Posted on 2 Comments

5 signs you are in a relationship without a future.

Signs you are in a relationship without a future
Signs you are in a relationship without a future




Being in a  relationship without a future is like living a life without a purpose or plan. There is no aspiration or dreams. There is no plan to have a better accomplishment. You are just breathing and living each day with however fate decides in your life.

So many relationship are a replica  of this illustration. A lot of people are in a relationship without identifying  the reason why they are in one. Is either they are feeling lonely or bored and just want want a companion to get them off that boredom, or they don’t want want to feel odd or oudated.since everyone around them including their friends are mingled. They want to feel among, hence the desire to change their relationship status.

Feeling lonely and bored? Would being in a relationship without a future serve as an antidote to loneliness and boredom? Well I don’t really think so.  I strongly believe that reverse is the case. A relationship without a future can create the feelings of loneliness. During the  the honeymoon phase( at the initial stage of the relationship)the spark might still be at its peak because the emotional and romantic feelings are still intense. But as soon as this state is over, reality sets in. Then you will realize that being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily curb loneliness.   Especially in an  undefined relationship .   When it becomes obvious they are not looking forward to the future, loneliness will surface.

Anticipating for something and getting a different result can be a devastating experience. A lot of folks jumped into a relationship excitedly with the bid to find companionship, curb loneliness and in turn find a future partner. The last purpose  which is to find a “future partner” seems to dominate every other reason. And when this purpose is not achieved. The loneliness still gets stuck in them.


I’ve come across a lot of people who ventured in a relationship hoping to find companionship. At first, the relationship was awesome. But along the line, unresolved issues began to surface, their partner began to withdraw. And before they realized what has happened,  they fell back to the once dreaded lonely feelings.

Now the greatest challenge is being able to identify a relationship without a future.  Every product displayed in the market is often tagged as original and authentic. No matter its less value or defects, the producer/ marketer always endeavors to market its good side only. Leaving every other defects at the fate and risk of the consumer. Similarly, is rare for a man/ woman to approach  you and be honest with you that they only needed a a fling or they just wants to be a friend with benefit.

Everyone  will claim to be ready for a serious commitment.  Is left for you to be observant and watch out for obvious signs to indicate their intentions.

These signs might not be clearer open, but they do exist. Sometimes our emotional thoughts and feelings may becloud our sense of reasoning, thus making it hard for us to truly see the what are the -signs-your-relationship-may-have-no-future?

Signs you are in a relationship without a
Relationship without a future

Signs of a relationship without future.

It is built on fantasy than Reality.

When a relationship is built on fantasies, one of the partner does everything not because he/ she is truly in love and wants to spend the rest of their life with the other. But because they just want to impress the other in other to achieve their own selfish benefits or interest.

In this case, there is always a hidden traits so as to accomplish the target. On the contrary, when someone sees you as a potential mate, he/ she wouldn’t hesitate to be open and transparent towards you. Because they want to make you a part of their future. They won’t feel ashamed to reveal their true identity.

poor or lack of communication.

A relationship without a future is often signified by lack of communication except in a scenario where the other individual desires to gain something from the other.

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner hardly call nor communicate with you via any available   means just to check up on you.

But wouldn’t hesitate to do that whenever they desire a favor from you. Such is a parasitic relationship and one of the major characteristics that your relationship might have no future. Every  healthy relationship needs   effective communication to thrive.

commitment phobia from a partner.

One of the obvious signs that you might be in a relationship without a future is when commitment seems elusive. Commitment is a natural action that comes when one places so much value in his/ her relationship. In that case, they are willing to make sacrifices when necessary.

Without being compelled or obliged  to do so. When you keep nagging your partner concerning the future of the relationship or compelling them to commit or make sacrifices, then such relationship might really  have no future.

A relationship is not ownership but partnership. It shouldn’t feel as though they are doing you a huge favor by dating you.

Unwilling to admit fault

A partner who always claims to be right and unwilling to admit his/ her faults, let alone apologize.  maybe passing a vital message to you, ” which is” I really don’t want to have anything to do with you in the future. People who wants to include their partners in the future are willing to do everything right in other to ensure they accomplish such vision. Even if it entails doing away with all forms of Ego and other negative traits. They are always eager and willing to work on their character in other to accommodate the other.

The i, my self and me mentality-

When someone truly wants a future with you, they will begin to realize that it is no longer just about them, but also about you.

They will always have your interest at heart. They will always seek for your opinion and consent before taking any decision. Your interest becomes their interest as well. It shows regard and respect for the other person. But when reverse is the case, self centered ness  becomes their personal trait. All that matters to them will only be concerning their affairs and nothing more.








Posted on 7 Comments

4 most common relationship issues and how to fix them.




Common relationship issues
Common relationship issues.


There are common relationship issues which couples often neglect especially at the beginning of every relationship. But the adverse effect is that it ends up posing a lot of problems like  constant arguments and in some severe cases may lead to break up or divorce.

