Relationship & Life Inspirational Forum

 

 

Obsessing over an ex is a very common habit after a terrible heartbreak. The habit is more common among folks at the receiving end of the break up. When a relationship ends in a non- mutual way. The one whose heartbroken was broken  tends to feel the pain more than the person who initiated the heartbreak. And often time, it  leads to psychological trauma and  depression.

When a break up occurs, there are two things usually involved. is either one initiates a dialogue with his/ her partner in other to talk things over and see if there is a chance of getting back together or move on.

While the former may seem so difficult than the later, but in actual sense,the later is usually more difficult. You know why? After initiating the dialogue, you might both arrive at a mutual conclusion that you no longer desire to get back together. And the next thing is to  move on and go your separate ways. But having  the the ability to move on is usually where the problem lies .

most people claim to have gotten rid of any feelings they had for their Ex, but at the thought or mention of their name, the rate of their  heart beat increases,when they  bump into them, their  feet and whole body begins to tremble and shiver. They  know moving on is the best option. But sometimes, they  just can’t help but have their thoughts engulf in their mind all day.

Even with the slim or zero chances of getting back with them, they  still  anticipate to get a bleep from them on your mobile.  They  can’t stop stalking them  on every social media platform even though they  no longer communicate with them.

This is what a we call  obsession. obsessing over an ex can lead to long term anxiety and depression.

Imagine having a strong urge to acquire something, but unfortunately you couldn’t afford it.  Normally, you are meant to keep your eyes off it and remain contended  because you can’t afford it at that moment. But then, you couldn’t  keep your mind off it. This is a similar scenario as to being obsessed with an ex. Before, we talk about how to stop being obsessing over an ex, let’s look at some of the reason behind such Obsession.

some Reasons why people are obsessed with their Ex. 

Expectations of getting back together 

moving  on after the break up is usually not easy, but it tends to be much difficult when there is a hopeful feelings of getting back with your ex. is normal to miss an ex after a break up, is normal to sob and worry as  these tend to aid  the healing process. The more you experience them, the better you get with time.

However, obsession sets in when you are stuck with the feelings of an ex with no plans of moving on soon, probably because you are expecting a make up with them which most times doesn’t happen.

And that’s why you get goose bump when you bump into them anywhere.that’s why you keep anticipating for their calls or messages  at every interval. That’s why you keep doing a lot of weird  and absurd things like calling them without having anything in mind to say, and then keeping mute when your  call has been taken.

Recalling only the good memories. 

One of the best tactics most people use in getting over their ex is comparing and contrasting  the good memories with the bad memories they had with them,

comparing  the number of times they sobbed, shed tears and worried and the number of times they were actually happy. If the former outweighs the later, they will realize that moving on was the  best decision for them.

Unfortunately, People who keep Obsessing over an ex often have a  different view of this.

They focused only on the good memories, thus making them assume that no one would ever make them happy again like their ex, hence the obsession with them.

promises in the past. 

Obsessing over an ex, sometimes occurs as a result of the promises that was made in the past.  Remembering these promises and anticipating for them often keep a lot of folks so stuck with the past, without any plans of forging ahead.

how to stop obsessing over an ex

Make up your mind to move on 

Every decision in life begins from our mindset. Nothing is possible without the consent of our mind. When you make up your mind to do something, you will always see the possibility of having it done  despite its difficulty.

This possibility is what will stirs up the determination. And so the next course of action  is to look for every possible way to have it done.

Similarly, when one is determined to move on, he/ she ought to try as much as possible to curb every distractions including anticipating for a make up or being hopeful of getting back together.

If you wish to stop obsessing over an ex, assume that the relationship is gone and gone for good. The earlier you accept the reality, the better it becomes.

Getting rid of the past memories

Just like we earlier explained, obsessing over an ex begins when keep recalling  the good old memories without considering how bad the relationship might have been in the past.

Most times, our emotions is often the reason behind this.  It derails us from seeing through the reality and understanding  that which is the best for us. Some people are still obsessed with an ex who abuses them both emotionally and physically.

To such people, love seems to  cover a lot. And that’s why they  feel pained rather than than being thankful for being liberated from such toxic relationship. They knew such relationship ain’t  healthy for them, yet, they ain’t ready to give up probably because they are scared of changing their relationship status to single again.

Such people needs an orientation to realize that one can be Single and still be more  happier and excited than being in an abusive relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is she leading you on? So many men desires a very quick answer to this question as they might  have fallen victims to deceit in their previous relationship.

Being led on by someone you are attracted to and all of a sudden, you are dropped like a piece of trash. Such experience can be devastating. Imagine being attracted to a woman.

You met her, and immediately, you assume and concluded that she is the one. You developed a soft spot for her right in your heart. But unfortunately, you couldn’t find a way to relate your feelings.

You want to woo her, but at the same time you are scared of rejection!!! Rejection!!! That even sounds like a death sentence. No matter how strong one is, no one loves to be rejected. rather than stand the risk of being rejected,  You decided that  giving her  Green lights would be far better and save you such stress. You became closer to her, hoping she will read and understand the signs. At first, it seems not to be working. It seems as though you both are moving in the opposite direction. You want more than friendship, but she just wanted to be a friend.

