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Should engaged couples cohabit??

 

Should engaged couples cohabit?? 1
Should engaged couples cohabit?

Should engaged couples cohabit? Is there anything wrong with your fiancee/fiance since you both are already making plans toward sealing  your nuptial vow soon?Should I move in with my fiancee?

Co-habitation is  one of the controversial topic in relationships and dating.

A lot of people believes that cohabiting with a partner you are set to get married to is one of the best way to ascertain their character  and be certain they are in line with yours.  Their personality, character, temperaments, compatibility level, etc. While to others, it is wrong and might seem like a taboo.

I’ve equally  heard some ladies complain on how their relationship of so many years came to an end simply because they refused to move in with their fiancee when their bride price is yet to be paid because their moral and religious view is against such act. While some others complain of being deprived of the right to move  in with their fiancee, so it is different strokes for different folks. Hence the controversy.

Why do people cohabit? Let us look at some various  reasons engaged couples cohabit in a relationship.

It has become a norm in the society.

Cohabitation had become so prevalent in our society today that it now seems like a norm. It is not just seen among engaged couples but also among students, teenagers and lovers in a long term relationship. It is not a surprise to hear that most students are living with their lovers as room mates.

It is not a surprise to know that there are lovers who are already assuming couple’s role even while still single. These all sums up the reason why some engaged couples cohabit .they assume they have come to the stage where cohabitation Feels normal and OK, after all some folks in an undefined relationship  does it, how much more folks who are already making plans towards settling down.

Desperation .

Desperation to get married is the reason why most engaged couples cohabit, including non engaged couples.

Most people had waited for proposal for a very longtime, and so when they discovered that it wasn’t forth coming, they decided to take the bulls by the horns by moving in to see if it will spur their partner’s interest to propose.

On the contrary, there are others who had been engaged for a very long time, yet making the union officials seems to be taking longer than they expected, that they were beginning  to loose hope and began to  question the authenticity of the proposal. So they assume that by moving in, the marriage processes will be quickened.

Should engaged couples cohabit?? 2
Should engaged couples cohabit?

 Insecurity and  Fear of loosing a partner.

Some folks can’t bear the sight of seeing their partner with a member of the opposite. Even in the absence of emotional attachment, they still feel a  high sense of insecurity that their partner might be cheating on them. So they assume that by moving in, they have finally secured their place in his hearts .

To study a partner

This forms the major reasons why most engaged couples cohabit. The fear of getting into a life time union with someone you barely know and the assumption that living with them for sometime will help you know everything you ought to know about them. Before finally making your decision to either quit the relationship or go ahead with the marital rights.

Now let’s get into our main topic of discussion. Do you think is right for engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation during engagements.

Should engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation.

Having known the several  reasons why most couples cohabit, it will be much easier to analyze and compare some of the pons and cons associated with cohabitation.

And know which actually outweighs the other. As we know that most people cohabit because it is a norm in the society so they feel is the right thing to do since a lot of  people are doing that . nevertheless, they seems to forget the fact that what works for A might not work for B” . there is no guarantee that moving in with your partner will secure your place in his heart or lead to marriage. If  he has no intention of getting married to you in the first place, moving in with him won’ t change any fact. It may only work out if the interest and desire is present.

Cohabitation can Lead to loss of Respect.

Familiarity they say breeds contempt. People value and respects what ain’t always available than that which is easily available.

A similar illustration is this, when you were much younger, did you observe that you accord more respect to other older adults than your older siblings. This is Because you see them everyday, every minute and second. You fight, argue, quarrel on regular basis.  So you may no longer hold them in a high esteem. But as soon as they move out of the apartment to a new apartment. You will accord them much respect whenever they visits. This is a natural occurrence. Same scenario applies to relationship. Most relationship looses its respects and turns soar as soon as both begins to  live with each other in the same apartment.

Loss of spark and interest in the relationship

There is an arousal that usually comes when you meet people whom you haven’t met for a very long time. But when you have them everyday, the spark might vanish.

There are few exceptions to this though. There are couples who had grown stronger bonds that nothing can separate them, not even cohabitation. However, you might be dealing with a partner who looses interest as soon as they begin to see you everyday. Hence the need to keep your presence moderate.

