Posted on Leave a comment

When Playing games in a relationship becomes bad

 

When Playing games in a relationship becomes bad 1
Playing games in a relationship

 

 

Playing games in a relationship, when is it necessary? And when is becoming a wrong idea which might probably turn the other person off.

Playing hard to get in a relationship is so common especially at the early years of the relationship where everyone craves to be loved and cherished without giving out the impression of being desperate and needy.

At first, we  may want to careless, or pretend not be fully attached with our partner so as to get their maximum attention.

Some people go as far as ghosting  their partner or paying little or less attention to the relationship in other to induce the other’s interest or make the other person become more pushy. We’ve heard about the saying.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Everyone wants to feel secured. Everyone wants to feel that excitement of being chased and  Hence the reason why so many resort to playing games in a relationship. But the question is? Does playing hard to get really guarantees that? Certainly!!! But not in all cases.

Naturally, man is a psychological being, hence the reason why reverse psychology works most times. It is natural to value things which are less available to us than that which is always at our disposal.

For instance, I was opportune to counsel a young woman who complained bitterly that his partner was showing him less attention.

She said and “I quote”. He rarely calls nor chat with me, I am the only one putting up so much work in our communication level why he does nothing. If I don’t call he won’t bother to do that. I feel neglected.  I feel am not his priority.

After listening to her complaint, I urged her to slow down  a bit on the level of her communication with him to see if he really cares. And if he does, it shows he still loves her but may just be playing mind games.

But  if he doesn’t notice that, it simply shows that he doesn’t care.  She did that and all of a sudden, he began to feel her absence and took up with the communication. This implies that playing games actually worked in this case. but may not work in other cases.  It might work in some scenario, while it won’t work in others. So how can we know when playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision? Below are some ways to know.

when  playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision.

 

When there is an  intense Commitment 

Playing hard to get maybe normal at the early years of the relationship just like was explained initially. You don’t want to come off as desperate. You really want to be certain   they have similar feelings with you before committing yourself fully.

However, when is obvious that the feelings are mutual and the other person was beginning to show a high level of commitment, playing hard to get at such period may be really unnecessary and unwise. It might signal the wrong message to the other party as a sign of  non – interest  and neglect towards them. Which might  turn them off and make them loose interest towards you and the relationship.

At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong idea. You may end up regretting it and hoping you turn back the hands of time. But unfortunately, they might have moved on. Is always good to know when best to play hard to get, and when you are beginning to derail from the initial plan.

 

When Playing games in a relationship becomes bad 2
Playing games in a relationship

 

When the relationship has been well defined.

Playing games in a relationship that has been Defined  is like cracking jokes during a serious conversation thereby disrupting and derailing from the subject matter.

For instance, a man may really have the intention of settling down, and thus may see a woman she is attracted to. At that point, he may not like to  entertain some form of dramatic and mind playing games.

He only expects her to  either accept or decline his proposal. Playing hard to get even when is obvious that she  has  feelings for him will only give him the impression that she is not  just interested. And thus, maybe compelled to move on by such impression. At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes unnecessary.

When the other party is emotionally stable.

Playing games in a relationship may only go well with  needy people and people  who have Insecurity issues.

But for people who are are emotionally stable with secured mind,  they may not really give a damn. Especially when they have  several options. Such people are equally familiar with such game playing. And thus may throw you off balance by acting like they don’t care once they discover your plan.

when you have a partner with dope, rare and admirable qualities. 

Playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision when you have a partner with adorable qualities several other persons look out for. Everyone desires to have a partner with dope qualities that sweeps one off their feet. Such is possible, but remember you ain’t the only person craving for such. So if you are opportune to have one,make sure you ain’t driving them away with so much mind games.

You remember the saying. ” you won’t value what you have till it slips out of your finger. Is normal to play a little hard to get to ascertain their intention and level of commitment at the early stage of the relationship. But don’t over do that to avoid driving them to another’s arm.

 

 

External source :/emotional-health/playing-games-relationships

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on 1 Comment

Should i tell him how i feel?

 

Should I tell him how I feel?

 

 

Should I tell him how I feel towards him? Should I make my feelings obvious, or would i be considered as cheap and desperate?

These are one of the fears most ladies have towards being the first to make a move or approach a guy especially in our society where such is considered to be absurd .

Men are natural hunters, and most often, they enjoy the thrill in the chase. They are mostly known for wooing or approaching a lady.

However, it doesn’t usually mean that having it done the other way round is all bad. But this is the general mindset of the society and thus placing some form of stigmatization to the woman.

Women have always been in the habit of concealing their feelings just because of what the society might say. They die in silence rather than tell a guy how they feel towards him.

Aside societal perception, this fear is equally based on the fact that they are scared of rejection or being exploited on.

Women find it extremely difficult to handle rejection unlike their male counterpart.

And this is why they feel so bad getting a negative response after summoning courage to unveil  their feelings. There is always an expectations of having a positive response and thereafter having the male folk take up from where they stopped in other to still retain their Ego and dignity. But unfortunately, reverse might be the case. Thus causing more hurt and bad feelings to the woman.

However, there is actually nothing wrong with telling a guy how you feel towards him.  It is one of the  most bravely acts and denotes self confidence. But the manner at which you let your feelings out really matters a lot as that will determine the tendency of either being taken  for granted or valued.

Before you tell him how you feel,  There are so many considerations that must be put in place, otherwise you might risk  being disrespected and taken for a ride. What are these considerations?

 

SOME FACTORS To CONSIDER BEFORE YOU TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. 

Should I tell him how I feel?
Should I tell him him how i feel?

 

HIS CLOSENESS 

How close are you to him? Is he a  friend? Or just someone you met at the eatery or club?

Have you been an acquaintance for sometime or he’s just a stranger? It doesn’t matter if he’s  your admirer or crush,

if you have not been friends or close for a while, it might seem embarrassing trying to approach him. The end might not  be so pleasant.

Telling a guy how you feel about him is best and more easier if you both have been friends.

And probably, he might have been showing some signs indicating that he wants you as much as you want him, but lack the confidence to express his feelings.