I am very certain that at the mention of ” Relationship issues” a lot of folks always imagine a likely scenario of a failed relationship. But shockingly and amazingly, every relationship despite the commitment and compatibility of both partners  had experienced or currently undergoing one relationship issues or the other.  Relationship issues doesn’t always portray a failed relationship or incompatibility just like we always presume.

Just take a life as an illustration. We experience so many challenges and traumas in life in the course  of our pursuit for success and anticipated luxury. Yet that doesn’t automatically portray us a failure”. As we strive to succeed and make ends meet.  We may encounter  so many failed attempts, yet we keep trying and remaining optimistic.

Rather than concluding we are failures.  For the ones who  are determined to succeed at all cost, Failure may not stop them, but rather stir up the passion to succeed. So many success story are usually accompanied with moments of trials and lots of failed attempt. So at the end, what matters is how you break the edge despite your challenges.

Same is applicable in relationships. Relationship issues are inevitable. When you see couples living and building their relationship happily, we assume they are just perfect for each other. But the fact is this, they ain’t perfect for each other. They simply have a mutual understanding in handling some of their common relationship issues.

In public view, they live happily every moments, but behind close doors, they argue, fight and in some cases, may resort to giving each other silent treatment for days. However, the crux of the matter is that  after all all this issues, they have it fixed amicably  rather than separate or spread their dirty linen in this our major point of focus. Fixing or resolving common relationship is

what are this relationship-issues?- Let’s find out first.

Common relationship issues and how to fix them.

Admitting faults or wrongs.

This is a very significant issue in relationship. As human, is part of our ego to have a sense of perfection in everything we do.

Hence the difficulty in admitting that we are at faults. But we often forget the adage” To err is to human”. This issue is so prevalent in couples who are so egoistic.  This is a huge  problem because Both never sees a problem or fault in anything they do.

This issue is often caused by dating for the wrong purpose. When people date for their own selfish interest,   they would always place their Ego before the relationship. They will do everything to stay relevant as long ad those benefits keeps coming. They rarely accept their shortcomings.

On the contrary, when the intention is to build a   long term relationship.

There is always a desire to keep the relationship soaring and thriving at all cost.  Admitting faults wouldn’t be an issue. It doesn’t even matter who has erred. As long as there is willingness from both to keep the relationship soaring, there will be desire to always talk things over.

How to fix this.

First, both has to define the relationship in other to be certain of what they tend to achieve in the long run.

If the intention is based on selfish interest or friends with benefits, then things like this might not be an issue. But when the intention is to build a long term relationship that might end up officially. Then there is every need to have a mutual understanding and communication whenever issues like this arises.

If your partner is the type who doesn’t like admitting fault, or maybe you always apologize even when they are at fault, communicate to them concerning that. Don’t always keep mute with the intention of saving the relationship. Sometimes, such habit often lingers till marriage.

Both should see Apology as a necessity. When there is an assurance or  anticipation of a blissful future, we often put in our best to ensure it becomes a reality. Similarly, when there is anticipation by both couples to make it together in the future. All hands must be on deck. Common things like Admitting one’s fault wouldn’t be an issue.


Trust issues.

A  very sensitive common relationship issue couples shouldn’t neglect.

A relationship without trust is like a house without a roof. There is no guarantee of safety. As every rainfall or sunshine poses a great threat to people living inside.

There is no love without trust. When couple begins to have trust issues, insecurity sets in. Any activity from one or both partners is often accompanied with doubts and suspicion.

Even when there is a plot  by jealous friends or colleagues to blackmail your significant other or terminate your relationship. Such plot will always emerge successful because there is no trust.

How to fix it.

Both have to build the trust at the beginning of the relationship. Trust is earned when people live uprightly, honestly and Transparently. When these three factors are present, Trust will never cease to exist in the relationship. You can always vouch for each other even in blackmailing circumstances.


Secondly, most trust issues occurs as a result of  an ugly experience or incident that took place in the past.

People don’t just loose trust, except they had experienced betrayal in the past. When such happens, the one who betrayed the trust of the other should find a way to make things right again and earn their trust.  One may ask can I regain my partner’s trust? The response is yes. Regaining your partner’s Trust is possible.

though it might take some time. Nothing is impossible. You have to work towards it. Find out why they lost their trust in you. Make changes and let them see you’ve really turned into a new leaf. Then give them time to adjust. Don’t rush them.

Inability to handle tough times together

Relationship requires a matured mindset and reasoning. Being in love with your partner is not a guarantee that your individual life will be so perfect.

There are times when your individual problems or challenges might be so severe and tend to overwhelm you. At such times, relationship and love talks might not be your priority.  So the question is. Should you end a beautiful Union just because you are experiencing a challenging moment in life? This is where most couples get it wrong. Asking for space or withdrawing from each other emotionally just to clear one’s head or mind.

Sometimes,the other party who was requested to be given a space might not understand it clearly especially when the reason is not stated. He/ she might mistaken it for a polite or subtle way of breaking up with them.

How to fix it.

When you are overwhelmed with challenges either at work place or a family challenge, talk to your partner concerning it.

