Posted on Leave a comment

Is this A fling or a relationship?

 

A fling or a relationship?
Is this a fling or a relationship?

A fling or a relationship?are-you-a-fling or something more serious in their life?   One of the usually asked questions by many particularly women on regular basis. Is quite difficult to differentiate between a fling and a real relationship as we are in the age where deceit and lies has became a norm.

Is quite difficult to  predict who really wants something serious other than flings.  As everyone wants to appear responsible in other to catch their prey.

However, there are still some features exhibited by both categories  which makes a lot of difference between both possessing them. But the question is do you usually pay attention to these features or do you get carried away by the period of flings usually accompanied with lust. Before we explain several ways to determine whether it is a fling or a relationship, let’s first look at some reasons why most people fall victims to such scenario especially when they desire a serious relationship.

 

Why  most people  usually find it difficult to determine if it  is a fling or a relationship?

Ignorance of their desire

A lot of women had fallen victims to lies  and deceit simply because they really don’t know what they want. Most desire to have a serious relationship but at the same time they are skeptical of their desire. When you ask them to describe the qualities of  their ideal man.

You will hear several nice qualities like I need a God fearing man,must be responsible, must be loyal, humble and honest. To mention but a few. But when a man  with such features shows up, they are usually blind to discover. Rather they go for men who are so gifted with sugar coated tongues and skills to lure a woman to bed.

Such men usually appears so classic. Their looks are so appearing and glaring,  Their composure are so enticing, while their dictions and phonetics appears so inviting. Such sight is so tempting and difficult to ignore. For some women, they can’t ignore men with such qualities. Hence they go for their fantasies rather than the reality they once desired.  And unfortunately,  they might end up with a man who just want a fling rather than a serious relationship.

Lack of self control

A fling or a relationship? Lack of self control is another vital reason why most folks often finds it difficult to differentiate between both.

People who lack self control easily succumb to their sexual desires and urge. One of their major preferences in a life partner might be responsibility,  They might desire to have a Committed and serious relationship,but as soon as they discover the sexual prowess in someone who might just want a fling, they will succumb.

Indecision

A fling or a relationship? Indecision tops the reason to why some individuals gets lured easily by flings. Individuals who are indecisive in nature lacks the self will and courage to  reject any  act which is contrary to their value or principle.

Such people rarely have values. They don’t know what they really want or tend to achieve in a relationship, so they opt for whatever that is being presented to them, which might end up being a fling.

Is this A fling or a relationship? 1
A fling or a relationship?

How to determine if is a fling or a relationship?

Always Pay  attention to their conversation with you?

Did you just get into a new relationship or  intimate friendship? And  you might be wondering if their intention in the relationship is similar with yours? Or probably,you’ve been played  in the past, and you are scared of falling  victims again?

Then this is the time to love with caution and not with emotions. What kind of conversation does he/she discuss with you? Are they interested in your interest or welfare? Or is it all about romance and sex?

Most folks who just desires to have a fling with you will usually demand  for your nude pictures, or to have an erotic or sexual chat with you. Because all they desire is a momentarily pressure and not a future.

 

They are scared of the future

Have you ever tried discussing about your future with them or what fate really holds for you both, but unfortunately, anytime you bring up such conversation, they usually find a way to deviate from the topic.

There is a every tendency  that you might dealing with someone who just wants a fling from you. This is one of the reliable ways to Spot a player.

They know there is no future, so rather than being honest and loosing the sexual escapade they often get from you, they scare away from such discussions.

They cheat without remorse

Someone who truly wants you for a serious relationship would never cheat on you, and even if he/she does that for whatever reason, they would try as much as possible to give you that respect by concealing it while resolving not to do that again or in a case where you caught them in the act, they will  sincerely apologize.

On the contrary, the one who just wants a flings never feels  remorseful because they feel that they have nothing to loose at the end.

Lots of words but zero actions

A fling or a relationship? Another vital way to determine is by their rate of speech and actions.

When is just a fling, their lips are usually  sugar coated, they will make a lot of vain promises without fulfilling any. They are filled with so many words without any  actions to back it up .such words are usually a means to get their prey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Should engaged couples cohabit??

 

Should engaged couples cohabit?? 2
Should engaged couples cohabit?

Should engaged couples cohabit? Is there anything wrong with your fiancee/fiance since you both are already making plans toward sealing  your nuptial vow soon?Should I move in with my fiancee?

Co-habitation is  one of the controversial topic in relationships and dating.

A lot of people believes that cohabiting with a partner you are set to get married to is one of the best way to ascertain their character  and be certain they are in line with yours.  Their personality, character, temperaments, compatibility level, etc. While to others, it is wrong and might seem like a taboo.

I’ve equally  heard some ladies complain on how their relationship of so many years came to an end simply because they refused to move in with their fiancee when their bride price is yet to be paid because their moral and religious view is against such act. While some others complain of being deprived of the right to move  in with their fiancee, so it is different strokes for different folks. Hence the controversy.

Why do people cohabit? Let us look at some various  reasons engaged couples cohabit in a relationship.

It has become a norm in the society.

Cohabitation had become so prevalent in our society today that it now seems like a norm. It is not just seen among engaged couples but also among students, teenagers and lovers in a long term relationship. It is not a surprise to hear that most students are living with their lovers as room mates.

It is not a surprise to know that there are lovers who are already assuming couple’s role even while still single. These all sums up the reason why some engaged couples cohabit .they assume they have come to the stage where cohabitation Feels normal and OK, after all some folks in an undefined relationship  does it, how much more folks who are already making plans towards settling down.

Desperation .

Desperation to get married is the reason why most engaged couples cohabit, including non engaged couples.

Most people had waited for proposal for a very longtime, and so when they discovered that it wasn’t forth coming, they decided to take the bulls by the horns by moving in to see if it will spur their partner’s interest to propose.

On the contrary, there are others who had been engaged for a very long time, yet making the union officials seems to be taking longer than they expected, that they were beginning  to loose hope and began to  question the authenticity of the proposal. So they assume that by moving in, the marriage processes will be quickened.

Should engaged couples cohabit?? 3
Should engaged couples cohabit?

 Insecurity and  Fear of loosing a partner.

