ” Reverse” which literally means to turn down their expectations by doing the opposite of what they expected you to do. Now what do they expect you to do? Yell, sob , plead and nag endlessly. With that they’ve achieved their aim.

But if you can control your emotions at this time and be strong, rather than all the mentioned, withdraw your self emotionally from them too. Act like you don’t care, but don’t over do it. If they still love you, they will notice your absence  and might come  drooling back to you, when they realize that you’ve gat no time to nag about their negligence towards you.

By then, their aim of being emotionally available to you might have been defeated. Now they will be much concerned about not losing you. Reverse psychology only needs a strong heart and emotions. Don’t let your emotions ruin everything.

 

 

 

 

 

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How to maintain Emotional stability in a relationship

 

Emotional stability on a relationship
Emotional stability in a relationship

 

Maintaining Emotional stability in a relationship is one of the ways to get rid of Insecurity  and unnecessary tensions.

It is a healthy habit every individual needs to cultivate as it attracts respect and dignity. However, it is not always easy especially when one has built his/ her happiness around their relationships and partners. In such that a greater part of their life now revolves around the relationship.

Maintaining Emotional stability in a relationship requires a lot of discipline and self control.

So many folks can’t stop asking themselves this question . Why am i too emotional and sensitive?For instance, they get paranoid   at any slightest provocation, always worrying and being insecure as soon as they discover a change in their partner’s attitude. And many has testified that this negative trait Never proffers solution, but rather had made their partner become more cold and distance towards them.

This is because no matter the intensity of the feelings or love,  nobody likes to be suffocated. Every human  occasionally needs space to sort out some issues in their life. Hence they might request for it at one point or the other. It takes a disciplined and matured mind to respect such decision rather than start nagging the hell out of them.

It takes emotional stability not to blow your partner’s phone with excessive calls when they couldn’t pick their calls at the initial time. It takes emotional stability not to  constantly check your partner’s phone in suspicion. It takes emotional stability not to get paranoid if they hadn’t reach out to you. As human, we all have the need to express our love and be loved in return. While that might not really come as expected, but we always crave for that.

So many relationship has lost its spark because one or both partners were often emotionally unstable.

A relationship can only thrive well when both minds are stable, As it only takes a stable mind to build and plan together. That leads us to the question.  Why is emotional stability in a relationship vital? There are several reasons why people ought to be emotionally stable in a relationship. Let’s look at some of these reasons before going ahead to discussion on how to maintain Emotional stability in a relationship.

Emotional stability in a relationship

The importance of Emotional Stability in a relationship.

It enhances Trust 

Trust is one of the vital traits in a healthy relationship. It is so vital that one would do everything not to loose the trust of their partner.

This is the reason  why people who cheat are always careful not to get caught. There is this sense of fulfillment and self confidence that evolves in one, knowing that your partner or a close friend believes so much in you. They can entrust a lot into your hands because they don’t have any doubt about you.

But unfortunately, emotional instability can disrupt that. When you are always unnecessarily worked up, you might begin to doubt the sincerity in your partner, you might begin to get unnecessarily suspicious. And that will lead you into imagining things  which might not be in existence. No one gets excited on discovering that they are not trusted. Such can lead to loosing a lovely partner or relationship.

There will be less worries and anxiety

A stable mind is a peaceful mind, and a peaceful mind creates a good atmosphere for positive thoughts.

When your mind is emotional stable towards your partner, you will often feel free to explore life. Worries can interfere  with your activities in life including your career. I’ve heard a lot of folks complained that they couldn’t concentrate on their work because they are worried about their relationship. Such worries can lead to loosing of one’s job and career.

You can handle critical situations in your relationship

When your mind is emotionally stable, you may find it difficult  to handle some difficult situations in your relationship.

Emotional instability can lead to irrational decisions. Here is an illustration. You caught your hubby in the act of cheating. At that moment, your heart is so devastated and your emotions so intense.

You really want to calm down and  think of possible ways to sort situations, but your emotions just want to get fierce because you are agitated at that moment.  Rather than act maturely and overlook things till you both gets home, you will get aggressive and might be pushed to create s scene  thereby causing embarrassment to yourself  and equally worsening the situation.

Emotional stability helps to get your mind relaxed in certain situations while thinking of possible ways to address it later.

You are in control of your self and emotion.

emotional stabilitygives you a sense of confidence, knowing that no matter what you might be passing through in your relationship or in the hands of your partner, you are still strong and not weighed down by such. It boosts one’s esteem.

With such confidence, you will easily realize that no one ought to be responsible for your happiness except You. It will guide your sanity even when you are beginning to receive a mixed signal from your partner indicating that they might be loosing interest in you .

How can you maintain Emotional stability in a relationship?

 Get rid of your  past escapades

It would have been more  easier to say  “build your trust with your  partner, but then you can’t build trust  someone when you still have your past experience hunting you. Trust issues might sometimes occur as a result of an ugly past experience. Perhaps,,your ex might have betrayed your trust and so you’ve vowed never to trust again. Such mindset can always lead to emotional instability and insecurity. You must first get rid of your past. Eliminate that phobia that everyone would betray your trust just like your Ex.

