Relationship & Life Inspirational Forum

 

 

 

And so after rejection, what next? How can you cope with the emotional trauma? How can you accept the irreversible scenario?

How can you embrace the reality right before you? You just want to wake up and realize it was just a night mare. As human, such reality is just hard to accept no matter how strong you are.

Imagine fantasizing on how glamour your wedding day will be like, you’ve created a picture and how perfect your home will definitely look, you’ve even discussed it among your friends.

You’ve bragged about your lovely partner  and how complete they make you feel ever since they came into your life, during your discussions  with them. Everyone is anticipating for that special day you will walk down the isle with your heart throb.

But all of a sudden, your expectation turned into a night mare.

The day which ought to have been the happiest day of your life turned out to be the saddest and regrettable day.

You proposed expecting to  hear a positive response but got disappointed instead. You felt your world has crumbled right before you, the embarrassment and expectations are so hard to ignore.

Your pictures together  are already littered everywhere on social media. Everyone is anticipating for that special day. Now how do you tell them that the once expected union  had become a night mare, due to rejection

The trauma that usually comes after rejection can be so shocking and  may lead to  depression. if not handled carefully.

Proposal rejection does not just affect the men alone, but equally affect women in one way or the other.

When a woman had been led on, to the point of making a whole lot of   commitment, ranging from emotional commitment to physical commitments,  and then becomes disappointed at the end, she will definitely feel the effect or aftermath of rejection.

However, just like every other misfortune or unfortunate occurrence  in life, your reactions to it matters a lot as that will determine your tendency of pulling over or becoming drowned by your emotions at the end of the day.

To some, it affected their lives positively afterwards as they learnt certain things out of it, while to some few others, it posed a negative mindset in their lives as they chose to gave up on love, thereby missing their life partner.

This article is just to remind you that all hope is not lost yet even after rejections, you don’t have to get yourself worked up or wallow in pity forever. You’ve gat to move on. So how do you go about it? How do you get yourself out from this likely prolong misery? Let’s find out.

How to move on after rejection.

Sob, cry and wail.

Surprised right? I know you must have been expecting something like.

Pretend like you are strong, buckle up your feelings, and just move on with your life, but then is most easier said than done. As humans, we can’t totally get rid of emotions, we only learn how to conquer them.

Research has it that, letting out your emotions by whichever means is the surest and most effective way to move on during emotional trauma.  If you lock it up, you are only covering a wound without treating it, and you know what? Why it is concealed, the scars will never go. Is better to have it treated once, with the scars healing gradually, till there’s no more left.  In others words, cry, sob and wail till there’s no more reason to do that. Soon you will get tired of that.

Forgive your self and your Ex- partner.

The emotional trauma that comes after rejection is so severe that some people had vowed never to forgive the one who caused them so much pain. But then, by holding grudges you are equally getting yourself stuck too .

unforgiving heart makes you a slave to your own emotion because it often breeds bitterness and hatred. Set your self free. Quit blaming yourself for loving and trusting them. Set yourself free by forgiving yourself and forgiving them too. Also avoid harboring a revenge thought. Make up your mind to let go. In that case, you will easily erase the past to pave way for the future.

Take a break.

After rejection, there’s always an urge to mingle again. There’s an intense desire to revive those memories you once had with them.

Probably because you missed them or want to proof to them that you are better off with some other persons.

This is not a contest. You don’t contest with emotions. Is either you’ve moved on or you’re still hanging on there trying to revenge which most times doesn’t end well. No matter the urge, try to give relationship a break, this will help you be in charge of your own feelings and emotions at the mean time.  In other to clear your head and get yourself emotionally,  physically and psychologically prepared for the next relationship.

let go of your past-

This is the last stage that will determine your tendency to love again and equally trust again. And what will enable you to let go of the past is when you strictly follow all the above mentioned point. By letting go of the past, you are paving way for a bright future ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you always feel insecure in a relationship?  Do you always  have this negative feelings that no matter how  healthy   your relationship is, you still get scared every now and then?

Do you always feel  unappreciated and less valued? Even when there’s no yet reason to feel that way. Do you  often see yourself getting unnecessarily  jealous for no course?  If yes, then You are not alone in this.

We’ve all been there at one point in time, we’ve all experienced this. It seems like a norm but sadly, it is a negative trait which has the tendency of terminating a lovely relationship. It does not matter how long you’ve been together, once insecurity sets in, it will certainly pose an effect in the relationship in one way or the other.

Here’s a typical instance on how we feel insecure in a relationship.

Helen had called several times, but all to no avail. It rings and then goes unanswered. Could it be he’s seeing some other girl, or probably he’s lost interest but doesn’t know to reveal that to me to avoid being confronted. These were the exact thoughts running through her mind as she fling  her phone annoyingly.

She never thought of other scenarios such as maybe he was currently busy and couldn’t take calls at the moment, or probably might be undergoing stress or some other challenges.  Right there on the ground, her phone bleeped, it was a whatsapp message, but she ignored it. Few minutes later, she sent a text  message expressing her bitterness and accusing him of negligence as the reason why he had refused to take her calls. As soon as she forwarded the text message, he  saw  the WhatsApp message, opened it and it and read  thus ” baby please I will call you back in a jiffy, I’m so busy now”.