Some folks can’t bear the sight of seeing their partner with a member of the opposite. Even in the absence of emotional attachment, they still feel a  high sense of insecurity that their partner might be cheating on them. So they assume that by moving in, they have finally secured their place in his hearts .

To study a partner

This forms the major reasons why most engaged couples cohabit. The fear of getting into a life time union with someone you barely know and the assumption that living with them for sometime will help you know everything you ought to know about them. Before finally making your decision to either quit the relationship or go ahead with the marital rights.

Now let’s get into our main topic of discussion. Do you think is right for engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation during engagements.

Should engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation.

Having known the several  reasons why most couples cohabit, it will be much easier to analyze and compare some of the pons and cons associated with cohabitation.

And know which actually outweighs the other. As we know that most people cohabit because it is a norm in the society so they feel is the right thing to do since a lot of  people are doing that . nevertheless, they seems to forget the fact that what works for A might not work for B” . there is no guarantee that moving in with your partner will secure your place in his heart or lead to marriage. If  he has no intention of getting married to you in the first place, moving in with him won’ t change any fact. It may only work out if the interest and desire is present.

Cohabitation can Lead to loss of Respect.

Familiarity they say breeds contempt. People value and respects what ain’t always available than that which is easily available.

A similar illustration is this, when you were much younger, did you observe that you accord more respect to other older adults than your older siblings. This is Because you see them everyday, every minute and second. You fight, argue, quarrel on regular basis.  So you may no longer hold them in a high esteem. But as soon as they move out of the apartment to a new apartment. You will accord them much respect whenever they visits. This is a natural occurrence. Same scenario applies to relationship. Most relationship looses its respects and turns soar as soon as both begins to  live with each other in the same apartment.

Loss of spark and interest in the relationship

There is an arousal that usually comes when you meet people whom you haven’t met for a very long time. But when you have them everyday, the spark might vanish.

There are few exceptions to this though. There are couples who had grown stronger bonds that nothing can separate them, not even cohabitation. However, you might be dealing with a partner who looses interest as soon as they begin to see you everyday. Hence the need to keep your presence moderate.

Delay in performing marriage rights

Most ladies at a marriageable age moves in to live with a man out of desperation and pressure to get married. Hoping that as soon as

they begins to cohabit with him, he might begin the marriage rights. But unfortunately, reverse is usually the case in some scenario. With such act, most men might no longer see the need to quicken the marriage right and make things official because they assume you are already performing a wife’s duty while still single,  A man who had the intention of getting married with do that without hesitation. You don’t need to cohabit with him in other to spur his interest.

Zero tolerance

Marriage is not a bed of roses. There are times when challenges will surface. There will definitely be a lots of up’s and down. Moments of arguments, differences, fights, quarrel, but amides of all this trials, what keeps most couples going is the marital vows  they made to stick to each other through thick and thin. This is what spurs their rate of tolerance and understanding for each other. Unlike singles, who feels no entitlement to stick with their partner or tolerate each other when challenges surfaces.  Living together without getting married can lead to intolerant and finally separation especially when there are severe fights and misunderstanding. Because one or  both  partners will feel they have nothing to loose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Regaining your self worth after a break up

Regaining your self worth after a break up 4
Self worth after a break up

Regaining your self worth after a break up can be very challenging especially when you are at the receiving end.

People who initiate the break up often finds it more easier to move on than their counterpart.

Because despite their reasons of initiating the break up and before coming up with such decisions, their minds were already made up to do so. So with that, the hurt becomes minimal on the giver’s end  than at the receiver’s end, that is if actually there is a hurt.

Have you ever been heartbroken? And in the bid to recover your relationship, you find yourself doing things which you wouldn’t have done ordinarily, just to save your relationship, but unfortunately, you ended up loosing both(your self esteem and relationship)? If this was your experience, I just want to assure that you are not alone in this.

A lot of persons have done more weird things just to save a relationship and they ended up regretting because they later discovered that it wasn’t worth the effect.

Sometimes, we find it difficult to control our feelings and emotions while in love. When the heart is still in love, and break up happened unexpectedly, nothing else matters to the heart than trying to have their loved ones back again.

At that moment, you no longer care about your sanity or dignity. You plead, bumped into their houses announced, showed up in the places you assumed they would be, even went as far as kneeling before them in public to plead for a second chance, not mind the embarrassing scene you might be creating. And amides of all this, you kept being ignored and rejected.

At some point, it became dawned  on you that their mind had been made up already. Is time to move, you wish you could just erase the good memories you both had.

But unfortunately, that doesn’t seems to be happening so fast. You’ve lost both. This is when the feelings of regrets begins to surface, you wished you never pleaded in the first place, you wished you never showed them your weakness.

You felt humiliated for trying to plead for a second chance. You feel like a looser already for letting them know how devastated you were without them. now they are beginning to feel Egoistic.

At some point, you no longer have the interest of getting back your Ex, but to get back your self worth which had been dragged to the mud.

Now the question is how can you regain your self worth after a break up especially if you’ve done all the the listed above?

How to regain your self worth after a break up.

Regaining your self worth after a break up 5
Regaining your self worth after a break up

Admit it is over

One common mistake we usually make after a break up is to assume that we still have chances of making up with our Ex. And this is why we do a lot of things which tends to hurt our Ego and self worth.

Regaining your self worth after a break up first involves admitting that it is over especially when you’ve pleaded with them for a second chance.

Now is time to move on. Stop pleading, stop stalking them, stop bumping into places where you might see them.

Stop doing all that. Just pick up the remaining of your broken heart and esteem and move on. It is not too late to get back your esteem. It only entails quitting the effort of trying to get their attention back.

At a point, they will begin to wonder what suddenly happened. He/she hasn’t communicated or bugged me with calls for a while now. It is only then they will realize that you’ve become smarter and matured in your reasoning and attitudes.

Quit blaming yourself and admit you are a human. 

One attitude which often hinders people from regaining their self worth after a break up is constant blame on oneself.

It is human to blame yourself especially after putting aside your Ego to ensure it works out but all to no avail. You will begin to wish you never did that.

However, you also have to understand the fact that you are a human with emotions.

