Posted on Leave a comment

Should i tell him how i feel?

 

Should I tell him how I feel?

 

 

Should I tell him how I feel towards him? Should I make my feelings obvious, or would i be considered as cheap and desperate?

These are one of the fears most ladies have towards being the first to make a move or approach a guy especially in our society where such is considered to be absurd .

Men are natural hunters, and most often, they enjoy the thrill in the chase. They are mostly known for wooing or approaching a lady.

However, it doesn’t usually mean that having it done the other way round is all bad. But this is the general mindset of the society and thus placing some form of stigmatization to the woman.

Women have always been in the habit of concealing their feelings just because of what the society might say. They die in silence rather than tell a guy how they feel towards him.

Aside societal perception, this fear is equally based on the fact that they are scared of rejection or being exploited on.

Women find it extremely difficult to handle rejection unlike their male counterpart.

And this is why they feel so bad getting a negative response after summoning courage to unveil  their feelings. There is always an expectations of having a positive response and thereafter having the male folk take up from where they stopped in other to still retain their Ego and dignity. But unfortunately, reverse might be the case. Thus causing more hurt and bad feelings to the woman.

However, there is actually nothing wrong with telling a guy how you feel towards him.  It is one of the  most bravely acts and denotes self confidence. But the manner at which you let your feelings out really matters a lot as that will determine the tendency of either being taken  for granted or valued.

Before you tell him how you feel,  There are so many considerations that must be put in place, otherwise you might risk  being disrespected and taken for a ride. What are these considerations?

 

SOME FACTORS To CONSIDER BEFORE YOU TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. 

Should I tell him how I feel?
Should I tell him him how i feel?

 

HIS CLOSENESS 

How close are you to him? Is he a  friend? Or just someone you met at the eatery or club?

Have you been an acquaintance for sometime or he’s just a stranger? It doesn’t matter if he’s  your admirer or crush,

if you have not been friends or close for a while, it might seem embarrassing trying to approach him. The end might not  be so pleasant.

Telling a guy how you feel about him is best and more easier if you both have been friends.

And probably, he might have been showing some signs indicating that he wants you as much as you want him, but lack the confidence to express his feelings.

He may be the introvert type. Whatever the case maybe,  You have a better and higher  chance with someone you’ve known for a while than someone you barely know.

The former will respect your feelings, and even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he will disclose it to you politely. While the later might tend to take an advantage of that. He might assume you just needed a  fling with no string attached.

Maturity level

Before you tell him how you feel, check his maturity level and be certain that he’s matured and responsible enough to handle it without  publicizing it or making you feel less human.

Be certain he’s ready to keep it confidential . Only a responsible guy will appreciate such gesture, and see it as bravely rather than desperation.

A responsible guy will not lead you on nor try to hurt your feelings by taking an advantage of the fact that you approached him.  He will either accept to be with you if the feeling is mutual or politely decline.

Having known some factors to consider before letting your feelings out, let’s look at the best way to reveal your feelings to a guy without looking awkward or embarrassed.

Best Approach to tell him how you feel without looking desperate. 

Begin by displaying green lights .

Sometimes, non- verbal words conveys a great and more concise  message than verbal words.

Before you tell a guy you love him verbally, is more recommendable you first express your feelings in a verbal way to watch his reactions. Does he respond to it? Does he in anyone show that he feels the same way?

Knowing this is very important, as that will aid your approach.

However, you must apply caution while displaying your green lights and watching out for signs in him.

Don’t make your self too loose. Avoid intimacy at this period in other to ascertain his true feelings. Is important to note that some guys will play along with you, just to lead you on and take advantage of you. Then dump you afterwards.

The best way to avoid this scenario is to exclude intimacy at this period. Making the first move as a woman does not depict you are cheap. But making yourself available to be laid instantly. It is not always about making the first move, but what happens thereafter.

Being  celibate is surely the best as that will enable you guide your heart against exploitation. And still walk out confidently, with your heads high and esteem still intact in case you get turned down.

Be Responsible

Before you tell him how you feel, make sure you have an admirable qualities. In some part of our society, is awkward for a woman to express her feelings,

However, it can be thrilling knowing that despite her  idea of ignoring her ego in other to make the first approach, she has a lot to offer.

Such women are irresistible. Regardless of who made the approach. People love being with important personalities who add values to their life.

Being responsible will help boost your ego in such away that concealing your feelings to a guy would not demote your esteem or make you feel less important.

 

Become friends first

One of the best way to tell him how you feel about him is to become his best friend first.

Love grows gradually. He might not have feelings for you at the moment. But as you grow fond of each other, he might begin to feel the same way.

If he’s shy to express his feelings, you  can confidently do that, knowing that you both are already an item. Love built on friendship is usually the best. And turns out to be more productive and fruitful.