Avoid too much expectations

Emotional stability in a relationship can be achieved by not being too expectant. View relationship like life experiences.

In life, anything is bound to happen. The only constant thing in life is change. Your expectation does not determine what happens. No matter what we expect or the  plans we make  in our lives, fate has the capability of destroying those plans in just few seconds.

Similarly in relationship, expect nothing to remain permanent. Your once loving partner today might  become weird tomorrow. When you learn not to be too expectant, you can easily handle any issues in your relationship without being unnecessarily worked up.

Learn how to control your temperament .

Another vital way to maintain emotional stability in a relationship is to learn how to control your temperament . Certainly, some situations in your relationship might make you hurt or betrayed.

Often times, you will feel agitated, sad and furious with your partner’s attitude that you will  be pushed to nag , yell at them or do something wired.

However, you have to learn how to maintain calmness in certain circumstances. As that will always keep you in charge of your emotions .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why you must stop begging for attention in a Relationship

Begging for attention

 

Begging for attention from people you cherish or admire so much may seem like a normal habit, but trust me, it sometimes denotes lack of self confidence and inferiority complex. I understand how it feels, when your significant other, crush or someone you admire so much who was once  so close to you suddenly becomes cold and distant.

They were once your shoulder to lean on, they were once your confidant,  you were not so broken down by issues and difficulties of life  because you knew you had someone to talk to, you had someone who wouldn’t hesitate to give you a listening ear and an affectionate heart. But suddenly, all those seems to be a night mare. Such feelings could be so devastating. Being subjected to some kind of Emotional manipulation .

A lot of women had complained bitterly on how their relationship started off so awesome.

Communication was so consistent that it became a daily routine. A day would not pass without reaching out to each other. The affection was so much that they fell helplessly in love. Somewhere along the line, the rate of communication began to drop gradually.  They suddenly became so busy with work.

They nagged uncontrollably, but all to no avail. Rather they were only reassured of adjustment which never came. When nagging seems not to have proffered solution, they resorted to neediness which is no difference from ” begging for attention”. They would call several times in a day despite being ignored, they would show up unannounced despite the cold response they were presently receiving.and after all the humiliation they got,they still can’t come to the terms of accepting reality. But rather, they resorted to begging for attention.

Any scenario where you have to seek for someone’s consent in other to feel their love and affection . then you are simply begging for attention. Perhaps, they might be a crush, partner or Ex. As long as they ain’t giving it out freely. You have to yell, nag or complain severally before you can get it,(I.e if you would ever get it). then you are simply begging for it.

Begging for attention
Begging for attention.

Several reason why you should stop begging for attention.

You can’t get the best of them

Imagine desiring to study your dream course in school because you have passion for it, but unfortunately, your parents became an obstacle. They weren’t in support of your dream course, rather they made their own choice for you.

If you accept their choice, do you think you will make good grades compared to a scenario where you had studied your dream course. Similarly, begging for attention feels like going for a course just to please your parents.

At the end of the day, you might not give in your best, because you had no passion for it. True love is unconditional, it ought to be given freely and equally received freely. It ought to be given willingly and not under composure .  If you  beg for love, be rest assured that  you will continue begging for it in other to maintain the relationship. And even if they accept, they will never give in their best. It will always feel like they are doing you a huge favor by loving you which ought not to be so. No matter how painful it feels, Take yes for an answer, accept no bravely. Don’t stress it further.

You will always feel  neglected and being  taken for granted.

Begging for attention will always make you feel neglected. Just like they assume they are doing you a great favor by giving you their attention. They will always feel is their right, hence the need to forcefully withdraw  their attention when they deem fit. This will always make you feel unappreciated and humiliated.

It makes you vulnerable to deceit and heartbreaks.

Begging for attention makes one vulnerable to deceits . you can easily fall prey to deceivers and players. They will always take the advantage of the fact that you begged for their attention. Begging for attention will equally make it difficult to differentiate between real love and  infatuation.  With such, it is difficult  to spot a player.

it induces low esteem and inferiority complex.

Begging for attention often leads to lack of self confidence and inferiority complex. How does it feel when you beg for attention, but got a cold response instead. You feel humiliated right?  It always feels like you ain’t good enough for them. This can go a long way to affect your esteem. This is more reason why you need to  control emotions not to beg for attention.

 

 

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Decision making in relationships

 

 

 

 

    Decision making in relationshipsDecision making in relationships

 

Decision making in relationships is one of the attributes of  a healthy relationship.

Making decisions in life is one of the basic way towards securing one’s future. Decisions are like life jackets. It is  so sensitive that if not made properly it can either ruin one’s life.

Your decision in life determines your tendency of being made or ruined. This is why a lot of people are often not in a haste to make certain decisions without consulting some expertise in such areas.

Generally, decision is the sauce of life.  And decision making in relationships is not an exceptional.  It is very essential as it determines the life span of a relationship.

Do you know that most  failed relationship/ marriage occurred as a result of wrong decisions taken by one or both partners? Decisions can either make or mar your relationship. And now the question is. How can decision making influence our relationships? Let’s find out.

