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Coping with trying moments in relationship?

Trying moments in a relationship
Trying moments in relationship
Trying moments in  relationship can be a very difficult moment for both partners.  Hard times can occur for several reasons ranging from financial restraint,    incompatibility misunderstandings,  fights,  lack of trust and constant arguments .  All these are inevitable and can occur at any given point.  They are not uncommon.  This is why relationship are far from perfections.

A healthy  relationship doesn’t consist of perfect couples,  but imperfect couples who truly feels perfect for each other,  even though they are both striving towards perfection.  In other words,  they feel fulfilled around each other despite each other’s flaws.

You see some couples and wonder if  they’ve ever had  any differences in their relationship?you see some relationship and wonder if there had ever been any misunderstanding, arguments or fight among the couples?  Probably because of the way they display their affections in public, we envy them while silently wishing that our relationship could be like their’s.  In public they seem so perfect,  but in reality,  and behind closed doors reverse is usually the case.

Behind every successful relationship, there are usually couples who strived and fought so hard towards making it a reality.

Behind every enviable relationship, there are usually couples who passed through or maybe currently passing through several moments of trials,  but never gave up.  Rather sought for ways to deal with their trials and still came out stronger than they were.

Trying moments in relationship are like test of love and genuine sincerity.  It is a test couples ought to pass through in other to scale through.

It is a test that will determine the life span of a relationship.  Couples who went through a lot of trying moments during their relationship days and still came out stronger have the tendency of having a successful marriage,  than couples who did not undergo any trying moments in relationship.

This is why we often emphasize on the fact that Love alone does not keep a relationship   .  Because there are times when pressures and trials might seem so intense,  at this period the love no matter how deep and romantic it is might not be too strong to help them pull through.

This is why we the rate of divorce had been on the increase. Most couples who divorced each other didn’t do so because they fell out of love.  But because,  the pressures and trying moment were stronger than the love they thought they had. The feelings were still present,  but they lack exposure and the right qualities that would have enabled them. Scale through.

They relied so much on their love and  feelings.   but unfortunately,  the weight of pressures and challenges could not condone their love.

No matter the  intensity of the trying moment in a relationship,  the good news is that couples can still overcome

Some trying moments in relationship and how to handle them

Coping  with trying moments in relationship? 1
How to handle trying moments in relationships

 

Financial -restraint

This is an example of trying moments in relationship which can lead to break up and divorce.

Money is a strong factor, which can interfere with a lot in our lives including relationship.

Imagine you were in a relationship with a man who takes care of you, worships the ground you walk on and of course takes care of your financial needs. And all of a sudden, he had a little set back which implies that he may no longer be able to take care of your needs as he used to in the past. What would be your reaction?

To some, the relationship would abruptly end at that juncture, while to others, they might decide to stick with their partners while hoping things would get back to normal.

A lot of marriages had crashed due to the financial set back. Most women would resort to cheating in other to survive as soon as their spouse becomes bankrupt.

However, this issue can be handled when both partners understands that relationship  are not  rosy,  neither are marriages. There could be moments of heavy storms.  They are inevitable, but with understanding and learning from other people’s experience, they will surely scale through.

Career restraint

Despite the importance and vitality of career, it can still pose a threat to a relationship.

Some folks  often have issues with their partner as a result of their demanding job . Some marriage are at the verge of collapsing because some couples no longer make out time for each other or their home as a result of their  Busy schedules and demanding job.

This could be a trying moment in a relationship because if not handled effectively. It might lead to break up or divorce. the kids can equally be affected psychologically and may become a victim of abuse since their parents are so busy to guide and direct them.

I know of a man who demanded that his wife should quit her job because it was so demanding that she barely had time for her family.  Being a career woman,  she bluntly refused.  This became a serious issue that both couples had to split apart.

 

This can be solved by effective communication and learning how to handle your love life and goals in other to adjust your relationship for the better.

Another trying moment in relationship as regards to career is a scenario where a partner  gets a job in a different town.

Which implies that the other partner needs to relocate in other to be together especially if both are legally married.

I’ve seen couples argue about this and sometimes even break up because they couldn’t reach an agreement as a result of their Ego. The bone of contention in usually who would succumb in other maintain the peace and harmony in the home. At this point, this issue can only  be solved by effective communication, in addition to both partners learning how to curb their EGO. Because  EGO is the only factor which can prompt couples  to break up in such scenarios.

Incompatibility

one of the trying moments in relationship is incompatibility.

There are times when relationship might seem so difficult and inconvenient because your partner suddenly became insatiable.

Everything suddenly became different that you begin to wonder if they were actually the same person you fell in love with initially.  You are no more on the same page. One moment they seem like a friend,  the next moment,  they act like an opponent.  Such situations can be Handled by understanding your spouse and learning to accept them for who they are and not who you want them to be.  And by also giving them time to adjust in case they suddenly started behaving in a strange manner.

 constant arguments

Show me couples who had never argued or had any misunderstanding.  And I will tell you couples who keeps mute and often gives each other the Silent treatment.