She read those lines again and again, and regretted being insensitive and impatience. Unfortunately, that costed her relationship, as it wasn’t the first time she was seen nagging and concluding easily as a result of her insecure feelings.

Her partner eventually grew tied of her consistent behavior, even when he needed someone to confide in during challenging moments at work.

 

Probably, you might be asking How can i feel secure in a relationship?

The first step is to discover the reason behind your insecure feelings. Now do you think henry began to feel insecure out of the blues? Certainly not. There are several reasons behind insecure feelings, and the earlier we discover it and curb, the better for us and the less chances of loosing our relationship.

5 Reasons why people feel insecure in a relationship

 

 the past experience

One of the reasons why people feel insecure in a relationship can be attributed to their past .

some folks had never been lucky when it comes to relationship and matters of the heart. They had been jilted, disrespected, neglected and often time have their love taken for granted.

 

Such ugly experience often times tend to affect their psychology and perception about love.  Some gave up on love and never believed they could found one again. While the few others who still hope and anticipate for love can’t just help it but feel insecure every now and then. The experiences they encountered in the past ignited so much fear in them. There is always this phobia that their current partner may  begin behave like their ex .  This is why people are being encouraged to avoid  rebound Relationship. by taking their time to move on and get the past off their mind before venturing into a new relationship.

If only one can allow time heal the wounds, the past will naturally and gradually fade off from the memory.

so much Expectations. 

It is natural to have a stereotyped imaginations on the way you expect to be treated by a partner when in a relationship.

But often times, things might not go according to our desire/ plan . hence the reason why we nag and feel insecure every now and then if reverse  turns out to be the case.

The earlier we understand that our partner is just a mere mortal like us capable of disappointing at any time, the better for us. For instance, when we have this  Imaginary  feelings on how we expect our relationship to be and had built fantasies in our brain such as being woken up every morning with breakfast, being checked on daily basis and receiving gifts every now and then or expecting to be treated exactly the way we treat them, we will always feel Insecure and paranoid once reverse becomes the case.

The best is to make our inputs, and then allow nature take its course. Always have this mindset that if it works out fine, and if not. Life still has to go on.

 

Emotional instability –  while is natural to feel emotional and sensitive a times, there are folks who are more emotional and sensitive than others.  It is inherent in them and thus can’t help  it,but feel insecure at every slightest provocation. Such people gets paranoid easily and panic whenever their call goes unanswered.

They will begin to imagine negative scenarios in their head which might turn out to be a false assumption. They can only learn to control their emotions and put it to check.

Lack of trust

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. A lot of people feel insecure in their relationship because the lost they once had for their partner is gone, probably because of a negative attitude they may have exhibited in the  course of the relationship.

A handful of others couldn’t find themselves to trust in a relationship probably as a result of their past hurtful feelings. When there’s no trust, the feelings of being cheated on will never cease to exist from your mind even when it might be a false assumptions. Couples should stop giving rooms for suspicion. And in the case of a lost trust, forgiveness should be the best resort especially when there’s a remorseful feelings from the one who have erred. Letting go of the past can actually go a long way too.

 

 

Negative influence

This is another vital reason why people feel insecure. If you keep discussing your relationship ordeals to every dick and harry, you maybe advised wrongly, thus leading to comparison and envy. You may be compelled to compare your significant other  with other folks, and then assume they don’t love you since they are not treating you  in a particular way or doing things the way your friends/ colleagues do their’s in their own relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this  actually a  break or a break up? You kept asking yourself rhetorically. You can’t help but reminisce on his last statement.

” let’s take a break”. The statement seemed  polite, it seemed as one which could resolve the issues you’re  both having in your relationship. But then you’re scared. The word “Break” sends a cold shiver down your spine. What if he meant break up? These thoughts couldn’t stop running in your head. The more you try to resist them and become optimistic, the more they kept coming.

Perhaps, you might have been going through a lot in your relationship. A lot of misunderstanding,  and sometimes fights. You’ve broken up and made up on several occasions after discovering that you both have a strong bond which can’t be easily detached.  But yet, it doesn’t stop the crisis going on in your relationship.

Now, After series of mutual conversation, your partner thought it could be a wise decision if you both can give each other a break in other to ascertain what you both actually want from the relationship, and also to discover each other’s weak point and learn how to tolerate one another.  During the conversation, you gave in to the decision, hence it was a mutual consent.

However, on getting home, you   realized how bored life suddenly became without communicating with each other.

Despite your differences, you still had time to talk to each other, you spent lovely time together, but now you,ve began to miss all of that.

The memories of your good time together can’t stop ringing in your head.  You wondered how long the break was gonna last,  you are beginning to loose your grip out of fear and uncertainty.

Before you get paranoid, I want to let you know that Every relationship comes with its trying moment, up’s and down’s and challenges.