Don’t just withdraw hoping they will understand. If you must request for space. Let them know your reasons for withdrawing emotionally or not giving them the usual attention.  Make them understand it ain’t intentional.

Assure them that you will be back for them as soon as you’ve fixed your problem.

Moreover, you can  as well involve each other in your challenges by cheering and encouraging one  other. This is the best way to portray your love for each other. Relationship shouldn’t only be based   on happy moment but also trying moment. If you can’t share your problem with each other, then why be in a relationship?

Intimacy issues.

Should we include intimacy in our relationships? How soon or often should we make love? This is one of the common issues in a relationship especially for people desiring to remain celibate till marriage.

This has raised a lot of controversies in several relationship. Most women had complained of receiving heartbreak because they couldn’t yield to the sexual demands of their partner.

Another issue is knowing the right time to include sex.  Because it is quite difficult to determine when a man really wants a serious commitment or a fling. And most women would likely withhold sex, in other to save their sanity if peradventure later becomes the case.

How to fix this.

Both couples should understand that relationship should be the least priority.

For a healthy relationship, everything comes gradually including intimacy. Do not try to pressurize your partner to become intimate with you against their will.

Emotions are stirred up gradually. With time, they might be the one requesting for it.

If you’ve chosen to remain celibate, make sure you communicate with your supposed partner before you accept to date them or in the early stages  of the relationship.

It ought to be a mutual agreement. Their response should give you a green light of whether  to continue or give up.













Posted on 1 Comment

Am i making the wrong sacrifices in a relationship?

Wrong sacrifices in a relationship
Wrong sacrifices in a relationship




Are you making the wrong sacrifices in a relationship? Are you sacrificing so much in a relationship? Does it ever feel you are going an extra mile to keep your relationship? Does it feel you are being manipulated by your partner by doing things which you wouldn’t have done ordinarily  Are you having any experience with any of this? Then I must commend for reading this article.

First, is there such things as wrong sacrifices in a relationship? How exactly can a sacrifice go  wrong?

The word “sacrifice” is a very sensitive term. It means a lot in a general aspect, It is an act of benevolent and kindness towards humanity. It equally denotes a huge prize we pay to achieve a great and magnificent things in life.

To be successful in life, one has to pay the sacrifice of hard work, persistence, perseverance and tenacity. For a student to succeed in his/ her academic pursuit, sacrifices needs to be made. Such sacrifice entails reducing the sleeping and leisure hours,and spending more time in one’s study.

People who engage in diabolic acts to succeed also make sacrifices to keep their status quo. Sacrifice is an inevitable part of life.  However, when the term ” wrong” has been attach to it, it simply means that something ain’t right.

Is either that one is sacrificing with the wrong intention or sacrificing in the wrong places . In Relationship, most of  us makes a lot  of sacrifices just to ensure that our relationship works. Such act is good, as it denotes commitment and the value one has towards the relationship.

However, there are times when we do it in a wrong way. There are situations when making sacrifices  might not be necessary especially in  trying to make a relationship work. And now the question is. How can you know when you are making the wrong sacrifices in a relationship?what are some of the sacrifices-you-should-never-make-in-a-relationship?

4 signs you are making the wrong sacrifices in a relationship.

Compromising your values.

Is quite unfortunate that a lot of folks finds it difficult to differentiate between compromise and sacrifice.

I once had a conversation with a young woman who was severally broken and traumatized from a broken relationship.

I paid attention as she lamented on how she invested emotionally and sacrificed a lot to save her relationship but all to no avail.

I became curious  to understand the kind of sacrifice that prompted to such break down and complaint like this. I was so shocked to hear that she accepted Anal sex just to keep his partner and save the relationship.

Yet after doing all this,she still lost the relationship. I wouldn’t say she was lured into it because it was solely her choice and decision. She might be under pressure, but not under any obligation. When you sacrifice for someone, you do things that  will be of immense benefit to them. You go extra miles to put a smile on their face.

But certainly not at the expense of your own happiness. When you sacrifice in a relationship, you do things to spice up the spark in your relationship. But not at the detriment of your own happiness.

You sacrifice to have the receiver benefit, and not to harm you in return. No matter how you love your partner or spouse. You certainly can’t lay down your life for them. Or can you?  There are other ways to show them you truly love them.

That is what sacrifice entails. Remember, that your are equally special and important.

They wouldn’t want to loose you if they truly love you. When you compromise. You ruin your goals, ambitions, purpose and in some cases life.  But when you sacrifice, you do things that will benefit  your partner or strengthen your relationship. Even if they don’t appreciate your effort, you might not have much to loose.

Consistent sacrifice without reciprocation.

One of the common ways people make wrong sacrifices in a relationship is sacrificing in a relationship and yet nothing having it reciprocated. No doubt, we are not meant to seek for rewards when making sacrifices, it ought to be done willingly.

However, when it comes to relationship, there ought to mutual concept and reciprocation. Without which it might be regarded as a one sided relationship  We sacrifice willingly, but most times as humans we expect to get reciprocation.