Often times,  argument and misunderstanding are one of the vital ways of getting to know your partner,  because the more you argue or have a misunderstanding,  the more you learn about your partner’s preference and their dislikes.  People who are related by blood do argue a lot,  so it is not uncommon if couples in love does the same too.

However,  it should have a limitations and should be something that rarely occurs.  Constant arguments and fights denotes  a   Red flags .

This can be solved when both partners talks less and listens to each other more.  Two wrongs they say cannot make a right. the bone of contention in this scenario is usually on who is wrong and who is right.  And the nature of an average man hardly accepts defeat.  Hence the constant arguments.  This can also be solved if partner’s learns how to curb their Ego in other to pave way for peaceful home.

In conclusion, trying moments in relationship can be controlled when couples truly understands themselves,  and are both willing to put in all their effort in other to scale through any trying moment they might be experiencing. Endeavor to apply this techniques in other to sustain your-relationship-when-times-get-tough.

 

 

 

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5 signs you are in a one sided relationship

5 signs you  are in a one sided relationship 2
A one sided relationship

Being in a one sided relationship can be so depressing  especially if you desire to have a lasting and healthy relationship filled with commitments.

The scenario becomes worse when you are really working so hard and doing everything humanly possible to ensure it works, while your partner does nothing on his or own side.  That brings us to the question.

What is a one sided relationship? 

Just like the name implies,  A one sided relationship is any relationship that you invest your time,  energy and emotions alone. It is a relationship that drains a lot of energy from one,  and leaves one with the feelings of doubt and insecurity.

Imagine you are sharing a flat with someone, in an actual sense,  you both were meant to be contributing for the effective running of  the home, including renewing of house rent and other miscellaneous expenses.

But unfortunately, you find yourself spending alone,  while your room/flatmate sits back to enjoy your effort and feels reluctant to contribute.    How would you feel?  Frustrated and  furious right? As a matter of fact,  I don’t think anyone in his/her right sense would condone this for a long time without seeking for a way out.

Also imagine living in an apartment with your siblings, you know that scenario when you were much  younger.   They do nothing at home, you do all the house chores,    while they only eat and sleep.  I am certain no one would be happy with such experience.

Similarly, this is likened to how it feels like being in a one sided relationship.   The word “flatmate or siblings” is a title, it will have no significance in your life except you see their impact and contributions in your life.

Similarly, relationship will remain  a title till you begin to see the impacts of your  partner towards your life and the growth of the relationship.

A lot of folks claim to be in a relationship,  yet in reality,  they are actually single, they keep  driving and scaring other potential dates away with the assumption that they are in a relationship.

Reality begins to dawn  on them as soon as  they realize that they had been in a wrong relationship for so long.  Now  you begin to  wonder why people keep wasting their time in a one sided relationship even when they have a choice to walk away.  You wonder why people get stuck in a relationship where they have to stress themselves so much. There are so many reasons for that, and that forms our next discussion..

Some of the Reasons why people get stuck in a one sided relationship .

being in a forced relationship –

when people do something out of pressure,  there is every tendency that it would not be done well.

No effort or what so ever would be invested.  Similarly,  when you pressurize people to be in a relationship with you against their will, they might succumb out of pressure.  But be rest assured that you will end up doing everything to keep the relationship.

For one to contribute toward the growth of a relationship,  the interest has to be there.

The feelings ought to be mutual and not borne out of composure or the assumption that he/she is doing the other a favor.  This contributes to the reason why most people  remain stuck in a one sided relationship.  they forced the relationship to begin in the first   and they had to keep forcing it in other to maintain it.  probably because they don’t want their previous effort to be in vain.

Afraid of being  single

The fear of  going back to their single status is what has kept a lot of people stuck in an unprofitable relationship.

They just want to have the title of being in a relationship,  they don’t want their relationship status to be invalid.

They are afraid of loneliness and so would rather keep managing the relationship than brace up and walk away. Such kind of people often gets into a a REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.as soon as their previous relationship comes to an end.

 

 

Being in one sided relationship
Being one sided relationship

5 signs you are in a one sided relationship.

Nagging suddenly becomes a habit

Did you observe that you are beginning to nag recently?  Are you in a relationship that had suddenly turned you into nag.

Chances are that you might be in a one sided relationship.  There is a saying that behind every nagging man/woman, there is a partner who ain’t doing what he/she ought to do.

This is exactly the case in this scenario.  You nag mostly because you ain’t getting the attention you desire.  A mutual relationship is one where both partners knows their responsibility and does it willingly,  without waiting for their significant other to yell or complain about it.

You apologize for their fault

One of the typical sign that you are in a one sided relationship is when you often see yourself apologizing even when your partner is at fault.

This is usually a sign of negligence indicating that they don’t value the relationship, and are not scared of loosing you either. You ain’t their priority, so they don’t deem it necessary rendering  Aplogy, when they’ve erred.

They love you only in good times.

There is a saying that you don’t determine true love when things are in abundance. True love can strongly be identified in both old times and good times. Before assuming you are in a healthy relationship, first examine how they react and treat you during challenges. Do they offer emotional support to your during challenges, or do they desert you at such times? These questions will help you to determine the kind of relationship you are actually into.