Not quite long, things started changing. You discovered she was beginning to understand your intentions. She became closer than she was to you. You were excited, and you concluded that it was high time you declared your intentions to her.  Just as you were about to do so, you discovered that she was beginning to withdraw and disconnect from you again. She became cold and distant leaving you more confused and perplexed?

What does she really want, you kept  asking yourself rhetorically? One minute she’s cold and the next minutes she’s hot. Such experience can be devastating. Even the bible frowns at a scenario of being neither cold nor hot.

Relationship is more awesome when the interest is mutual. It gladdens the heart when you found out that your crush or partner is trying his/ her best to get you emotional entangled with them.

That alone stirs up every motivation to give in your best to the relationship as well. But when reverse is the case, you will always feel discouraged trying to get their attention.

Unfortunately, some people are being led on while hoping and anticipating for a blissful relationship. Some have already assumed an Imaginary relationship. Which in reality does not exit.  But the big question is, how can a man know when he is being led on? How can he differentiate a serious relationship from a fling.

Let’s see some of these signs

5 signs she might be leading you on.

Mixed signal 

This one of the obvious signs indicating that a woman might be leading you on. Imagine being giving appointment for a job interview. You prepared yourself adequately, got the necessary requirements and credentials ready.

On the day of the supposed interview, you were punctual, hoping to be called and interviewed.  But unfortunately, you received a a very disappointing message instead, which read thus ” sorry, the above vacancy has been filled already, we are sorry for the inconveniences”. How will you feel. Sad? dejected?  Disappointed? Words alone may not be enough to express your likely mood at that moment.

Honestly,you will be left with the feelings of betrayal. Because they just raised your hope and made you became expectant of what does not actually exist. In other words, you were led on.

This is the exact scenario here. A woman who wants to spend his life with you wouldn’t hesitate to show  commitment in the relationship.

She won’t give you any reason to doubt her love. When she accepts to be with you, it will be so apparent that she really wants to be with you.  She will always keep in touch willing without being pressurized to do so.

Their interest is conditional.  

One of the reason why they are inconsistent towards you is because they are not really into you. When a woman  is leading you on, she will always be close to you  only when she needs a favor from you.

She won’t contact you except she needs  an assistance. At such times, you will discover that she is becoming too attached to you, and you will assume that this is a sign of acceptance.

Then after some time, she goes back to her cave, only to resurface again when the need arises.

She talks about her Ex constantly

One way to identify a woman who just want to lead you on,is that she will often talk about her ex in the bid to get you emotionally connected to her.

She might just need you as a a rebound ,  just to fill the vacuum created by her ex. and once she discovers that you are beginning to fall in love with her, she pulls away.

She won’t leave you, but you are an option.

When a woman is leading you on, you will always be an option in her life., she is not willing to commit,  but at the same time not willing to let go either.  She will keep you stuck by giving you mixed signal as though she loves you. While on the contrary, you are just a plan B in case the plan A doesn’t work out. So many had experienced this.

You won’t know their actual stand in your life. You just wished they would either stay committed to you or just leave you alone to find someone who truly deserves you.

 

She has a serious relationship, yet still wants you around

When a woman is leading you on, she might have a serious relationship, but yet still wants you around. She doesn’t want to date you, but only to enjoy your company.

This is why so many guys have been in the friend zoned for long. They keep hoping and expecting things to fall in place but all to no avail.

They can’t quit because they’ve received a lot of mixed signals indicating that their friendship status will graduate to dating soon.

External source you may like to check Signs-a-girl-is-just-leading-you-on

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do men pull away when am beginning to feel emotionally attracted to them?

This question is not uncommon among the female folks especially the ones who seek for genuine love and happiness.

Have you ever observed that when some  men crave for attention, they tend to be more closer and persistent .the more you reject them, the more closer and persistent they become. But once you accept them and begin to reciprocate, they will start pulling away gradually. Till they  vanish completely out of your presence?

A handful of women experience this on regular basis, hence the reason why they are perplexed about the male gender.

 

Jennifer, A 25 year old fashionista and entrepreneur has her own share of experience about men pulling away when things  were beginning to get even and awesome in the relationship. This is her story.

As a young woman, I’ve always determined to succeed at all cost.

One of my top priority in life is to achieve my dreams and purpose in life. And so with that,I   invest my time and energy towards my career  in other to have my dream accomplished.

And fortunately, everything worked as plan. Within a short period of persistent hard work, I began to reap the fruit of my labor.

My days, weeks and months of toiling and hard work began to pay off. I might not have gotten to my destination, but I can sincerely and boldly affirm that I am not stuck in the way either.

I’ve been on the move,  smoothly sailing and soaring higher  till I arrive at  my final destination. And each time I recall how far I’ve emerged  in life, am often left with great excitement.

However, in spite of my achievements,  I still have some burdens I struggle with occasionally. And this is the fact my love life was  nothing to write home about.

As human, I  often feel the need to be loved and cherished just like every other young person.  I always fantasize about having a  a healthy relationship .

Getting  my specification in a man always contribute to my imaginations each time I lay my head to sleep. And so I decided to seek out for love and give it a chance.

But unfortunately,  I got the reverse of what I sought for.  All the men I’ve been with seems to have one attitude in common. And that is, pulling away when the relationship is becoming fruitful and productive.

This has got me wondering if love is real or just an an illusion or reality?? They withdraw emotionally as soon as I’m beginning to enjoy every bit of it and even crave for more.