This reciprocation shows mutual intention. It depicts appreciation.  In relationship, it is not the duty of an individual to keep it soaring. It ought to be a collective effort. So when you see yourself always making sacrifices in a relationship without having it reciprocated, I must be honest with you, you are simply making a wrong sacrifice in a wrong place. The earlier you realize this, the better for you.

Sacrificing as an obligation and not willingly.

One of the major  characteristics of sacrifice is that it is not imposed on one. It ought to be done willingly. You are neither under any obligation or duress to make sacrifices.

When you are sacrificing under this condition, it is a sign you are  in a   toxic relationship  You shouldn’t be compelled to make sacrifices. It should be your sole decision. You should have thought of it and see it as something that truly Worths your time and effort.


You are sacrificing to win your partner’s love.

This is one of the common mistakes and wrong sacrifices most people make in a relationship. Sacrificing just to  keep a loved one or secure their heart in the future. But can you really secure someone if they don’t wish to be secured? I really don’t think so.

An example is sponsoring a woman in her academics with the intention of getting marital benefits from her. Such is a wrong sacrifice. Humans are unpredictable. And as long as they ain’t married to you yet, the choice and decision to accept your marriage proposal is still their’s to make.

They owe you no explanation whatsoever. A lot of people had fallen into chronic depression as a result of this.

Making commitments with the intention of having a future benefit. But ironically, it doesn’t always work as we presume or expected. Women ain’t excluded too. Some has made a commitment just to secure a future with a man. This is what we call making wrong sacrifices in a relationship. Not until there is a mutual intention and understanding, such sacrifice will not secure the relationship.












Posted on Leave a comment

5 signs you are loosing your worth in a relationship






Loosing your worth in a relationship is the easiest route to Emotional manipulation and abuse. A lot of people get so entangled with the butterfly feelings at the beginning of a new relationship. They see the relationship as a goddess that needed to be worshipped and honored at a very point in time. With such mindset, nothing else matters.  Even when their happiness seems to be affected. They are ready to secure and fight for their relationship even at the detriment of their happiness.  But ironically, we can’t fight to be loved. We can only fight for love. This is what a lot of folks especially those who haven’t realized their worth are ignorant of.

You can only accept to be in a relationship, you can only discuss about your preferences  to your partner. But then, how they chose to act afterwards is strictly up to them.  Just like the saying. ” you can force a horse to the stream, but you can’t force it to take water. And so what should you do at this point? Always remember your worth.

What is self worth?

“Worth”on its own signifies the value we place on a thing or item.  There are so many gadgets, clothes or accessories  we may desire to have them. But we can’t afford them at the moment probably because their prize is too high. And this prize determines its worth. It shows how relevant and valuable the item is.

Now the definition is no different when self is attached to it. It shows the importance and value you attach on your self. Now, you are not an item or commodity  that is meant to be prized or patronized.

However, your worth lies on the value you place on yourself. This value determines how you love yourself and wish to be treated by others.

This value will help you realize that you are the best version of you and so you  deserve the best. It will help you take charge of your life to the point that you can never tolerate any form of abuse or Ill  treatment from people. You will never settle for less or compromise your principle in the bid to please someone.

You will never thread your happiness for just anything. It builds self enables one to see the good in him/ herself even when no body else does.

But unfortunately, loosing your self worth  may derail all these.  You can’t really give out what you don’t have. When there is no self love, relationship suffers a times. Because  in the bid to secure your partner’s attention,you might end up being unnecessarily paranoid and insecure thereby scaring them away.

What are the signs that you are gradually loosing your self worth in a relationship what are the signs that -you’ ve- suddenly forgotten-your worth in a . Let’s find out.

Signs that you are loosing your worth in a relationship.

Begging for attention.

Love is not an  obligation that one has to impose on another. It has to be given freely, and reciprocated without composure or persuasion.  It is awesome to be in love, but it is wired to beg for love.

Begging for love only signifies that you ain’t competent to have them. You are indirectly telling yourself that you don’t deserve their love.

Hence, they are only doing you a favor by dating you. If you want to hold in high esteem and respected by your partner, do not beg for attention.  I understand this is the most difficult thing to do when in love.

There is always a curiosity to find out why your calls are never returned, why they hardly visit or permits you to visit. But do you know the most annoying thing? Why trying to feed your curiosity, you might end up loosing your  worth.

You will never get the attention because you’ve ended up boosting  their Ego by giving them the impression that you can’t live without them.  And the more they ignore you, the more you get hurt.

Willing to compromise.

One of the obvious sign that you are loosing your worth  in a relationship is having to comprise your standard or principle just to please a partner. When I hear a lady say she  had sex just to keep her relationship or avoid her partner from cheating.

I often imagine an individual with a low self esteem.  Relationship needs the respect from both parties in other to thrive.  If they can’t respect your decision, it simply means they don’t value you. When you see yourself doing wired things or accepting any obligation just to please your partner because he/ she threatens to leave, then you are loosing your  worth in such relationship. And soon, you may realize it doesn’t really worth especially if they have no genuine love for you. You don’t have to lower your standard just to please anyone.

You always apologize at their own fault.