You can also read Should I keep our friendship and hold my feelings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair
A low key relationship or a secret affair

 

A low key relationship or a secret affair. Ever wondered if your relationship falls into the former category or the later?  Relationship can be very tricky especially in this modern age where lies and deceit seems to be common.  And game playing  seems to be in vogue.

We all have the picture of our idea relationship created in our minds. We often fantasize about having a healthy relationship filled with trust, loyalty and commitment. This is very normal.  We all want a relationship where we would be woken  with a lovely and romantic text messages on daily basis.

But unfortunately, there is a thin line between imaginations and reality. Often times, our imaginations are borne out of fantasies especially when our minds are focused on some of the factious   stories as obtained from romantic movies  and other media. This is why we get paranoid when things are in contrary to our expectations.

But the question is, Are we ready to embrace reality? This is where the problem lies. The truth hurts a lot. We often love to hear our interest and desire without considering the fact that it could be lies or deceit.

Identifying if a relationship is a low key or a secret affair begins with embracing the reality. Being aware of the fact that some relationship are just an illusion  and based on selfish motives rather than mutual benefits. Whether we believe it or yes, some relationships are just a secret affair in disguise.

The challenge has always been on how to differentiate a low key relationship from a secret affair. This often cause  a lot of argument and misunderstanding  between couple. One may desire to have a relationship that moves in a very gradual and slow pace, while the other may require a relationship that moves in a  fast pace. Everything becoming obvious from the wooing stage to the the honeymoon phase. 

You know the usual display of  affections in public and media by taking selfies together.

introducing each other to  your  loved ones and  Using each other  as your display pictures in social media.

Some people believes that portraying such attitude depicts a very significant way of showing your love and appreciation for a spouse.  While to some, it is totally insignificant and doesn’t really matter. A handful of others also have the notion that one can still be doing all this, yet might not really love his/ her partner. Some couples often have  Constant argument over this.   

 

The one who doesn’t see it as an issue usually tries to assure and convince the other that  he/ she only wants to take things gradual, and  doesn’t matter if the relationship is publicized as long as they both love each other . But unfortunately, this is not usually easy to believe.  The assurance may not be enough to convince him/ her especially in this Era where people flirt a lot in the guise of  being in a relationship. And so the best way to settle this controversy is to identify the signs that a partner might want to take the relationship slowly or just want to flirt. Everyone desires to know if they are in a low key relationship or a secret affair.

A low key relationship or a secret affair

Ways to identify if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair

subject of discussion/ communication.

One of the ways identify whether you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair is to take a keen observation on the kind of discussion you normally have with your partner.

There is a popular adage which goes thus, ” is not how far that maters, but how well”. The speed at which an athlete begins a race does not really matter, but arriving at the final destination. It can be quite confusing knowing who doesn’t want to publicize a relationship and who wants to keep his/ her relationship private probably because they might be cheating with random partners.

But the first way to identify is through communication. Someone who just want to flirt with you might not be patient enough to get every detailed information about you.

They may display you  on every social media while blocking the other, just to give you a false impression. Most times, their discussion is usually centered only on romance and sex. Such kind of people never hesitates to ask for nudes. On the contrary, someone who desires to have a low key relationship may not necessarily do any of the above, but their discussion with you will give you a green light into what they truly wants. Such discussion are usually reasonable and depicts a future with you.

Open invitation to his/ her abode.

Another great way to differentiate between  a low key relationship and  a secret affair is having a welcome invitation by your partner.

Someone might be flirting with you, doing every intimate thing with you. But when it comes to inviting you to his/ her place, it becomes an issue. Probably because they have a skeleton in their cupboard.

And when you inform them of your visit, they will always find an excuse to discourage you from coming. But when he/ she is really interested in you, but only wants to take things one step at a time. You will be given a welcome invitation.

Such invitation is mostly based on the fact that you will soon become a part of their future and so need of restricting you.

Watch out for unnecessary excuses on special days.

You may be wondering if you are in a low key relationship or a secret affair, then watch out for unnecessary excuses by your partner especially during your special days.

If they truly love you but wants to keep the relationship low key, they will never forget your special occasion because you are their priority. On the contrary, if there are rivals, they will rarely remember such dates. As there are much people demanding for their attention.

External source you may like to check on : is this A low key relationship or a secret affair?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How low esteem ruins relationship

 

 

How low esteem ruins  relationship 1
How low esteem ruins relationship

Do you know that low esteem ruins relationship so quick? Despite the effort and commitment of one or both couples to make the relationship thrive.

