Long courtship is so common this days especially with the high rate of divorce and broken homes. Yet major reason attributed to rushing into marriage without having an indepth knowlege of whom you were about to marry.
But is quite unfortunate that People have this wrong perception or should i say lack a better understanding of this word “courtship’.
Courtship is not a period of studying or trying to know about someone you intend to marry.
That definition is not strong enough to define the word “courtship” as regards to marriage. Because humans are the most subtile and unpredictable of all the creatures.
Humans are sometimes complicated. No wonder the bible says. “the heart of a man is desperately wicked, who can understand? This signifies that you can’t really predict the heart of any man.
In other words, Defining courtship as a period of getting to know your partner is out of context. and Studying them is not really idea either. because studying most people is similar to studying a hectic course, no matter how hard you try to read, you, you might not comprehend. Let alone graduate.
So what does courtship actually means?
In a better explanation, courtship simply implies that period of time where two people who intends to spend their life with each other tries to learn about each other’s flaws and how to tolerate each other. because wheather we admit it or not,
they are not perfect. so studying them is like trying to impose that perfection in them which you know a’int possible. There is always this hidden part of them that you may not fully unviel till they have become part of your life. Now back to the question.
Does long courtship guarantee successful marriage? The simple answer to the questions is no. though it has worked for some people and still working for some folks. but it can never be a criteria in determining a successful marriage. Here are some reasons.
Reasons why long courtship doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage.
Human being are insatiable.
It has always been in our nature to ask for more and expect more from people. Over expectation is what destroys most relationships inspite of the bond or connection between both parties.
We yearn to have that wonderful partner whom by all indication is flawless and perfect,.and this is the major reason why most people court for long. They want that strong conviction that they are about to get married to the right one.
They have their fantasies already. Right in their mind, they’ve already created a picture of what their idea marriage should look like. Hence the curiosity to know more about them and in turn expect much ftom them. then in the bid to satisfy their curiosity, they engage in long courtship.
Always finding a fault or something to get hold of. They compare and contrast, till they annoyingly drive their partner away with their inquisitiveness.
Unfortunately, so many people have lost their true spouse as a result of this.
Your greatness in life depends solely on your ability to discover who you are, your purpose and value. The word “unleash” means to free, release or let go. You can’t release what you are not in possession of.
You first have to understand that your greatness is not far from you. It is within. Unfortunately, so many folks are yet to understand this. They run from pillar to post looking for a means of livelihood, they run helter and skelter, thinking that their destiny had been tied somewehere.
They keep searching for wealth in the wrong places Without realizing the fact that it is right under their feet. They keep chasing shadows while the real being is right beside them .
Some days ago. I was discussing with a friend and she said and i quote. ” making it in this shit hole country is so hard especially as the recession is becoming worse by day. I tried to let her understand that her greatness is not tied to the economic situation of the country.
The economy might not be friendly, but then there are still people breaking records.
There are still folks leading a comfortable life. Recession and economic declination regardless. Their secret is simple. They have discovered who they are and what they are in possession of.
The next thing was to release it, by putting it into action and they became who they are today. Note: it is not a day’s job and not so easy as well. Whoever tells you otherwise is only trying to deceive you and doesn’t mean well for you. It requires commitment, patience and hardwork.
But the good news is that it is quite possible and achieveable. We all desire to be great, but the bitter truth is that greatness doesn’t come by hoping, it comes by determination, hardwork and Persistence
. If you can’t do any of the mentioned. then am sorry, Achieving greatness may be a night mare for you. Having known what unleashing greatness entails, this, let’s look at some factors that will enable you achieve it.
Effective ways to unleash the greatness in you.
Leverage on every on every opportunity.
Don’t get so worked up on your set back to the point of getting your whole energy sapped. Don’t spend much time figuring out why it couldn’t work the way you presume. But rather spend more time in finding out other ways to make it work. See every disappointment as a motivating factor, see every failure as an opportunity in disguise.
Amidst of every disappiontment, there had risen heroes who rather than blame people or situations around, topped up their game by using the disapointment to their advantage. You a’int an exception too. You can do that as well. Let your failure motivate you and not set you back.
Ignore every limitation
Have you ever observed? Each time you try to do something new, there is always this fear of uncertainity that tends to draw you back.
you can never know your strength till you try a new adventure. Your limitation could be your weakness, that mindset that your a’int competent enough.