He may be the introvert type. Whatever the case maybe,  You have a better and higher  chance with someone you’ve known for a while than someone you barely know.

The former will respect your feelings, and even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he will disclose it to you politely. While the later might tend to take an advantage of that. He might assume you just needed a  fling with no string attached.

Maturity level

Before you tell him how you feel, check his maturity level and be certain that he’s matured and responsible enough to handle it without  publicizing it or making you feel less human.

Be certain he’s ready to keep it confidential . Only a responsible guy will appreciate such gesture, and see it as bravely rather than desperation.

A responsible guy will not lead you on nor try to hurt your feelings by taking an advantage of the fact that you approached him.  He will either accept to be with you if the feeling is mutual or politely decline.

Having known some factors to consider before letting your feelings out, let’s look at the best way to reveal your feelings to a guy without looking awkward or embarrassed.

Best Approach to tell him how you feel without looking desperate. 

Begin by displaying green lights .

Sometimes, non- verbal words conveys a great and more concise  message than verbal words.

Before you tell a guy you love him verbally, is more recommendable you first express your feelings in a verbal way to watch his reactions. Does he respond to it? Does he in anyone show that he feels the same way?

Knowing this is very important, as that will aid your approach.

However, you must apply caution while displaying your green lights and watching out for signs in him.

Don’t make your self too loose. Avoid intimacy at this period in other to ascertain his true feelings. Is important to note that some guys will play along with you, just to lead you on and take advantage of you. Then dump you afterwards.

The best way to avoid this scenario is to exclude intimacy at this period. Making the first move as a woman does not depict you are cheap. But making yourself available to be laid instantly. It is not always about making the first move, but what happens thereafter.

Being  celibate is surely the best as that will enable you guide your heart against exploitation. And still walk out confidently, with your heads high and esteem still intact in case you get turned down.

Be Responsible

Before you tell him how you feel, make sure you have an admirable qualities. In some part of our society, is awkward for a woman to express her feelings,

However, it can be thrilling knowing that despite her  idea of ignoring her ego in other to make the first approach, she has a lot to offer.

Such women are irresistible. Regardless of who made the approach. People love being with important personalities who add values to their life.

Being responsible will help boost your ego in such away that concealing your feelings to a guy would not demote your esteem or make you feel less important.

 

Become friends first

One of the best way to tell him how you feel about him is to become his best friend first.

Love grows gradually. He might not have feelings for you at the moment. But as you grow fond of each other, he might begin to feel the same way.

If he’s shy to express his feelings, you  can confidently do that, knowing that you both are already an item. Love built on friendship is usually the best. And turns out to be more productive and fruitful.

You can also read Should I keep our friendship and hold my feelings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair
A low key relationship or a secret affair

 

A low key relationship or a secret affair. Ever wondered if your relationship falls into the former category or the later?  Relationship can be very tricky especially in this modern age where lies and deceit seems to be common.  And game playing  seems to be in vogue.

We all have the picture of our idea relationship created in our minds. We often fantasize about having a healthy relationship filled with trust, loyalty and commitment. This is very normal.  We all want a relationship where we would be woken  with a lovely and romantic text messages on daily basis.

But unfortunately, there is a thin line between imaginations and reality. Often times, our imaginations are borne out of fantasies especially when our minds are focused on some of the factious   stories as obtained from romantic movies  and other media. This is why we get paranoid when things are in contrary to our expectations.

But the question is, Are we ready to embrace reality? This is where the problem lies. The truth hurts a lot. We often love to hear our interest and desire without considering the fact that it could be lies or deceit.

Identifying if a relationship is a low key or a secret affair begins with embracing the reality. Being aware of the fact that some relationship are just an illusion  and based on selfish motives rather than mutual benefits. Whether we believe it or yes, some relationships are just a secret affair in disguise.

The challenge has always been on how to differentiate a low key relationship from a secret affair. This often cause  a lot of argument and misunderstanding  between couple. One may desire to have a relationship that moves in a very gradual and slow pace, while the other may require a relationship that moves in a  fast pace. Everything becoming obvious from the wooing stage to the the honeymoon phase. 

You know the usual display of  affections in public and media by taking selfies together.

introducing each other to  your  loved ones and  Using each other  as your display pictures in social media.

Some people believes that portraying such attitude depicts a very significant way of showing your love and appreciation for a spouse.  While to some, it is totally insignificant and doesn’t really matter. A handful of others also have the notion that one can still be doing all this, yet might not really love his/ her partner. Some couples often have  Constant argument over this.   

 

The one who doesn’t see it as an issue usually tries to assure and convince the other that  he/ she only wants to take things gradual, and  doesn’t matter if the relationship is publicized as long as they both love each other . But unfortunately, this is not usually easy to believe.  The assurance may not be enough to convince him/ her especially in this Era where people flirt a lot in the guise of  being in a relationship. And so the best way to settle this controversy is to identify the signs that a partner might want to take the relationship slowly or just want to flirt. Everyone desires to know if they are in a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair

Ways to identify if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair

subject of discussion/ communication.

One of the ways identify whether you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair is to take a keen observation on the kind of discussion you normally have with your partner.

There is a popular adage which goes thus, ” is not how far that maters, but how well”. The speed at which an athlete begins a race does not really matter, but arriving at the final destination. It can be quite confusing knowing who doesn’t want to publicize a relationship and who wants to keep his/ her relationship private probably because they might be cheating with random partners.

But the first way to identify is through communication. Someone who just want to flirt with you might not be patient enough to get every detailed information about you.

They may display you  on every social media while blocking the other, just to give you a false impression. Most times, their discussion is usually centered only on romance and sex. Such kind of people never hesitates to ask for nudes. On the contrary, someone who desires to have a low key relationship may not necessarily do any of the above, but their discussion with you will give you a green light into what they truly wants. Such discussion are usually reasonable and depicts a future with you.

Open invitation to his/ her abode.

Another great way to differentiate between  a low key relationship and  a secret affair is having a welcome invitation by your partner.

Someone might be flirting with you, doing every intimate thing with you. But when it comes to inviting you to his/ her place, it becomes an issue. Probably because they have a skeleton in their cupboard.