They don’t respect your decision

A  one sided relationship  also includes being self centered. People who want things to be done in their own without putting your emotions into consideration.

Such people always acts bossy and loves to be in control at all times. They would like to order you around, and when you fail to dance to their tune, it becomes a problem.

That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. A good relationship ought to be understanding and always ready to carry each other along during decision making and at all times.

you can also check similar article on this website.  Continue reading 5 signs you are in a one sided relationship

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4 steps In getting your partner’s attention

 

4 steps In getting your partner's attention 3
Getting your partner’s attention

 

Getting a  partner’s attention is becoming a rocket science this days especially as relationship has deviated from what it use to be in  the past. Attention which is one of the core ingredients and most sought after quality by many is becoming so rare to get.

And the question is what could be the reason for that? Considering the  fact that attention does not really cost a dime, it only requires one’s time and commitment. So many folks complain of money being a hindering factor of their inability to woo a lady and start a relationship .

But yet when they are with one who isn’t materialistic, they still neglect their role which is making out time for the one they claim to love.

Aside relationship, Attention is very necessary in every individual’s life. It denotes value and level of importance. One have toward something. Even infant knows the importance of attention and that’s why they often yell and cry whenever their guardian leaves them unattended to.

Imagine you saw an advert concerning a job vacancy, as a job seeker, you courageously walked in to the office to submit your credentials with the hope of being considered for the job, as your academic qualification met their requirements.

You got to the receptionist, but unfortunately, you were told that the boss was too busy, that you had to wait. You politely inquired of how long you would have to wait, but no one gave you reply. You decided not to give up, you waited, but unfortunately, after waiting for so long,

you decided to leave feeling so disappointed and frustrated. At that moment, your goal had been altered as a result of lack of attention.

Also imagine teaching or passing out a vital information to a group of people, only to discover that none of them were paying attention to what you were saying. Which indicates they had no interest in your lectures. Feels bad and discouraging right? This is to show how vital the word “attention is”.
Similarly, lack of attention in relationship can sometimes denote lack of interest.

Everyone desires to have that special partner who  gives them audience, have interest in what he/she does and listens to their jokes no matter how dry they may be.

Women craves for attention more due to the Emotional differences In men and women.as a matter of fact, this is one essential factor which makes her believe she tops the list in his priority.

It is one factor this had turned a lot of women into nag, especially when they are dating a Workaholic partner. But do you know that you can get your partner’s attention without being seen as needy and desperate?

Do you know you can have your partner’s attention without having to nag them about it severally.

To every challenge or what may seem like a challenge, there is always solution, and the solution may not be far fetched aside knowing what to do and adopting discipline towards it.

How to get your partner’s attention

 

 Being Self dependent .

Being self dependence is one practical way to get your partner’s attention. No matter how intoxicating the love is, no one desires to have a clingy partner, one who could barely do anything on their own without having to wait for their partner.

Being self dependence is an admirable trait. Every guy needs that man who can make her decision without having to wait for anyone to toss them around. It shows you can handle a lot of responsibility in marriage, even in the absence of your spouse. Being self dependence naturally attracts most men.

4 steps In getting your partner's attention 4

Giving your partner space when they demand for it.

This  is another effective way of getting your partner’s   attention.

A lot of folks can stop asking the question, what does he mean  when he demands for space?  But pay attention, Desiring for space in a relationship is not abnormal or absurd.

It doesn’t always denote lack of interest, even though it does in some instances. There are times when people might seek for space and time in other to handle their challenges and focus especially when they are experiencing difficulties in some areas of their life. I know it could be daunting and hurtful, whenever you hear your partner utter such statement,

however, your attitude and the way you handle such scenario will determine how long  the space would linger. If you continue nagging life out of him, be rest assured that he might pull away further.

But respecting his decision would hasten the tendency of getting  His/her attention back. Except in a case where they had  lost interest in the relationship.

Being in charge of your emotions.

Is not always easy to ignore one’s emotion, especially in a scenario where you are emotionally attached to your partner, only to discover that they are gradually drifting away.

But then, you have to work on your emotions. Do not always show you are emotionally vulnerable.  Most people will definitely  take advantage of that  fact.

Build yourself mentally even when you are emotionally down.  It attracts self respect and of course undivided attention from your partner.

Avoid nagging

Do you wish to get your partner’s attention,  then you must avoid nagging for whatever reason.

Nagging is a negative traits and a great turn off to most peeps.  Nagging reduces one’s self worth.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with laying your complaints about a behavior or something you ain’t comfortable with. But there is everything wrong with doing that repeatedly.

Fine you’ve told them about their negligence,  is left for them to adjust if they value you.  And the best is to give them time  to do so,  I. e if they wish to.  Turning your self into a nag will definitely make things worse as  no one likes to be pressurized to do something,  even if they desire to do that.

 

external website with similar topic:http://www.psychologytoday.com

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How to handle communication issues in a relationship

How to handle communication issues in a relationship 5
Communication issues

Communication issues has always been the bone of contention in many relationships.