Jennifer couldn’t fathom the reason why so many men pull away emotionally at the very moment the relationship was beginning to get blissful and successful.

However, I tried to encourage her by reminding her  that such behavior are very common among the male folks. And a handful of other women have the same complaint.

Now what could be the reason behind this? Why do men pull away in such an annoying way despite their promises  to stick with them during the chase. Now let’s find out some reasons behind this emotional withdrawal.

5 Reasons why men pull away emotionally.

They don’t want to appear weak. 

One of the Emotional differences In men and women. as stated in our previous article is that, while men are known to be emotionally strong, women are known to be emotionally weak. Implying that it is more easier for a man to hold back his feelings than  women. Also, men are egocentric being.

They rarely thread their Ego with love. And that’s why they love with caution in other not to have their ego dragged to the mold  in the process. Men are diplomatic and so they tend to apply good tactics  while wooing a woman.

Men can invest  so much energy in the wooing stage. they will call, communicate regularly, and spend as much as they wish just to have a lady accept them.

And as soon as their mission becomes successful, they will pull away not  because they  lost interest in you, but because they don’t want you to see that weak part of them. Most men believes that displaying their weak point is a great   turn off for  men.

And so rather than seeing that weak part of them, they withdraw so you will crave for them more, just like they   did when they were wooing you. It is called “REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY”. Only women who understands this game triumphs.

Those who doesn’t understand it tends to become needy at this point, thus pushing him  farther away.  You can handle this by reversing the psychology. Rather than appear weak and needy at that point.

Summon courage to be strong. Ignore them and pull away too.  Soon, they will begin to wonder why you ain’t bothered, hence step up on their game to have you back.

Ignoring and pulling away is not easy, but you have to try to invest that energy they are investing in you. Very necessary.

 commitment phobia 

Another reason why men pull away can be attributed to the  fear of commitment. There are men who desires  to be in a relationship . they might have interest in a woman and may decide to woo her.

But as soon as things are becoming too serious, they might start withdrawing probably because they are not ready to commit.  Sometimes, their unreadiness could be probably as a result of lack of resources.

Relationship is full of responsibilities. A man cannot talk about starting a future with a woman if he is financially unstable. This is why so many pull away when they discover that you are becoming hopeful and expectant of the future. You  are ready, but they  ain’t seeing themselves  ready anytime soon.

They just want to have you around, they seek for love and want to have you by themselves, but their future with you ain’t certain.

And so rather than lead you on, and play along with your emotions, they decide it will be best to pull away. In such scenario, you have to accept their decision, so you don’t have to regret on the long run. This is one of the Reasons why every  relationship needs to be defined at the early stage of commencement.

He just needed a fling.

Aside unstable finances, another reason why most men pull away or scared to commit is usually because they just want a fling and not a relationship.

A man who wants a fling will go to any extent to win the heart of the woman. And once that is done, he pulls away as his mission has been accomplished. As the victim might have helplessly fallen in love with him.

Leaving her emotionally traumatized. There is need for every woman to be rational while fallen in love. Don’t allow your emotion get a greater part of you. Before investing your emotions, first ask yourself Is this A fling or a relationship?Is this A fling or a relationship?

 

Being too pushy

Another reason why most men pull away is because they observe that you are becoming too pushy.

You are demanding for attention every now and then or probably pressurizing them to commit especially when they are not ready to do so.

Nobody loves being pressured to do something no matter who the pressurizer is.

There is life aside relationship, stop seeing it as a do or die affair.  Do your best, and leave the rest in the hands of fate or whoever you are dating. If your partner loves you and the relationship is meant to be, everything will always fall in place.

But if reverse is the case, nothing will ever make it work, not even your pushy or nagging attitude will change the fact.

You are not giving him space. 

Always know your limits and boundaries in people’s life.

In the bid to express your love, don’t choke your partner with excessive love and attention.

Don’t force yourself to get involved in every activity he does. Live and let him live. Find something to occupy your self with and I assure you, rather than pull away, he will draw more closer to you and crave for more attention from you.

 

Related article you may like to Read why Men-Pull-Away-Withdrawing-ebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are there signs of a rebound relationship? Certainly.

But unfortunately, most folks ignore this as they tend to be so overwhelmed with their emotional feelings at the beginning of a relationship. Rebound relationship can sometimes be misinterpreted as a real relationship, hence the reason why so many are stuck in it.

Feelings and attractions can sometimes be deceitful especially if they were not allowed to grow and mature naturally.

During the time of grieving, just  immediately after a break up, there is always an intense urge to fill that vacuum created by our ex.

The feelings of loneliness and depression tends to be getting a greater part of us at that period.  A lot of persons can relate to this, hence the reason why we opt for a shoulder to cry on. We do this as a way to get over the hurt experience.

Somewhere along the line, we may begin to feel some form of closeness and attachment for the one giving us such solace and comfort.

Because of our intense quest for companionship, we might begin to  interpret this as True love. But in actual sense, this can only be referred to as a ” Rebound”.

The one who initiated the Rebound is usually the one who sought for solace and comfort.

While the one who offers his/ her shoulder to lean on is the victim who tends to be at the receiving end.