How decision making in relationships can either make or mar the union.

When there is no mutual agreement.

Decision making in relationships might  suddenly become a bone of contention and might lead to constant arguments  between two couples when it is not mutual.

Just as the  adage, ” it takes two  to tango”,which implies  that a relationship can only be successful when both are moving in similar route/ directions. both in thoughts and decision making.

Here is an instance. There are some sensitive issues which often lead to indifferences between couples. Among such issue is the issue of finance.  financial issues is one of the leading cause  of separation and divorce  in most relationships and marriages. In a scenario where both couples earn a salary, there might be controversies on how to pay the bills.

The one who earns more  might assume that it is not her responsibility to pay bills. While the one with lesser pay might feel cheated on for handling the responsibilities alone despite his low income. Such can be handled when both couples comes together to make a decision on how to share the responsibilities in a fair manner. Both should endeavor  to arrive at a mutual conclusion and not in opposition against each other.

Decision making in relationships
Decision making in relationships

 

When one or both partner is Egoistic/ Authoritative.

 Egoistic  individuals often have this ” myself, ” me” and “I” mentality. Their intense desire for superiority often gives them the mindset that things ought  to be done in their own. And so other people’s opinion are  irrelevant.

However, Decision making in relationships is very important especially when handling such kind of people. In other to avoid being taken for granted.

As their significant other,they don’t have to  conclude on a matter or make their own decision without consulting you. Such attitude signals neglect and disrespect.  Both couples ought to respect each other.

When one is under pressure or duress.

There are people who wouldn’t mind putting you under duress to do certain things. They will often threaten to quit the relationship if you fail to comply.

Decision making in relationships ought to be applied here in other to avoid compromising your principle just to  keep them. Don’t yield to their pressure just to have them. Decide on what you want and want you wouldn’t curtail. Such decision should be made known to them. So they can equally have a mutual discussion with you concerning that.

How can decision making in relationships be achieved?

Being friends with your partner/ spouse.

It is quite unfortunate that most couples live as house mates. Their only form of bond and communication is sex. Waking up every day with similar routine. Which is going to work, retiring back home only to doze off few hours later. And the same routine continues except on few occasions where they might decide to get intimate.

Even the intimacy goes with just the purpose of making each other orgasm. And that’s all. You can’t make a mutual decision with your better half when they are not even your friends. Lovers get attraction, but friends shares their deepest secrets with each other.

The best form of relationship is friendship.  You don’t get bored sitting all day to discuss and plan your future together. But when friendship has been eliminated, you will often find it boring, doing other things aside sex. 

compatibility  must be present.

You can’t expect a fraudster to be honest with you when presenting a business idea.

Similarly, decision making in relationships works with compatibility. One who is egoistic or authoritative might find it unnecessary to make a decision with their spouse. Because they often expect their decision to be the final resort and most sought for.

That is why it is very necessary to include compatibility in the attribute of your prospective partner. You can only work together if the mind and interest are mutual. You need one who would respect your decision and not put you in any form of pressure to compromise your principal/standard for their own selfish motive.

Being Transparent with each other.

Transparency is very vital in any relationship. You can’t have a mutual decision when one or both of you have skeletons on their cupboard. What exactly do you want to decide on? When it is obvious you are not open with each other. You can’t solve a hidden problem.  You can only solve a problem which  had been unconcealed  and made open. decision-making can only be effective in this scenario when you are both honest with each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why taking a break after a break up is necessary

 

 

 

 

 

Taking a break after a break up

Taking a break after a break up!!! Sounds like a huge and unachievable task huh!!! I understand,  especially when you are head over heels in love and you never saw it coming.

Love is a wonderful feelings, especially at the beginning of a new relationship where the spark seems to be more intense.

The feeling is so awesome that You can’t get enough of your better half. The relationship seems so perfect that the thought of break up never comes to your mind.

Then  all of a sudden, things began to take a different turn. Your partner suddenly became so cold and distant.you asked for explanation, but couldn’t get any reasonable one. All they could use as an excuse was their “busy schedules”. You became more confused, and wondered if they suddenly changed their job. Was that not the same job they had when they were showering you with so much attention and care, you asked yourself rhetorically?

You complained and nagged on several occasions, but all to no avail. After several complaints without positive outcome, it dawned on you that it was over. At first, it seems like a night mare, but along the line, you summoned courage to embrace reality. After all, you can’t reverse it.

You sought for closure but couldn’t get that still. You concluded it was time to move on. But the biggest challenge was  how you can erase the feelings so quick. You tried to erase their memory, but it wasn’t just working. You wondered why you were  finding it so hard to move on.

You’ve tried all the antidotes of getting over a heart break, but none seems to proffer a solution.

You suddenly recalled   you had  a crush who had been admiring you even while you were in relationship, but  never had the chance to proof it to you as you restricted them from doing so.

Now the thought of giving them a chance seems like a  nice and perfect thought to you. Not really because you loved them, but because you needed an emotional pillar. One who could get you to heal fast, and probably fill the vacuum that your ex left. At this point, REBOUND RELATIONSHIP seems like the only available option you have left. But on the contrary, its effect could be disastrous. Before resorting to such step, pause and have a rethink.