The question  about communication is one of the common question and the most raised topic  dominating every relationship platform including search engines.  This is because communication is a great factor that Can ensure a Healthy
relationship.  And so it’s importance cannot be overemphasized.

Such questions as whose duty is it to call regular in a relationship?  He hardly calls but claims to love me? I do the calling all the time but he never reciprocate,  does she love me?  Anytime I call,  he says he is busy and promises to call back. But never does, does he truly love me as he claimed?She hardly replies my chats even when it is obvious that she had seen it,  does she love me as claimed? These are the questions people ask on regular basis which also contributes to  the common challenges people face  as regards to communication in their relationships.

Imagine you have a stressful job,  this job is the source of your income.  But it so tedious  that it gets you tired and weak at the end of the day.

A times you feel like waking up and relaxing at home,  but then the thought of being sacked and having nothing to fall back to stirs up the passion in you to continue with the job,

despite its stress and inconvenience.

The thought of having your needs stare at you with no means of solving them sends cold shivers down your spine.

All these thoughts became your source of motivation.  You had no choice than embrace your job and continue doing it spite its nature.  Is all about sacrificing a pleasure in other to meet up a very essential need.

Similarly communication is an essential need in a relationship.it is not optional.   It is very necessary.

Despite the difficulty  in maintaining them.    It is one of sacrifices in other to ensure a healthy relationship.  You might be too busy to include effective communication in your relationship.

Your job might be too demanding that you hardly have time  to communicate with your partner.  You might just come home feeling so weak and tired,  and then all you desire to do is to bath,  eat and doze off

But then, just like a job, the thought of loosing a relationship you might have struggled to keep  or invested a lot  in ought to stir up the passion and zeal to communicate.

The thought of loosing your partner I. e if you really love them. to another who is ready to communicate on regular basis ought to inspire you to keep the communication Spark burning.

 

All these thought ought to make you learn how to balance your love life and goals  in other to create time for your partner.

But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t care about the communication issues and challenges going on in their relationship.

They have practically turned their partner into a nag. Leaving them with the feelings of insecurity and doubts. They will always promise to call but never does, promise to chat but never does, too busy to reply to your messages. No one is happy being in a relationship where he has to force everything. Where every effort has to be from you and not mutual. You complain to talk to them, you complain to see them.

Most times, the complaint is accompanied with excuses, leaving you with the feelings of hurt and rejections.
However,, Communication issue/challenges does not just occur. It is usually caused by some factors which I am going to explain in details.

Communication issues
Communication issues

Communication issues why they occur and how to fix them

 

 

When a partner is not into you-

 

one of the most common reason why communication issues occur is usually when a relationship is one sided.

. We often neglect this a lot and that’s why we keep fighting and trying every possible means to get back a relationship which might have literally ended.

Lack of communication is usually one obvious sign that implies that a relationship has ended or is about to end. Nobody maintains a car which he/she does not value. We try to maintain things despite its cost because of the great value we place on them.

Similarly people maintain communication because they value their relationship and partner a lot.

When they promise to call but never does, it shows they might not be into you as you are into them. When they have lost interest, and there is nothing you can do aside from ignoring them as well.

Bad communication habits.

Naturally, there are people who ain’t so good in talking or even keeping in touch by other means. They find it time consuming.  Such people  might be exhibiting their love in other ways.

They might get you a call card, but never calls. They can get you an expensive gift, but never chats.

They promise to call, but never does. It gets you infuriated, but the truth is that sometimes they don’t this intentional. I understand we all love that feelings of having your partner wake you up with heart warming messages which keeps you active for the day.

However, we should also know individual varies in the way they express love.

Talk to them about it. It is relationship and you are meant to be Transparent with your feelings by communicating to  your partner. by being transparent about your feelings,  you are not only solving communication issues,  but also erasing every form of doubts and insecurity you have for your partner.

Reaching out too often

One of the reason why you might be having Communication  issues in your relationship might be because you often reach out. Absence they say makes the heart grow fonder.  No matter how much you’ve missed them,  don’t always make it obvious.

Sometimes give them that space to miss you and reach out first.  You might be killing the spark in the relationship and the vibe in them by excessive communication.  You ought to keep your Communication level moderate.

Avoid the habit of calling your partner more than twice,  except is a case of emergency.  Anything aside that spells desperation. They will always call back later if they wish to.  When they  say they will return your calls later,  please exercise patience and give them a benefit of doubts.  Don’t bug them with calls at every intervals .  Wait till they call back.

Stop making the relationship your effort alone,  give them that space to input their own effort as well.  With that,  you will know if they are actually into you or not.

 

 

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Long engagement a good or bad idea? ?

Long engagement a good or bad idea? ? 6
Long engagement

Long engagement a good or bad idea?  How long is too long to be engaged  with the one i intend to spend the rest of my life with?

How long should I wear  an engagement ring? Would wearing an engagement ring drive other potential suitors away?