Unfortunately, a lot of people fall into the last category. They are a  rebound who were only used as a form of emotional support.  While offering emotional support, they helplessly fell in love with the assumption that the other person feels the same.

They were led on because the victim needed to fill in a vacuum left behind.   Such assumed or Imaginary relationship automatically ends as soon as the one whose heart  was once heart broken begins to recover, hence subjecting the other to emotional trauma.

This is why is not usually advisable to date someone who is just trying to recover from a heartbreak.

The supposed feelings at that period can never be termed as love even though it feels as such. Rebound is a form of  Emotional manipulation to the one at the receiving end.  Knowing the  Dangers of rebound Relationship. will enable one to watch for its signs in other not to fall a victim to it.  Is quite disheartening that a lot of folks don’t even know they are in a rebound relationship. So what are the signs of a rebound relationship?  How can one one know if he/ she is being used as a rebound?

Signs of a rebound relationship.

It happens suddenly.

One  of the apparent signs of a rebound relationship is that it appears too suddenly sometimes unexpectedly. Imagine consoling someone who just  experienced a heartbreak.

Then all of a sudden, they admit they have fully recovered and began to confess their love towards you. Wouldn’t you be amazed on how such could be possible within a short period of time?  Is so easy to fall for such, but always be reminded that true love and feelings doesn’t happen spontaneously. It sounds more like infatuation. Such Instant relationship usually doesn’t last.   Getting over an  ex is not something that happens instantly. Is a gradual process. It could take weeks, days or perhaps months to truly get over someone you once shared your memories with.

In some rare cases, it could take several years. So you have to be observant when someone who was once heartbroken begins to lead you on. Sometimes they just need a support to aid their healing process. And once that has been achieved, they opt out, making you feel used.

Filled with mixed signals.

Another obvious signs of rebound relationship is that it is usually filled with mixed signals.

One moment they give you  green light and make their intentions open, the next moment they become distant and cold and begins to withdraw their intention leaving you skeptical and perplexed.

This happens because their feelings towards ain’t certain or genuine. The one who truly loves you will never give you a mixed signal. Rather they will express the whole love without any hesitation.

Non- mutual discussions.

What kind of discussions do you guys normally have whenever you are together? What kind of talks do they normally initiate? Do you normally talk about your future together? How do they respond to such discussions? These are some vital questions you need to ponder on.

Often times, people who use others as rebound relationship has no intention for a future relationship. Hence often shy away whenever the issues of future is brought up.

Negligence

This is another obvious  signs of rebound relationship. When you’ve helped them get over their grief and broken heart, you will begin to realize that there was no true feelings in the first place. They will start taking you for granted.

No matter how you try to love, it will never get reciprocated because they aren’t into you. The more you push it, the more distant and cold they become until you finally give up.

Insecure feelings

Rebound relationship will always leave you with insecure feelings. When people venture into a relationship without their feelings fully involved, it  stirs up the insecure feelings in the other individual.

Such is usually true about a rebound relationship.

A rebound relationship makes one needy and can turn an individual into a nag because you ain’t getting the expected result, hence the need to complain consistently.

Feelings tends to vanish too often.

One of the signs of a rebound relationship is that feelings suddenly disappears.

At the beginning, it is usually awesome. It feels like your future together is guaranteed   already. But within a short while, everything becomes a night mare.

Rebound relationship is usually short lived. When the victim fully recovers, he/ she begins to see his/ her rebound as incompetent to meet their desired trait in a partner. Thus leading to the end of the supposed relationship.

Communication with Ex.

When they claim they’ve gotten over their ex, but yet wouldn’t stop talking about them or even keeping in touch with them, then just know that you are in a rebound relationship.

This is one of the undeniable signs of a rebound relationship. When someone has truly moved on from his/ her past relationship, he/ she with definitely keep his/ her past behind while focusing on the new love.

You will observe how they will keep initiating their Ex into a conversation you both are having. It becomes worse if they bump into them somewhere. They will keep in touch with them as a way to reminisce the old memories.

You may also want to check out this external source: signs of a rebound-relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nagging attitude is a negative trait and can become a threat to a Healthy relationship.  Unfortunately, a lot are ignorant of  this. One can possess every other good quality, but with a nagging attitude, those positive attitude portrayed by him/ her has been altered.

People who nag continuously sometimes does that ignorantly.

They nag as a way to communicate  their fears, voice out their opinions and lay their complaints to their partner. All these are good, except they are done in the wrong way.

Communication and nagging are two different terms. When you communicate, you make your feelings known and then listen or pay attention to your partner’s feelings as well.

But when you nag, you tend to focus on you alone thus paying less attention to the other party.

As human, laying complaint is inevitable and sometimes necessary.

We are taught to be assertive, but at the same time meant to outspoken. You don’t have to keep mute in all circumstance. But the way and manner by which your complaint is laid really matters a lot . Hence the reason why “Nagging  is defined as a constant  complaint”.

Nagging attitude is generally a thorn in the flesh to the party at the  receiving end.  Aside relationship/ marriage, people who nag are often referred to as ” troublesome set of individuals. A handful of teenagers often complain having a nagging parents, who complains virtually of everything.

According to them, nothing they ever does seems right to them. They always find fault and reasons to blame them in everything. This explains how annoying a nagging attitude can be. And this why one must find a way to curb it before it turns out to a habit.  So how can it be curbed?