Aplogy is one of the best antidote towards having a successful relationship/ marriage. However, Apology has to be a mutual virtue . both partners ought to possess it. It is a sign of respect to your partner and a regard to the relationship. If you are in a relationship where you ought to apologize at any slightest provocation just to keep the relationship moving. Is high time you have a rethink. Owing up to one’s responsibility is a sign of maturity and responsibility, Apologizing when at fault is a sign of respect and value to a relationship.

People who find it difficult to use the five lettered words” sorry” do that deliberately  just to boost their Ego and show their relevance. And when you are consistently doing that on their behalf, they may never change.

Such behavior  continues even in marriage.Now ask your self. Will this relationship still survive if I decide to keep mute just like they do? Sometimes, you need to show your relevance and worth by allowing them own up to their faults. It shows that you know your worth, hence you can’t accept any form of humiliation from anyone.  Let them know that you deserve to be accorded respect too. Why not break that status quo.

Stop loosing your worth in the bid to save a relationship. They need put their own effort to save it as well.


You are scared to be lonely.

Do you always find yourself getting paranoid or being scared whenever they threatened to leave? Then you are loosing your worth. This is the common reason why so many people get stuck in a toxic relationship. Self confidence is a virtue everyone needs to possess. Basically, you don’t need a relationship to be happy. Your happiness should be borne out of the fact that you really appreciate your self and achievement. Every other factor including relationship becomes a complement.

You fight your rivals

Being with a partner who cheats and sees himself as a trophy that needed to be won by many contestant can be annoying. It feels like you are in a tough contest with different competent individuals with just one interest and aim. ( to win his heart).

You loose your self worth when you engage in such. And the worse being fighting your rivals just to be at the top of the game. Always remind yourself that you are a trophy too. You deserve the better. You are loosing your worth when you keep fighting for people who doesn’t give a damn about you.



Posted on 1 Comment

Coping with commitment phobia from a partner.


Commitment phobia in a relationship
Commitment phobia in a relationship


Commitment phobia is one of the major setbacks  and obstacles in a relationship. Especially when there is an anticipation from one or both partners to take the relationship to the next level.

Commitment is very vital in every aspect of life. It is like a pledge to put all your efforts towards attaining a better achievement/ result in your  endeavor. Either a business or in a firm/ organization.

Imagine owing  a company and having a handful of employees.  But unfortunately, they all display nonchalance towards their duty. How  Will you cope with such workers? If allowed for so long, they might end up ruining such organization and the legacy that you labored so hard to build.

Commitment is equally like an investment. We invest because we are certain of the bright and blissful future that awaits us.


Relationship is not an exception in this scenario. A relationship can only be qualified to call one when there is commitment from both sides.  Imagine having a business partner who feels reluctant to put his/ her own effort in the business to ensure its growth. He/ she does nothing to keep the business moving.  You know the most annoying aspect?they still anticipate to enjoy  the profit they never worked for.

They anticipate to reap at the expense of your labor and hard work. This isn’t fair right? Feels like you are being cheated on. This is exactly how it feels dating someone with a commitment phobia. Such relationship is a typical example of a   toxic or parasitic relationship.

Unfortunately, this is what is obtainable in so many relationships today. You keep pushing it to move, anticipating and fantasizing for a future together. Creating and imagining  a beautiful  and awesome picture of your imaginary family with your significant other when they ain’t even thinking or considering such in the nearest future. Such can be so disheartening.

Are you wondering why people  have commitment phobia even when they are with an awesome partner? Here are some of the reasons.

Reasons why people develop  commitment phobia in a relationship.

Financial incapability

This  usually affects men the most.  A lot of men are scared of commitment not really because they don’t value their relationship or their partner, but because they ain’t financially ready to do so.

Commitment comes with a lot of responsibilities . In women’s view and perception, it actually implies the journey towards preparation of marriage.

Hence the reason why most men especially the ones who ain’t financially ready develops phobia to it.  When a man makes a decision to commit, it only implies one thing. He is ready to legalize the union.

Most people develops commitment phobia in a relationship as soon as they’ve lost interest in their partner.  Interest spurs desire. When there is interest, there is always a desire  to make thinks work against all odds.

A man may not be financially capable for commitment. But when there is an intense desire for his partner, he will always make it obvious via other ways like regular communication and affection towards his partner.

Commitment is not only seen in the aspect of finances. If you find yourself walking so fast in the relationship, whereas your partner is dragging his/ her feet and has bluntly refused to walk along with you, it is a great sign that they ain’t ready to commit. They rarely calls,nor return your calls.

They often scare away from having a mutual conversation with you, especially one which has to do with your  future together.

Commitment phobia in a relationship
Commitment phobia in a relationship


You were moving so fast

Most people develops commitment phobia as soon as they realize that their partner is becoming too fast and overly conscious concerning the future of the relationship.

 Defining a relationship from the onset is a good idea,  But being too conscious and consistently   interrogating your partner concerning the  fate and future of the relationship is a big turn off to most folks.  Hence the phobia. Remember you ain’t married yet. There is still a probability that things may not work out, hence the reason why most people prefer things to move gradually and naturally.