Nearly, 80% of  heartbreak victims  have once thought of having a Rebound relationship as a means to get over the heartbreak.

The thought of being single which might resort to depression and loneliness, coupled with the phobia of having to start a new relationship all over again increases our crave to get into a new relationship.

Reminiscing on the memory we had with our ex increases our phobia of taking a break after a break up. We know we may not get their replica, but we just want to feel their vacuum.

Does the above scenario describes your experience after the break up? If yes then, I suppose this advise is meant for you.

Taking a break after a break up might seems do difficult, but very necessary. Especially if you desire  to  have a healthy relationship without  having the past reoccurrence. Here are some reasons why you ought to take-break-after-breakup

Taking a break after a break up

Why Taking a break after a break up is necessary.

 

It helps in self discovery

Relationship could be awesome, but at the same time so demanding because it requires your effort and that of your partner to thrive . did you observe that ever since you got into that relationship, you began to pay less attention to your self?

The feelings and spark got you so overwhelmed that yourself became less important. It was all about pleasing your partner and that could be the reason why they they lost the spark so quickly. Have you ever heard of the saying. Familiarity breeds concept? Not every persons love clingy partners.

Not every persons loves having an overprotective partners. To some, it is a big turn off. You really need a time off relationship to discover some certain things including your self. You need to realize that you are equally as important as the relationship and so you don’t need to loose your worth in the bid to make a relationship work. This will assist you in your next relationship.

Helps to take corrections where necessary.

After break up, we are more concerned about moving on, and getting another fill the vacuum without considering the lesson to learn and some adjustment to make to avoid similar reoccurrence in our next relationship.

No relationship ends without a lesson. Every relationship certainly leaves us with one lesson or the other. Is either you realized you were doing the wrong thing or dating the wrong person. Whichever might be the case, don’t forget the lesson.

You might not be at fault, but you need to learn some strategies  in handling certain people in your life. Taking a break after a break up, will help you reminisce on the relationship, and ascertain what you ought to have done or avoided in other to avoid such occurrence again.

 

To Avoid being taken unawares.

After break up, the hurt resulting   from the experience might be so severe that  nothing else occurs to your mind. But as you recover gradually, you will begin to understand why it never worked out . you will realize how dumb you were for not reading the signs earlier.

Taking a break after a break up will help you understand the signs that a relationship was about to end so you wouldn’t be taken unawares in your next  relationship.

Inducing your self esteem

Taking a break up after break up helps to induce one’s  self esteem and confidence.

There are people who assumes that they can never be happy as a single individual. Before the break up, they had their lives revolved around their Ex. And that’s why they found it difficult to move on when it was over. Is good to take a break, and realize that your happiness does not revolve around any individual no matter their status or social class in the society.it will help you realize that you can actually be  happy even as a single.

Such mindset gives a high sense of moral and builds one’s momentum. With such perception, you would never allow your self to be taken for granted in subsequent relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gaining resilience in times of difficulties

 

 

 

 

Gaining resilence
Gaining resilience at difficult times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gaining resilience during times of difficulties has never been easy. As a matter of fact, it requires a lot of strength and determination.

But the question is, how can one develop such strength when undergoing  several storms in life? How can one possibly determine to be strong in other to avoid falling into  depression.  Honestly, such decisions are easier said and quoted than done.

We don’t choose to be sad in life, no one prefers happiness over anxiety, no one prefers sound mind over depression. But unfortunately, we may find our selves in some situations where happiness seems to have eluded us.

Frustrations, and anxiety becomes the order of the day, no matter how you try to get over this feelings, they keep reoccurring because you have little or no control over them.

You wished you can regain your self confidence and happiness, but all seems like an illusion. The more you try, the more you see your self falling helplessly again. It is really like a struggle between your happiness, self esteem and reality.

 

Gaining resilience does not necessarily  imply having your  challenges solved or getting at the climax of your struggles.

But having the mental strength  to overcome such challenges which might have probably led to depression.

Hence resilience can be defined as the mental ability to recover quickly from depression, illness or  misfortune.

A state of being strong amidst of life struggles. A state of bouncing back to one’s initial mood and state of mind..

Here is an illustration. Imagine loosing something very crucial in life like a loved one, a juicy opportunity or a job. The feeling is better expressed than imagined. You’ve wept endlessly as if regaining  them back depends on the amount of tears you shed.

But at a point, it dawned on you that no amount of tears could bring them back. You accepted your fate. But yet, you still can’t move on. Your self had let gone, but your emotions is unwilling to let go.

You are still battling with your mental ability. Trying to recover from the shock, but all to no avail.  Inability to gain resilience is what usually leads to chronic anxiety otherwise known as depression.

Have you ever seen someone suffering from chronic depression? Most times, it is as a result of something that happened in the past. Normally, they ought to have left it in the past, but they were mentally weak to do so.

Then, how- can we build this -resilience- at -tough times?

Gaining resilience. Some tips to guide you .