No relationship is perfect. But how both couples tends to handle the moment will determine the fate of the relationship at the end. It is not abnormal to ask for a break.  When both parties often involve in  constant arguments  and fights.

Taking a break will enable them understand themselves better, reaffirm the objective of their relationship. Just like the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, constant arguments may be as a result of over- familiarity.

However, why it is normal to freak out, it is abnormal to object their decision on taking a break . Don’t let fear and Insecurity overcloud your sense a reasoning.

A lot of people will begin to nag and bug their partners with excessive calls and messages, which is a big turn off.  It is necessary to know that your reaction to his decision will determine if the break will soon be over or linger on. No matter how paranoid you are, take a deep breath and calm your emotions.

The request for a break in a relationship might have actually led to a break up. But there are certain ways to determine if is really a break or a break up. Let’s discuss some of these factors.

 

5 ways to discover if is a break or a break up?

1.communication level-  

One of the ways to discover if your relationship is still in a slow pase or may have automatically ended  is to check the level of  communication between you both. Perhaps, you were having regular communication before you decided to slow down or take a break, taking a break entails not having a  constant or an  Excessive communication  but does not imply no communication at all. Your communication level may decline at this point, but that does not imply that you will automatically    ghost   each other.

Check the last time he reached out  to you since you began the slow pace. The duration of your communication matters at this point.

If he hasn’t reached out to you for two consecutive week or probably a month, you may have the need to worry, but don’t freak out. Just call his attention to it to ascertain his mind. If he still desires the relationship, he will be keen to know how you’re doing.

updating you.

One of the ways to ascertain if it is actually a break or a break up is by observing his recent attitude.

You know how he usually updates you whenever there is a new happenings in his life. New job, promotion, challenges and so on. You’re usually the first to hear that. Now imagine, you just heard from his male friend that he’s mum is sick or that he’s moved from his apartment to another apartment, how will you feel ? agitated and disappointed right?

This is one of the obvious signs that the break is actually leading to a break up.  There’s this feeling of negligence that follows this scenario. You will feel that you’ve lost your value in their life, hence no longer worth sharing or updating on the recent happenings in their life.

Making out time to resolve the issue

A Real break in a relationship is synonymous to asking for a space so both of you can concentrate more on understanding yourselves in a more concise  way, working on your individual flaws and addressing the issue that normally pose as a bone of contention in your relationship.

At this point, what only tends to differ between  your relationship now and then is in the expression of your emotions..you may not be so close romantically, but communication ought not to be lacking.

Not keeping flings. 

One of the best ways to discover if it is really a break or a break up ? is to check their relationship status as soon as  they asked for a break. Have they began to date someone else or start keeping a  fling ?

Are they becoming emotionally attached to another member of the opposite sex? If yes, then that might call for a serious concern and worries.

A period of break is just a cooling off period especially for romantic affairs. And not the time to date other individuals. This is one of the obvious sign that he wants a break up as a lot of people has used that as an excuse to walk away from a relationship.

 

Similar External source  you can check on: the-difference-between-breakup-and-break?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does he love me? But Afraid  of rejection Or is he  not that into me? Wondering about this sends  a cold shiver in the hearts of many women. Many a times, we find ourselves falling over heels in love or getting attracted to someone.

No matter how we try go curtail the feelings, it seems so difficult.  You ain’t sure if they feel the same way, they give you  Mixed signal  every now and then. And this makes it even more complicated than it was.

You wished you could reveal your feelings to them, but then, the thought of Rejection gives you goose bumps, coupled with the fact that you’re a woman who needs to be chased/ pursued and not the other way round.

You can’t imagine that no matter what. Now you’re stuck with the decision of either  letting your feelings known and be ready to handle the rejection that might come up with it or withholding your feelings and risk loosing him.

There’s usually this awkward feeling that comes up when we fall over heels in love with someone who seems to be giving us a hint or signals indicating they might be interested in us.

For men, the curiosity of knowing if she’s the right one can easily be solved by approaching her to really ascertain her mind.is either she says yes!or No! Or probably ask for more time to think about it..

However, for women, it seems complicated, as the society often frowns at women making the first approach with the speculation that it ought to be the other way.

That implies that she has to keep her hopes high and remain optimistic that things will have to fall in place.  But for how long would  she keep on anticipating? That is one of the biggest challenge.

Especially if the waiting is taking longer than expected.  Rhetorical questions like could it be that he’s scared of rejections or probably not into me can’t stop ringing in most women’s brain as they find themselves in this scenario.

After so much pondering, some women may decide to take the bull by the horn by making the first approach. And if they unfortunately get rejected, it may result to  depression. and lost of self esteem.

In other words, before a woman  can be able to deduce if a  man is into her or  afraid of rejection, she ought to watch out for obvious signs or Green lights.

Signs to know if he loves you but  Afraid of rejection.

 

Constant  communication –  if he’s an introvert or somewhat shy, he might find it difficult to express his feelings.

But you will certainly know if he always wants to keep up communication with you.

One of the signs that a man certainly loves you but is afraid of rejection is being in touch with you every now and then.