And when you inform them of your visit, they will always find an excuse to discourage you from coming. But when he/ she is really interested in you, but only wants to take things one step at a time. You will be given a welcome invitation.

Such invitation is mostly based on the fact that you will soon become a part of their future and so need of restricting you.

Watch out for unnecessary excuses on special days.

You may be wondering if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair, then watch out for unnecessary excuses by your partner especially during your special days.

If they truly love you but wants to keep the relationship low key, they will never forget your special occasion because you are their priority. On the contrary, if there are rivals, they will rarely remember such dates. As there are much people demanding for their attention.

External source you may like to check on : is this A low key relationship or a secret affair?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How low esteem ruins relationship

 

 

How low esteem ruins  relationship 3
How low esteem ruins relationship

Do you know that low esteem ruins relationship so quick? Despite the effort and commitment of one or both couples to make the relationship thrive.

Low esteem is a very bad and unhealthy trait . it affects every aspect of life and relationship is not an exception. People with low esteem have a common trait. And that is ” Negative vibes”. They exhibit negativity in everything they do. They tend to give up easily and accept defeat quite often and this in turn affects their progression and supposed achievement in life.

Low esteem is one of the most proven cause of failure. If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe something can be ever  done or achieved by you,  how do you expect others to have confidence in you? You can’t give out what you don’t have. Here is a simple illustration. When an individual  volunteers him/ herself or willingly comes out to participate in a contest. He/ she is expected to have fans who will cheer him/ her up in the process.

Now the duty of those suppose fans is to support him/ her and boost whatever confidence he/ she already has in possession. The fans ain’t there to give you confidence, but to boost your confidence. That implies that there should be a presence of confidence in one before expecting to be cheered up or supported.

Similarly, low  esteem ruins a relationship, when one or both individual lacks  confidence, Love is reciprocal, and that includes self love. When you don’t love yourself, is usually difficult to get love from the  other person. This is the  Importance of self love in a relationship . A lot of persons might ask, what is the correlation of self esteem in a relationship?  How exactly does it affect or ruin a relationship? This is s good question. And that’s what we will be discussing right away.

How low esteem ruins relationship.

Fear and self stigmatization. 

One remarkable way by which low esteem ruins relationship is by imposing fear and self stigmatization to the victim.

Low esteem begat fear of uncertainty. This fear usually comes as a result of seeing or assuming oneself as not up to the standard of their significant other. Hence the fear of being rejected or dumped.

People with low esteem often have this habit of taking up the blame whenever there is misunderstanding in the relationship.

The rarely notice their own contribution towards the growth of the relationship.  And this negative trait is a great turn off to most folks.  No matter what, A handful of men and women admire a confident person.

A person who sees a great value in him/herself. When you have low esteem, you stand the chance of loosing your relationship to a more confident person.

Vulnerability to hurts, negligence  and domestic violence. 

When there is low esteem,  hurts and negligence may be inevitable.

A lot of individuals are being neglected and taken for granted because of the way they presented themselves to the one they are dating.

When you hold yourself in high esteem, people will have no choice than to follow suit . But when you present yourself as someone who’ve gat no value or respect, your values and worth will be dragged to the mold.

They will make it appear as though the relationship was a favor  to you. And that’s why you see most people loosing their sanity just because they are in a relationship.

The major contributing factor to this problem is “low esteem”. Self love begets respect from other source. This is why a lot of married folks are so stuck in an abusive relationship. The stereotyped personality they have about their partner makes them think they may never find another.

They place their partners in high esteem, while setting themselves low. And so will gladly take any form of treatment just to still have their presence in their life.

 

Insecurity  and neediness.

Another proven way by which low esteem ruins relationship is that it causes insecure feelings and neediness.

Low esteem imposes a certain kind of fear which leads to insecure feelings. When you don’t hold yourself in high esteem, you will often assume no one cares about you nor your feelings.

People with low esteem often get paranoid whenever they see their partner with any member of the opposite sex. They often create an imagination  or assumption that their partner is cheating on them with a better individual. They see everyone as a rival and so compare themselves a lot with other people who might be relating with their partner. And you the negative effect of insecurity and neediness? It ruins the trust in a relationship. With such low esteem, you may end up loosing or pushing your partner away.

How low esteem ruins  relationship 4
Low esteem ruins relationship

How to overcome low esteem in a relationship.

Focus on your strength.

One of the reason why we have low esteem is because we tend to focus more on our weak point. We rate ourselves mostly with our weak point rather than our strength.

A lot of us forgot the fact that every individual has a weak point . and so we assume our’s is the worst. First begin by assuring yourself  that you are the best among your equals. Think more of your achievements than your  failures, focus more on your strength than your weakness. This will help you develop self esteem and not entertain any form of I’ll treatment from others.

Self love

Self comes just by loving oneself . do you know that that you can love yourself without any reason in particular. You can admire yourself every single day without any remarkable achievement.  Even as you rate yourself so low, can you deliberately hurt yourself or  allow someone else to do that? I guess no!!!

Then that implies that you still love yourself, despite your flaws. You still value yourself enough to be worthy of living despite your n non achievements, . Naturally, we all love ourselves,  despite our looks and qualities. We only need to extend that self love towards various aspects of our lives in order to boost our confidence and attract respect from others. You also need to read some Self love quotes To boost your confidence

 

Improve your standard.

Low esteem  relationship as a result of  self negligence. We may claim that love is the ultimate, yes no doubt about that. However, every man/ woman has a spec on the kind of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. And it varies from individual to individual. We all are attracted to various forms of unique and admirable qualities.

This  is the more reason why you need to work and improve on yourself. Don’t relax in expectance that your dream man/ woman  will love you exactly the way you are. You have to embrace reality. Work on your dreams and vision, get a skill, be dedicated and committed towards it. Keep making your life better, this will help build your esteem and give you an edge over other rivals.

You can also  read this external source . How low esteem affects relationship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How to stop obsessing over an ex..

 

 

How to stop obsessing over an ex.. 5

Obsessing over an ex is a very common habit after a terrible heartbreak. The habit is more common among folks at the receiving end of the break up. When a relationship ends in a non- mutual way. The one whose heartbroken was broken  tends to feel the pain more than the person who initiated the heartbreak. And often time, it  leads to psychological trauma and  depression.