When you act desperate or pressurize them, they might begin to pull away.

So how should you handle this?



Patience can only  be adopted when you observe that your partner  has interest in the relationship. For example, they communicate with you often but their only obstacle is financial constraint.

They might not be financially ready yet, but their conversation with you and plans towards the future would give you green light concerning what they actually want from you. If you love them, you can decide to exercise patience with them by giving them a little time till they are financial capable to commit fully.

However, you have to be observant and sensitive  during those time, in case their attitude begins to change towards you. You have to be alert to know when they are beginning to loose interest.


Don’t ignore early signs and warnings. 

Just like was earlier explained, people don’t commit to things they have no interest or desire for. There can only be commitment when there is mutual intention concerning the relationship. When people have commitment phobia, it could mean they’ve lost interest in the relationship.

Consistent nagging and dragging can  only lead to a futile and unproductive effort. Do not force anyone to commit. People can only commit to you only if they foresee  the future with you.

Take things gradually

A man already knows whether or not he has future with you. Pressurizing him to make commitment would only scare him away.

When you begin a new relationship, first dedicate your time towards knowing and understanding each other’s personality and flaws. Work on your flaws, improve on your attitude.

These are the things that will stir his desire  and hasten his plans towards making a commitment . when you spend more time developing yourself, he will realize your worth. And would be scared of loosing you to another. Hence, he will see enough reasons to commit.

-fear-of-committment is common in most relationships. But knowing how to handle it will determine the fate of both parties.




Posted on 2 Comments

5 signs he is ready to propose.




Is he ready to propose?
5 signs that he is ready to propose.


Is he ready to propose? These question often throws a lot of women into a state of curiosity whenever it is asked.  Knowing if a man is ready to propose is one of the greatest challenge  for every woman in a  long term relationship

This is because men and women often have a different view and perception as regards to dating and relationship.

For instance, A man can date without much emotional strings attached. But  just for the fun he tends to get at that moment. Hence, there wouldn’t be any form of  commitment.

On the contrary, for women is often different. When a woman   takes a decision to be in a relationship, she often ventures in  with the intention of building a long term relationship that will lead to marriage. With this mindset, there is always an expectation for commitment from her significant other. And when she doesn’t get that, she might begin  to question the authenticity of the relationship. The only exception to this are  commercial sex hawkers, who  only needs flings as a means of survival.

No woman would like to have her time wasted in an unfruitful relationship. And this is why majority would endeavor  to have their  relationship defined  to avoid future regrets.

But unfortunately, our society often seeds such as desperation. When a lady begins to ask about the future of her relationship. She is often tag as “desperate”.

Another vital way in which the perception and mindset of women differs  as regards to relationship is in societal pressure. For instance,  A man is expected to marry at any age as long as he has attained financial freedom and psychologically ready.

On the contrary, it is different for women. Her biological clock is tickling. A woman is expected to marry at a certain age bracket especially at  her reproductive age. Because once she attains menopause, the chances of having a man propose to her  becomes slim to none.

All these factors contributes to the reason why women attach so much relevance to marriage, unlike their male counterpart.  The societal pressure becomes so much on them. Families, friends and relatives becomes so curious to know when they will  officially be walked down the isle.

Now back to our topic.  How  would you know when a man is ready to propose? Is there any sign that shows that he needs a long term  committement. This question is a bit complicated, it is easier to start listing out some signs that  signifies  that he might want a future with you.

However, in some cases, it is not usually as we presume. Most women have  been misled with some of these mixed signals especially from men who discovered that they were so desperate to get married.  A lot had fallen victims to players and men who only desires to have flings with no strings attached.

Nevertheless, there are most vital signs every woman should look out for in a relationship. These signs determines his eagerness and readiness of a man to propose – what are these signs?

Is he ready to propose?
5 signs that he is ready to propose.

Vital signs that he is ready to propose.

He invests  on you.

Investment is a risk adventure and so Nobody will invest their money on things that does not guarantee any future yield.

people often invest with the intention of getting a higher yield or return in the  future. One of the significant sign that a man wants to include you in his future and is  ready to propose is his investment on you. By investment, I don’t mean spending money to get you groceries, or taking you to a summer holiday.

Players equally do this, men desiring a fling or one night stand do these two to lure the gullible ladies.

However, a man who is ready to propose invests on your future, because he is included in your future as well.

He endeavors you have the right career, he wouldn’t mind sponsoring your education to any level, as long as he is financial capable to do so. He will try as much as possible to support your goals and ambitions, and equally help you actualize it .

He looks for a long term benefit

When a man is  ready to propose, he looks forward to a long term benefits in the relationship.

A man who is ready to commit because he really wants to settle down will hardly make sex a condition towards the relationship. As a man with blood flowing through his veins, he will definitely feel bad when denied of sex, but will never end the relationship. This is one of the  significant ways to differentiate between a Real man who wants commitment and a player who just want a fling. While the former will stick around and watch out for other unique qualities, the later will flee.

He gradually  brings you closer to his loved ones.