Low esteem is a very bad and unhealthy trait . it affects every aspect of life and relationship is not an exception. People with low esteem have a common trait. And that is ” Negative vibes”. They exhibit negativity in everything they do. They tend to give up easily and accept defeat quite often and this in turn affects their progression and supposed achievement in life.

Low esteem is one of the most proven cause of failure. If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe something can be ever  done or achieved by you,  how do you expect others to have confidence in you? You can’t give out what you don’t have. Here is a simple illustration. When an individual  volunteers him/ herself or willingly comes out to participate in a contest. He/ she is expected to have fans who will cheer him/ her up in the process.

Now the duty of those suppose fans is to support him/ her and boost whatever confidence he/ she already has in possession. The fans ain’t there to give you confidence, but to boost your confidence. That implies that there should be a presence of confidence in one before expecting to be cheered up or supported.

Similarly, low  esteem ruins a relationship, when one or both individual lacks  confidence, Love is reciprocal, and that includes self love. When you don’t love yourself, is usually difficult to get love from the  other person. This is the  Importance of self love in a relationship . A lot of persons might ask, what is the correlation of self esteem in a relationship?  How exactly does it affect or ruin a relationship? This is s good question. And that’s what we will be discussing right away.

How low esteem ruins relationship.

Fear and self stigmatization. 

One remarkable way by which low esteem ruins relationship is by imposing fear and self stigmatization to the victim.

Low esteem begat fear of uncertainty. This fear usually comes as a result of seeing or assuming oneself as not up to the standard of their significant other. Hence the fear of being rejected or dumped.

People with low esteem often have this habit of taking up the blame whenever there is misunderstanding in the relationship.

The rarely notice their own contribution towards the growth of the relationship.  And this negative trait is a great turn off to most folks.  No matter what, A handful of men and women admire a confident person.

A person who sees a great value in him/herself. When you have low esteem, you stand the chance of loosing your relationship to a more confident person.

Vulnerability to hurts, negligence  and domestic violence. 

When there is low esteem,  hurts and negligence may be inevitable.

A lot of individuals are being neglected and taken for granted because of the way they presented themselves to the one they are dating.

When you hold yourself in high esteem, people will have no choice than to follow suit . But when you present yourself as someone who’ve gat no value or respect, your values and worth will be dragged to the mold.

They will make it appear as though the relationship was a favor  to you. And that’s why you see most people loosing their sanity just because they are in a relationship.

The major contributing factor to this problem is “low esteem”. Self love begets respect from other source. This is why a lot of married folks are so stuck in an abusive relationship. The stereotyped personality they have about their partner makes them think they may never find another.

They place their partners in high esteem, while setting themselves low. And so will gladly take any form of treatment just to still have their presence in their life.

 

Insecurity  and neediness.

Another proven way by which low esteem ruins relationship is that it causes insecure feelings and neediness.

Low esteem imposes a certain kind of fear which leads to insecure feelings. When you don’t hold yourself in high esteem, you will often assume no one cares about you nor your feelings.

People with low esteem often get paranoid whenever they see their partner with any member of the opposite sex. They often create an imagination  or assumption that their partner is cheating on them with a better individual. They see everyone as a rival and so compare themselves a lot with other people who might be relating with their partner. And you the negative effect of insecurity and neediness? It ruins the trust in a relationship. With such low esteem, you may end up loosing or pushing your partner away.

How low esteem ruins  relationship 2
Low esteem ruins relationship

How to overcome low esteem in a relationship.

Focus on your strength.

One of the reason why we have low esteem is because we tend to focus more on our weak point. We rate ourselves mostly with our weak point rather than our strength.

A lot of us forgot the fact that every individual has a weak point . and so we assume our’s is the worst. First begin by assuring yourself  that you are the best among your equals. Think more of your achievements than your  failures, focus more on your strength than your weakness. This will help you develop self esteem and not entertain any form of I’ll treatment from others.

Self love

Self comes just by loving oneself . do you know that that you can love yourself without any reason in particular. You can admire yourself every single day without any remarkable achievement.  Even as you rate yourself so low, can you deliberately hurt yourself or  allow someone else to do that? I guess no!!!

Then that implies that you still love yourself, despite your flaws. You still value yourself enough to be worthy of living despite your n non achievements, . Naturally, we all love ourselves,  despite our looks and qualities. We only need to extend that self love towards various aspects of our lives in order to boost our confidence and attract respect from others. You also need to read some Self love quotes To boost your confidence

 

Improve your standard.

Low esteem  relationship as a result of  self negligence. We may claim that love is the ultimate, yes no doubt about that. However, every man/ woman has a spec on the kind of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. And it varies from individual to individual. We all are attracted to various forms of unique and admirable qualities.