When a break up occurs, there are two things usually involved. is either one initiates a dialogue with his/ her partner in other to talk things over and see if there is a chance of getting back together or move on.

While the former may seem so difficult than the later, but in actual sense,the later is usually more difficult. You know why? After initiating the dialogue, you might both arrive at a mutual conclusion that you no longer desire to get back together. And the next thing is to  move on and go your separate ways. But having  the the ability to move on is usually where the problem lies .

most people claim to have gotten rid of any feelings they had for their Ex, but at the thought or mention of their name, the rate of their  heart beat increases,when they  bump into them, their  feet and whole body begins to tremble and shiver. They  know moving on is the best option. But sometimes, they  just can’t help but have their thoughts engulf in their mind all day.

Even with the slim or zero chances of getting back with them, they  still  anticipate to get a bleep from them on your mobile.  They  can’t stop stalking them  on every social media platform even though they  no longer communicate with them.

This is what a we call  obsession. obsessing over an ex can lead to long term anxiety and depression.

Imagine having a strong urge to acquire something, but unfortunately you couldn’t afford it.  Normally, you are meant to keep your eyes off it and remain contended  because you can’t afford it at that moment. But then, you couldn’t  keep your mind off it. This is a similar scenario as to being obsessed with an ex. Before, we talk about how to stop being obsessing over an ex, let’s look at some of the reason behind such Obsession.

Obsessing over an ex

some Reasons why people are obsessed with their Ex. 

Expectations of getting back together 

moving  on after the break up is usually not easy, but it tends to be much difficult when there is a hopeful feelings of getting back with your ex. is normal to miss an ex after a break up, is normal to sob and worry as  these tend to aid  the healing process. The more you experience them, the better you get with time.

However, obsession sets in when you are stuck with the feelings of an ex with no plans of moving on soon, probably because you are expecting a make up with them which most times doesn’t happen.

And that’s why you get goose bump when you bump into them anywhere.that’s why you keep anticipating for their calls or messages  at every interval. That’s why you keep doing a lot of weird  and absurd things like calling them without having anything in mind to say, and then keeping mute when your  call has been taken.

Recalling only the good memories. 

One of the best tactics most people use in getting over their ex is comparing and contrasting  the good memories with the bad memories they had with them,

comparing  the number of times they sobbed, shed tears and worried and the number of times they were actually happy. If the former outweighs the later, they will realize that moving on was the  best decision for them.

Unfortunately, People who keep Obsessing over an ex often have a  different view of this.

They focused only on the good memories, thus making them assume that no one would ever make them happy again like their ex, hence the obsession with them.

promises in the past. 

Obsessing over an ex, sometimes occurs as a result of the promises that was made in the past.  Remembering these promises and anticipating for them often keep a lot of folks so stuck with the past, without any plans of forging ahead.

how to stop obsessing over an ex

Make up your mind to move on 

Every decision in life begins from our mindset. Nothing is possible without the consent of our mind. When you make up your mind to do something, you will always see the possibility of having it done  despite its difficulty.

This possibility is what will stirs up the determination. And so the next course of action  is to look for every possible way to have it done.

Similarly, when one is determined to move on, he/ she ought to try as much as possible to curb every distractions including anticipating for a make up or being hopeful of getting back together.

If you wish to stop obsessing over an ex, assume that the relationship is gone and gone for good. The earlier you accept the reality, the better it becomes.

Getting rid of the past memories

Just like we earlier explained, obsessing over an ex begins when keep recalling  the good old memories without considering how bad the relationship might have been in the past.

Most times, our emotions is often the reason behind this.  It derails us from seeing through the reality and understanding  that which is the best for us. Some people are still obsessed with an ex who abuses them both emotionally and physically.

To such people, love seems to  cover a lot. And that’s why they  feel pained rather than than being thankful for being liberated from such toxic relationship. They knew such relationship ain’t  healthy for them, yet, they ain’t ready to give up probably because they are scared of changing their relationship status to single again.

Such people needs an orientation to realize that one can be Single and still be more  happier and excited than being in an abusive relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Is she leading you on? Find out..

Is she leading you on?

 

 

 

Is she leading you on? So many men desires a very quick answer to this question as they might  have fallen victims to deceit in their previous relationship.

Being led on by someone you are attracted to and all of a sudden, you are dropped like a piece of trash. Such experience can be devastating. Imagine being attracted to a woman.

You met her, and immediately, you assume and concluded that she is the one. You developed a soft spot for her right in your heart. But unfortunately, you couldn’t find a way to relate your feelings.

You want to woo her, but at the same time you are scared of rejection!!! Rejection!!! That even sounds like a death sentence. No matter how strong one is, no one loves to be rejected. rather than stand the risk of being rejected,  You decided that  giving her  Green lights would be far better and save you such stress. You became closer to her, hoping she will read and understand the signs. At first, it seems not to be working. It seems as though you both are moving in the opposite direction. You want more than friendship, but she just wanted to be a friend.

Not quite long, things started changing. You discovered she was beginning to understand your intentions. She became closer than she was to you. You were excited, and you concluded that it was high time you declared your intentions to her.  Just as you were about to do so, you discovered that she was beginning to withdraw and disconnect from you again. She became cold and distant leaving you more confused and perplexed?

What does she really want, you kept  asking yourself rhetorically? One minute she’s cold and the next minutes she’s hot. Such experience can be devastating. Even the bible frowns at a scenario of being neither cold nor hot.

Relationship is more awesome when the interest is mutual. It gladdens the heart when you found out that your crush or partner is trying his/ her best to get you emotional entangled with them.

That alone stirs up every motivation to give in your best to the relationship as well. But when reverse is the case, you will always feel discouraged trying to get their attention.

Unfortunately, some people are being led on while hoping and anticipating for a blissful relationship. Some have already assumed an Imaginary relationship. Which in reality does not exit.  But the big question is, how can a man know when he is being led on? How can he differentiate a serious relationship from a fling.

Let’s see some of these signs

Is she leading you on?

5 signs she might be leading you on.