Delay in performing marriage rights

Most ladies at a marriageable age moves in to live with a man out of desperation and pressure to get married. Hoping that as soon as

they begins to cohabit with him, he might begin the marriage rights. But unfortunately, reverse is usually the case in some scenario. With such act, most men might no longer see the need to quicken the marriage right and make things official because they assume you are already performing a wife’s duty while still single,  A man who had the intention of getting married with do that without hesitation. You don’t need to cohabit with him in other to spur his interest.

Zero tolerance

Marriage is not a bed of roses. There are times when challenges will surface. There will definitely be a lots of up’s and down. Moments of arguments, differences, fights, quarrel, but amides of all this trials, what keeps most couples going is the marital vows  they made to stick to each other through thick and thin. This is what spurs their rate of tolerance and understanding for each other. Unlike singles, who feels no entitlement to stick with their partner or tolerate each other when challenges surfaces.  Living together without getting married can lead to intolerant and finally separation especially when there are severe fights and misunderstanding. Because one or  both  partners will feel they have nothing to loose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Regaining your self worth after a break up

Regaining your self worth after a break up 3
Self worth after a break up

Regaining your self worth after a break up can be very challenging especially when you are at the receiving end.

People who initiate the break up often finds it more easier to move on than their counterpart.

Because despite their reasons of initiating the break up and before coming up with such decisions, their minds were already made up to do so. So with that, the hurt becomes minimal on the giver’s end  than at the receiver’s end, that is if actually there is a hurt.

Have you ever been heartbroken? And in the bid to recover your relationship, you find yourself doing things which you wouldn’t have done ordinarily, just to save your relationship, but unfortunately, you ended up loosing both(your self esteem and relationship)? If this was your experience, I just want to assure that you are not alone in this.

A lot of persons have done more weird things just to save a relationship and they ended up regretting because they later discovered that it wasn’t worth the effect.

Sometimes, we find it difficult to control our feelings and emotions while in love. When the heart is still in love, and break up happened unexpectedly, nothing else matters to the heart than trying to have their loved ones back again.

At that moment, you no longer care about your sanity or dignity. You plead, bumped into their houses announced, showed up in the places you assumed they would be, even went as far as kneeling before them in public to plead for a second chance, not mind the embarrassing scene you might be creating. And amides of all this, you kept being ignored and rejected.

At some point, it became dawned  on you that their mind had been made up already. Is time to move, you wish you could just erase the good memories you both had.

But unfortunately, that doesn’t seems to be happening so fast. You’ve lost both. This is when the feelings of regrets begins to surface, you wished you never pleaded in the first place, you wished you never showed them your weakness.

You felt humiliated for trying to plead for a second chance. You feel like a looser already for letting them know how devastated you were without them. now they are beginning to feel Egoistic.

At some point, you no longer have the interest of getting back your Ex, but to get back your self worth which had been dragged to the mud.

Now the question is how can you regain your self worth after a break up especially if you’ve done all the the listed above?

How to regain your self worth after a break up.

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Regaining your self worth after a break up

Admit it is over

One common mistake we usually make after a break up is to assume that we still have chances of making up with our Ex. And this is why we do a lot of things which tends to hurt our Ego and self worth.

Regaining your self worth after a break up first involves admitting that it is over especially when you’ve pleaded with them for a second chance.

Now is time to move on. Stop pleading, stop stalking them, stop bumping into places where you might see them.

Stop doing all that. Just pick up the remaining of your broken heart and esteem and move on. It is not too late to get back your esteem. It only entails quitting the effort of trying to get their attention back.

At a point, they will begin to wonder what suddenly happened. He/she hasn’t communicated or bugged me with calls for a while now. It is only then they will realize that you’ve become smarter and matured in your reasoning and attitudes.

Quit blaming yourself and admit you are a human. 

One attitude which often hinders people from regaining their self worth after a break up is constant blame on oneself.

It is human to blame yourself especially after putting aside your Ego to ensure it works out but all to no avail. You will begin to wish you never did that.

However, you also have to understand the fact that you are a human with emotions.