Think about your breathe

Amidst of all these challenges, you still breath, your mental strength should rely on the fact  that your life was not gotten rid of  by your predicament.

Life signifies hope, courage and confidence.  Don’t assume there is nothing to live for, don’t prefer death  to the life you are living presently  no matter how horrible it might be, don’t contemplate suicide.

The owner of life never demanded your life because he has a plan and purpose for you which will definitely be accomplished in due course.

You were strong enough to conquer death. In Likewise manner, believe you will conquer your situation and challenges.

Learn to adapt at difficult times

One of the most vital method of gaining resilience at difficult times is learning  how to adapt to various moments in life. Don’t assume that life is stable, always prepare yourself at any point in time..

One of the principle of life you ought to understand is that life may not really present you with what you desire at all times.

Life may not present you with a juicy offer, this is a natural phenomenon and reality. It is only your duty to make the best out of every situation.

This is also one of the best applicable principle of successful men who had accomplished their goals in life.

Let me tell you one good thing about some challenges we face in life, it builds our self esteem.  You will have this great feelings and mindset that, ” if you can go through this, and come out victorious, then no situation can ever weigh you down. With such mindset, you’ve already prepared your mind to face any other challenge that might come your way in the future without having any fear.

Just like I said earlier, we don’t choose hardship over comfort, misfortune happens. That is life for you, but make up your mind to accept them with good fate. Acceptance does not imply being comfortable with it. But it helps to build your mental strength to recover quickly and avoid developing chronic depression.

 

Avoid Emotional materials.

Gaining resilience at difficult times can also be achieved by reading books that will inspire and boost your self esteem. Reading the biography of some great men like Abraham Lincoln Henry ford, Dr Ben Carson and so many others.  who  at some point in their life also had their own shares of hard times, but refused to quit or  be weakened by such hurdles of life. Avoid staying around emotional people or being sympathized. Remember what you need now is not pity but mental strength.

Associate with others

Don’t assume that you are alone in that situation, don’t assume that no one cares. One of the best antidote towards overcoming some trying  moments in life. Is by associating with like minded people.

Self isolation leads to chronic depression. You ought to avoid it at all cost.

You may never understand that your problem is the least till you come out of your shelf. You may not realize that there are so many others in your shoes yet unwilling to be conquered by their  fears. Till you stop isolating yourself from others. Be positive,don’t give into negativity, avoid being discouraged by people.

This can only be possible when you stop associating yourself with negative minded people. You can scale through, you can overcome. Gaining resilience is still possible. It begins with you, when you Embrace positivity.

Gaining resilence
Gaining resilience at difficult times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Handling Relationships and convid – 19

 

Handling Relationships and convid-19 pandemic
How to handle relationships and covid-19

 

Relationships and covid -19. How can you handle both?  has your relationship already lost its spark at this pandemic period? How can you rekindle the spark in your  relationship?

Especially at this crucial time where every news on social media and across media is centered on covid -19 virus. You tune in your t.v, it is all about covid 19, you log in to your social media, it is all about covid -19. Among friends and colleagues, this has always been the trending issue.

Covid -19 seems to be affecting every aspect of life and relationship is not an exception too.  Often times, couples might begin to drift apart emotionally, not really because they had fallen out of love, but because they might be undergoing some challenging times.

For a plant to germinate and produce a viable seed, it needs a  good and favorable environment. Similarly, For a relationship to thrive well, both needs to have a stable mind . it takes two individuals who have mutual interest and goals to build a relationship. However, when one is undergoing emotional or psychological problems, such goals and interest will be left unaccomplished.

You wonder why some people  request for  space in a relationship all of a sudden ? Sometimes we assume they might have lost interest, but don’t really know how to let the cat out of the bag. But reverse is usually the case a times. It might not be as you presume.  The need to desire for space  could be as a way to have a personal time void of distractions in other to sought themselves out of their predicament.

In other words, one may ask, what is the correlation between relationship and convid-19 pandemic?  As we all assume that covid- 19 pandemic only affects  lives and economy.

Then what happens if the economy is not favorable ?  People would definitely loose concentration in every aspects of life, and relationship is not left out. Just like we explained earlier,  a healthy relationship needs a stable mind to thrive better. Some men are afraid to get into a relationship as a result of the phobia of handling  a materialistic woman

This explains why Covid-19 does not just affect the economy, but also  relationships.

Handling Relationships and convid - 19 1
Relationships and convid-19

Let’s see some further aspects where convid-19 interferes with relationships.

Social distancing

How can one maintain-relationships-in-self-isolation? As we all know, social distancing is one of the effective way to curtail the spread of the virus.

Adhering strictly to this rules implies that relationship could be affected as well.

Imagine a situation where you can’t get close to your partner because of the pandemic. Its effect is felt more for people in distant relationship. As inter state  movement has been restricted and everyone mandated to stay at home.

Communication.

Handling Relationships and covid-19 can be tough at this period, especially as many jobs has been restricted and people mandated to stay at home.

This implies that Frequent communications like calls might equally be affected as well. People would rather spend money in buying food stuff in other to survive than call cards, as no one is certain on when the curfew will be relaxed.