There is actually nothing wrong with fighting to get back what you once cherished. You did nothing wrong my dear. If you keep on blaming yourself, you will always feel worthless. And someday, they will notice that which will cause you more heartache.

Make your life awesome and enviable

This is the most effective way of regaining your self worth after a break up.

Nothing fans the ego more than having a successful life.Rather than spending your time posting your pictures on social media and tagging your Ex just to prove you’ve gotten over them,  why not spend it on being more productive. You don’t need to fake a good life without them.

You ought to make it a reality. Learn a good skill, be creative. Spend your energy in a productive activity.

Don’t plan on Revenge

After break up, most people plan on revenge as a means to get back their esteem which had been trampled with. They do this either by seeking for a way to make their Ex jealous or dating their best friend just to back at them.

This is a childish behaviors  and a sign that they haven’t moved on. The more you keep doing this, the more you are subjecting yourself to further heartache, especially if your Ex ain’t even observing that.

But  If you can quit doing all negative things we mentioned earlier, is just a matter of time, you will forget everything that happened, and your worth regained. Always remember that  moving  and regaining your self worth after a  break up after a break does not always happen instantly. But time they say makes it possible. With these steps, you can still find-confidence-after-a-breakup.

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Raising a child with 6 Good parenting technique

Good parenting tips
Good parenting tips

Good parenting technique is an act of raising children in the right and moral way. Good parenting is necessary for the moral, social, intellectual and psychological well being of the child.

Children are the most treasured inheritance, their vitality and value in a home cannot be overemphasized. This is why most married couples who are yet to convince some years after their marriage becomes worried, frustrated and depressed. Some who might had  lost hope of giving birth often resorts to adopting a child while still anticipating.

Moreover, there are people who got married for the sole purpose of  procreation, these all tops the reason why children are of great value to their parents and society at large.  Hence the need to groom them properly.

Children are like raw and natural gold. Despite its value, its glowing nature may not be  recognized except it undergoes several refining processes. Similarly, you can only bring out the best in a child when nurtured and groomed in an appropriate way.

Unfortunately, so many parents neglect this role. And that’s why we see a lot of children psychologically depressed despite having both parents. Being a parent does not just involve giving birth. Any woman in her reproductive age can give birth, but not every woman can nurture a child.

Training a child  is not an easy task, it requires a lot of patience, As their behaviors transforms as they get older. Before we talk about good parenting technique and what it implies, we are going to be looking on the different stages of growth in children .

Different stages of growth in children and the role of parents in each stage.

The infancy stage- this is the basic stage in every child’s life. Which usually begins from 0-2 years.

This is is the stage where a child learns how to crawl, walk, talk. At this stage, a child desires to be do things on its own without the aid of the parents or any adult.

For example a child at infant stage will at a point desire to explore what it means to do things on its own without the assistance of the parents. Like standing erect, walking, crawling or feeding him/herself.

Development stage– this is  stage that comes just after the infant stage. It is usually between 3-7 years. At this stage, the curiosity in children begins to develop.

They are so conscious of the environment which stirs the curiosity

in them. This is the stage where they often  observe the happenings in the environment.

At this stage, they always desire to  imitate certain things you do and sometimes your motives of doing them.

This is why children at this stage are usually difficult to control because they hardly stay at a place.

One minute, you are driving them away from the sitting room because they seem to be disorganizing things. The next minute they are playing with your mobile phone. Children at this stage ought to be watched closely to avoid endangering their lives.

The learning stage– this is  another vital  stage where the brain of a child begins to develop and advance gradually.it usually begins from 7-11years.

At this stage, a child becomes more conscious of the environment and tends to copy every thing within a short time. This is why you would see some children doing certain things which are way above their age and you wonder where they learnt it from.

 

Most times, they learn It from you as their parents or from the society. As they watch you, their brains becomes so active to ingest whatever behavior or information you portray .

And before you say jerk, they become an expert in it. This is why parents need to be careful in whatever you do in the presence of this young ones. Don’t assume they are just kids, the truth is that they are silently observing and learning.

Avoid making love in their presence, avoid arguing or fighting in their presence. because all this negative behaviors sends the wrong signals to their brain.

 

The adolescent stage

This is the most critical stage in children. The transition from childhood to adult stage which usually begins from age 12-19.

This is the stage where everything can go wrong if not checked. at this stage, a child begins to set out plan for his/her life.

And the tendency of having a good future strongly depends on how he/she commenced and ended at this stage.

This is the stage where most parents often cries out because their children seems hard to control. At this stage, most children desires freedom. And wish to live a life free of excessive monitoring and restrictions.

one of their priority at this stage is to have their privacy, as they feel they have arrived. At this stage, emotional feelings begins to develop, as the desire to have a close friend of the opposite sex becomes intense.

Parents need to be more watchful at this stage  and treat their ward with caution as the tendency to be made or marred depends greatly on this stage.

several ways to raise a  child with Good parenting techniques.

Imbibing morals in them

One of the good parenting-tips in raising a child is by teaching them how to live a moral life.

One of the problem with most parents is that as soon as their ward begins school, they will leave every responsibility to  their teachers, forgetting they have the greatest role to play in the life of their ward.

Parents have to understand that academic learning is quite different from moral. The school might not teach them every good moral they need to learn, therefore, it is your duty as the parents to take up that part. There are some children who began to learn good morals even before they were enrolled in school. They learnt how to greet, respect

and respond politely to an elderly ones. This is because their parents never neglected their duty.

It is always good to begin early, as any moral you imbibe on a child at an early age stays within him/her. He/she grows with it and might find it difficult to deviate.

Express your love towards them

Another good parenting  technique is to Always express your love towards them. Discipline them when they misbehave, but at the same time,show them love.

Let them know you are doing that for their own good and not because you hate them. Don’t  abuse them or compare them with their colleagues to the point that they will begin to question if you are truly their biological parents.

Abusing  a child or always comparing a child  to another often brings about low esteem and inferiority complex.   It incurs hatred in them .

Always form the habit of declaring your love towards your children. Tell them that you love them repeatedly especially the adolescent females. With that, they won’t be lured by any male whose sole intention is to deceive them with such phrase.

 

Develop a cordial Relationship with them 

Raising a child with 6 Good parenting  technique 6
Good parenting tips

Another vital good parenting  tips  is to always have a parents-child relationship with your ward. Be so close to them, that they will always be open to you and never keep  any secret from you.