There is actually nothing wrong with fighting to get back what you once cherished. You did nothing wrong my dear. If you keep on blaming yourself, you will always feel worthless. And someday, they will notice that which will cause you more heartache.

Make your life awesome and enviable

This is the most effective way of regaining your self worth after a break up.

Nothing fans the ego more than having a successful life.Rather than spending your time posting your pictures on social media and tagging your Ex just to prove you’ve gotten over them,  why not spend it on being more productive. You don’t need to fake a good life without them.

You ought to make it a reality. Learn a good skill, be creative. Spend your energy in a productive activity.

Don’t plan on Revenge

After break up, most people plan on revenge as a means to get back their esteem which had been trampled with. They do this either by seeking for a way to make their Ex jealous or dating their best friend just to back at them.

This is a childish behaviors  and a sign that they haven’t moved on. The more you keep doing this, the more you are subjecting yourself to further heartache, especially if your Ex ain’t even observing that.

But  If you can quit doing all negative things we mentioned earlier, is just a matter of time, you will forget everything that happened, and your worth regained. Always remember that  moving  and regaining your self worth after a  break up after a break does not always happen instantly. But time they say makes it possible. With these steps, you can still find-confidence-after-a-breakup.

 

 

 

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Raising a child with 6 Good parenting technique

Good parenting tips
Good parenting tips

Good parenting technique is an act of raising children in the right and moral way. Good parenting is necessary for the moral, social, intellectual and psychological well being of the child.

Children are the most treasured inheritance, their vitality and value in a home cannot be overemphasized. This is why most married couples who are yet to convince some years after their marriage becomes worried, frustrated and depressed. Some who might had  lost hope of giving birth often resorts to adopting a child while still anticipating.

Moreover, there are people who got married for the sole purpose of  procreation, these all tops the reason why children are of great value to their parents and society at large.  Hence the need to groom them properly.

Children are like raw and natural gold. Despite its value, its glowing nature may not be  recognized except it undergoes several refining processes. Similarly, you can only bring out the best in a child when nurtured and groomed in an appropriate way.

Unfortunately, so many parents neglect this role. And that’s why we see a lot of children psychologically depressed despite having both parents. Being a parent does not just involve giving birth. Any woman in her reproductive age can give birth, but not every woman can nurture a child.

Training a child  is not an easy task, it requires a lot of patience, As their behaviors transforms as they get older. Before we talk about good parenting technique and what it implies, we are going to be looking on the different stages of growth in children .

Different stages of growth in children and the role of parents in each stage.

The infancy stage- this is the basic stage in every child’s life. Which usually begins from 0-2 years.

This is is the stage where a child learns how to crawl, walk, talk. At this stage, a child desires to be do things on its own without the aid of the parents or any adult.

For example a child at infant stage will at a point desire to explore what it means to do things on its own without the assistance of the parents. Like standing erect, walking, crawling or feeding him/herself.

Development stage– this is  stage that comes just after the infant stage. It is usually between 3-7 years. At this stage, the curiosity in children begins to develop.

They are so conscious of the environment which stirs the curiosity

in them. This is the stage where they often  observe the happenings in the environment.

At this stage, they always desire to  imitate certain things you do and sometimes your motives of doing them.

This is why children at this stage are usually difficult to control because they hardly stay at a place.

One minute, you are driving them away from the sitting room because they seem to be disorganizing things. The next minute they are playing with your mobile phone. Children at this stage ought to be watched closely to avoid endangering their lives.

The learning stage– this is  another vital  stage where the brain of a child begins to develop and advance gradually.it usually begins from 7-11years.

At this stage, a child becomes more conscious of the environment and tends to copy every thing within a short time. This is why you would see some children doing certain things which are way above their age and you wonder where they learnt it from.

 

Most times, they learn It from you as their parents or from the society. As they watch you, their brains becomes so active to ingest whatever behavior or information you portray .

And before you say jerk, they become an expert in it. This is why parents need to be careful in whatever you do in the presence of this young ones. Don’t assume they are just kids, the truth is that they are silently observing and learning.

Avoid making love in their presence, avoid arguing or fighting in their presence. because all this negative behaviors sends the wrong signals to their brain.