Mixed signal 

This one of the obvious signs indicating that a woman might be leading you on. Imagine being giving appointment for a job interview. You prepared yourself adequately, got the necessary requirements and credentials ready.

On the day of the supposed interview, you were punctual, hoping to be called and interviewed.  But unfortunately, you received a a very disappointing message instead, which read thus ” sorry, the above vacancy has been filled already, we are sorry for the inconveniences”. How will you feel. Sad? dejected?  Disappointed? Words alone may not be enough to express your likely mood at that moment.

Honestly,you will be left with the feelings of betrayal. Because they just raised your hope and made you became expectant of what does not actually exist. In other words, you were led on.

This is the exact scenario here. A woman who wants to spend his life with you wouldn’t hesitate to show  commitment in the relationship.

She won’t give you any reason to doubt her love. When she accepts to be with you, it will be so apparent that she really wants to be with you.  She will always keep in touch willing without being pressurized to do so.

Their interest is conditional.  

One of the reason why they are inconsistent towards you is because they are not really into you. When a woman  is leading you on, she will always be close to you  only when she needs a favor from you.

She won’t contact you except she needs  an assistance. At such times, you will discover that she is becoming too attached to you, and you will assume that this is a sign of acceptance.

Then after some time, she goes back to her cave, only to resurface again when the need arises.

She talks about her Ex constantly

One way to identify a woman who just want to lead you on,is that she will often talk about her ex in the bid to get you emotionally connected to her.

She might just need you as a a rebound ,  just to fill the vacuum created by her ex. and once she discovers that you are beginning to fall in love with her, she pulls away.

She won’t leave you, but you are an option.

When a woman is leading you on, you will always be an option in her life., she is not willing to commit,  but at the same time not willing to let go either.  She will keep you stuck by giving you mixed signal as though she loves you. While on the contrary, you are just a plan B in case the plan A doesn’t work out. So many had experienced this.

You won’t know their actual stand in your life. You just wished they would either stay committed to you or just leave you alone to find someone who truly deserves you.

 

She has a serious relationship, yet still wants you around

When a woman is leading you on, she might have a serious relationship, but yet still wants you around. She doesn’t want to date you, but only to enjoy your company.

This is why so many guys have been in the friend zoned for long. They keep hoping and expecting things to fall in place but all to no avail.

They can’t quit because they’ve received a lot of mixed signals indicating that their friendship status will graduate to dating soon.

External source you may like to check Signs-a-girl-is-just-leading-you-on

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

5 Reasons why men pull away emotionally

 

 

 

Why men pull away emotionally
Why men pull away emotionally

 

 

Why do men pull away when am beginning to feel emotionally attracted to them?

This question is not uncommon among the female folks especially the ones who seek for genuine love and happiness.

Have you ever observed that when some  men crave for attention, they tend to be more closer and persistent .the more you reject them, the more closer and persistent they become. But once you accept them and begin to reciprocate, they will start pulling away gradually. Till they  vanish completely out of your presence?

A handful of women experience this on regular basis, hence the reason why they are perplexed about the male gender.

 

Jennifer, A 25 year old fashionista and entrepreneur has her own share of experience about men pulling away when things  were beginning to get even and awesome in the relationship. This is her story.

As a young woman, I’ve always determined to succeed at all cost.

One of my top priority in life is to achieve my dreams and purpose in life. And so with that,I   invest my time and energy towards my career  in other to have my dream accomplished.

And fortunately, everything worked as plan. Within a short period of persistent hard work, I began to reap the fruit of my labor.

My days, weeks and months of toiling and hard work began to pay off. I might not have gotten to my destination, but I can sincerely and boldly affirm that I am not stuck in the way either.

I’ve been on the move,  smoothly sailing and soaring higher  till I arrive at  my final destination. And each time I recall how far I’ve emerged  in life, am often left with great excitement.

However, in spite of my achievements,  I still have some burdens I struggle with occasionally. And this is the fact my love life was  nothing to write home about.

As human, I  often feel the need to be loved and cherished just like every other young person.  I always fantasize about having a  a healthy relationship .

Getting  my specification in a man always contribute to my imaginations each time I lay my head to sleep. And so I decided to seek out for love and give it a chance.

But unfortunately,  I got the reverse of what I sought for.  All the men I’ve been with seems to have one attitude in common. And that is, pulling away when the relationship is becoming fruitful and productive.

This has got me wondering if love is real or just an an illusion or reality?? They withdraw emotionally as soon as I’m beginning to enjoy every bit of it and even crave for more.

Jennifer couldn’t fathom the reason why so many men pull away emotionally at the very moment the relationship was beginning to get blissful and successful.

However, I tried to encourage her by reminding her  that such behavior are very common among the male folks. And a handful of other women have the same complaint.

Now what could be the reason behind this? Why do men pull away in such an annoying way despite their promises  to stick with them during the chase. Now let’s find out some reasons behind this emotional withdrawal.

5 Reasons why men pull away emotionally.

They don’t want to appear weak. 

One of the Emotional differences In men and women. as stated in our previous article is that, while men are known to be emotionally strong, women are known to be emotionally weak. Implying that it is more easier for a man to hold back his feelings than  women. Also, men are egocentric being.

They rarely thread their Ego with love. And that’s why they love with caution in other not to have their ego dragged to the mold  in the process. Men are diplomatic and so they tend to apply good tactics  while wooing a woman.

Men can invest  so much energy in the wooing stage. they will call, communicate regularly, and spend as much as they wish just to have a lady accept them.

And as soon as their mission becomes successful, they will pull away not  because they  lost interest in you, but because they don’t want you to see that weak part of them. Most men believes that displaying their weak point is a great   turn off for  men.

And so rather than seeing that weak part of them, they withdraw so you will crave for them more, just like they   did when they were wooing you. It is called “REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY”. Only women who understands this game triumphs.

Those who doesn’t understand it tends to become needy at this point, thus pushing him  farther away.  You can handle this by reversing the psychology. Rather than appear weak and needy at that point.

Summon courage to be strong. Ignore them and pull away too.  Soon, they will begin to wonder why you ain’t bothered, hence step up on their game to have you back.