People only keep in touch with someone they care about and wish to have in their lives. If he’s always having interest in keeping in touch with you, trying to know about your personal welfare, chances are that he loves you. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to express your feelings to be really certain.

He remembers even the tiniest details.

You will know a man loves you  but afraid of rejection if he remembers every little discussion he had with you.

He keeps memories every now and then. You might have discussed about your challenges, goals and ambitions in life. If he tries to bring it back in a future discussion, chances are that he loves you.

He seeks for a solution.

He wouldn’t stop at remembering  your challenges or goals, but he will assist you in finding solutions to it or working to achieve it.

This is one of the strongest green light every lady should look out for.  It shows he cares a lot about you.

However, you can try giving it a shot by telling him how you feel directly or indirectly. There is a great chance that he will be glad to hear that.

Body language and eye contact.

This is one of the strongest green light any man may show to you, supposing he loves you but afraid of rejection.

He may not necessarily demand for sex or try to initiate it. But be observant about his body movement towards you whenever you are together. Does he make an attempt to kiss or cuddle you? Or maybe demand for it.

Demanding for a kiss may not be feasible if he considers your friendship too early for that.

But does he stare at you at every slightest provocation? If yes!!!  there’s a high chance that he truly loves you. Whenever he does that and you eyes incidentally rocked with each other, and he looks way.  This is an obvious sign.

Other external source/www.lovepanky.com/women/understanding-men/signs-he-likes-you-but-is-afraid of rejection.

 

 

 

 

 

Long distant relationship challenges can put a strain on a long term relationship if not handled carefully. A lot of relationship has ended in an unplanned way because both couldn’t handle the distant barrier.

No matter how busy we tend to be, there are times when our emotions yearns for urgent attention.

Even though we may try to ignore it and push it aside, but at such time, it seems like a difficult task because is only natural to experience the warm affection of people we love and care about.  is natural to have the urge to be cuddled, caresses and pet.  Is not out of place.

However, how we handle it a times matters especially if the relationship is a long distant one.

Long distant relationship challenges can only be curbed if couples begins to understand what relationship is all about. Unfortunately, a lot of folks have a wrong view and ulterior motive as regards to relationship. To some, is a way to curb their sexual desires, while to others is a gateway towards their financial benefit. Hence, I tag it ” friends with benefits.  rather than Relationship.

 

Here are some things every couple should know about long distant relationship.

Relationship entails friendship. 

 

In other to overcome long distant relationship challenges, we have to understand that the basis or foundation of every relationship ought to begin with friendship. Friendship connects the heart and bond the souls irrespective of the distance.

In friendship, people can stay together as long as they wish irrespective of the distance.

You still remember those friends you once met in school,  you had great moment with them, but as soon as you graduated, it seems as though you’ve lost  sight with them for several years especially if you reside in different states.

However, while you might loose sight with them, you won’t loose the bond you shared with them especially if you still have their contact..similarly, distant relationship will always survive once there is friendship in a relationship. While romantic partners may forget each other, True friends rarely does.

Out of sight shouldn’t be out of mind

We’ve often hear the popular saying that out of mind is out of sight.

This assertion usually result as a result of building a relationship based on infatuation and mere attraction.

Such relationship usually becomes a night mare as soon as the romantic aspect is no longer viable.

In a relationship built on true love, distance can only separate the physical body, but can never separate the heart.

Once the heart is for each other, separation becomes evitable. Even though the romantic aspect is eliminated, both souls will still long for each other, despite the number of years they’ve been apart.  

long distant relationship challenges and how to cope with them

Emotional challenges.

One of the greatest challenges facing folks in long distant relationship is the issue of expressing their affections with one another.

When we are in a romantic relationship, we often  crave for romantic affections and physical intimacy. Ranging from kissing, caressing, and petting. And to some extent love making.

Even couples practicing  Celibacy may still long for romantic expressions and togetherness. It is quite normal. This one of the huge challenge in long distant relationship. And most times, if not guided properly, might result to Infidelity.

This is where building of friendship becomes a necessity. Couples whose relationship are built on friendship can easily survive this challenge than couples whose relationship are built solely on romantic attractions. 

Another way to curb this issue of emotional challenge is via  communication.

 Communication is a strong pillar holding every relationship especially long distant ones. Gone are the days when one need to spend a fortune before communicating with his/ her partner. These days, communication has been made easily accessible via various channels including social media.

The recent invention of video calls has equally made communication more fun and adventurous. With face/ face calls, you can easily understand each other’s mood and gestures, detect each other’s demeanor or countenance, and see each other’s facial expression which are more effective than mere chats.  

 

Insecurity and trust issues

This is another huge challenge for couples in a long distant relationship. As human, is normal to feel insecure especially when our heart is full of doubts.

Sometimes, this doubt may not be as a result of a past experience, but as a result of our imaginations and negative thoughts.

Even couples who are not in a long distant relationship do feel insecure a times, let alone couples who rarely see each other. There is usually this thought of who is she with at the moment? Where is he at the moment? Who came to spend the night with her? Such thought no matter how we try to erase them keeps occupying our minds especially if the relationship lacks trust. And this lack of trust sometimes is prompted by an encounter the affected partner might have had with the other.  We know that trust is not gained but earned.