 

The adolescent stage

This is the most critical stage in children. The transition from childhood to adult stage which usually begins from age 12-19.

This is the stage where everything can go wrong if not checked. at this stage, a child begins to set out plan for his/her life.

And the tendency of having a good future strongly depends on how he/she commenced and ended at this stage.

This is the stage where most parents often cries out because their children seems hard to control. At this stage, most children desires freedom. And wish to live a life free of excessive monitoring and restrictions.

one of their priority at this stage is to have their privacy, as they feel they have arrived. At this stage, emotional feelings begins to develop, as the desire to have a close friend of the opposite sex becomes intense.

Parents need to be more watchful at this stage  and treat their ward with caution as the tendency to be made or marred depends greatly on this stage.

several ways to raise a  child with Good parenting techniques.

Imbibing morals in them

One of the good parenting-tips in raising a child is by teaching them how to live a moral life.

One of the problem with most parents is that as soon as their ward begins school, they will leave every responsibility to  their teachers, forgetting they have the greatest role to play in the life of their ward.

Parents have to understand that academic learning is quite different from moral. The school might not teach them every good moral they need to learn, therefore, it is your duty as the parents to take up that part. There are some children who began to learn good morals even before they were enrolled in school. They learnt how to greet, respect

and respond politely to an elderly ones. This is because their parents never neglected their duty.

It is always good to begin early, as any moral you imbibe on a child at an early age stays within him/her. He/she grows with it and might find it difficult to deviate.

Express your love towards them

Another good parenting  technique is to Always express your love towards them. Discipline them when they misbehave, but at the same time,show them love.

Let them know you are doing that for their own good and not because you hate them. Don’t  abuse them or compare them with their colleagues to the point that they will begin to question if you are truly their biological parents.

Abusing  a child or always comparing a child  to another often brings about low esteem and inferiority complex.   It incurs hatred in them .

Always form the habit of declaring your love towards your children. Tell them that you love them repeatedly especially the adolescent females. With that, they won’t be lured by any male whose sole intention is to deceive them with such phrase.

 

Develop a cordial Relationship with them 

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Good parenting tips

Another vital good parenting  tips  is to always have a parents-child relationship with your ward. Be so close to them, that they will always be open to you and never keep  any secret from you.

This is mostly important to the females one who are more vulnerable and prone to deceit, abuse and sexual molestation.

A lot of adolescent had fallen prey to bad life styles and men who never had good intention for them because they were afraid of speaking up. Some are currently undergoing molestation yet afraid to open up to their parents because there is no relationship existing between them and their parents. Aside the fact, that they are living together in the same apartment and taking care of their needs.

Moreover, Some parents are so bossy and unapproachable that the children often finds it burdensome to confide in them.  Develop that intimacy with your ward that they will begin to see you more like a best friend than a parent. And would feel free to confide in you at any point in time.

Don’t let them confide ina stranger or friends first. i am certain you know the outcome which is better expressed than experienced.

Respect their decision and always give them audience

This is where most African parents fails it. Being a parents does not imply being bossy and authoritative.

It is the duty of a child to accord respect to their parents. But parents owe the child his/her own respect too. And what do i mean by this? Always give them a listening ear too. Hear their own opinion and suggestion too. Don’t always issue instruction and make it a final verdict, without hearing their thought towards it.

Respect their own decision too even if it must not be carried out. They are human too. Respect their dreams, vision and goals. And allow them go for their dream course.

They also need freedom

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Good parenting tips

A good parenting  tips involves giving  your ward a life free of so many restrictions and do’s and don’ts. i understand you are trying to restrict them from choosing the wrong path.

However, you ought to apply wisdom while doing that, and ensure you ain’t overdoing it.

Children who are being restricted so much by their strict parents end up being so curios with the urge to explore their environment and find out about that which  they are being restricted of. In the process of doing that, they might end up being led astray.

Such children who are being restricted so much are more vulnerable to deceit as a result of their naivety. let them be a bit exposed and know what is happening around them. that is for the adolescent ones.

Don’t Exclude sex Education.

One of the good parenting technique you must not neglect is sex Education. some parents find it as a taboo discussing sex Education with their children with the phobia that they are too young for that.and this is why we have so many cases of rape and molestation among children.