Effective ways to curb a nagging attitude.

Discovery

 

The first and basic way to curb any flaws in life. Whether an addiction  or a negative habit, you first have to come to the realization that it is one. You can’t fight what you are ignorant of.

And this is the major problem with people possessing a nagging attitude.  They  don’t even know how annoying such attitude can be to others.

They are ignorant of the fact that it is a weak point, hence have never considered trying to quit it.  They tend to justify the act with the wrong motive and mindset just like we earlier explained.

However, the fact still remains that nagging is a wrong way of expressing one’s feelings. No matter how offended you are or how annoying your partner is, nagging them will only drive them away farther.

Adopting self control. 

Some habits or  addiction can only be curtailed by self control. Humans are the most difficult creature to deal with.

Certainly you can’t always have all  your expectations in an individual. People will often step on your toes and sometimes they might do that deliberately and constantly. Even the most loving person in your life may be annoying a times and will most likely portray annoying attitude that might cause you to nag.

Regardless of that, when an urge to nag comes, learn how to control your emotions. If we start acting like people do treat us, we may end up doing things which we might regret at the end of the day.

overlooking certain things.

The most  vital and effective way to curb a nagging attitude is to learn how to overlook certain attitude portrayed by your partner or people around you.

It is often said that behind every nagging individual,  there is a partner not doing what he/ she ought to do or expected to do.

Most people don’t necessarily nag because they chose to. They do that as a way to voice out their opinion, just like we explained earlier. Sometimes,you don’t have to blame them. But that regardless,

nagging attitude is still a flaw. And you need to curb by it learning how to overlook certain things. If you keep complaining over everything, gradually, you are turning yourself into a nag. And rather than your opinion being heard, it will be misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Always set your mind to ignore certain things for the sake of peace and tranquility.

understanding.

Understanding people’s character and attitude is one of the effective ways to curb a nagging attitude.

In marriage, understanding your spouse matters a lot. It is considered to be more vital than love. With understanding, there would be  Tolerance.

Most times, people nag because they don’t understand the people they are dealing with. They will keep yelling and complaining about same issue over and over again.

The truth is that some people will never change, no matter how long you nag or yell. That’s why is advisable to choose a partner whose character you can condone because  Love is not just enough to sustain a marriage. It equally explains the reason why tolerance is necessary. No individual is perfect. With understanding, you can learn how to tolerate certain people without having to nag all the time. And equally overlook some characters they portray, especially the ones they keep doing consistently.

Patience.

One apparent reason contributing to our nagging attitude is that we don’t exercise patient when we lay our complaint.

You keep complaining about an issue continuously. We fail to realize that people don’t change overnight, especially if you met them with same character. Think about that addiction or habit you are struggling to quit. You see how difficult it is to quit  right?

Now imagine  you are in their shoes. Sometimes, when you complain over a certain issues, give the other party time to adjust especially if they have admitted their fault, and willing to make an adjustment. Overcome the temptation of repeating same issue for a given period.

Also check how to stop-nagging.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turn off for women are quite different from the  turn off for men since both are different genders with different perspective.  The Emotional differences In men and women, explains a lot about this fact. A relationship can only thrive  when couples realize that they are both different individuals with preferences and interests. As a man, Mandating your woman to believe and accept in all your ideology and opinion often is like forcing an infant to eat a solid food. No matter the pressure, is gonna be quite difficult. Attraction   is a natural occurrence,it can’t be manipulated. What attracts a man can be quite different from that which attracts a woman and vice versa.

Similarly turn off for women is equally different from that of men.  Most relationship/ marriages are in shambles today because so many people are unaware of their partners likes and dislikes.  Hence they expect them to love  everything about them. But unfortunately it doesn’t always  work that way.

Most single men are skeptical on how to get  their ideal woman. A lot have tried all they could but end up being rejected. Thus leading to a generalized statement “that women are insatiable and nothing gets them attracted”Men are not scum, neither are women, is all about understanding both the individuals and general preferences.

The scenario can be  likened to  giving birth to three children and expecting them to all behave alike. Which most times, is quite impossible.  No matter the  upbringing and moral you imbibe in them, they can never possess the same character.

And so you’ve probably seen your ideal woman. You’ve been crushing on her for a very long time, but you really don’t want it to end in rejection just like others you’ve encountered in the past. She might be having similar feelings or probably maybe interested in you. However,despite her interest, there are things which could turn her off at first sight. So how do you create a  first but  wonderful impression in other to stir up her interest and make her keep longing for you?  You first have to start by identifying the turn off for women and learning how to work on them. here are some -turn-offs-women.

 

6  biggest turn off for women. 

Bad breath- 

People will always say that love happens without any reason. You will often hear some people say that they want a man/ woman who would love them for who they are.

Such statement might be true, but are really abstract. Realistically, As human, our first point of attraction is usually focused on physical attribute.  Yea we may crave for other qualities such as good character and personality.

Most times, what usually stirs up our interest in an individual is the outward appearance. This outward appearance is what arouses out interest into knowing further things about them. No matter your prestige or riches. Having a bad breathe will most likely turn a woman off.

Is quite unfortunate that a lot of men pay less attention to their body and maintenance. Some assume that neatness is not necessarily for men but only for women. And so they neglect their body with the assurance that women are only attracted by material things.