Would it ruin my chances of getting proposal from someone who might also be interested   assuming I end up being disappointed by my fiancee.  These and more are often the questions a lot of women ask on daily basis.

Engagement is one of the crucial moment in every woman’s  life, it is a period often anticipated for by all. That excitement that comes with having him finally pop the question after several years of waiting and dating .

But at the same time,  it can be a sensitive period for women who are at a marriageable age.    this is because wearing an engagement does not guarantee marriage.  Being engaged does does not out rightly indicates marriage.

Most women are often skeptical to continue a  relationship especially when the engagement is becoming too long without being certain of when it would finally become official.

Some women see long engagement  as a cunning and the most subtle way to tie a lady down and prevent her from meeting other potential suitors who might want to make things official without any hesitation.

Thus the reason why many despise the idea wearing an engagement ring.  To most,  it is a modern day slavery.  No woman wants to be tied down for too long all in the name of engagement,  without having a clue of when the actual marriage will take place.  Hence the reason to be skeptical and scared.

Long engagement a good or bad idea? ? 7

Then how long is too long to be engaged?

 

Before we get into the question properly, let’s talk about engagement and it’s main objective 

Engagement is an official way of letting your significant other know about your intentions to tie the nuptial vow with them.  In other words, it is the most significant form of commitment in a relationship.

At this stage of the relationship, both couples are expected to show deep level of Commitment as things are gradually beginning to take a different shape.

engagement is an indirect of saying  “keep off” we are set to be couples soon.  And so before engagement takes place,  both couples ought to be sure they are ready to tie the knot within a short period of time.  As a man Before putting that engagement ring on her finger,  you ought to be sure of your readiness in all aspect.  Both financially and otherwise.  Engagement ought to be the climax of a dating process.

But unfortunately, a lot of people misinterpret the word “engagement” a lot today.  Most guys use that as means to secure the love of a lady in other to keep her away from other guys even when is obvious that  his future with her  is  not certain .

While some others guys use that as a means to lure the gullible ones who would gladly jump in excitement as soon as they hear the word “marriage”. Without considering if it is genuine,  till they have gotten what they wanted and so they end up being discarded like a waste.

Just like Long courtship, Long engagement is not a guarantee  that a marriage would definitely become a reality.  Hence the reason why engagement shouldn’t be too long.

A typical and true engagement ought not to exceed a year at most.  I would have said six months,  but considering the fact that marriage requires a lot of preparation.

One might need to get him/her self prepared in all aspects,  especially as it regards to finance.

However,  I really see no point engaging a woman when you know you ain’t financially  ready to marry her any time soon.

Engagement literally means “I am ready to get married anytime soon.  It sounds awkward for two individuals who probably had no source of living yet to engage each other.  Engagement is quite different from dating,  and so has to be done at the right timing to avoid unnecessary long engagement.

Reasons why people  ought to stay away from long engagement .

Long engagement  Gives the wrong impression to your partner

As a man engaging a woman for so long without any plans to get married might give her the wrong impression about you, when the delay is becoming so intense,  she might assume you are toiling with her emotions or probably came to deceive, even though your intention might be genuine.

Hence she might begin to  loose interest soon. Rather than engage her when you know you ain’t ready.  Open up to her, ask  her to exercise patience with you for some time.

With that,  you’ve given her an assurance,  she is no longer left in  a confused state of mind.   Is then up to her to make the decision either  to wait or opt out.   But one thing is certain, despite her decision,   she will really appreciate you  for being honest and transparent to her.

With long long courtship, Disappointment is inevitable

Women are always at the receiving end ,  when it comes to an  engagement which eventually didn’t turn out well.

They become victims of hurt,  emotional trauma  which might  affects them psychologically.

That’s why you  see  some women finding it difficult to accept a serious date/suitor  probably because of the   disappointment they had in the past.is necessary you take precaution when an engagement is becoming longer than necessary.

No one says you should begin to cheat on your partner or leave your relationship because of your assumptions or fear of the unknown.  But don’t get relaxed, because they proposed.

Remember engagement is not marriage yet. Officially you are still single till he walks you to the alter.  So in that case,  your options still ought to be open while praying and hoping it works out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Is there any relationship between love and materialism

 

Love and materialism
Love and materialism

Love and Materialism had always been the bone of contention in most relationship.  It is one of the controversial topics/issues often deliberated about,  and discussed in most seminars,  social gatherings,  events,  social media platforms and the rest. It has also proven to be one of the causes of misunderstanding and break up’s in relationships.

A lot of people have different mindset and opinion on love and materialism as regards to relationship. Some folks strongly believes that money spices up a relationship.  And that when money is not involved,  the relationship unarguably becomes boring and uninteresting.  Some other believes that without money,  loves does not exist  as  money is synonyms to care and affection.  To such people,  lack of money depicts lack of care and affection.

On the contrary,  there are still people in opposition to the statement.  There are people who still believes that Love can never be substituted with anything,  In spite of its relevance.  Such people believes that love dominates all and overlooks every other shortcomings and Incapability including financial incapability.

With this deliberations and different views,  now the question is,  is there any correlation between love and materialism?