This is to say  that any form of suspicious behavior can reduce or derail the trust one have for the other.

So in other solve this mind puzzle associated with insecurity, couples need to learn how to trust themselves. And in the case where one of the partner have broken the trust in the relationship he/ she needs to work on it i n other to have  Regained.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How does men show commitment? This is one of the vital question asked by every lady who desires to be in a Healthy relationship .

To men, commitment is not just a “mere” word.is not even an act. But an investment.

You know how crucial investment is in the lives of many especially goal getter and people who desire to be successful and make a lot of fortune out of their lives  right?

Before people begin to consider about investing their fortune on something.

They must have considered the possible outcome and its possible yield in future. That implies that they have to undergo a thorough thought and make a well detailed analysis.  After so much thoughts,

They must have reached an uncompromising  decision of whether on not to invest. At this point, they must be certain of their decision and be sure there is no doubts or double minds about it.  Similarly, this is just the definition of commitment from the male point of view. And this is why so many men develop commitment phobia in a relationship.

Men’s view about commitment is quite different from that of the female gender. This is why men show commitment when they are certain of the future and not just at the beginning of a relationship.

Recall that the Emotional differences In men and women ain’t similar. While women are guided by emotions, men tend to be more logical and realistic.

For example, when a woman is in a new relationship, and probably so much in love with her partner,she will become overly attached to the point that she will  expect everything done within a short time.

Ranging from commitment to formalizing the union. Women can’t really wait to be proposed to. Every woman regardless of how long they’ve dated their significant other is hoping and anticipating for that moment when he will pop up the question concerning marriage.

While men on the other hand sees commitment and marriage more like a huge responsibility. Hence the reason why they don’t rush it. They usually take their time to be certain they are ready and much prepared for the responsibilities ahead.

However, despite the fears associated with commitment. A time will definitely emerge in a man’s life, when the need to commit will be so intense and mandatory. This is the interesting part every woman desires to know. How do men show commitment?  What are the signs to show that he  longs  for a   long term relationship.

Several ways by which men show commitment.

Involving family members

This is one typical ways by which men show commitment. While a woman may be eager to meet  his significant other’s family or probably introduce hers to him even at the early stage of the relationship.

Men loves taking it slow and steady. They hate to be pressurized on such as that is a bold step.

This explains why men who just want flings  avoid involving the family members because that is a huge part of commitment. They often imagine a likely scenario of promising to sponsor someone only to abandon  them and leave them devastated.

Except a man has developed some sort of trust and confidence and is rest assured that she is whom he desires to spend the rest of his life with, he will never take the bold step of involving family members yet.

This explains  why a lot of them abscond from involving  their family members at the early stage of the relationship. To women it might seem like a normal act, but to a man, it means a lot.

Entrusting you with his personal items.

One of the apparent ways men show commitment is by entrusting you with things that are valuable and confidential to them. Commitment goes with trust.

For a man to commit,,he must have established some kind of trust for her significant other.

And when there is trust, security becomes certain and a necessity. With that, he can easily leave some of his personal items without having fears.  Some of this items ranges from his house keys to his ATM cards/ pin numbers. and so forth. These are items he wouldn’t  leave for to just any individual.

 

He will discuss confidential matters to you.

Another vital ways by which men show commitment is by confiding in you in their personal/ family matters.

There are some personal matters we may not like to share with our friends except the one who is so close and dear to us. So when he sees the need to confide in you, that is a big sign of commitment.

Such confidential matters can only be discussed with family members, this shows that he wants to include you as a part of his families too.

 

He shares his goals with you and seeks for  your opinion. 

He has other friends, yes!!! But your opinion matters a lot to him and he sees it as a priority. Soon, your opinion will always be the first to sought for when you both finally settles down.

And so seeking for your opinion now implies that he’s looking forward towards that in the future.

External link you might also like. /10-ways-a-partner-shows-they-are-committed-to-you.

 

 

Being too available,  Does it often leads to being less valued and disrespected? Would I loose my value once I start showing up too  often and frequent  in his/ her life, or would I be appreciated more?

These and many more are some of the controversial questions many  are so curios  to find the answers to. Especially folks who tends to show more commitment  and loyalty in their relationship.

You’ve heard of the popular saying, ” familiarity breeds concept’. People use this quote often to denote that being too available in someone’s life may lead to a situation of being taken granted. But the question is, is this a  really proven fact or just a general misconception?

This question may not have a specific answer, but depends on several factors. I.e the nature of the relationship, the person involved,  the intention and mindset of one or both partners.  This implies that being too available may affect relationship A and may not affect Relationship B.

Some relationship tends to become more stronger as soon as one or both partners began showering each other with lots of attention. There are people who were never in love with their partner initially, but their love began to grew as a result of the affection and care they got. In other words,  rather than make them loose interest, it stimulated their interest. That is the reason why the conception of loosing one’s value in a relationship solely because one is too available is not always true, but dependent on several factors which was earlier explained..