That mindset that you a’int in possession of the right quality. This could be your limitations. But i have to remind you this, you don’t need to be perfect or flawless to embark on any project.
Check the life history of the world’s renowned men and women, they all started from a scratch. they all began by discovering who they are, their purpose in life and how to achieve that. With consistency, they gradually became better till they rose towards fulfilling their accomplishments.
Don’t be afraid to take risk
Am sure you must have heard of the slogan. It is almost risky not to take a risk in life. Yes because life itself is a risk.
Each and every day comes with its own uncertaintity. We wake up each day uncertain of what fate actually holds for us, or the likely misfortune we might face. But then, we still wouldn’t want our breathe to seize. we still wish to explore life outside and
Embark on a project or journey, we always desire to try out new adventures irrespective of its outcome. This is life. So in essense, stop leaving in fear. Stop admitting negativity. Admit to your self that even if you fail, you wouldn’t have to regret your decision, but it will serve as a way to improve and make your self better. that will help you in Overcoming your fears.
be mindful of your environment
Don’t allow your self get stuck when things a’int moving in your present location.
Sometimes take a decision to make an adjustment. Even if it means relocating. It is not moving here, fine!! But have you tried other places? the rule of success demands You always be in motion and not remain stagnant. As long as positive result is guaranteedJust make sure you develop a new plan or idea. Always endeavour to be around positive minded people. One of the most significant factor associated with failure comes as a result of negative influence.
Bad communication brings about Set back. You need people who would inspire you via their successful life. you need a role model. people who would always ignite hope in you. and not people who derives joy in lamenting over their situations constantly. Without any effort to change the status quo.
Love life and goals are one the vital aspects of life. Both are important because they help to build one into a better individual in the society. Going into each stage could be a life transforming moment as they prepares you for another phase of life.
Let’s look at importance of each to our lives.
Lovelife.
Being in love is an awesome feelings. Especially when you are with the right one who feels the same.
Life without love could be boring. How do i mean? You are in a relationship with the expectation that it will eventually lead to marriage right? And getting married equally involves breeding a complete and happy home which includes (Your spouse and children). You wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life being lonely and single.Being in love with your job is good but not the ultimate.
Now imagine having your goals in life fulfilled without having a companion. Imagine Having a life filled with luxry, Good and furnished apartment, estates, huge money in your bank account, fleets of cars, different kinds of groceries. Without having anyone by the side to complement it. Your spouse and children are meant to add spice to your achievement and compliment your effort. You need someone who would make that dream become a reality. Assuming you have that special one, whom by all indication has what it takes to support your dreams and help you achieve you goals. Would you rather risk loosing them, all because you want to achieve your goals? Knowing fully well, that there is probability of meeting a gold digger when the success finally arrives.
Being in a committed relationship is the desire of every singles. Especially singles at a marriageable age. What is a committed relationship?
A committed relationship is one in which both partners invests their time and emotions in other to ensure that things works out perfectly. In other words, nobody feels cheated. Since both are faithful in playing their roles and contributing their own parts towards being in a relationship.
Unfortunately, most relationship this days lacks committment. Everybody wants to experience a lasting relationship that could lead to the altar. Everyone desires to have a healthy relationship void of deception and heartache, but only few are willing to make sacrifice.
No wonder the rate of heartbreak is increasing alarmingly. No wonder the sarcastic statement. “some phone battery capacity lasts longer than some relationship. Funny right? But this is what is obtainable this days. It becomes disheartening when one is at the receiving end. You put every effort to make it work, without realizing that your significant other Is only with you for his/her own selfish motive. This is another form of Emotional manipulation.
Jealousy in relationships are very common habits. They are totally normal, As human, we always crave to guide/protect what we value so much.
We get furious when we notice that something we desire, or wish to have all for ourselves is gradually slipping out of our finger. With the crave to achieve everything, we tend to get jealous when others does that before us. And No matter how we try to deny this, it Is real, it happens. Jealousy is part of human nature.
jealousy in Relaionships aint an expection too.Even our creator emphasized that he is a jealous God, who wouldn’t want us to divert our attention to any other being or image aside him.