This is mostly important to the females one who are more vulnerable and prone to deceit, abuse and sexual molestation.

A lot of adolescent had fallen prey to bad life styles and men who never had good intention for them because they were afraid of speaking up. Some are currently undergoing molestation yet afraid to open up to their parents because there is no relationship existing between them and their parents. Aside the fact, that they are living together in the same apartment and taking care of their needs.

Moreover, Some parents are so bossy and unapproachable that the children often finds it burdensome to confide in them.  Develop that intimacy with your ward that they will begin to see you more like a best friend than a parent. And would feel free to confide in you at any point in time.

Don’t let them confide ina stranger or friends first. i am certain you know the outcome which is better expressed than experienced.

Respect their decision and always give them audience

This is where most African parents fails it. Being a parents does not imply being bossy and authoritative.

It is the duty of a child to accord respect to their parents. But parents owe the child his/her own respect too. And what do i mean by this? Always give them a listening ear too. Hear their own opinion and suggestion too. Don’t always issue instruction and make it a final verdict, without hearing their thought towards it.

Respect their own decision too even if it must not be carried out. They are human too. Respect their dreams, vision and goals. And allow them go for their dream course.

They also need freedom

Raising a child with 6 Good parenting  technique 7
Good parenting tips

A good parenting  tips involves giving  your ward a life free of so many restrictions and do’s and don’ts. i understand you are trying to restrict them from choosing the wrong path.

However, you ought to apply wisdom while doing that, and ensure you ain’t overdoing it.

Children who are being restricted so much by their strict parents end up being so curios with the urge to explore their environment and find out about that which  they are being restricted of. In the process of doing that, they might end up being led astray.

Such children who are being restricted so much are more vulnerable to deceit as a result of their naivety. let them be a bit exposed and know what is happening around them. that is for the adolescent ones.

Don’t Exclude sex Education.

One of the good parenting technique you must not neglect is sex Education. some parents find it as a taboo discussing sex Education with their children with the phobia that they are too young for that.and this is why we have so many cases of rape and molestation among children.

They seems to forget the fact that children learn faster as they get older and there are many peodophiles in the society. Don’t wait for your child to start hearing some words outstide.

Sex Education does not mean teaching a child how to have sex, but educating a child about his/her reproductive organ, body and the dangers associated with pre marital sex.

Don’t wait till they get older. Start early. be real don’t conceal anything. Tell them is penis and its function. Tell them it is vagina, and what it is meant for. Encourage them to report any male who tries to molest them or tamper with this organs. And finally advise on the need to remain celibate  till marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Avoiding marriage deception

Avoiding marriage deception 8
Marriage deception

Marriage deception had become so prevalent in our society today, as a result of so many views and perception about marriage. In some parts of the world,particularly in African . Marriage is regarded as one of the greatest achievement one ought to have in the prime of her youth.  And so the societal pressure is often high.

Ladies are usually the victims and at the receiving of this societal pressure. A lady who is still single at age 30 is often seen as awkward and odd, despite her achievement in life. People often regard their life as incomplete as long as marriage is still absent.

Sometimes, they are  being humiliated and subjected to an object of ridicule by friends and families. This often arouse their the quest and urge to get married at all odds which in turn leads to marriage deception. So many fall prey to any man that comes their way, in spite his intention. Men on the other hand, especially players use marriage as a tactics to lure the gullible who are so  desperate to get married at all cost. This is why a lot of women often insists for a relationship to be   defined before venturing into one. No one wants to have her entire life wasted in a fruitless relationship.

But the question is, How would you be sure of his promises?  How certain are you that he truly meant what he said concerning the future of the relationship? What if is just a way to lead you on, after which he eventually drops you and move on to the next level.

These group of men knows how excited women usually become at the mention of the word “marriage, so they often take advantage of their desperation.  These all  sums up the reason why marriage deception is common. Before we  explain some of the ways to avoid such deceptions, let’s see some other causes of marriage deception aside societal pressure.

Avoiding marriage deception 9
How to avoid marriage deception In a relationship

 

 

other causes of marriage deception. 

Desire to change marital status

Most folks just want to get married not because they desire to have a companion, but because they just wish to change their marital status as age might no longer be on their side.

Such people are often prone to marriage deception. And this is why the rate of  divorce is at its peak today. People no longer marry for love, companionship and compatibility. But just to change their marital status.

Others are getting married

This is the mindset that had led a lot to wrong marriages, a lot of women had equally fallen victims to marriage deception as a result of this. Some people just want to get married in other not to be left out.

They can’t wait to show off their wedding outfits on social media. With the high and desperate quest in them, they often yield to any marriage promises which might be false.

How to avoid marriage deception.

Conceal your Neediness and desperation.

I don’t care how needy, desperate or clingy you are in a relationship. But please try as much as possible to conceal it. Don’t let your partner know you are desperate to have them walk down the isle with you.

Once they see that desperation, it will prompt them to start making Fake promises to you.

Especially when you keep pressurizing them with the question. “what does the future hold for us”. The question itself ain’t wrong. But when it becomes consistent, it sounds desperation. And out of pressure, fake promises becomes the next alternative.

Allow nature to take its course. What will be will definitely be, if you are meant to be together nothing will ever change that.if not, you might only be building castles in the air.

Watch out for their  Commitment level

 commitment speaks more than promises. People who are really serious about getting married don’t go about saying it consistently. They prove it by their commitments towards the relationship.

A man who sees future with you would not hesitate to be committed with you by commencing plans on how to do the necessary things. However, you must equally watch out for fake commitments.

Players can  fake commitments just to get you trapped with marriage deception, after which you might be dumped when they had gotten what they wanted.we called them future-fakers or emotional manipulators

 

Don’t be in a haste to commit or compromise

For most women, their common ways of showing commitment is via intimacy.

There are women who made a decision to remain celibate till marriage. But unfortunately, they couldn’t stand firm to their decision because marriage promise had been made.

such women usually fall victims to men who use marriage as their tactics to lure them to bed.

They compromise and give in so quickly with the expectation of marriage. Only to be disappointed  on discovering that it was all a game. They end up loosing both the relationship and esteem.