Can love really exist without money? Is there such thing as love or is it a mere “illusion”. Does money and other material things really add spice to a relationship? Before we answer these questions, we first have to find out the relevance of money, the true definition of love,  and why most people believes that materialism makes love stronger and active.

Is there any relationship between love and materialism 9

 

The Relevance of money in our society.

Money undoubtedly solves a lot of problems.  Its importance cannot be overemphasized.  It is not a source of happiness and comfort.  But it contributes majorly to it.  Money they saw answers all.  This might not really be true. It is an exaggerated way  to describe the importance of money to human needs and desire.

In most scenarios,  money brings about comfort and luxury but not really contentment.  (I will still explain the contentment part as we go on).

When one has everything that makes life comfortable, there is every tendency that happiness will follows suit. And hence the belief and misconception that money answers  all.

The true definition of love.

Every individual has their own way of defining love.  To some it is just a feelings, while to others it means more than a feeling.

Now have you ever liked someone or developed feeling for someone without having any reason behind the likeness.

You can’t really explain why you cherish them so much.  You keep wondering what you saw special in them that ignited your likeness toward them.  Yet you can’t really say.

The more you ponder,  the more your likeness for them grew.  You just can’t stop loving them despite their weakness and flaws.  Now this is what I term “love”.

Other things might contribute to it,  but the basics implies loving without any reason.  Now if that is the case,  why do some  people often doubt the existence of love in the absence of materialism?  This takes us to our next discussion which is why most people believes that materialism makes love stronger and active.

Why most folks believes that  materialism is essential in Relationships and love.

1. Misconception about love, care and affection. 

From the definition we gave about love,  it is a natural feeling occurring often times without any specific reason.

However,  most people have their own definition of love care and affection as going out on  dates, going on vacations,   getting each other an expensive gifts, calling each other excessively.  And now when all these seems absent as a result of financial incapability ,  one or both parties might begin to feel bored or conclude that their significant other does not love nor care about them.

The pressure and desire associated with this mindset becomes intense when they watch a romantic movie portraying such display of affection or see their friends being given a special treat which often leads to comparison.  Now with such comparison,  nothing ever gets to change their mind.

 

This is why most  guys Often finds it difficult to handle a  Materialistic woman.  Because to them, love is all about spending regardless of how financially fit their partner is.

2. The state of the mind when broke

A hungry man they say is an angry man.  Similarly,  a broke man is an unhappy man.  Some people becomes disorganized,  frustrated and depressed when they are broke.  In such state,  love becomes the last thing on their mind.

Most people who find themselves in such state hardly thinks about love nor emotions.  To them,  they believe that they can’t express love to another when they ain’t even in love with themselves as a result of their condition.  And with such unhappiness and frustration,  trust me,  they can never thrive well in a relationship.  Even when a woman tries to prove them wrong by accepting them despite their condition.well, you wouldn’t blame them either because no one loves rightly with a shattered and broken mind.

Such people strongly believes that love and materialism has a very strong connections.

Is there any correlation between love and materialism?

Love answers all but not contentment

Just like I mentioned earlier and promised to explain the word “contentment as regards to love and relationship.  Money might solve a varieties of problem,  but does not give contentment.  “now the word “contentment”. here implies being satisfied in all areas of life.  Human beings are insatiable,  and so no amount of money really gets one satisfied.  As long as  love is concerned.  (I mean true love and not flings or friends with benefit).  Money or any materialism can never bring contentment.

In true love, love and materialism might not really correlate because  physical needs is as important needs.  There is equally a need to satisfy the emotional need.

There are lots of people who have everything at their beck and call,  their physical need had been taken care of by their partners,  but they constantly yearn for emotional needs on daily basis.  The luxury is there,  they live a very comfortable life as regards to materialism. but they are unhappy because their partners are often not around them to give them emotional support and companionship.

This issue had led so many couples to. Infidelity and  marriages to Divorce  .   Cheating is so common and prevalent this days even when couples are together   let alone when they are emotionally apart.  So many people had resorted to the saying when the desirable  becomes unavailable,  the unavailable becomes desirable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Coping with marriage pressure

Coping with marriage pressure
Coping with marriage pressure

Marriage  pressure is becoming a norm in our society today. And this is one of the leading course of divorce . People fall victims to wrong marriages and partners on daily basis, as a result of unreadiness, rushing into marriage due to family and societal pressures.

Marriage pressure could be daunting especially when is coming from close ones . You feel rejected and traumatized because the people who ought to encourage you turned out to be the ones mounting pressures on you. 

Women are affected mostly in this scenario especially in the part of the world where marriage is seen as one of the greatest achievement.  You feel like your world is crashing right before you . Sometimes,  the pressure becomes so intense that one begins to loose the freedom he/she has at home or around his/her colleagues.

I know of several women who moved out of their ward’s home not necessarily because they are ready to move out,  but because the pressure was becoming unbearable that they were beginning to lack concentration.  Life became unbearable, with this,  they had no choice than to seek for alternatives. 

Before we discuss about several ways to cope with marriage pressures.  Let’s look at some of its effects to the victims. 