This has a great effect on the relationship as communication  is very vital in every relationship.

Emotional instability and inconsistency

Handling relationships and covid -19 at this period could be challenging because an unstable mind gives rise to depression and frustration. When one can’t love him/ herself as a result of depression,  . how possible can they show love to another?

How couples can handle Relationships and convid-19.

Mutual understanding

Understanding is the most vital attribute needed to maintain a healthy relationship.

Love may get people attracted to each other, but what really keeps them stick to each other is understanding.

Any relationship without understanding will fade off as soon as  the honey moon phase is over.

But when there is understanding, both can go through any storms together and still emerge victorious. With understanding, both can conquer every challenges including convid-19.

Both has to realize that this is just a temporal phase that would pass in due course. And there is a great need to be strong for each other and keep the spark igniting.

 

Alternative source of communication.

Ruling out communication entirely for whatever reason could pose a great risk to the relationship. Both should source for a cheap and alternative source of  communication. Gone are the days when money is used as an excuse for not reaching out. These days, communication issues can be sorted out via chats on messengers and other social media as they don’t really cost much like calls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Curbing domestic violence in our society

Curbing domestic violence
Curbing domestic violence

 

Curbing domestic violence is one of the antidotes towards having a successful marriage and reducing the rate of divorce.

Domestic violence is one of the biggest catastrophes destroying so many relationships and marriages today. It is more prevalent than any other marital issues couples face today. And it is one of the leading course of divorce in relationship.

It is quite unfortunate that a lot of women today are so stuck in an Abusive relationship/ marriage,  hoping that their partners might change for the better.

They are being abused physically and emotionally on daily basis. Their self worth and dignity had been dragged to the mud. They have become a shadow of themselves as a result of the ill treatment being unleashed on them on daily basis.

Their emotions had been battered severally and  their once gorgeous body physique had been disfigured as a result of constant hitting. They tolerate several forms of flaws at the detriment of their own happiness. Soaking their pillows with tears had become a constant hobby and habits every night.

Most times, they desire to voice out, but are afraid of what the society might say especially in marriages. The fear of becoming an object of ridicule or topic for discussion among friends, colleagues and religious leaders prompts  them to endure such pains for a long time.

Domestic violence had become a great menace that calls for adequate attention and eradication. However, for any problem to be tackled, the root course must first be identified. We first have to give attention to its source and origin, in order to get to its climax. The victims/ recipients of domestic violence ( women) should first understand and realize some factors leading to such abuse before seeking  for its solution. Curbing domestic violence is not an easy task, but not totally impossible if we discover some factors leading to it.

Curbing domestic violence
Curbing domestic violence

Some Factors responsible for most cases of domestic violence.

Wrong perception

Many people have this assumption or mindset that love is the ultimate factor needed in a relationship/ marriage.

And thus may ignore some certain strange attitude their partners exhibit.

They are ignorant of the fact that love is not just enough   to keep a relationship/ marriage.During the honey moon phase, the spark and attraction seems to be at its peak that one might not really discover any wrong behavior or flaws in their significant other.

However, the real relationship/  marriage begins as soon as this phase is over.

Ignorance

So many folks are victims of domestic violence today because they ignored the earlier and warning signals indicating that they might be dealing with the wrong individual.

Dating or courtship is a period meant for knowing and studying each other’s flaws and personality to an extent. It is a period meant for both to learn how to tolerate each other’s imperfections. It is equally a period of decision making.

You either choose to remain with him/ her if you can tolerate them or opt out if you can’t.

But unfortunately, so many  people get carried away with the euphoria at the beginning of the relationship, they pay much attention to the excitement and fun  without considering the most important thing which is the ability to tolerate flaws.

Most persons experience this domestic violence during the relationship/ courtship days. They saw the signs clearly but paid deaf ear to it, with the hope that their partner would change in marriage.

But unfortunately, reverse became the case as people hardly change except they really took a person  decision to turn  to a new leaf. A man who hits you in relationship will definitely do that in marriage.

Societal pressure

Some people would rather remain in an abuse relationship/ marriage than file a divorce for fear of stigma and mockery from the society. Such people pay more attention to what people say than what will be of benefit to them.

 

Low esteem. 

Individuals with low esteem are prone to any form of treatment. They often accept any form of treatment because they lack self confidence.

Such people don’t have a life of their own, they are so dependent on their partner for virtually everything. Financially, emotionally and otherwise. And that’s why they condone any form of treatment, including domestic violence which subjects them to a great risk and threatens their peace.

Such individuals have a high rate of insecurity in them. They are always threatened every now and then because of their vulnerability.

How to curb domestic violence.

Don’t rush into marriage.

Curbing domestic violence involves being observant before going into marriage. Remember we said that  Love is not just enough , a lot of people rushed  into marriage without being ready or having a proper knowledge of what it entails.

They were only intrigued by  the feelings they had  with their  partner and the euphoria/ exciting thoughts involved in getting married. Only to rush out when situation becomes challenging and unbearable.

Curbing domestic violence entails  being sure of whom you are getting married to. Though you might not really get every details about them and their personality during courtship, but try to get as much as you can, in other to ascertain if you can go ahead or opt out.