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

6 steps in Overcoming trying moments in life

 

6 steps in Overcoming trying moments in life 10
Overcoming trying moments in life

Trying moments in life is inevitable as life itself is unpredictable. Is every individual’s desire to have a stress free life. Is every individual dream to have their dreams and visions in life fulfilled. But unfortunately,  life does not always give us what we requested for.  At this juncture,, we may have no other choice than to accept it while working and hoping for the best.

Trying moments in life could come in  various forms ranging from financial instability, ailments, loosing of loved ones,  crisis in relationship/marriage, unemployment, loss of job  and so on. The list is endless, but these are the major and the most common reason of so many challenges people undergo in life.

Just like the saying goes,  he who wears the shoe knows where it hurts the most. You may not understand what they are going through if you haven’t encountered similar experience.

 

It is so easy to counsel them,  issue advise or instructions,  judge them or tell them what they could have done to avert the situation. but then, realistically is not always easy as portrayed.

just like a woman undergoing marriage crisis and emotional abuse.  Everybody will keep screaming get a divorce,  the society will keep blaming her for not getting a divorce considering the fact that her life is at risk, if she continues to stay in such marriage.  However,  no one would understand the pains of getting separated in a marriage/relationship where you might had probably invested a lot.  Especially when kids are involved.  No one understands the psychologically and emotional trauma associated with divorce.  Divorce might really be the best decision in some scenario however,  only the one about to make such decision knows and understands how difficult it is.

Trying moments in life can lead to  depression..  A depressed mind needs words of encouragement in other to have their hopes revived. But unfortunately,  depression a times comes with pessimism and the feelings that all hope had been lost.

This is why most depressed people often resort to suicide. 1 out of 10 individual’s commits suicide annually.  In some rare cases,  depression can also Lead to Mental disorder.  Not every insane person on the road is actually mad.  Some emerged as a result of frustration.

Having known  what trying moments in life entails and it’s psychological effect.  The next question is,  how we can overcome it? How can we cope when we unfortunately find ourselves amides  of storms and challenges of life?

4 steps in Overcoming trying moments in life.

Believe in yourself

this is similar to the saying “tough time does not last but tough people do. There is one remarkable features about tough people that distinguishes them from their counterparts. And that is the fact that they are always optimistic.

They don’t give up easily. They hardly believe is over. And that’s why they keep striving rather than contemplate suicide. Their toughness is borne out of the fact that they have much confidence in themselves. No matter how intense the storms of life is. They are ready to walk through. Such people keeps the hope alive even when they loose their job.

And that is why you often see them bounce back again and might even become self employed. It might only take time, but their dreams never dies. Some storms in life requires nothing than believing in yourself while hoping for the best. Examples of Such storms are  loosing a job and financial instability.

Be positive minded

Negativity often breeds negative thoughts like suicide. I’ve often heard a lot of people use the phrase “i am finished”. I am very certain they really don’t know the meaning of such statement.

Because if they do,,they wouldn’t have uttered it. finish literally indicates an end toward something, it also indicates lifeless. That implies that you’ve unintentionally declared yourself lifeless even while you are still life. Are there people who had passed through similar situation and came out stronger? Then assure yourself that definitely you will.

Get motivation from experienced folks

The best source of motivation is the one gotten from experienced people who had probably gone through similar experience and still pulled through.

This is because such motivations is more practical than theoretical. It is real and contains useful guide that will enable the seeker of such motivation to overcome his/her own trials.

When you are passing through certain challenges,it is common to assume that you are the most unfortunate human on earth. But when you look around or read some motivational articles, you will find out that yours is minor as compared to what  others might have undergone. This would definitely make you to feel relieved and optimistic. It would also help to calm your nerves as you continue to push.

Avoid publicizing your challenges

That you are having issue or challenges in relationship/marriage is not enough reason to make your keep announcing your problem even to those who may not care to listen. A lot of relationship/marriage had been damaged by wrong counsel. In the bid to save your relationship or marriage, you might be unknowingly making it prone to more dangers. This is also applicable to other trying moments in life aside relationship/marriage. If you must seek for advise, endeavor is from the right source.

Be consistent

Nothing drives passion and motivation than seeing the result of your endeavors. It induces hard work and the passion to be more committed.

However, that may not be guaranteed at all times. There are times when things might not be going the way you wished them. There are times when your effort might not correlate with your handwork.

This is another trying moment in life. and if you are not careful enough, you might be tempted to quit at this point. but always remember that every road to success is not always smooth. a times one have to pass through so many pot holes before getting to the destination. . Before achieving your dream. To every glory, there is always a story.

 

Prayers

overcoming-lifes-difficult-moments has never been easy, but prayer can be very effective at such time.

I know how depressing it can be to experience trying moments in life. Sometimes, you feel frustrated and weak to pray.

No matter how difficult it is, never relent in prayers. You might have worked tiredly, labored so much but all to no avail. The best is leave the rest for God to handle since you’ve done your part. Soon you will be surprise at the outcome.

 

 

.

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Coping with trying moments in relationship?

Trying moments in a relationship
Trying moments in relationship
Trying moments in  relationship can be a very difficult moment for both partners.  Hard times can occur for several reasons ranging from financial restraint,    incompatibility misunderstandings,  fights,  lack of trust and constant arguments .  All these are inevitable and can occur at any given point.  They are not uncommon.  This is why relationship are far from perfections.

A healthy  relationship doesn’t consist of perfect couples,  but imperfect couples who truly feels perfect for each other,  even though they are both striving towards perfection.  In other words,  they feel fulfilled around each other despite each other’s flaws.

You see some couples and wonder if  they’ve ever had  any differences in their relationship?you see some relationship and wonder if there had ever been any misunderstanding, arguments or fight among the couples?  Probably because of the way they display their affections in public, we envy them while silently wishing that our relationship could be like their’s.  In public they seem so perfect,  but in reality,  and behind closed doors reverse is usually the case.

Behind every successful relationship, there are usually couples who strived and fought so hard towards making it a reality.

Behind every enviable relationship, there are usually couples who passed through or maybe currently passing through several moments of trials,  but never gave up.  Rather sought for ways to deal with their trials and still came out stronger than they were.