This  is the more reason why you need to work and improve on yourself. Don’t relax in expectance that your dream man/ woman  will love you exactly the way you are. You have to embrace reality. Work on your dreams and vision, get a skill, be dedicated and committed towards it. Keep making your life better, this will help build your esteem and give you an edge over other rivals.

You can also  read this external source . How low esteem affects relationship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How to stop obsessing over an ex..

 

 

How to stop obsessing over an ex.. 3

Obsessing over an ex is a very common habit after a terrible heartbreak. The habit is more common among folks at the receiving end of the break up. When a relationship ends in a non- mutual way. The one whose heartbroken was broken  tends to feel the pain more than the person who initiated the heartbreak. And often time, it  leads to psychological trauma and  depression.

When a break up occurs, there are two things usually involved. is either one initiates a dialogue with his/ her partner in other to talk things over and see if there is a chance of getting back together or move on.

While the former may seem so difficult than the later, but in actual sense,the later is usually more difficult. You know why? After initiating the dialogue, you might both arrive at a mutual conclusion that you no longer desire to get back together. And the next thing is to  move on and go your separate ways. But having  the the ability to move on is usually where the problem lies .

most people claim to have gotten rid of any feelings they had for their Ex, but at the thought or mention of their name, the rate of their  heart beat increases,when they  bump into them, their  feet and whole body begins to tremble and shiver. They  know moving on is the best option. But sometimes, they  just can’t help but have their thoughts engulf in their mind all day.

Even with the slim or zero chances of getting back with them, they  still  anticipate to get a bleep from them on your mobile.  They  can’t stop stalking them  on every social media platform even though they  no longer communicate with them.

This is what a we call  obsession. obsessing over an ex can lead to long term anxiety and depression.

Imagine having a strong urge to acquire something, but unfortunately you couldn’t afford it.  Normally, you are meant to keep your eyes off it and remain contended  because you can’t afford it at that moment. But then, you couldn’t  keep your mind off it. This is a similar scenario as to being obsessed with an ex. Before, we talk about how to stop being obsessing over an ex, let’s look at some of the reason behind such Obsession.

Obsessing over an ex

some Reasons why people are obsessed with their Ex. 

Expectations of getting back together 

moving  on after the break up is usually not easy, but it tends to be much difficult when there is a hopeful feelings of getting back with your ex. is normal to miss an ex after a break up, is normal to sob and worry as  these tend to aid  the healing process. The more you experience them, the better you get with time.

However, obsession sets in when you are stuck with the feelings of an ex with no plans of moving on soon, probably because you are expecting a make up with them which most times doesn’t happen.

And that’s why you get goose bump when you bump into them anywhere.that’s why you keep anticipating for their calls or messages  at every interval. That’s why you keep doing a lot of weird  and absurd things like calling them without having anything in mind to say, and then keeping mute when your  call has been taken.

Recalling only the good memories. 

One of the best tactics most people use in getting over their ex is comparing and contrasting  the good memories with the bad memories they had with them,

comparing  the number of times they sobbed, shed tears and worried and the number of times they were actually happy. If the former outweighs the later, they will realize that moving on was the  best decision for them.

Unfortunately, People who keep Obsessing over an ex often have a  different view of this.

They focused only on the good memories, thus making them assume that no one would ever make them happy again like their ex, hence the obsession with them.

promises in the past. 

Obsessing over an ex, sometimes occurs as a result of the promises that was made in the past.  Remembering these promises and anticipating for them often keep a lot of folks so stuck with the past, without any plans of forging ahead.

how to stop obsessing over an ex

Make up your mind to move on 

Every decision in life begins from our mindset. Nothing is possible without the consent of our mind. When you make up your mind to do something, you will always see the possibility of having it done  despite its difficulty.

This possibility is what will stirs up the determination. And so the next course of action  is to look for every possible way to have it done.

Similarly, when one is determined to move on, he/ she ought to try as much as possible to curb every distractions including anticipating for a make up or being hopeful of getting back together.

If you wish to stop obsessing over an ex, assume that the relationship is gone and gone for good. The earlier you accept the reality, the better it becomes.

Getting rid of the past memories

Just like we earlier explained, obsessing over an ex begins when keep recalling  the good old memories without considering how bad the relationship might have been in the past.

Most times, our emotions is often the reason behind this.  It derails us from seeing through the reality and understanding  that which is the best for us. Some people are still obsessed with an ex who abuses them both emotionally and physically.

To such people, love seems to  cover a lot. And that’s why they  feel pained rather than than being thankful for being liberated from such toxic relationship. They knew such relationship ain’t  healthy for them, yet, they ain’t ready to give up probably because they are scared of changing their relationship status to single again.

Such people needs an orientation to realize that one can be Single and still be more  happier and excited than being in an abusive relationship.