Effects of marriage pressure. 

It can lead to marital differences 

A lot of marriage has crashed because one or both couples got married as a result of pressure.  A lot of people especially women rush into marriage just to get away  from pressures at home, and in the bid to get away from pressures,  they unfortunately ended up with someone they ain’t compatible with.

it leads to  low self esteem and  inferiority complex

Inferiority complex is one of the effects of marriage pressures.

Singles who are pressurized to get married at some point in their life may begin to feel inferior especially when they are in the midst of their married colleagues.

With the consistent pressure from the family,  society and social media,  they might begin to think less of themselves or start having the assumption that they are failures as a result of their marital pressures.

it leads to Depression

It has recently been discovered that one of the leading cause of Depression   among women is marriage pressure. This depression has led a lot to their early grave.

At a point in their life, they might begin to see life not worth living any longer as a result of intense pressure around them.  At that point,  nothing seems to interest them any longer.  This is when they will start having their minds piled up with negative thoughts.  Hence the suicidal attempts.

Making wrong decisions

Marriage is a life time commitment, thus one needs to apply caution before making a decision.

But unfortunately, when there is pressure to get married,   one might be tempted to succumb to that pressure,  thus making a drastic decision which might end up in life time misery.

How to cope with marriage pressure.

Get busy with other activities.

Don not let the pressures around you limit you.  Do not let the family and societal pressures of marriage pause other vital activities in your life. One of

The greatest mistake to make in life is to get worked up with the fact that you ain’t married yet to the point of loosing focus and concentration in your work place  career or academic pursuit. Marriage is just an aspect of your life,  which you must not allow to interfere with other aspects.  I understand that pressure can be hurtful.

However,  worrying or putting your life in a pause wouldn’t proffer a solution either.  You don’t have to loose all just because one aspect of your life is yet to be fixed. An idle mind they say is the devil’s workshop and this where negative thoughts such as suicide often originates  from.    Get your mind busy while waiting for the right one, have fun and hang out with people who shares the same interest with you,  with that you wouldn’t even notice the pressure.

Avoid isolation. 

Isolation is what often leads to Depression and negative thoughts. When you discover you are getting depressed,  try as much as possible to avoid loneliness.  Go out to seminars, workshop’s, engage in religious activities where you will  get so many inspiring and motivational words which will help to enlighten your mood.one of the advantages of attending social activities is that from meeting other people and hearing their experiences,  you will observe that you ain’t alone in that situation, you will also discover that there are whole lots of people you are much better than,  this will help to get your mind relaxed.

Talk to someone

When the pressure had becomes so intense that you are beginning to loose your mind,  I will advise you to talk to someone to get your mind relieved.  Don’t bottle it up.  confide in someone you trust,  if possible a relationship or marriage counselors and any other psychologist around you.  but make sure you ain’t concealing  the feelings.

Move out from the pressure scene/abode

Rather than have this pressure interfere with your work, career, business or whatever you do for a living,  I will advise you to relocate to another apartment if you have the means.    assuming the pressure is from your family.  If the pressure is from your peer group or friends,  the best is to disassociate yourself from them,  so you can easily concentrate.

 

 

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What every woman should know

What every woman should know 10
What every woman should know

What every woman should know is an article aimed at giving women a clear insight about what relationship and marriage entails in other not to fall victims to lies and deceit by men who had no good intention toward them.

Women are known to be the weaker sex, hence more vulnerable than their male counterparts. With their emotional make up, they are more susceptible to hurts and heartbreak. Hence the need to apply caution when dealing with the male counterparts in relationships.

A handful of women fall victims on daily basis with lots of issues ranging from teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and marital pressures.

Also the rate of single parent had been on the increase lately. And the question is? What is the major factor contributing to this societal issues among women and how do we curb it?

Knowing this will go a long way to assist us to understand what every woman should know in relationship and also help us to curb some of the listed problems affecting women in relationships.

What every woman should know
What every woman should know

Here are some vital information  every woman should know about relationships.

Go along with your brains and not just hearts.

Love can be intoxicating especially in the early stages of the relationship. At that phase, emotions seems to be at the peak.

This is the stage where mistakes seems to be inevitable, this is the stage where one especially women needs to apply caution, this is the stage when lies and deceit seems to be at its peak, This is the stage where is quite difficult to differentiate between Love and lustas every thing seems real and true. This is the stage when lies is common  and  women easily succumb to deceit.

However, no matter how intoxicating the emotion seems, is always good to involve your brain and not just your heart.

The heart tells you that everything they do is right even when is obvious you are being subjected to emotional trauma.

The heart tells you to overlook some flaws even when is obvious you can’t condone them, for example he is violent and inflicts domestic violence on you, yet you keep loving them hoping they would change.

Women involves their heart more in a relationship and that’s why they keep getting hurt often.

Be sensitive to know when a man has lost interest.

every woman should know that Men and women react differently to emotion.  Men talk less and act more,  while women talk more and act less. When a man looses interest in a relationship, he means it and might not reverse his decisions.