Trying moments in relationship are like test of love and genuine sincerity.  It is a test couples ought to pass through in other to scale through.

It is a test that will determine the life span of a relationship.  Couples who went through a lot of trying moments during their relationship days and still came out stronger have the tendency of having a successful marriage,  than couples who did not undergo any trying moments in relationship.

This is why we often emphasize on the fact that Love alone does not keep a relationship   .  Because there are times when pressures and trials might seem so intense,  at this period the love no matter how deep and romantic it is might not be too strong to help them pull through.

This is why we the rate of divorce had been on the increase. Most couples who divorced each other didn’t do so because they fell out of love.  But because,  the pressures and trying moment were stronger than the love they thought they had. The feelings were still present,  but they lack exposure and the right qualities that would have enabled them. Scale through.

They relied so much on their love and  feelings.   but unfortunately,  the weight of pressures and challenges could not condone their love.

No matter the  intensity of the trying moment in a relationship,  the good news is that couples can still overcome

Some trying moments in relationship and how to handle them

Coping  with trying moments in relationship? 11
How to handle trying moments in relationships

 

Financial -restraint

This is an example of trying moments in relationship which can lead to break up and divorce.

Money is a strong factor, which can interfere with a lot in our lives including relationship.

Imagine you were in a relationship with a man who takes care of you, worships the ground you walk on and of course takes care of your financial needs. And all of a sudden, he had a little set back which implies that he may no longer be able to take care of your needs as he used to in the past. What would be your reaction?

To some, the relationship would abruptly end at that juncture, while to others, they might decide to stick with their partners while hoping things would get back to normal.

A lot of marriages had crashed due to the financial set back. Most women would resort to cheating in other to survive as soon as their spouse becomes bankrupt.

However, this issue can be handled when both partners understands that relationship  are not  rosy,  neither are marriages. There could be moments of heavy storms.  They are inevitable, but with understanding and learning from other people’s experience, they will surely scale through.

Career restraint

Despite the importance and vitality of career, it can still pose a threat to a relationship.

Some folks  often have issues with their partner as a result of their demanding job . Some marriage are at the verge of collapsing because some couples no longer make out time for each other or their home as a result of their  Busy schedules and demanding job.

This could be a trying moment in a relationship because if not handled effectively. It might lead to break up or divorce. the kids can equally be affected psychologically and may become a victim of abuse since their parents are so busy to guide and direct them.

I know of a man who demanded that his wife should quit her job because it was so demanding that she barely had time for her family.  Being a career woman,  she bluntly refused.  This became a serious issue that both couples had to split apart.

 

This can be solved by effective communication and learning how to handle your love life and goals in other to adjust your relationship for the better.

Another trying moment in relationship as regards to career is a scenario where a partner  gets a job in a different town.

Which implies that the other partner needs to relocate in other to be together especially if both are legally married.

I’ve seen couples argue about this and sometimes even break up because they couldn’t reach an agreement as a result of their Ego. The bone of contention in usually who would succumb in other maintain the peace and harmony in the home. At this point, this issue can only  be solved by effective communication, in addition to both partners learning how to curb their EGO. Because  EGO is the only factor which can prompt couples  to break up in such scenarios.

Incompatibility

one of the trying moments in relationship is incompatibility.

There are times when relationship might seem so difficult and inconvenient because your partner suddenly became insatiable.

Everything suddenly became different that you begin to wonder if they were actually the same person you fell in love with initially.  You are no more on the same page. One moment they seem like a friend,  the next moment,  they act like an opponent.  Such situations can be Handled by understanding your spouse and learning to accept them for who they are and not who you want them to be.  And by also giving them time to adjust in case they suddenly started behaving in a strange manner.

 constant arguments

Show me couples who had never argued or had any misunderstanding.  And I will tell you couples who keeps mute and often gives each other the Silent treatment.

Often times,  argument and misunderstanding are one of the vital ways of getting to know your partner,  because the more you argue or have a misunderstanding,  the more you learn about your partner’s preference and their dislikes.  People who are related by blood do argue a lot,  so it is not uncommon if couples in love does the same too.

However,  it should have a limitations and should be something that rarely occurs.  Constant arguments and fights denotes  a   Red flags .

This can be solved when both partners talks less and listens to each other more.  Two wrongs they say cannot make a right. the bone of contention in this scenario is usually on who is wrong and who is right.  And the nature of an average man hardly accepts defeat.  Hence the constant arguments.  This can also be solved if partner’s learns how to curb their Ego in other to pave way for peaceful home.

In conclusion, trying moments in relationship can be controlled when couples truly understands themselves,  and are both willing to put in all their effort in other to scale through any trying moment they might be experiencing. Endeavor to apply this techniques in other to sustain your-relationship-when-times-get-tough.

 

 

 

Posted on 1 Comment

5 signs you are in a one sided relationship

5 signs you  are in a one sided relationship 12
A one sided relationship

Being in a one sided relationship can be so depressing  especially if you desire to have a lasting and healthy relationship filled with commitments.

The scenario becomes worse when you are really working so hard and doing everything humanly possible to ensure it works, while your partner does nothing on his or own side.  That brings us to the question.

What is a one sided relationship? 

Just like the name implies,  A one sided relationship is any relationship that you invest your time,  energy and emotions alone. It is a relationship that drains a lot of energy from one,  and leaves one with the feelings of doubt and insecurity.

Imagine you are sharing a flat with someone, in an actual sense,  you both were meant to be contributing for the effective running of  the home, including renewing of house rent and other miscellaneous expenses.

But unfortunately, you find yourself spending alone,  while your room/flatmate sits back to enjoy your effort and feels reluctant to contribute.    How would you feel?  Frustrated and  furious right? As a matter of fact,  I don’t think anyone in his/her right sense would condone this for a long time without seeking for a way out.

Also imagine living in an apartment with your siblings, you know that scenario when you were much  younger.   They do nothing at home, you do all the house chores,    while they only eat and sleep.  I am certain no one would be happy with such experience.

Similarly, this is likened to how it feels like being in a one sided relationship.   The word “flatmate or siblings” is a title, it will have no significance in your life except you see their impact and contributions in your life.