I’ll be explaining this factor one after the other.

Being too available in a relationship. Some factors to consider.

Nature of the relationship

The nature of a relationship is a great determining factor of whether or not one may be taken for granted when he/ she becomes too available. When someone sees you as a fling  rather than a partner or soul mate, he/she maybe less bothered about receiving attention from you, because they desire nothing else aside the sexual pleasure they get from you.

And once they discover you are becoming too needy, showing up too often in their life, they will find a way to scare you away or flee. This is because you seems to be going in contrary to their intentions.

It is necessary to understand the nature of your relationship before throwing yourself at someone. Ensure that  their feelings, objectives and interest are similar to yours, before demanding to be valued.  It takes two to tango. Make sure you are in a well defined relationship. Else you will always be taken for granted.

Familiarity can only breed concept when someone ain’t seeing a future with the other who seems to be giving much of his/ her attention and also desiring to have it reciprocated.

 Egocentric MINDSET

Being too available can only diminish value if one or both partner are too egocentric and full of themselves.

People who value their relationship can never get tired of being in each other’s company or spending time together.

To such people, there’s nothing as being too available. No time spent together is ever enough. There is always willingness to do things in a mutual way.

There’s the desire to have each other around. So in this scenario, it all depends on the egoistic state of the parties involved.

People who value their Ego more than the relationship will feel threatened once they discovered that you are becoming less available. But when you were much available, they will term you ” needy and desperate” thus going for the ones that they appears unavailable and less reachable.

ATTITUDE

Sometimes, the reason why you may be neglected may not really be because you are too available.

But because your availability has no positive impact to someone. You can be less available and yet not missed, while on the contrary, you might always be available and much more appreciated to the point that going invisible  for a short will create a vacuum in the hearts of others.

Does your availability often breeds  negative attitudes such as nagging? Insensitivity? Pride? Disloyalty? Fury? . if that is the case, be rest assured that your Availability  may become a burden to some people. This is where majority complains of being ignored because they are much available. But when your availability comes up with so many positive attitudes such as peace of mind,  submission, respect, intelligent views and mindset. You will be more desired every now and then.

You can also check out this external source being-available-hurt-relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are numerous and attractive manly characteristics,  but when it comes to relationship,

There are more attractive features that arouses the interest of the opposite sex. It may vary from individual to individual as we all have our preferences.

However, some characteristics are commonly and generally  known to be more attractive especially when considering a life partner.

Every man is unique in his own way.we all have our weak points and strengths. A times, one may outweigh the other. But it is our earnest desire to have people judge us by our strength rather than your weak point.

It is our expectation to be  admired  by the later than the former. And so to that effect,we try as much as possible to exhibit an admirable and adorable quality of which we ought to be remembered of.

Men and women differs in a very diverse way. Especially when it comes to relationship and marriage expectations. Hence the term ” manly characteristics “.

For instance, when a man wishes to settle down, there are vital qualities he may look out for or expect to see in his ” supposed partner”. Others maybe vital, but these qualities are said to be his “basic preferences”and ” top priorities”. Same is applicable to women.

I’ve often hear people lament that men are scum or that women are wired. Such bitter expression usually occurs after having a severe heartbreak from the opposite sex.

But this has less to do with ” generalization and more to do with understanding manly and womanly qualities that attracts both genders.

Having a good look is good, being tall and having an attractive/ killer body is equally awesome. However, there are more awesome and  manly characteristics that nearly all women want or desire. They are not feminine qualities and so it is the dream of most women to have their partner in possession of them. So what are these qualities?

6 manly characteristics that attracts women.

Intelligence.

Every woman desires to have a man who is not just good looking but smart and intelligent.  Such characteristics is so appealing. As a matter of fact, it is one of the qualities that most people look out for on a first date.

Imagine being with someone who finds it difficult to engage in a meaningful conversation with you or initiate an intelligent dialogue.

This could be a  turn off to most women. A woman will easily get bored being with a man who have a poor expressive skill.   Having good looks without being intelligent or smart may not attract the woman of your dream.

Sense of humor- 

This is one of the manly characteristics that is so popular and most sought for. Relationship is not a military platform where instructions are meant to be followed strictly without any objection. Relationship ought to be a free and fair  union,  where both parties  are  free to share their opinion and thoughts regardless of how boring, wired or absurd it might sound. Being mean always is unattractive. Women admire men who can joke when necessary and also express a sarcastic statement once in a while. This is what most women look out for especially on a first date.

 

Confidence and good composure

Most men are shy and introvert, no doubt about that. But the truth is that such trait can be unattractive.

Being shy and introvert is more of a feminine trait than masculine trait.  Women love it more when they have men who ain’t scared of expressing themselves.  Men who are not phobic in making the first approach irrespective of the possibility of being rejected. Men are known to be hunters. They love the chase and not the other way round. In other words, most women will find it awkward having a man who can’t make the first approach as a result of his introvert nature.

protective skills. 

This is a manly characteristics that most women never jokes with.