One of the sign that a man is ready to propose is that he will gradually bring you close to his loved ones.

Note the word ” gradual”.  A lot of men will introduce  you to their family members or friends at the beginning of the relationship , just as a tactics to impress you and  lure you to bed.

They do that a lot especially when they discover that the lady is so desperate to get married. However, a sincere man who really wants commitment wouldn’t be in a haste to do that. He will take his time and be certain you deserve such before taking such bold step because He doesn’t just want to impress you, he wants to the right thing.

Be careful with men who introduces you to their loved ones even without knowing much about you. In most cases,it doesn’t end well.


He does not exclude himself in your challenges

Any man who is ready to walk you down the aisle will always be there for you especially at  your down times.

Sometimes imagine a family challenge, watch how he cares, watch how he remembers. Watch how he listens. All these are very essential. It shows he sees you as a part of his life, and so your challenges should always be a source of concern to him.

He is always sensitive.

A man who is ready to propose to you will always be sensitive especially if he discovers that he has a rival. He will be scared of loosing you and so will try as much as possible to make you feel secured around him.


















Posted on Leave a comment

Is love an illusion or reality?





Is love an illusion or reality
Is love an illusion or reality


Is  love an illusion or reality? Does it truly exists? Recently, there had been a lot of curiosity on this term called ” love”.

A lot of persons are beginning to doubt its existence as a result of the  ugly experiences they had in the past.

While some few others who had not really experienced such, and  have decided to give it a try,  in the bid to feed their curiosity, got discouraged along the line  after hearing or witnessing  other people’s experience.

As human, we all crave for affection. We all desire to be in a relationship where the love of our partner supersedes our’s . but unfortunately, these expectation seems like an illusion. Hence the question. Is love an illusion?

Here is an experience of one my client who is yet to recover from a severe heartbreak.

I once doubted the existence of love.I never believed in it, not like I was some strong hearted lady. However, I wasn’t an emotional type. My philosophy and motto in life has always been ” to achieve tremendous success. I never had any flare for relationship with the opposite sex.

My routine each day was to wake up, say my morning prayers, prepare and dash off to work. Then retire home in the evening to rest and prepare my body and mind for tomorrow’s hurdles and activity.

At my leisure time, I would prefer enjoying my solitude by either reading an interesting thriller or seeing a movie. I never had interest in improving my social life.

However, a colleague of mine invited me to a birthday pool party.

At first, I declined with the excuse that I wasn’t feeling too good. But she insisted till I gave in and accepted her invitation.

My decision wasn’t a bad idea after all as I had so much fun.  One I’ve never had I ages because I was so  preoccupied with work.  In the course of the celebration,  I discovered there was this  cute and charming guy who wouldn’t stop staring at me.

He finally summoned courage to approach me.  He asked for a dance, and afterwards collected my mobile digit  and asked me out. I played a little hard to get, but right in mind I couldn’t resist him.

He was so appealing, smart, intelligent and above all successful. He was every lady’s dream. I accepted his proposal. And from that moment, my life changed automatically. It is no longer the usual go to work and retire home to rest.

Now I had to try as much possible to strike a balance between my work, social life and relationship.  I learnt how to handle my  job and relationship simultaneously.  It wasn’t easy at first. But I felt it was worth it. For the first time, I experienced what it feels like to be in love and to be loved. I was so carried away by fantasies that I gave in my all to ensure the relationship worked out.

But unfortunately, it never lasted. I soon discovered that my prince charming was a cheat, liar and womanizer. I couldn’t contain the hurt I felt after discovering such. I was so destabilized for several weeks/ months. Nearly lost my job, but despite all this, started wanted him back because I felt I would never find someone like him. Despite the way he treated me, I still needed him around.

Though I wouldn’t call this love but  obsession  . I was so obsessed with him that I became so needy and desperate to have him back.

And the more obsessed and pushy I was, the more rejection I received from him. It really took me time before I could come to the terms of accepting the reality. With such experience, I kept asking my self  the rhetorical question. ” is love an illusion or a reality”.


A quite number of us has undergone similar experience. This story is just a practical way to explain why so many people assumes that love does not really exist. Is-love-an-illusion? Let’s find out.

Is love an  illusion? Here are some of the reasons why most folks believes it is.

Is love an illusion or reality?
Is love an illusion or a reality?


Unrealistic expectations

As human, we often seek for the best in all our endeavors and pursuit, and relationship is not an exception. We all desire to have that partner who seems perfect in every aspect. We wish to have that flawless partner who meets up to our expectations and standard. We just want to see all the attribute in one person.

But unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way. We should set our priorities right and look out for more important qualities. It should be a scale of preference.

Here is an instance. A man may desire to have a pretty, elegant, smart, intelligent, respectful  and well behaved lady.

He might get the first two or three qualities in her, while the others might be absence. Or he might get the last three and vice versa. It is up to him to set his priorities right and choose the one that matters most, knowing that he may not find all in one individual.