Similarly, relationship will remain  a title till you begin to see the impacts of your  partner towards your life and the growth of the relationship.

A lot of folks claim to be in a relationship,  yet in reality,  they are actually single, they keep  driving and scaring other potential dates away with the assumption that they are in a relationship.

Reality begins to dawn  on them as soon as  they realize that they had been in a wrong relationship for so long.  Now  you begin to  wonder why people keep wasting their time in a one sided relationship even when they have a choice to walk away.  You wonder why people get stuck in a relationship where they have to stress themselves so much. There are so many reasons for that, and that forms our next discussion..

Some of the Reasons why people get stuck in a one sided relationship .

being in a forced relationship –

when people do something out of pressure,  there is every tendency that it would not be done well.

No effort or what so ever would be invested.  Similarly,  when you pressurize people to be in a relationship with you against their will, they might succumb out of pressure.  But be rest assured that you will end up doing everything to keep the relationship.

For one to contribute toward the growth of a relationship,  the interest has to be there.

The feelings ought to be mutual and not borne out of composure or the assumption that he/she is doing the other a favor.  This contributes to the reason why most people  remain stuck in a one sided relationship.  they forced the relationship to begin in the first   and they had to keep forcing it in other to maintain it.  probably because they don’t want their previous effort to be in vain.

Afraid of being  single

The fear of  going back to their single status is what has kept a lot of people stuck in an unprofitable relationship.

They just want to have the title of being in a relationship,  they don’t want their relationship status to be invalid.

They are afraid of loneliness and so would rather keep managing the relationship than brace up and walk away. Such kind of people often gets into a a REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.as soon as their previous relationship comes to an end.

 

 

Being in one sided relationship
Being one sided relationship

5 signs you are in a one sided relationship.

Nagging suddenly becomes a habit

Did you observe that you are beginning to nag recently?  Are you in a relationship that had suddenly turned you into nag.

Chances are that you might be in a one sided relationship.  There is a saying that behind every nagging man/woman, there is a partner who ain’t doing what he/she ought to do.

This is exactly the case in this scenario.  You nag mostly because you ain’t getting the attention you desire.  A mutual relationship is one where both partners knows their responsibility and does it willingly,  without waiting for their significant other to yell or complain about it.

You apologize for their fault

One of the typical sign that you are in a one sided relationship is when you often see yourself apologizing even when your partner is at fault.

This is usually a sign of negligence indicating that they don’t value the relationship, and are not scared of loosing you either. You ain’t their priority, so they don’t deem it necessary rendering  Aplogy, when they’ve erred.

They love you only in good times.

There is a saying that you don’t determine true love when things are in abundance. True love can strongly be identified in both old times and good times. Before assuming you are in a healthy relationship, first examine how they react and treat you during challenges. Do they offer emotional support to your during challenges, or do they desert you at such times? These questions will help you to determine the kind of relationship you are actually into.

They don’t respect your decision

A  one sided relationship  also includes being self centered. People who want things to be done in their own without putting your emotions into consideration.

Such people always acts bossy and loves to be in control at all times. They would like to order you around, and when you fail to dance to their tune, it becomes a problem.

That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. A good relationship ought to be understanding and always ready to carry each other along during decision making and at all times.

you can also check similar article on this website.  Continue reading 5 signs you are in a one sided relationship

Posted on Leave a comment

4 steps In getting your partner’s attention

 

4 steps In getting your partner's attention 13
Getting your partner’s attention

 

Getting a  partner’s attention is becoming a rocket science this days especially as relationship has deviated from what it use to be in  the past. Attention which is one of the core ingredients and most sought after quality by many is becoming so rare to get.

And the question is what could be the reason for that? Considering the  fact that attention does not really cost a dime, it only requires one’s time and commitment. So many folks complain of money being a hindering factor of their inability to woo a lady and start a relationship .

But yet when they are with one who isn’t materialistic, they still neglect their role which is making out time for the one they claim to love.

Aside relationship, Attention is very necessary in every individual’s life. It denotes value and level of importance. One have toward something. Even infant knows the importance of attention and that’s why they often yell and cry whenever their guardian leaves them unattended to.

Imagine you saw an advert concerning a job vacancy, as a job seeker, you courageously walked in to the office to submit your credentials with the hope of being considered for the job, as your academic qualification met their requirements.

You got to the receptionist, but unfortunately, you were told that the boss was too busy, that you had to wait. You politely inquired of how long you would have to wait, but no one gave you reply. You decided not to give up, you waited, but unfortunately, after waiting for so long,

you decided to leave feeling so disappointed and frustrated. At that moment, your goal had been altered as a result of lack of attention.

Also imagine teaching or passing out a vital information to a group of people, only to discover that none of them were paying attention to what you were saying. Which indicates they had no interest in your lectures. Feels bad and discouraging right? This is to show how vital the word “attention is”.
Similarly, lack of attention in relationship can sometimes denote lack of interest.

Everyone desires to have that special partner who  gives them audience, have interest in what he/she does and listens to their jokes no matter how dry they may be.

Women craves for attention more due to the Emotional differences In men and women.as a matter of fact, this is one essential factor which makes her believe she tops the list in his priority.

It is one factor this had turned a lot of women into nag, especially when they are dating a Workaholic partner. But do you know that you can get your partner’s attention without being seen as needy and desperate?

Do you know you can have your partner’s attention without having to nag them about it severally.

To every challenge or what may seem like a challenge, there is always solution, and the solution may not be far fetched aside knowing what to do and adopting discipline towards it.

How to get your partner’s attention

 

 Being Self dependent .

Being self dependence is one practical way to get your partner’s attention. No matter how intoxicating the love is, no one desires to have a clingy partner, one who could barely do anything on their own without having to wait for their partner.

Being self dependence is an admirable trait. Every guy needs that man who can make her decision without having to wait for anyone to toss them around. It shows you can handle a lot of responsibility in marriage, even in the absence of your spouse. Being self dependence naturally attracts most men.

4 steps In getting your partner's attention 14

Giving your partner space when they demand for it.

This  is another effective way of getting your partner’s   attention.

A lot of folks can stop asking the question, what does he mean  when he demands for space?  But pay attention, Desiring for space in a relationship is not abnormal or absurd.