But  a woman might say her intentions and tomorrow,  she might reverse it.   In addition to that,  a man might find it difficult to  express himself verbally when he looses interest,  but his action speaks more.  You know the relationship is over when they suddenly starts showing signs of negligence such as lack of communications.

Unfortunately, most women ignore these signs and hence they try to force themselves on a man who no longer cares about them.  This is is the major reason why the rate of single mum had been on the increase.  Women imposing themselves on a man who wants nothing but sexual satisfaction.  And at the end of the day the end up as baby mama’s rather than wife.

understand that marriage promises ain’t marriage.

The word “marriage”had always been the common lines most men often use to achieve their selfish motives.with the flare and excitement women often have about marriage,    Most  players use marriage promises to lure their victims.  They use marriage promises to lure the gullible ones who end up being deceived and left with a broken heart.

Women should know that men can be tricky when it comes to marriage.  A man who just want to have a carnal knowledge of a woman can go to any length,  including promising her marriage and doing all sorts things which might indicate his interests toward marrying her.  And at the end of the day,  would still dump her.  Women ought to be careful and not fall for any marriage promise.

Every woman should know that sex is not Commitment

Most women mistaken sex with commitment and that’s why they fall victims to deceit.  A man may decide to have sex with anyone regardless of the absence of emotional connection.  This rightly explains the reason behind the high  rate of unwanted and  teenage pregnancy.

 

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How to be Self dependent and happy.

 

Self dependent and happy
Self dependent

 

Being Self  dependent and happy is one of the attributes that defines a champion or one willing to live up to his/her dreams.

But yet comes with lots of challenges.  Just like the saying goes,  no man is an island,  it is natural to crave for companionship,  friendship and relationship.  We all want to experience that special feelings of having someone around who by all indication have our interest at heart.

We all desire to have that caring friend  who comes to our aid in times of need,  we all desire to have that close relation who wouldn’t mind sacrificing their time and finances just to ensure we are happy and have our problem solved.  But what happens then if they eventually walks out from your life?

What happens if they suddenly woke up one day,  and to your greatest amazement,  comes up with an excuse of why they could  no longer render help to you,  thereby leaving you with the feelings of disappointments and resentments.

What happens if they suddenly grew cold toward you,  keeps their distance and tries to avoid you in other not to be bothered any longer?

What will you do in such scenario? Hang yourself? Give up on your self?yell on top of your voice?quit your dreams? Or sob till you get weary? Well if any of these could prefer solution,  I think a lot of persons would have had their problems solved.

The only constant thing in life is change.  We have to come to the realization that no one stays in our life permanently.humans are unreliable,   Your friends and relatives are human capable of disappointing you.  They can fail you despite their promises,  they can leave you amides of confusion and brokenness, they can leave you pondering if they actually existed in your life?they can desert you at that very time you needed help the most.

This is why every individual ought to be self reliable.  You have to practice how to be self dependent and happy.  Is not really easy especially when you’ve always depended on people for one thing or the other, but it is possible and quite achievable.  It only requires determination.

You can actually be self Dependent and happy if you’ve made a strong decision to do so.  I am going to explain some steps you have to adopt in other to achieve that purpose.

How to become self dependent and happy.

Self dependent and happy
Being self dependent and happy

Discipline

Every activity we do in life requires the application of discipline in other to be successful.

Discipline simply means subjecting ourselves and mind to self control,  forgoing or curbing some flaws or challenges which seems appealing, but stands a chance to become an obstacle to us in the future. do you know that being self dependent is an Addiction.

You can be so addicted to the point that you can’t really do anything on your own without having to rely on someone for assistance.  You can’t even try because you are  already used to requesting for assistance every now and then.

Discipline your mind to do things on your own.  Assume you don’t have any assistance,  even though you have.  Be willing to subject your mind into taking action.  This will help you to be self dependent and happy.

Curbing your fears

Another significant way of becoming self dependent and happy is by learning how to curb your Fears.

Nothing makes an individual so dependent like fear.  Fear is one of the greatest weak point that can interfere with one’s dream and goals in life.  Fear can prevent one from making an attempt in life,  fear can hide one’s ability, potential and competency. Fear can enslave one.

Most times, we are more competent than people we rely on,  but because we are so engulfed with fear,  we may not recognize this fact.  Get up and conquer your fear. It is not easy,  but quite possible and achievable.  Try doing things on your own,  even if it means failing,  even if it means having to repeat it several times.

Practice they say makes perfect,  with time,  you will look back at those memories and be glad you did it yourself and never relied on anyone.  Your legacy will live on,  your children will always be proud of your achievement in the future.

Always Think of disappointments.

Just like Was earlier explained,  human are unpredictable and unreliable.  No one can be trusted at all times.not even your close relations.

Your friends are liable to disappoint you any time despite their promises,  your relatives can fail you at the time you needed them most,  and so there is nothing you can do about that.  Always think of disappointment, even as you are optimistic that they will fulfill their promise, also think of the probability of the later.  This would focus your mind on reality so you don’t feel relaxed and at the end of the day, while being  caught  unawares.