Every woman desires to have a man with  whom she can feel secured around. A man who will be ready to protect and defend her at all times. Women are known to be weaker vessels.

The  Emotional differences In men and women confirms that men are from  Mars, while women are from Venus. In other words, men are known to be stronger and more emotionally stable, while women needs to be protected and pampered at all times.  If a woman ain’t seeing that protective nature in you on the first approach, she might take a walk.

 

Career Driven

You don’t need to break a bank to impress a lady, neither do you need to owe a city to get attracted to your idea woman.

However, you need to be ambitious and goal oriented. You need to be focused and show a high sense of optimism in whatever you do.

Every woman wants a successful man. Being Successful does not imply you must have a huge amount of money in your bank account. But it does  means having the determination to succeed at all positive cost.

Being career, skilled or business oriented. Contrary to some men’s perception. Women are not all   materialistic   in nature. She might decide to take a walk, not necessarily because you are broke. But because you ain’t doing anything to come out from that state. You feel relaxed and comfortable,  hoping that manner will fall from the sky.

Any responsible and reasonable woman will most likely stick to you once she discovers you are industrious and purpose driven. You might not be  wealthy today, but once she observes that  you have vision  and striving to be better, she will get attracted.

High esteem and charisma 

When you have value for yourself, it will definitely attract value and respect from others. But when you look down on yourself,people will have no choice than to follow suit.

This is a natural phenomenon.  You maybe wondering why women get more attracted to men especially players  who tickles their fantasy via their charisma, and yet neglect that nice and good gentleman who had been pleading for their attention. Is all about esteem. high self esteem is naturally attractive and unnegotiable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Playing games in a relationship, when is it necessary? And when is becoming a wrong idea which might probably turn the other person off.

Playing hard to get in a relationship is so common especially at the early years of the relationship where everyone craves to be loved and cherished without giving out the impression of being desperate and needy.

At first, we  may want to careless, or pretend not be fully attached with our partner so as to get their maximum attention.

Some people go as far as ghosting  their partner or paying little or less attention to the relationship in other to induce the other’s interest or make the other person become more pushy. We’ve heard about the saying.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Everyone wants to feel secured. Everyone wants to feel that excitement of being chased and  Hence the reason why so many resort to playing games in a relationship. But the question is? Does playing hard to get really guarantees that? Certainly!!! But not in all cases.

Naturally, man is a psychological being, hence the reason why reverse psychology works most times. It is natural to value things which are less available to us than that which is always at our disposal.

For instance, I was opportune to counsel a young woman who complained bitterly that his partner was showing him less attention.

She said and “I quote”. He rarely calls nor chat with me, I am the only one putting up so much work in our communication level why he does nothing. If I don’t call he won’t bother to do that. I feel neglected.  I feel am not his priority.

After listening to her complaint, I urged her to slow down  a bit on the level of her communication with him to see if he really cares. And if he does, it shows he still loves her but may just be playing mind games.

But  if he doesn’t notice that, it simply shows that he doesn’t care.  She did that and all of a sudden, he began to feel her absence and took up with the communication. This implies that playing games actually worked in this case. but may not work in other cases.  It might work in some scenario, while it won’t work in others. So how can we know when playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision? Below are some ways to know.

when  playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision.

 

When there is an  intense Commitment 

Playing hard to get maybe normal at the early years of the relationship just like was explained initially. You don’t want to come off as desperate. You really want to be certain   they have similar feelings with you before committing yourself fully.

However, when is obvious that the feelings are mutual and the other person was beginning to show a high level of commitment, playing hard to get at such period may be really unnecessary and unwise. It might signal the wrong message to the other party as a sign of  non – interest  and neglect towards them. Which might  turn them off and make them loose interest towards you and the relationship.

At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong idea. You may end up regretting it and hoping you turn back the hands of time. But unfortunately, they might have moved on. Is always good to know when best to play hard to get, and when you are beginning to derail from the initial plan.

 

 

When the relationship has been well defined.

Playing games in a relationship that has been Defined  is like cracking jokes during a serious conversation thereby disrupting and derailing from the subject matter.

For instance, a man may really have the intention of settling down, and thus may see a woman she is attracted to. At that point, he may not like to  entertain some form of dramatic and mind playing games.

He only expects her to  either accept or decline his proposal. Playing hard to get even when is obvious that she  has  feelings for him will only give him the impression that she is not  just interested. And thus, maybe compelled to move on by such impression. At that point, playing games in a relationship becomes unnecessary.

When the other party is emotionally stable.

Playing games in a relationship may only go well with  needy people and people  who have Insecurity issues.

But for people who are are emotionally stable with secured mind,  they may not really give a damn. Especially when they have  several options. Such people are equally familiar with such game playing. And thus may throw you off balance by acting like they don’t care once they discover your plan.

when you have a partner with dope, rare and admirable qualities. 

Playing games in a relationship becomes a wrong decision when you have a partner with adorable qualities several other persons look out for. Everyone desires to have a partner with dope qualities that sweeps one off their feet. Such is possible, but remember you ain’t the only person craving for such. So if you are opportune to have one,make sure you ain’t driving them away with so much mind games.