Don’t get into marriage for the sake of getting married. Ensure you are ready,  and you’ve understood the concept involved before rushing in.

Pay attention to early signals.

Curbing domestic violence implies paying attention to some warning and early negative signals.

Just like we explained earlier, most times, these signs are obvious during dating or courtship, but most people ignore thinking that such character will magically disappear in marriage.

But reverse seems to be the case. Don’t remain stuck in an undesirable relationship with the intention of influencing your partner positively.

The tendency of such happening is  almost impossible or rare. Identify the character you can’t put up with, then make your decisions from there.

Be self dependent

Curbing domestic violence implies that you ought to be self dependent. Don’t trust or put all your hopes in your partner no matter how wealthy , influential or successful they are.

Try as much as possible to have a life of your own. Get your own source of livelihood. Be an asset, not a liability.

Men value women with such characteristic and hold them with high  esteem.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that having your own source of livelihood would stop him from abusing you domestically.

However, in a situation whereby his abuse becomes unbearable and unpardonable, you can easily opt out without the fears of how to survive and begin life all over again.

Develop self love and appraisal

curbing domestic violence calls for self love and appraisal. When you place much value on yourself, no one would  take you for granted. Don’t give people room to toil with your emotions.

Be confident about yourself. Don’t make anyone your sole priority and source of happiness. Know your worth, such feelings erases any form of insecurity.

 

 

 

 

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Sex on the first date, a positive or negative effects?

 

Sex on the first date
Sex on the first date.

 

Sex on the first date had become one of the most controversial issues as regards to relationship. A lot of people are in the notion that having sex on the first date denotes lust or infatuation and equally alters the future of the relationship. While others believes  that sex create emotional connection.

This controversies about having sex on the first date is greatly felt among women. Because they are often at the receiving end.

One of the reason is this, men attach little or no value to sex. Most men have sex just to satisfy their sexual urge and libido.

On the contrary, women especially does who are committed to their relationship and partners attach so much emotions and importance to sex.

A woman deeply in love does not just have sex to get relieved from sexual urge and libido. But she does it with the purpose of having more connections, attachments and bonds with her partner.

Though revise might be the case. And when that happens, the woman usually feels used and betrayed. This is why the topic is greatly deliberated on among women.

Most times, sex on the first date is not planned by both parties. Some occurs in the course of the euphoria or chemistry that begins to exist between the two parties in the course of being in  each other’s company. However, what we are yet to understand is if that chemistry or feelings is really love or infatuation. Most women  narrated on how the supposed relationship became Imaginary as soon as sex  was introduced on the very first meeting.

And the euphoria and excitement they thought existed vanished into thin air. Everyone has different opinions as regards to having sex on the  first date. But before we deliberate on whether it has a positive or negative impacts on the relationship. Let’s discuss some facts about it.

Sex on the first date
Sex on the first date

Some facts about sex on the first date.

 

Not intentional all the time

Just like was earlier explained, most sex on a first date never happens intentionally or planned by both parties .Sometimes it occurs during a sensitive discussion.

One thing usually leads to another, and before you say jerk, it had already happened.

But the question is what happens next? Would it create an atmosphere for commencing a lasting relationship or would it just be seen as fun? The answer to these question lies on both parties. If there is a mutual feelings, it might progress to a relationship, but if reverse is the case, then it might turn out to be  nothing but a fun .

One party usually gets hurt after the act

Sex on the first date might leave some people with a broken heart if their expectations after the act never turns to reality. It leaves them with a broken and devastated heart.

There are people who might not have feelings at first, but as soon sex occurs, their feelings begins to develop. Such people are the victims of the described scenario. After the act, they  might begin to crave for a serious relationship and commitment, and if  that doesn’t happen, they will be heartbroken.

Depends on the mutual  interest of both parties

You wonder why some gets dumped after having sex on a first date, while others are just fortunate to have everything fall in places despite having sex on the first date?the reason is simple.

There was no mutual interest or intention. You can’t force people to love you or be in a  relationship with you . if he has  no interest or plan with you in the first place, he will never  proceed to have a relationship with you. Irrespective of  the mutual and explicit love making you both shared.this is why  it  may work for some people, and may not work for some  others.

It might just be a fling

Not every first date is meant for a serious relationship. Some are just for fun or to alleviate boredom. In such scenario, expecting a serious relationship after that might be suicidal as the outcome usually turns out to be hurting and heartbreaking.this is why most women are advised never to be in a haste to give in to sex on a first date.

Sex on the first date. A positive or negative effect to the relationship?

is first-date-sex a relationship killer?Some people strongly believes that whatever happens on a first date does not really matter as long as both has mutual feelings for each other. However, this might not be true in all cases as there are few exceptions to that.

Imagine neglecting the foundation of a building, commencing a building project with inferior materials and unskilled laborers . What do you think would become the fate of such building?