But  the truth is that  why they  may get attracted to you as a result of your resources, they may not really love you. A woman’s true love is based on the fact that she can spend a whole lot of time with you without getting exhausted or turn off by certain factors including bad breathe.

Every woman crave for that man who she can always be proud of anywhere.  Having a bad breathe may derail that.  As a man, am very certain that you wouldn’t like to approach a woman who looks so unkempt with drops of menstrual blood littered all over her body. Likewise,  no woman wants to have a man who can’t take proper care of himself. Before you walk up to that gorgeous lady. Endeavour to look good, take a clean bath, smell nice. You mustn’t necessarily wear an expensive cloth or perfume. But Endeavour to appear neat. Appear just the exact way you would like to be approached.

Low esteem and confident.

Another obvious turn off for women in men is lack of self confidence.

First impression matters a lot. Every woman desires that man who has self esteem and can confidently handle and confront any situation.

If you can’t confidently approach a woman without fear of rejection, then you are giving her the impression that you have low esteem. So many men have lost their destined life partner because of low esteem emanating  as a result of fear of rejection. Some are currently battling with their esteem on how to approach their crush.

As a Man, the first criteria or factor that will enable you win over your dream woman is confidence. This is because men are generally and commonly known to make advances. Though women can do that occasionally , but is commonly known to be a man’s role. If there is no courage, such mission will be quite unachievable.  Overcoming inferiority complex is what every man should learn how to do in other to attract their dream partner.

 

Weak men.  

This is a great turn of for women.

Have you ever wondered why it seems like good men are often unfortunate when it comes to relationship? Why the so called bad men and players seems to be toping the game?

The reason is simple!!! They appear so strong and confident. They seems to master every tactics in wooing a lady and that’s why most women fall for them more. Quite hilarious right?   The truth is that  every human love complicated and sophisticated personality. We may not admit it, but this is true. You may be wondering why despite your nice personality and attribute, every woman keeps rejecting you. That’s because you appear too weak for them. You keep stalking and begging for attention every now and then. You keep acting like your world revolves around her. Some naive men will go to the extent threatening to commit suicide if they ain’t accepted. “Such a cowardice act”

Women are known to be emotional and weak genders. while men are known to be more  stronger and confident. Every woman  craves to have that Man who can protect her at all times. By Showing her your  weak points, you are  giving her that impression that you are not capable of offering her that emotional security. This generally is a big turn off for women.

EGO

I know you maybe wondering why  Ego .is included as one of the turn off for women, since men are encouraged to be self confident in other to attract their idea woman.

The crux of the matter is that EGO generally is a negative traits and a turn off to both genders. We all desire to have a confident partner but not a partner who is so full of him/ herself. There is a huge difference between “EGO and ” CONFIDENCE”. While the former denotes arrogance and pride. The later denotes self esteem.

Aggressiveness.

Another great turn off for women. Not just women, but every sane person. Women love to be pampered and talked to in a polite and calm voice. If you are temperamental or often gets provoked easily, you may find it difficult to attract a woman especially if she has seen you portray such attitude.

You really need to work on your temperament before thinking of approaching a woman. Though it might not be easy at first, but you have to admit you have a flaw  and be willing to work on it. Then if she truly loves you, she will understand and be patient with you.

Being Too mean 

It sounds so weird to be a turn off right? Here is the reason why it is regarded as a turn off for women.

Nobody loves a boring relationship. A boring relationship is like a military ground, where instructions are issued and meant to be adhered strictly to.

It is the dream of every woman to have a partner whom she sees as a friend too. A man whom she can tickle, play with and joke with anytime without being scared that he might get offended. This is why most women include “sense of humor” as a criteria in choosing a life partner. Being a good and responsible man is good, but try to add a little sense of humor to it. Don’t be too mean and serious all the time.

When you approach her, make her feel comfortable around you. Crack jokes no matter how dry they are. Engage her in meaningful discussions. Create a friendly atmosphere where she can be free with you and ready to relate her fears and challenges to you at all times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Discussions during courtship is necessary as it helps both couples understand their compatibility level.  There  are vital discussion which ought not to be neglected by every intending couple.    courtship  is a very sensitive  and vital phase of a relationship. It is a pre marital screening to determine the fitness and compatibility of both couples to each other’s life .

You’ve often heard that not all relationship leads to marriage. A lot of people had wonderful relationship in the past, but unfortunately, things didn’t work out as planned or supposed. Hence, they broke up.  This implies that not all relationship will progress to courtship.  Most times,people find it difficult to differentiate between the word “dating” and “courtship”.  Let me break these words down with a simple illustration.

When you want to obtain a bachelor’s degree in a particular course. You are looking at the broad or diversified aspect of that course.

For instance, studying  B.sc in microbiology entails learning about the physiology and structures of microorganisms, including their behaviors in the environment and their effects towards industrial productions . but when you talk about m.sc degree( masters)/ you are looking at  going for a specific interest in your field. You can choose from several varieties of options   ranging from environmental  microbiology, medical microbiology or brewery microbiology.  But your choice has to be specific.

In other words, dating can be equated to B.sc. there is no specification, people date for several reasons. To some, it could be to have a companion and curb  the boredom, to some others, it could be for fun or as a way to curb sexual urges.