This is why we often end up with heart breaks, and then the conclusion that love is an illusion. We focus more on abstract choices than realistic choices.  Forgetting that there is no perfect individual. Is high time we began to set our priorities right, in other to avoid further heartbreak.

Imaginary relationship. 

Just like creating an image of unrealistic partner, another assumption that gives rise to the question ” is love an illusion or reality is the usual habit of   imagining and  picture of how our  ideal relationship ought to look like in our minds.

But ironically, most of these assumptions are imaginary. They are mere fantasies and maybe far from reality. These assumptions often occurs when we view a lot of romantic movies or read a lot of romantic novels. Those ideology and display of affections  gets registered to our brain, and we assume that our relationship must be similar to that in all ramifications including in the display of affections.

For instance, you desire to have a man who serves you coffee on the bed. While these may be good, it does no actually portray that every man who desires to have a relationship with you must serve you coffee on the bed. And that wouldn’t imply he does not love you.

Everyone has gat their own unique way of expressing love.  So one shouldn’t conclude that love is an illusion when is not a replica to the image and fantasies  created in the mind or from media sources.

Another important factor we must understand is that no relationship is rosy.

Every relationship undergoes different phases. And each phase is accompanied with lots of challenges.

The ability of both couples to come out stronger and emerge victorious at such time really shows they are compatible and meant for each other. So before asking the question ” is love an illusion? Make sure you have a clear understanding of how relationship works. Avoid unrealistic expectations and fantasies.







Posted on 3 Comments

Why some long term relationship never succeeds.?




Why some long term relationship never lasts
Long term relationship

Long term relationship as the name implies is usually a relationship in which both couples began a cordial friendship  with the intention of achieving a common goal in the long run.

In most cases, Such relationship usually lasts longer,  Because  It has gone beyond the usual friendship and  honey moon phase into what is expected as a life time commitment.

In Contrary to most folks assumption, long term relationship does not necessarily imply dating someone for close 3-5 years or more. However, it has more to do with with quality of the  relationship and the intention of both parties involved. So what makes a long term relationship?

Characteristics of a long term relationship.





At the beginning of every relationship, couples seems so perfect for each   other that they hardly see faults. Everything they does seems flawless in each other’s eye. There will always be pretense and putting up character in other to impress and fit in each  other’s life.   But as the relationship progresses and the honey moon phase is over. Adjustment begins. No more hiding of flaws or imperfections. You can comfortably joke with each other or fart in each other’s presence, without feeling remorseful/ embarrassed  about it and your partner won’t feel bad about it too.

Freedom of Expression.

Short term relationship is often derived by  infatuation. What do I mean by this? People in short term relationship are always scared to express their feelings towards their partner for fear of hurting them. Even if it means hiding the truth from them at the detriment of their future.

Whereas in long term relationship, reverse is usually the case. The sincere love existing in such relationship will always spur you to be honest to your partner. No matter how the truth hurts, you wouldn’t mind spilling it out, because you want the best for them.

You will always know you are in a long term relationship, when you are not scared to give your partner solution on how to get rid of their body or mouth odor  . Provided you are doing that in a polite way. You can easily tell them about their weight by recommending a good diet to keep them in check. Also the need to have a regular visit to the gymnasium.


Why most long term relationship never lasts
Long term relationship

When adjustment begins in a relationship, honesty most times becomes inevitable.

At this stage, you are not afraid to tell your partner any secret or past especially If you are longing to take the relationship to the next level. Because it is certain that they would find out soon which might be disastrous.

Now having known some of the characteristics of a long term relationship. One may still ask, why do some long term relationship rarely succeeds?  Honestly, I’ve seen people date for so long, having some of this characteristics mentioned, yet still goes their separate ways.

Here are some reasons, And how you can make a -long-term-relationships- work.

Reasons why some  long term relationship never succeeds.


Familiarity they say breeds contempt. It is human nature to value things which are less available than things which are  easily available. Here is an illustration,in our respective families, we  accord more  respect to an older individuals  who is an outsider than we give to our  older siblings.

Similarly, A lot of people begins to take their partner and relationship for granted as soon as they discover that the love is greater on their sides. They tend to relax as soon as they find out their partner is striving and putting all the effort to ensure it works out. Such relationship rarely lasts, because as time Goes on, the one striving to make it work will get tired and move on.


Lack of understanding. 

Sometimes is not how long people dated each other, but how well they understood each other.

Couples need more of understanding than love. When there is understanding, there will certainly be tolerance. An instance is this.  You can be in a relationship for so long, yet can’t put up with each other’s character because there is no understanding.

I have witness people date for so long, even intending to make their relationship official. But couldn’t achieve that aim because they couldn’t cope with each other’s excesses. Remember that no perfect individual exists. You might have a lovely and caring partner, but either they are temperamental or  insecure. The only factor that can secure such relationship is understanding. If you think they are worth spending the rest of your life with.


People can date for so long, yet disengage as  soon as they discover that they ain’t compatible with each other. They don’t think alike or do things alike. Their understanding and instincts tends to vary a lot. And such incompatibility often leads to constant arguments and fights.


Continue reading Why some long term relationship never succeeds.?