When we love, we tend to guide our loved ones jealously. We feel betrayed and sad when we begin to suspect that they are becoming too attached or intimate with another member of the opposite sex. some people believes that showing an atom of jealousy is a way to proof your love for someone, with the reason that you can only be jealous of something you truly value,
while few others believes that jealousy is an unhealthy habits. This topic is one of the most deliberated topic that usually raises curiosity in the minds of so many. now the quetion is, is jealousy in relationships truly healthy or bad?
Jealousy in relationship is not entirely bad as It is a part of human nature. just like i previously explained. However, the only exception is when It is being abused or displayed in an annoying or excessive manner.
A healthy relationship is one where both partners have a mutual understanding.
And anything that tends to destroy this Understasnding should be avoided at all cost. Being unnecessarily jealous is one of them. When a relationships lacks understanding, break up could be inevitable. Let’s look at some reason why jealousy in relationships may not be too healthy even though it is considered normal.
Reasons Why jealousy in relationships may be considered to be bad.
It leads to lack ot trust.
When one is always jealous whenever his/her partner begins to get too close to another member of the opposite sex . there is every tendency that he/she lacks trust for their partner. when suspicion becomes so much, it indicates there is no trust in the relationship.
You have already imposed a mindset in you that whenever they talk to others, it simply means they want to become intimate with them. Even when there are no strings attached. you always imagine them cheating on you. is all in your head. This could disrupt the trust in that relationship.
Insecurity.
Jealousy in relationships can also lead to insecurity. you always freak out when you see them act friendly with others. you get unnecessairy paranoid, even when nothing is really going on. so many folks have lost their relationship as a result of this. They keep living in suspects.
And this could be a great turn off to your partner. it could lead one getting worked up for nothing. too much of everything is bad.
Have it in mind that your partner is human. He/she deserves to have other friends too. That they are dating you/married to you doesn’t imply they shouldn’t relate or socialize eith others. Their life shouldn’t solely depend on their relationship with you.
Why not avoid unnecessary jealousy, and give them breathing space. So you can enjoy the relationship. Learn to trust and give them some benefit of doubts. Excessive jealousy could gradually turn one into a needy fellow. and trust me, no man or woman likes that.
Unnecessary fights and quarell.
Jealousy in relationships
Jealousy in relationship can lead to unnecessary fights and quarell. A woman once caught her fiancee relaxing with another lady at a recreational park. Out of jealousy, she suddenly became unease. She approached her fiancee in a fierce and rude manner.
She couldn’t calm down her nerves, and hear from the horses mouth. She became aggressive, and picked a fight with the lady, while embrassing herself. unfortunately for her, she never knew that the lady in question was a relation to her fiancee.
And that was how the supposed relationship which was about leading to the altar ended. She was too quick to react, this is what excessive jealousy can lead to.
How to curb jealousy.
Learn to trust to an extent.
no doubt, A lot of people have trust issues. And this could make them always live in suspicion, even when nothing seems to be going on. they find it hard to trust, not really because they had bad experiences in the past.
But because they have programmed their mind that whenever their partner is with someone of the opposite sex, They would immediately assume they are being cheated on. some could be as a result of their past betrayal.
whichever is the case, learn to give your partner some benefits of doubts. except you actually caught them cheating on you, please don’t assume they are doing so. this could cost you your relationship.
Learn to give them a breathing space.
Overclouding your partner can also lead to unnecessary jealousy in relationship. when you are all over them, you will always get uneasy with their asssociation with others. Especially the opposite
It becomes worse if he/she is a public figure or social person. This attitude could get weired, to the point of becoming jealous when they spend more time with their family members. to avoid this, learn to give your partner a breathing space.
Focus on your life, get busy. With that, you won’t even take notice of whom they communicate or didn’t communicate it. You won’t give yourself unnecessary stress that a’int worth it.
Avoid rushing into conclusion.
Just like the story i previously shared. That young woman would have prevented the break up from happening. If she had calmed her nerves down, by listening to her fiancee, and then doing thorough investigation later, to ascertain the truth.
But no, she allowed her anger and insecurity get a better part of her. And that cost her the marriage she had been preparing for. the man himself couldn’t tolerate such insane attitude.