But when it comes to courtship, the interest is specific and intentions defined. Courtship is done purposely for marriage. People may date for fun, but when they have gone beyond dating, and progressed to courtship, it simply implies they are looking forward to starting a new life as a couple.

Discussions during courtship is what every intending couples ought to have. But the challenge is knowing what to discuss and when to discuss them.

A lot of people are skeptical on the vital topics to bring up during courtship. And that is why  majority get into an irresistible mistakes  few years after the marriage. In other to avoid this, pay attention to these vital points. -here-are-things-to-discuss-before marriage

5 vital discussions during courtship.

Health compatibilities-

first and foremost, before going deeply into an emotional relationship with someone,,you ought to know your health status with them. This is because marriage is a life time union, and marriage does not just involve both of you, but also involves your unborn children. Which is one of the basic reason for marriage.

Knowing of  Health status is a common knowledge possessed by everyone including the unlearned people among us. But unfortunately, a lot of people neglect this fact. We pay much attention to the butterfly feelings hovering  around our tummy. Health status is one of the vital discussions during courtship.

You don’t even have to wait till your relationship gets into the courtship level before knowing each other’s blood group, genotype, rhesus factor, HIV status, and hepatitis B status. Fertility test is also necessary, but may not really be mandatory at this stage. A broken relationship they say is better than a broken marriage. Knowing your health status will save you a lot of stress and heartache in the future.

Emotional  compatibility 

This is another vital discussions during courtship. The fact that you are both couples doesn’t imply that your emotions may be compatible and similar to each other. How do they manage anger? How can they manage certain issues?  This is very necessary. Sometimes, imagine an issue or challenge which is likened to marriage  and ask them how they intend to handle such issues. Listen to their reply. Does that align with your own mindset and belief? Do you think their reply fits in  to your expectations in marriage?

Weak points and strength.

In every discussions during courtship, do not skip knowing each other’s weak points and strength.

Marriage is not always rosy as people presumes. There are times when love and feelings can no longer sustain the marriage because both can no longer tolerate each other’s flaws. This is what they ought to have discussed amicably during courtship, but they neglected such vital discussion and focused on their emotional attraction towards one another instead.

Now is becoming tougher every day because they just found out that there is more to marriage than just love and attraction. They couldn’t curtail each other’s flaws, thus leading to marital failure.

 

Sexual compatibility

Vital discussions during courtship includes discussions on sexual compatibility. At the mere mention of “sex”. A lot of people tend to shy away. With the notion that sex should be done only when the union is legalized. This is true Anyways. However, discussion on sex is mandatory during courtship. Discussing sex doesn’t usually mean practicing the act. It only entails knowing what turns each of you on as individuals. Even if you decided to stay celibate, there is nothing wrong with having such discussion once in a while. Sex is very essential in marriage. Some divorce issues and infidelity  among couples is as a result of sexual incompatibility.

Ability to handle finances.

One of the challenges in marriage is usually the issue  of finance. No matter how financially capable you are, if you get married to someone who doesn’t know how to manage income efficiently, you might become bankrupt soon.

Every discussion shouldn’t be centered on love making and romance. Have you ever heard any financial related discussion with your spouse to know how well they can manage finance especially when you are having financial crisis in marriage? What is their expenditure like?Do they always talk about spending extravagantly or do they discuss more about savings and investments? These are very necessary during courtship. Inability to handle finances can lead to constant arguments and fights.

 

 

 

How can i handle a cheating partner? This question often sends cold silver to a lot of folks in a relationship/ marriage. You know why?  No one even  wants to accept the fact that they have a cheating partner.

No one wants to imagine that scenario or picture of being cheated on by their significant other.

Imagining or creating that picture of your spouse  sharing your matrimonial bed with another is so heart wrecking . No matter what, we don’t wish to accept  such tormenting reality and facts. As a man, imagine sharing your territory  with another woman? Imagine having your wife or partner deny you of sex.

Each time you try to touch her, she often resist, claiming to be  too exhausted or not in the mood, only to discover that she is actually cheating on you.  shocking right?? Words alone cannot describe such feelings.

Imagine having a hubby who is  rarely at home or often comes back home. Imagine having a partner who gives you less attention.

Always claiming to be in one business trip or the other. Too busy to communicate. And when he eventually comes back home, he is too exhausted to notice your presence. And the next thing is, he retires to bed like a log of wood.thus increasing the boredom in your relationship/ marriage.

Then all of a sudden, you went through his chat only to discover that his less attention, unavailability and divided attention was as a result of his cheating habit. He was actually giving some other attention while you were being lied to and deceived.

No matter how emotionally strong you are, discovering such shocking news will definitely get you demoralized and shattered . Even though we may not want to accept this reality, but the fact is that we can’t erase it either.

In life, we only have control over our actions, we are only accountable for our own decisions. We can’t really detect for others on how to live their life, no matter who they are to us or the bond we share with them. We can only learn to adapt and adjust to the situation while figuring out the best way to handle it.

It is so sad to imagine that a lot of people who really thought that they got married to the best partner in the world were woken by the harsh realities of life on discovering  that their gold wasn’t actually glittering as they thought. So how can we handle such scenario? In other to handle a cheating partner, we must first realize that cheating is a habit/  addiction.which might take some time to quit. So how can one Handle-a-Cheating-Partner?

5 strategic ways to handle a cheating partner.