No matter our views and perceptions as regards to sex and first date, the foundation of every relationship really matters a lot. It is what will determine the fate and tendency of the relationship surviving through turbulent and challenging times. If the relationship commenced as a result of the excitement that emerged from having sex on the first date, the spark will wear off as soon as such excitement becomes minimal. But if the relationship happened for a tangible reason beside sexual feelings, , the spark will continue to ignite despite every challenges.

 

 

 

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Some misconceptions about Tolerance in relationships

 

 

 

 

 

Misconceptions about tolerance
Misconception about Tolerance

 

There  are lots of misconceptions about tolerance especially as regards to relationship/ marriage.

Tolerance is a great virtue and quality in relationship, no doubt about that. but unfortunately, there are lots of misconception about the phrase. A lot of people had been misled  and made to remain in an Abusive relationship, all in the name of tolerating a partner.

A lot of women are suffering and going through hell  all because they were asked to adopt the virtue ” tolerance” in their marriage. Many had ignorantly believed that as long as they are had been legally married to their spouse, they should accept any form of treatment including clue treatment from their partner.

A lot had been mocked and  blamed for walking away from a marriage that was about to ruin their life and future. While others had been persuaded to remain in their respective relationships/ marriage irrespective of what they might be passing through. With the perception that ” tolerance ought to be adopted”.

Some Religious bodies are not  equally helping matters. They have this misconceptions about “Tolerance “.which they often impose on their members

They believe that as long as you are legally married, you have no alternative than to accept whatever you are passing through in good fate. Laying complaints or involving a third party often seems like a taboo. They believe one should always resolve issues when undergoing one with their partners amicably rather than lay complaints every now and then. Such perception is true anyway?

However, what about a scenario where issues seems unresolvable and lingers for so long, especially when one is dealing with a   a difficult spouse? How can one cope in such situation?

Misconceptions about Tolerance originates  from the lack of proper understanding of the term. The word ”

Tolerance means to endure pains and hardship”. Note the word “Endure” and not “accept”. You only Endure things which does incurs an excruciating pains to your life. Now you are not Enduring those pains because you love them or wished to have them linger. You are only enduring with the hope and belief that things will change for good someday. You hope that those experiences and pain are just momentarily and not permanent.

And when it tries to linger, you might start seeking for an alternative,either to initiate a third party/ counselor or opt out. But unfortunately, our society frowns at this. You are expected to accept the situation the way they are because at such times, you are no longer enduring. Remember marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured.

However, when you begin to endure in some scenario, it depicts Tolerance which is a nice virtue. But you can only endure for a while. Tolerance does not mean you should accept the situation the way they are and live with it for the rest of your life.

Other misconceptions about Tolerance.

Tolerance means suffering 

One of the misconceptions about tolerance is that tolerance denotes suffering. Yes, even if you’ve been turned into a punching bag, you should keep on tolerating, even if you’ve been threatened on several occasions and your life is at risk, you should continue tolerating. No!!! That is not it.

There are situations  meant to be tolerated, while there are situations meant to embark actions on. In the former, such scenario usually occurs when things are not the way they ought to be in your marriage. Like when you are passing through tough times or struggling financially. Is okay to have a mutual understanding and tolerate each other. While hoping things will fall in place soon.

On the contrary, the later  usually denotes a scenario where one had been subjected to emotional and physical abuse including domestic violence.

Now telling one to keep enduring such scenario is like telling them to automatically sign their death sentences. For how long would they keep enduring?

Misconceptions about Tolerance

Tolerance means silence

Another misconceptions  about tolerance is that one shouldn’t express his or her feelings in the course of enduring. This is a fallacy. That you are tolerating your partner does not mean you shouldn’t solicit for help from a good source. It could be psychological or emotional help just like good counsel or even financial assistance. But that should be from a good and reliable source.

Remember you are only enduring,  you don’t intend to remain stuck in such situation. Feeling relaxed and reluctant at this period only implies one thing. And that is, you are comfortable with the situation existing in your marriage. This period of endurance should not be spent wallowing in self pity, as that will not alleviate the situation. But rather it should be a time both parties can seek for a way out. that’s why people seek for relationship and marriage counsel in various platforms. They had been enduring and so rather than remain silent, they began to sought for a way out.

Similarly, disregard any misconception or belief that tolerance means to suffer in silence.ignore anyone trying to make you feel bad for letting your issues out. There is a popular adage, a problem shared is a problem almost solved.

You don’t have to remain mute with the guise that you are adopting tolerance. Speak up, if need be, but just make sure you are speaking to the right audience and source.

Tolerance means subjection.

Just like we earlier explained. Some people had been deceived and brainwashed into believing that one most tolerate all form of clueless and inhumane behavior from their significant other.

This is a lie from the pit of hell. Remember you are human too, who deserves to be respected and cherished as much as you do. You are human too  with feelings and sensitivity. Nobody in deliberately  touches a hot object and remains calm, there is usually a reaction and sensitivity to take the hands off it immediately in other not to get stuck the pains.

Similarly, no one feels comfortable enduring pains. There is usually a reaction that shows you don’t want to remain stuck in such situation. Why people  usually adhere to some misconceptions about Tolerance is the fear of stigmatization and mockery from the society.

-tolerance-is-important-in-relationships, but ought to be