Considering the fact, that they ain’t yet married. he assumes that if they eventually get married, the attitude will grew worse. As she will go about embarrassing him publicly. Not everyone could put up with such attitude. Learn to calm down, when you are furious. External information you may also insecurity
Excelling with your skills Is one of the greatest way to relieve financial burden especially in this harsh economy. Skills are your ability or potentials which can be used to earn a living.
Getting a skill is an essential way to improve one’s life, since white collar job are recently becoming too dificult to come by. In addition to the highly competitive/saturated labour market.
Getting a skill has also become so popular, especially for folks who desires to earn a living, without having to rely on the usual 8am-5pm daily job. or reffering to someone as a boss. With that they can easily schedule their time, to meet up with their own personal lives.
To others, it can serve as an additional source of income. Especially in the case where one has so many financial burdens to take care of.
However, having a skill is not just enough. But excelling with your skills and making the very best out of it. just like in business or every other field, not doing the right thing, even with the most desired ability, could result to failure. Am sure you wouldn’t want to experience that. Here are four tips to guide you.
Excelling in your skills, four tips to guide you.
Improvement.
Excelling with your skills requires improvement. You need to work on your inabilities. There might be places you a’int getting it right. Please work on them. Don’t assume you’ve become perfect, when there are still areas that needs to be improved on.
No one would like to engage in the service of some one, who wouldn’t give them the best of their hard earned money. No one would like to patronize you, when you can’t give them the value of what they paid for. remember you a’int the only one offering the same service. there may likely be competition. that’s why you need to improve. If you want to maintain your regular customers, endeavour to stand out. let your work and services look unique. With this, you can always beat your competitors.
Consistency.
Excelling in your skill also requires consistency. You can only be the best in what you do, and practice on regular basis. Imagine registering a skill in fashion designing.
Then attending the classes at your own convinient time. with such non-challant/inconsistent attitudes. How would you excel? It means you a’int too focus, in getting the very best with your skills. And this may lead to incompetence.
practice everyday. skills requires pratical approach. Ensure you’ve mastered all the steps Before proceeding to the next stage. take it bit by bit. avoid skipping any step. when you fail or couldn’t get it at that moment, please don’t be shy to repeat it all over again. It helps boost your competency and professionalism.
Be versatile.
Excelling with your skills entails you have a broad knowledge in whatever you learnt. So as to satisfy the individual’s various needs in your services. the world is evolving, with new styles and brands coming up on daily basis.
What is in vogue today, might become outdated tomorrow. If you really want to excel, and beat your competitors. Learn unique styles. Don’t leverage your learning only to what is presently in vogue. improve every day, bring out a unique style on regular basis. With that, you can always beat your competitors. You may also like this article from same author/5ways-passion-enhances-career/
Have a mentor/role model.
Excelling with your skills requires you have someone you look unto. Or someone who coaches you. It is not healthy to rely just in your own ability. look for a mentor with similar skills. get close to him/her. Watch what they do, compare their ability to yours, detect the areas where you need improvement. Also find out where you are getting it right, you can equally add more effort. Let them be your role model. Be determined to achieve more. external information you may like lifehack.org
Inconsistent Partners can be unpredictable. Today they are on, tomorrow they are off. One minute they show some level of commitment, the next minute they begin to act non-challantly.
Initially, your relationship was awesome. They shower you with so much care and affection. But at the moment you want to reciprocate their love,they began to withdraw emotionally. Leaving you with feelings of doubt. They wouldn’t want to commit, but at the same time won’t let you go.
The signs are clear that they are not really into you. But the moment you try to walk away, they will begin to plead and profess their undying love for you. Thus leaving you in a confused state. you are always in a delimma wheather or not to leave or stay. They claim to love you, yet their action speaks otherwise.
Their negligence towards the relationship makes you wonder if they really want to be with you, or just toiling with your emotions. No doubt so many people experience these or more.
Such attitudes could be traumatizing, especially when you are at the receiving end. it hurts more if you are the type that shows a high level of commitment When in love. inconsistent partners are always self centered, they really don’t care about the feelings of whom they are dating, and seems not to put their interest at heart.
All they are interested is in doing that which leaves them with a level of satisfaction. sometimes, they do that deliberately just to manipulate you emotionally and boost their ego. Which in turns makes you so attached to them,like your world revolves around them.