Ignoring and pulling away is not easy, but you have to try to invest that energy they are investing in you. Very necessary.

 commitment phobia 

Another reason why men pull away can be attributed to the  fear of commitment. There are men who desires  to be in a relationship . they might have interest in a woman and may decide to woo her.

But as soon as things are becoming too serious, they might start withdrawing probably because they are not ready to commit.  Sometimes, their unreadiness could be probably as a result of lack of resources.

Relationship is full of responsibilities. A man cannot talk about starting a future with a woman if he is financially unstable. This is why so many pull away when they discover that you are becoming hopeful and expectant of the future. You  are ready, but they  ain’t seeing themselves  ready anytime soon.

They just want to have you around, they seek for love and want to have you by themselves, but their future with you ain’t certain.

And so rather than lead you on, and play along with your emotions, they decide it will be best to pull away. In such scenario, you have to accept their decision, so you don’t have to regret on the long run. This is one of the Reasons why every  relationship needs to be defined at the early stage of commencement.

He just needed a fling.

Aside unstable finances, another reason why most men pull away or scared to commit is usually because they just want a fling and not a relationship.

A man who wants a fling will go to any extent to win the heart of the woman. And once that is done, he pulls away as his mission has been accomplished. As the victim might have helplessly fallen in love with him.

Leaving her emotionally traumatized. There is need for every woman to be rational while fallen in love. Don’t allow your emotion get a greater part of you. Before investing your emotions, first ask yourself Is this A fling or a relationship?Is this A fling or a relationship?

 

Being too pushy

Another reason why most men pull away is because they observe that you are becoming too pushy.

You are demanding for attention every now and then or probably pressurizing them to commit especially when they are not ready to do so.

Nobody loves being pressured to do something no matter who the pressurizer is.

There is life aside relationship, stop seeing it as a do or die affair.  Do your best, and leave the rest in the hands of fate or whoever you are dating. If your partner loves you and the relationship is meant to be, everything will always fall in place.

But if reverse is the case, nothing will ever make it work, not even your pushy or nagging attitude will change the fact.

You are not giving him space. 

Always know your limits and boundaries in people’s life.

In the bid to express your love, don’t choke your partner with excessive love and attention.

Don’t force yourself to get involved in every activity he does. Live and let him live. Find something to occupy your self with and I assure you, rather than pull away, he will draw more closer to you and crave for more attention from you.

 

Related article you may like to Read why Men-Pull-Away-Withdrawing-ebook.

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

7 Signs of a rebound relationship

 

 

 

Signs of a rebound relationship
Signs of a rebound relationship

 

Are there signs of a rebound relationship? Certainly.

But unfortunately, most folks ignore this as they tend to be so overwhelmed with their emotional feelings at the beginning of a relationship. Rebound relationship can sometimes be misinterpreted as a real relationship, hence the reason why so many are stuck in it.

Feelings and attractions can sometimes be deceitful especially if they were not allowed to grow and mature naturally.

During the time of grieving, just  immediately after a break up, there is always an intense urge to fill that vacuum created by our ex.

The feelings of loneliness and depression tends to be getting a greater part of us at that period.  A lot of persons can relate to this, hence the reason why we opt for a shoulder to cry on. We do this as a way to get over the hurt experience.

Somewhere along the line, we may begin to feel some form of closeness and attachment for the one giving us such solace and comfort.

Because of our intense quest for companionship, we might begin to  interpret this as True love. But in actual sense, this can only be referred to as a ” Rebound”.

The one who initiated the Rebound is usually the one who sought for solace and comfort.

While the one who offers his/ her shoulder to lean on is the victim who tends to be at the receiving end.

Unfortunately, a lot of people fall into the last category. They are a  rebound who were only used as a form of emotional support.  While offering emotional support, they helplessly fell in love with the assumption that the other person feels the same.

They were led on because the victim needed to fill in a vacuum left behind.   Such assumed or Imaginary relationship automatically ends as soon as the one whose heart  was once heart broken begins to recover, hence subjecting the other to emotional trauma.

This is why is not usually advisable to date someone who is just trying to recover from a heartbreak.

The supposed feelings at that period can never be termed as love even though it feels as such. Rebound is a form of  Emotional manipulation to the one at the receiving end.  Knowing the  Dangers of rebound Relationship. will enable one to watch for its signs in other not to fall a victim to it.  Is quite disheartening that a lot of folks don’t even know they are in a rebound relationship. So what are the signs of a rebound relationship?  How can one one know if he/ she is being used as a rebound?

Signs of a rebound relationship
Signs of a rebound relationship

Signs of a rebound relationship.

It happens suddenly.

One  of the apparent signs of a rebound relationship is that it appears too suddenly sometimes unexpectedly. Imagine consoling someone who just  experienced a heartbreak.

Then all of a sudden, they admit they have fully recovered and began to confess their love towards you. Wouldn’t you be amazed on how such could be possible within a short period of time?  Is so easy to fall for such, but always be reminded that true love and feelings doesn’t happen spontaneously. It sounds more like infatuation. Such Instant relationship usually doesn’t last.   Getting over an  ex is not something that happens instantly. Is a gradual process. It could take weeks, days or perhaps months to truly get over someone you once shared your memories with.

In some rare cases, it could take several years. So you have to be observant when someone who was once heartbroken begins to lead you on. Sometimes they just need a support to aid their healing process. And once that has been achieved, they opt out, making you feel used.

Filled with mixed signals.

Another obvious signs of rebound relationship is that it is usually filled with mixed signals.

One moment they give you  green light and make their intentions open, the next moment they become distant and cold and begins to withdraw their intention leaving you skeptical and perplexed.

This happens because their feelings towards ain’t certain or genuine. The one who truly loves you will never give you a mixed signal. Rather they will express the whole love without any hesitation.

Non- mutual discussions.

What kind of discussions do you guys normally have whenever you are together? What kind of talks do they normally initiate? Do you normally talk about your future together? How do they respond to such discussions? These are some vital questions you need to ponder on.

Often times, people who use others as rebound relationship has no intention for a future relationship. Hence often shy away whenever the issues of future is brought up.

Negligence

This is another obvious  signs of rebound relationship. When you’ve helped them get over their grief and broken heart, you will begin to realize that there was no true feelings in the first place. They will start taking you for granted.