It doesn’t always denote lack of interest, even though it does in some instances. There are times when people might seek for space and time in other to handle their challenges and focus especially when they are experiencing difficulties in some areas of their life. I know it could be daunting and hurtful, whenever you hear your partner utter such statement,

however, your attitude and the way you handle such scenario will determine how long  the space would linger. If you continue nagging life out of him, be rest assured that he might pull away further.

But respecting his decision would hasten the tendency of getting  His/her attention back. Except in a case where they had  lost interest in the relationship.

Being in charge of your emotions.

Is not always easy to ignore one’s emotion, especially in a scenario where you are emotionally attached to your partner, only to discover that they are gradually drifting away.

But then, you have to work on your emotions. Do not always show you are emotionally vulnerable.  Most people will definitely  take advantage of that  fact.

Build yourself mentally even when you are emotionally down.  It attracts self respect and of course undivided attention from your partner.

Avoid nagging

Do you wish to get your partner’s attention,  then you must avoid nagging for whatever reason.

Nagging is a negative traits and a great turn off to most peeps.  Nagging reduces one’s self worth.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with laying your complaints about a behavior or something you ain’t comfortable with. But there is everything wrong with doing that repeatedly.

Fine you’ve told them about their negligence,  is left for them to adjust if they value you.  And the best is to give them time  to do so,  I. e if they wish to.  Turning your self into a nag will definitely make things worse as  no one likes to be pressurized to do something,  even if they desire to do that.

 

external website with similar topic:http://www.psychologytoday.com

Posted on Leave a comment

How to handle communication issues in a relationship

How to handle communication issues in a relationship 15
Communication issues

Communication issues has always been the bone of contention in many relationships.

The question  about communication is one of the common question and the most raised topic  dominating every relationship platform including search engines.  This is because communication is a great factor that Can ensure a Healthy
relationship.  And so it’s importance cannot be overemphasized.

Such questions as whose duty is it to call regular in a relationship?  He hardly calls but claims to love me? I do the calling all the time but he never reciprocate,  does she love me?  Anytime I call,  he says he is busy and promises to call back. But never does, does he truly love me as he claimed?She hardly replies my chats even when it is obvious that she had seen it,  does she love me as claimed? These are the questions people ask on regular basis which also contributes to  the common challenges people face  as regards to communication in their relationships.

Imagine you have a stressful job,  this job is the source of your income.  But it so tedious  that it gets you tired and weak at the end of the day.

A times you feel like waking up and relaxing at home,  but then the thought of being sacked and having nothing to fall back to stirs up the passion in you to continue with the job,

despite its stress and inconvenience.

The thought of having your needs stare at you with no means of solving them sends cold shivers down your spine.

All these thoughts became your source of motivation.  You had no choice than embrace your job and continue doing it spite its nature.  Is all about sacrificing a pleasure in other to meet up a very essential need.

Similarly communication is an essential need in a relationship.it is not optional.   It is very necessary.

Despite the difficulty  in maintaining them.    It is one of sacrifices in other to ensure a healthy relationship.  You might be too busy to include effective communication in your relationship.

Your job might be too demanding that you hardly have time  to communicate with your partner.  You might just come home feeling so weak and tired,  and then all you desire to do is to bath,  eat and doze off

But then, just like a job, the thought of loosing a relationship you might have struggled to keep  or invested a lot  in ought to stir up the passion and zeal to communicate.

The thought of loosing your partner I. e if you really love them. to another who is ready to communicate on regular basis ought to inspire you to keep the communication Spark burning.

 

All these thought ought to make you learn how to balance your love life and goals  in other to create time for your partner.

But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t care about the communication issues and challenges going on in their relationship.

They have practically turned their partner into a nag. Leaving them with the feelings of insecurity and doubts. They will always promise to call but never does, promise to chat but never does, too busy to reply to your messages. No one is happy being in a relationship where he has to force everything. Where every effort has to be from you and not mutual. You complain to talk to them, you complain to see them.

Most times, the complaint is accompanied with excuses, leaving you with the feelings of hurt and rejections.
However,, Communication issue/challenges does not just occur. It is usually caused by some factors which I am going to explain in details.

Communication issues
Communication issues

Communication issues why they occur and how to fix them

 

 

When a partner is not into you-

 

one of the most common reason why communication issues occur is usually when a relationship is one sided.

. We often neglect this a lot and that’s why we keep fighting and trying every possible means to get back a relationship which might have literally ended.

Lack of communication is usually one obvious sign that implies that a relationship has ended or is about to end. Nobody maintains a car which he/she does not value. We try to maintain things despite its cost because of the great value we place on them.

Similarly people maintain communication because they value their relationship and partner a lot.

When they promise to call but never does, it shows they might not be into you as you are into them. When they have lost interest, and there is nothing you can do aside from ignoring them as well.

Bad communication habits.

Naturally, there are people who ain’t so good in talking or even keeping in touch by other means. They find it time consuming.  Such people  might be exhibiting their love in other ways.

They might get you a call card, but never calls. They can get you an expensive gift, but never chats.

They promise to call, but never does. It gets you infuriated, but the truth is that sometimes they don’t this intentional. I understand we all love that feelings of having your partner wake you up with heart warming messages which keeps you active for the day.

However, we should also know individual varies in the way they express love.

Talk to them about it. It is relationship and you are meant to be Transparent with your feelings by communicating to  your partner. by being transparent about your feelings,  you are not only solving communication issues,  but also erasing every form of doubts and insecurity you have for your partner.

Reaching out too often

One of the reason why you might be having Communication  issues in your relationship might be because you often reach out. Absence they say makes the heart grow fonder.  No matter how much you’ve missed them,  don’t always make it obvious.

Sometimes give them that space to miss you and reach out first.  You might be killing the spark in the relationship and the vibe in them by excessive communication.  You ought to keep your Communication level moderate.

Avoid the habit of calling your partner more than twice,  except is a case of emergency.  Anything aside that spells desperation. They will always call back later if they wish to.  When they  say they will return your calls later,  please exercise patience and give them a benefit of doubts.  Don’t bug them with calls at every intervals .  Wait till they call back.

Stop making the relationship your effort alone,  give them that space to input their own effort as well.  With that,  you will know if they are actually into you or not.