While making them feel relevant. Inconsistent partners can equally turn one to a needy and desperate fellow. With their on and off attitude,you will always seek for closure every now and then.
They make you feel insecure always. Thus dragging your esteem to the mud. Inconsistent partners are a big turn off. Being with them can ruin your chances of meeting a potential soul mate.
Whatever is their reason for not taking your relationship serious, i think is high time you realize that you deserve better. Haven’t they disrespected you enough? Haven’t you had enough patient for them. You need to seek for ways to handle them, otherwise you will end up chasing shadows. Which has walked pass you a very long time.
Four ways to handle inconsistent partners.
Communication.
Communication is almost seen as the first step in solving any relationship or marital issues. You know why? you can’t take a decision, or know your partner’s intention for behaving in a certain way,or doing certain things without first giving them an audience.
Its aim is just to give them a benefit of doubt, before deciding on what next to do. Engage your partner in a relationship. Tell him/her how you feel about their attitude. Avoid being sentimental about it, or consider how they might feel.
Remember this is about you, you are the one feeling the hurts and pain. Tell them exactly the way you feel. Pour out your feelings, like you would have done if you were seeking an advise from a counselor. From there, you can decide on the further steps to take.
Be Realistic. Control your emotions.
Dealing with inconsistent partners.
Don’t let your emotions overcloud your sense of reasoning. Your heart knows is not right for you to remain with an inconsistent partner,yet it wouldn’t want to let go. As a result of what you might feel for them. But your head knows that walking away is the right thing to do. Please follow the later to avoid future heart breaks and regrets.
Avoid being pushy.
After talking to them and Pouring out your feelings. The next thing is to begin to observe them and know if there would be changes. Being pushy or constant nagging can only make them give you false hope. They may decide to change for a day just to please you. and the next day, they are up again with attitudes. You will be doing your self a great favour, by allowing everything happen naturally. stop all the things you’ve been doing to make it work. If paradventure, things remains the same.
Please as hard as it may sound, allow the relationship to go down naturally. You wouldn’t want to remain in a relationship Where its survival relies solely on you. or would you?i guess No. If they had truly changed, you will see it in them, without having to repeat your complaint. you can also read interesting articles from same author/emotional-manipulation/.
Expect the worse.
When a partner suddenly starts putting up attitudes or being inconsistent. begin to prepare your mind for the worse. Don’t be too hopeful that they might change. The truth is that reverse might be the case.
Which will add up to your already heart ache. this attitude could be a sign that they want out, but lacks the gut to confront you about it. Instead they put up the attitude, hoping you read the message. in the case where they couldn’t come up with the break up news. You can decide to initiate it,if their attitude persists. for more useful information. You can check out this external sit://wikihow.com
Emotional differences is a generic term, used to describe various ways by which both genders react to emotions.
Men and women are created differently as regards to their emotions. And understanding this will go a long way in restoring peace, trust, love and understanding in Your relationships/marriage.
It erases all forms of doubts and Makes both partners to know what/what not to expect. So as not to create dispute between themselves or get disappointed.
So many relationships/marriage today had been shattered as a result of couples not being able to differentiate their emotional differences and how each respond to it on several occasions.
A man once complained about his wife and her weird attitude. According to him, he would nag over little issues. And at the end of the day, they would end up quarreling and abusing each other.
Another complained that his husband was too rigid, according to her, it was all about his work and nothing else. He provides her need and that’s just that.
He doesn’t have time to discuss and play romantically with her. Except when he wants to have sex. And as soon as he releases, he dozes off. and the usual routine continues tomorrow. ” this emotional distance between us is Wearing me off, i feel like am beginning to loose my hubby . “she seriously lamented amidst of tears.
you see why we really need to understand the emotional differences between both genders, so we would always know what to expect. and not end up ruining our relationship/marriage via negative thoughts and assumptions.
understanding the various Emotional differences between men and women.
Men love adventures, while women love attention.
Nothing boost a man’s ego than having his goal and dreams actualized.
An average man always craves to be recognized, and be financially stable to take care of his responsibilities. That aim always tops his priority.
At this moment, his relationship may be equally important to him, but not as important as establishing himself to that personality he wants to be. On the contrary, women love attention. Despite a woman’s dream and goals in life. when she is in love, she always craves for attention from her partner.