No matter how you try to love, it will never get reciprocated because they aren’t into you. The more you push it, the more distant and cold they become until you finally give up.

Insecure feelings

Rebound relationship will always leave you with insecure feelings. When people venture into a relationship without their feelings fully involved, it  stirs up the insecure feelings in the other individual.

Such is usually true about a rebound relationship.

A rebound relationship makes one needy and can turn an individual into a nag because you ain’t getting the expected result, hence the need to complain consistently.

Feelings tends to vanish too often.

One of the signs of a rebound relationship is that feelings suddenly disappears.

At the beginning, it is usually awesome. It feels like your future together is guaranteed   already. But within a short while, everything becomes a night mare.

Rebound relationship is usually short lived. When the victim fully recovers, he/ she begins to see his/ her rebound as incompetent to meet their desired trait in a partner. Thus leading to the end of the supposed relationship.

Communication with Ex.

When they claim they’ve gotten over their ex, but yet wouldn’t stop talking about them or even keeping in touch with them, then just know that you are in a rebound relationship.

This is one of the undeniable signs of a rebound relationship. When someone has truly moved on from his/ her past relationship, he/ she with definitely keep his/ her past behind while focusing on the new love.

You will observe how they will keep initiating their Ex into a conversation you both are having. It becomes worse if they bump into them somewhere. They will keep in touch with them as a way to reminisce the old memories.

You may also want to check out this external source: signs of a rebound-relationship.

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How to curb a nagging attitude.

 

 

 

How to curb nagging attitude
Nagging attitude.

 

Nagging attitude is a negative trait and can become a threat to a Healthy relationship.  Unfortunately, a lot are ignorant of  this. One can possess every other good quality, but with a nagging attitude, those positive attitude portrayed by him/ her has been altered.

People who nag continuously sometimes does that ignorantly.

They nag as a way to communicate  their fears, voice out their opinions and lay their complaints to their partner. All these are good, except they are done in the wrong way.

Communication and nagging are two different terms. When you communicate, you make your feelings known and then listen or pay attention to your partner’s feelings as well.

But when you nag, you tend to focus on you alone thus paying less attention to the other party.

As human, laying complaint is inevitable and sometimes necessary.

We are taught to be assertive, but at the same time meant to outspoken. You don’t have to keep mute in all circumstance. But the way and manner by which your complaint is laid really matters a lot . Hence the reason why “Nagging  is defined as a constant  complaint”.

Nagging attitude is generally a thorn in the flesh to the party at the  receiving end.  Aside relationship/ marriage, people who nag are often referred to as ” troublesome set of individuals. A handful of teenagers often complain having a nagging parents, who complains virtually of everything.

According to them, nothing they ever does seems right to them. They always find fault and reasons to blame them in everything. This explains how annoying a nagging attitude can be. And this why one must find a way to curb it before it turns out to a habit.  So how can it be curbed?

Effective ways to curb a nagging attitude.

How to curb a nagging attitude
How to curb a nagging attitude

Discovery

 

The first and basic way to curb any flaws in life. Whether an addiction  or a negative habit, you first have to come to the realization that it is one. You can’t fight what you are ignorant of.

And this is the major problem with people possessing a nagging attitude.  They  don’t even know how annoying such attitude can be to others.

They are ignorant of the fact that it is a weak point, hence have never considered trying to quit it.  They tend to justify the act with the wrong motive and mindset just like we earlier explained.

However, the fact still remains that nagging is a wrong way of expressing one’s feelings. No matter how offended you are or how annoying your partner is, nagging them will only drive them away farther.

Adopting self control. 

Some habits or  addiction can only be curtailed by self control. Humans are the most difficult creature to deal with.

Certainly you can’t always have all  your expectations in an individual. People will often step on your toes and sometimes they might do that deliberately and constantly. Even the most loving person in your life may be annoying a times and will most likely portray annoying attitude that might cause you to nag.

Regardless of that, when an urge to nag comes, learn how to control your emotions. If we start acting like people do treat us, we may end up doing things which we might regret at the end of the day.

overlooking certain things.

The most  vital and effective way to curb a nagging attitude is to learn how to overlook certain attitude portrayed by your partner or people around you.

It is often said that behind every nagging individual,  there is a partner not doing what he/ she ought to do or expected to do.

Most people don’t necessarily nag because they chose to. They do that as a way to voice out their opinion, just like we explained earlier. Sometimes,you don’t have to blame them. But that regardless,

nagging attitude is still a flaw. And you need to curb by it learning how to overlook certain things. If you keep complaining over everything, gradually, you are turning yourself into a nag. And rather than your opinion being heard, it will be misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Always set your mind to ignore certain things for the sake of peace and tranquility.

understanding.

Understanding people’s character and attitude is one of the effective ways to curb a nagging attitude.

In marriage, understanding your spouse matters a lot. It is considered to be more vital than love. With understanding, there would be  Tolerance.

Most times, people nag because they don’t understand the people they are dealing with. They will keep yelling and complaining about same issue over and over again.

The truth is that some people will never change, no matter how long you nag or yell. That’s why is advisable to choose a partner whose character you can condone because  Love is not just enough to sustain a marriage. It equally explains the reason why tolerance is necessary. No individual is perfect. With understanding, you can learn how to tolerate certain people without having to nag all the time. And equally overlook some characters they portray, especially the ones they keep doing consistently.

Patience.

One apparent reason contributing to our nagging attitude is that we don’t exercise patient when we lay our complaint.

You keep complaining about an issue continuously. We fail to realize that people don’t change overnight, especially if you met them with same character. Think about that addiction or habit you are struggling to quit. You see how difficult it is to quit  right?

Now imagine  you are in their shoes. Sometimes, when you complain over a certain issues, give the other party time to adjust especially if they have admitted their fault, and willing to make an adjustment. Overcome the temptation of repeating same issue for a given period.