They seems to forget the fact that children learn faster as they get older and there are many peodophiles in the society. Don’t wait for your child to start hearing some words outstide.

Sex Education does not mean teaching a child how to have sex, but educating a child about his/her reproductive organ, body and the dangers associated with pre marital sex.

Don’t wait till they get older. Start early. be real don’t conceal anything. Tell them is penis and its function. Tell them it is vagina, and what it is meant for. Encourage them to report any male who tries to molest them or tamper with this organs. And finally advise on the need to remain celibate  till marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Avoiding marriage deception

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Marriage deception

Marriage deception had become so prevalent in our society today, as a result of so many views and perception about marriage. In some parts of the world,particularly in African . Marriage is regarded as one of the greatest achievement one ought to have in the prime of her youth.  And so the societal pressure is often high.

Ladies are usually the victims and at the receiving of this societal pressure. A lady who is still single at age 30 is often seen as awkward and odd, despite her achievement in life. People often regard their life as incomplete as long as marriage is still absent.

Sometimes, they are  being humiliated and subjected to an object of ridicule by friends and families. This often arouse their the quest and urge to get married at all odds which in turn leads to marriage deception. So many fall prey to any man that comes their way, in spite his intention. Men on the other hand, especially players use marriage as a tactics to lure the gullible who are so  desperate to get married at all cost. This is why a lot of women often insists for a relationship to be   defined before venturing into one. No one wants to have her entire life wasted in a fruitless relationship.

But the question is, How would you be sure of his promises?  How certain are you that he truly meant what he said concerning the future of the relationship? What if is just a way to lead you on, after which he eventually drops you and move on to the next level.

These group of men knows how excited women usually become at the mention of the word “marriage, so they often take advantage of their desperation.  These all  sums up the reason why marriage deception is common. Before we  explain some of the ways to avoid such deceptions, let’s see some other causes of marriage deception aside societal pressure.

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How to avoid marriage deception In a relationship

 

 

other causes of marriage deception. 

Desire to change marital status

Most folks just want to get married not because they desire to have a companion, but because they just wish to change their marital status as age might no longer be on their side.

Such people are often prone to marriage deception. And this is why the rate of  divorce is at its peak today. People no longer marry for love, companionship and compatibility. But just to change their marital status.

Others are getting married

This is the mindset that had led a lot to wrong marriages, a lot of women had equally fallen victims to marriage deception as a result of this. Some people just want to get married in other not to be left out.

They can’t wait to show off their wedding outfits on social media. With the high and desperate quest in them, they often yield to any marriage promises which might be false.

How to avoid marriage deception.

Conceal your Neediness and desperation.

I don’t care how needy, desperate or clingy you are in a relationship. But please try as much as possible to conceal it. Don’t let your partner know you are desperate to have them walk down the isle with you.

Once they see that desperation, it will prompt them to start making Fake promises to you.

Especially when you keep pressurizing them with the question. “what does the future hold for us”. The question itself ain’t wrong. But when it becomes consistent, it sounds desperation. And out of pressure, fake promises becomes the next alternative.

Allow nature to take its course. What will be will definitely be, if you are meant to be together nothing will ever change that.if not, you might only be building castles in the air.

Watch out for their  Commitment level

 commitment speaks more than promises. People who are really serious about getting married don’t go about saying it consistently. They prove it by their commitments towards the relationship.

A man who sees future with you would not hesitate to be committed with you by commencing plans on how to do the necessary things. However, you must equally watch out for fake commitments.

Players can  fake commitments just to get you trapped with marriage deception, after which you might be dumped when they had gotten what they wanted.we called them future-fakers or emotional manipulators

 

Don’t be in a haste to commit or compromise

For most women, their common ways of showing commitment is via intimacy.

There are women who made a decision to remain celibate till marriage. But unfortunately, they couldn’t stand firm to their decision because marriage promise had been made.

such women usually fall victims to men who use marriage as their tactics to lure them to bed.

They compromise and give in so quickly with the expectation of marriage. Only to be disappointed  on discovering that it was all a game. They end up loosing both the relationship and esteem.