A woman loves to be pampered, she always wants you to listen and respond to her dry jokes. She wants you to pay attention to her not so meaningful conversation. As that strengthens your bonds with her. She wants that assurance from you that she occupies a strong place in your heart. this emotional difference has created a lot of misunderstanding in most relationship.
A man would do anything to ensure he succeeds in life, because he can’t stand being a failure. And this may cause him to become distant emotionally.
while a woman would always love to get undivided attention from his man, in spite of his busy schedules. And when she ain’t getting that, she will begin to freak out and nag. And sometimes, might begin to have the impression that his partner had lost interest.
However, if both can handle this maturely and understand why both genders differs. then there wouldn’t be any cause for alarm.
Men are derived by Realities, women are derived by fantasies.
A man may be in love, but at the same time realistic and doesn’t put so much meaning to certain things. most men doesn’t attach so much meanings to some display of affections. As normally seen in movies.
A man may love you, but wouldn’t see the need of saying that constantly. A man may have his woman in his heart, but may not see the need of calling or messaging her at every intervals to proof that. Men are always at alert to know when a relationship is about to end.
majority don’t believe in fighting for a non- existing love. they understand the fact that no human is perfect. And so doesn’t always expect much.
On the other hand, women are derived by fantasies. a woman in love may have an Imaginary relationship playing in her head.
And expect her’s to be exactly that way. She may begin to fantasize on having her man, treat her in similar ways as she do watch in telemundo such as serving her breakfast on the bed every morning. and waking her up every morning with romantic text messages.
she believes that every display of affection in movies are real. and so when she doesn’t get that from her spouse, she will feel unloved, regardless of other thing he does to make her happy.
However, Understanding this emotional differences will help restore peace between both genders. As men would begin to accept the fact that women are derived by fantasies. and so would learn to accept their woman the way they are. rather than begin to fight or abuse her whenever she nags. on the other hand,
Women would also understand that men are realistic and doesn’t get fascinated over certain things. So rather than fight her man, or nag him unnecessarily for not proofing his love in a certain way. she will learn to accept him the way he is, as far as he has his own way of showing her love.
Men are derived by what they see, while women are derived by what they hear.
This is a common saying, widely and generally accepted in the society. Which has proven to be true. Men doesn’t always fall in love at first sight. they are mostly attracted by a woman’s appealing and sexy body.
This explains why a man can have sex, with so many women without having any feelings or strings for them. A man who is sexually aroused can have sex with just anyone just to get his hormone suppressed. they don’t necessarily have to be in love before getting down.
A man may have sex without involving his emotions. A man can get attracted to a lady by her physical appearance and structure, without having any feelings for her. while on the contrary, women involves emotion a lot during intimacy. She is always eager to hear the magical words “i love you”.
Whether or not you actually meant it. she always wants to hear you whisper those romantic words to her ear, regardless of whether you actually meant it. She wants you to appreciate her every now and then. Irrespective of how she dresses or looks.
This emotional differences have ruined so many singles especially gullible ladies.
Their naivety and desperation to be loved, often lures them to men who just want to have a carnal knowledge of them. Without involving their emotions. This can only be tackled, only if singles can understand how male emotions work. so they wouldn’t fall prey, whenever any man Close to them begins to sound romantic .
Men bottles up their emotion, while women are more transparent.
Men are known to be the strongest gender, due to the pressures and expectations placed on them by the society.
They don’t like being pitied or felt for. They don’t want to be seen as emotionally weak.
That’s why they prefer keeping to themselves and handling things by themselves . Is rare to find men expressing their hurts and emotions openly via sobbing. they always pretend everything is alright. they would rather get their brains at work and start thinking of solutions than to cry.
women on the other hand are emotionally weak. a woman passing through hurts or difficult times would always want to confide in that special person in her life.
he would love to be consoled and assured that things would get better. he would love his partner to offer her a shoulder to lean on.
This emotional differences has brought a lot of problem in various homes. a man who is passing through difficulties may focus his attention on getting his problem solved, which might temporarily distract his attention from his relationship. In such that he may begin to act cold and distance unintentionally towards his relationship/ partner.
Most women may mistaken their emotional coldness as lost of interest Or signs of Infidelity . However, if both can understand the variations in the ways each respond to emotions, i think the problem in most relationship would be gotten rid of.
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