Also check how to stop-nagging.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Top 7 biggest turn off for women

 

Turn off for women

Turn off for women are quite different from the  turn off for men since both are different genders with different perspective.  The Emotional differences In men and women, explains a lot about this fact. A relationship can only thrive  when couples realize that they are both different individuals with preferences and interests. As a man, Mandating your woman to believe and accept in all your ideology and opinion often is like forcing an infant to eat a solid food. No matter the pressure, is gonna be quite difficult. Attraction   is a natural occurrence,it can’t be manipulated. What attracts a man can be quite different from that which attracts a woman and vice versa.

Similarly turn off for women is equally different from that of men.  Most relationship/ marriages are in shambles today because so many people are unaware of their partners likes and dislikes.  Hence they expect them to love  everything about them. But unfortunately it doesn’t always  work that way.

Most single men are skeptical on how to get  their ideal woman. A lot have tried all they could but end up being rejected. Thus leading to a generalized statement “that women are insatiable and nothing gets them attracted”Men are not scum, neither are women, is all about understanding both the individuals and general preferences.

The scenario can be  likened to  giving birth to three children and expecting them to all behave alike. Which most times, is quite impossible.  No matter the  upbringing and moral you imbibe in them, they can never possess the same character.

And so you’ve probably seen your ideal woman. You’ve been crushing on her for a very long time, but you really don’t want it to end in rejection just like others you’ve encountered in the past. She might be having similar feelings or probably maybe interested in you. However,despite her interest, there are things which could turn her off at first sight. So how do you create a  first but  wonderful impression in other to stir up her interest and make her keep longing for you?  You first have to start by identifying the turn off for women and learning how to work on them. here are some -turn-offs-women.

Turn off for women

 

6  biggest turn off for women. 

Bad breath- 

People will always say that love happens without any reason. You will often hear some people say that they want a man/ woman who would love them for who they are.

Such statement might be true, but are really abstract. Realistically, As human, our first point of attraction is usually focused on physical attribute.  Yea we may crave for other qualities such as good character and personality.

Most times, what usually stirs up our interest in an individual is the outward appearance. This outward appearance is what arouses out interest into knowing further things about them. No matter your prestige or riches. Having a bad breathe will most likely turn a woman off.

Is quite unfortunate that a lot of men pay less attention to their body and maintenance. Some assume that neatness is not necessarily for men but only for women. And so they neglect their body with the assurance that women are only attracted by material things.

But  the truth is that  why they  may get attracted to you as a result of your resources, they may not really love you. A woman’s true love is based on the fact that she can spend a whole lot of time with you without getting exhausted or turn off by certain factors including bad breathe.

Every woman crave for that man who she can always be proud of anywhere.  Having a bad breathe may derail that.  As a man, am very certain that you wouldn’t like to approach a woman who looks so unkempt with drops of menstrual blood littered all over her body. Likewise,  no woman wants to have a man who can’t take proper care of himself. Before you walk up to that gorgeous lady. Endeavour to look good, take a clean bath, smell nice. You mustn’t necessarily wear an expensive cloth or perfume. But Endeavour to appear neat. Appear just the exact way you would like to be approached.

Low esteem and confident.

Another obvious turn off for women in men is lack of self confidence.

First impression matters a lot. Every woman desires that man who has self esteem and can confidently handle and confront any situation.

If you can’t confidently approach a woman without fear of rejection, then you are giving her the impression that you have low esteem. So many men have lost their destined life partner because of low esteem emanating  as a result of fear of rejection. Some are currently battling with their esteem on how to approach their crush.

As a Man, the first criteria or factor that will enable you win over your dream woman is confidence. This is because men are generally and commonly known to make advances. Though women can do that occasionally , but is commonly known to be a man’s role. If there is no courage, such mission will be quite unachievable.  Overcoming inferiority complex is what every man should learn how to do in other to attract their dream partner.

 

Weak men.  

This is a great turn of for women.

Have you ever wondered why it seems like good men are often unfortunate when it comes to relationship? Why the so called bad men and players seems to be toping the game?

The reason is simple!!! They appear so strong and confident. They seems to master every tactics in wooing a lady and that’s why most women fall for them more. Quite hilarious right?   The truth is that  every human love complicated and sophisticated personality. We may not admit it, but this is true. You may be wondering why despite your nice personality and attribute, every woman keeps rejecting you. That’s because you appear too weak for them. You keep stalking and begging for attention every now and then. You keep acting like your world revolves around her. Some naive men will go to the extent threatening to commit suicide if they ain’t accepted. “Such a cowardice act”

Women are known to be emotional and weak genders. while men are known to be more  stronger and confident. Every woman  craves to have that Man who can protect her at all times. By Showing her your  weak points, you are  giving her that impression that you are not capable of offering her that emotional security. This generally is a big turn off for women.

EGO

I know you maybe wondering why  Ego .is included as one of the turn off for women, since men are encouraged to be self confident in other to attract their idea woman.

The crux of the matter is that EGO generally is a negative traits and a turn off to both genders. We all desire to have a confident partner but not a partner who is so full of him/ herself. There is a huge difference between “EGO and ” CONFIDENCE”. While the former denotes arrogance and pride. The later denotes self esteem.

Aggressiveness.

Another great turn off for women. Not just women, but every sane person. Women love to be pampered and talked to in a polite and calm voice. If you are temperamental or often gets provoked easily, you may find it difficult to attract a woman especially if she has seen you portray such attitude.

You really need to work on your temperament before thinking of approaching a woman. Though it might not be easy at first, but you have to admit you have a flaw  and be willing to work on it. Then if she truly loves you, she will understand and be patient with you.

Being Too mean 

It sounds so weird to be a turn off right? Here is the reason why it is regarded as a turn off for women.

Nobody loves a boring relationship. A boring relationship is like a military ground, where instructions are issued and meant to be adhered strictly to.

It is the dream of every woman to have a partner whom she sees as a friend too. A man whom she can tickle, play with and joke with anytime without being scared that he might get offended. This is why most women include “sense of humor” as a criteria in choosing a life partner. Being a good and responsible man is good, but try to add a little sense of humor to it. Don’t be too mean and serious all the time.

When you approach her, make her feel comfortable around you. Crack jokes no matter how dry they are. Engage her in meaningful discussions. Create a friendly atmosphere where she can be free with you and ready to relate her fears and challenges to you at all times.