You remember the saying. ” you won’t value what you have till it slips out of your finger. Is normal to play a little hard to get to ascertain their intention and level of commitment at the early stage of the relationship. But don’t over do that to avoid driving them to another’s arm.

 

 

External source :/emotional-health/playing-games-relationships

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should I tell him how I feel towards him? Should I make my feelings obvious, or would i be considered as cheap and desperate?

These are one of the fears most ladies have towards being the first to make a move or approach a guy especially in our society where such is considered to be absurd .

Men are natural hunters, and most often, they enjoy the thrill in the chase. They are mostly known for wooing or approaching a lady.

However, it doesn’t usually mean that having it done the other way round is all bad. But this is the general mindset of the society and thus placing some form of stigmatization to the woman.

Women have always been in the habit of concealing their feelings just because of what the society might say. They die in silence rather than tell a guy how they feel towards him.

Aside societal perception, this fear is equally based on the fact that they are scared of rejection or being exploited on.

Women find it extremely difficult to handle rejection unlike their male counterpart.

And this is why they feel so bad getting a negative response after summoning courage to unveil  their feelings. There is always an expectations of having a positive response and thereafter having the male folk take up from where they stopped in other to still retain their Ego and dignity. But unfortunately, reverse might be the case. Thus causing more hurt and bad feelings to the woman.

However, there is actually nothing wrong with telling a guy how you feel towards him.  It is one of the  most bravely acts and denotes self confidence. But the manner at which you let your feelings out really matters a lot as that will determine the tendency of either being taken  for granted or valued.

Before you tell him how you feel,  There are so many considerations that must be put in place, otherwise you might risk  being disrespected and taken for a ride. What are these considerations?

 

SOME FACTORS To CONSIDER BEFORE YOU TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. 

 

HIS CLOSENESS 

How close are you to him? Is he a  friend? Or just someone you met at the eatery or club?

Have you been an acquaintance for sometime or he’s just a stranger? It doesn’t matter if he’s  your admirer or crush,

if you have not been friends or close for a while, it might seem embarrassing trying to approach him. The end might not  be so pleasant.

Telling a guy how you feel about him is best and more easier if you both have been friends.

And probably, he might have been showing some signs indicating that he wants you as much as you want him, but lack the confidence to express his feelings.

He may be the introvert type. Whatever the case maybe,  You have a better and higher  chance with someone you’ve known for a while than someone you barely know.

The former will respect your feelings, and even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he will disclose it to you politely. While the later might tend to take an advantage of that. He might assume you just needed a  fling with no string attached.

Maturity level

Before you tell him how you feel, check his maturity level and be certain that he’s matured and responsible enough to handle it without  publicizing it or making you feel less human.

Be certain he’s ready to keep it confidential . Only a responsible guy will appreciate such gesture, and see it as bravely rather than desperation.

A responsible guy will not lead you on nor try to hurt your feelings by taking an advantage of the fact that you approached him.  He will either accept to be with you if the feeling is mutual or politely decline.

Having known some factors to consider before letting your feelings out, let’s look at the best way to reveal your feelings to a guy without looking awkward or embarrassed.

Best Approach to tell him how you feel without looking desperate. 

Begin by displaying green lights .

Sometimes, non- verbal words conveys a great and more concise  message than verbal words.

Before you tell a guy you love him verbally, is more recommendable you first express your feelings in a verbal way to watch his reactions. Does he respond to it? Does he in anyone show that he feels the same way?

Knowing this is very important, as that will aid your approach.

However, you must apply caution while displaying your green lights and watching out for signs in him.

Don’t make your self too loose. Avoid intimacy at this period in other to ascertain his true feelings. Is important to note that some guys will play along with you, just to lead you on and take advantage of you. Then dump you afterwards.

The best way to avoid this scenario is to exclude intimacy at this period. Making the first move as a woman does not depict you are cheap. But making yourself available to be laid instantly. It is not always about making the first move, but what happens thereafter.

Being  celibate is surely the best as that will enable you guide your heart against exploitation. And still walk out confidently, with your heads high and esteem still intact in case you get turned down.

Be Responsible

Before you tell him how you feel, make sure you have an admirable qualities. In some part of our society, is awkward for a woman to express her feelings,

However, it can be thrilling knowing that despite her  idea of ignoring her ego in other to make the first approach, she has a lot to offer.

Such women are irresistible. Regardless of who made the approach. People love being with important personalities who add values to their life.

Being responsible will help boost your ego in such away that concealing your feelings to a guy would not demote your esteem or make you feel less important.

 

Become friends first

One of the best way to tell him how you feel about him is to become his best friend first.

Love grows gradually. He might not have feelings for you at the moment. But as you grow fond of each other, he might begin to feel the same way.

If he’s shy to express his feelings, you  can confidently do that, knowing that you both are already an item. Love built on friendship is usually the best. And turns out to be more productive and fruitful.

You can also read Should I keep our friendship and hold my feelings?