Take a deep breath and calm down. 

In other to handle a cheating partner without breaking your relationship/ marriage, you have to apply wisdom. Since we all know that cheating is one of the Top reasons for divorce in most marriages. I know this might not be what you were expecting to hear.

A lot of people might be expecting such statements like scream, yell, confront him etc. But doing this, may only worsen the situation and give him/ her the confidence to cheat more. The first best approach to every situation in life is to take a deep breath and calm down. I know after going through his/ her phone, you might be tempted to yell, confront him in an aggressive way or even smash his/ her phone angrily.

But all this will only worsen the situation. Try to take a deep breath, as that will give you a clear mind to determine your next line of action.

Create a serene environment for communication.

Don’t always be in a haste to  confront them.  This is the mistake a lot of us make, we feel so agitated that we can’t control our temper at that moment.

We tend to overreact which might result to fights. You will end up creating a coarse rather than have your issues resolved. The best approach is to welcome them with all pleasure. Don’t deny him his meal. Serve him as usual, allow him to rest after having a stressful day. And then what next?

Is time for communication

So what do you have to say? This is where a lot of people gets stuck. Being skeptical on what to say and knowing how to handle the issue at this point can be so challenging.

But  whatever happens, try as much as possible to be polite. Remember is a communication and not a court case. Ask them to analyze the relationship/ marriage and tell where you went wrong? Indirectly ask them what their reaction would be if they ever caught you cheating?  Watch their reaction or reply?  With that you are beginning to pass the massage without attracting the attention of your neighbor. Then what next?

Their reactions about it.

After they have realized that you’ve known the truth, what was their reaction about it? Did they   deny? Or did they accept and promise to change? if the former was the case, you might try to prove them wrong by getting enough evidence to back your alleged complaint.

But if the later was the case, then urge them to make a promise that they would never commit the act again. Give them ultimatum and conditions on failure to comply. You must be so observant at this stage. This might be slow but one of the best ways to handle a cheating partner.

Avoid open confrontations. No matter where you see them with their lover, avoid creating a scene.

This is not only an immature act, but also embarrassing.  which will create a bad image to your relationship/ Marriage. And also create  a bad reputation for you both.

Talk to a family member or a counselor.

At this point, the burden might be so heavy on you that you will feel like sharing it to your closest friend or anyone who cares to listen. This might sound like a nice idea, however, you have to be careful on who you relate your family matters to.

Whether you are seeking for a way to handle a cheating partner or whatever challenges you might be having in your relationship/ marriage,  Don’t always allow a third party interference . this is because not everyone actually cares.  If you must talk to someone about it.

Choose a family member who is either related to you or your hubby,  Or a marriage counselor. Both families should have a brief meeting concerning the issue.  From there, you can conclude on what next to do. Either to quit or continue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are the essential qualities to look out for in a partner before venturing into a  a committed relationship? This is a very sensitive question that shouldn’t be ignored by both genders.  One of the reason why people fall out of love is usually because  they rushed in too quickly without taking some vital things into considerations.

They were   so carried away by abstract features which most times, doesn’t really matter much especially  if they have  the plans of moving the relationship to the next level. We all have our individual preferences  in a potential mate, we all have the qualities we wish to have in a partner. However,  our qualities may be right, as they are our personal choice. But there are “essential qualities” which can be translated as scale of preference. Implying that we have to choose from the most vital to the least vital. Except you are considering having just a  fling with no strings attached. Your preference in a partner can either make or mar you.

Here is a simple illustration. As human, our desires are insatiable. Even with an average income, we all desire to have comfort in life.  We have the need to drive an exotic cars, live in a very big and comfortable apartment, eat any delicacy of our choice and visit our dream  city.

However, we might not be able to have all this at our disposal. This is where the scale of preference comes in. Since these are desires/ wants, we have to concentrate on our needs. Pending when we become financially stable to meet our wants/ desires.

Similarly, our stereotyped quality in an individual is sometimes abstract and unrealistic. For instance, when asked about the qualities you want in your ideal Man or woman, our list will be endless. We will mention both the physical/ facial  attribute and inbuilt attribute. Tall, good shapes, nice curves, slim/ chubby body, macho body, big boobs, ass, flat tommy, good accent, smart, intelligent, humble and a sense of humor.

These are all good as we crave and anticipate for them. But the sad news is this, we may not see all in one individual, and this is where the bone of contention  lies. And in the bid to achieve all these, we might unknowingly pick unnecessary quality as our priority,thus leaving behind the vital ones which is  meant to guarantee our happiness forever.. This is where the need to spot out and choose the essential qualities amongst  the listed above comes into consideration.

So what are these essential qualities? How can you identify them? Let’s discuss.

what are the things -to-look-for-in-a-partner?

 

Essential qualities to look out for in a potential mate. 

Submissiveness

At the mention of “submission”, every focus goes to the female gender. But the truth is that,,in marriage, submission is not gender based. For a relationship/ marriage to thrive, both couples need to submit to each other in love.

Submission here refers to respect. God instructed  women to be submissive to their husbands, but he didn’t stop there,  he went ahead to admonish men to love and respect their wives.

This implies that submission is one of the essential qualities needed for a relationship to thrive well. Imagine getting married to a woman who talks to you in a rude manner and talks back at you at any slightest provocation probably because she earns more than you. Or getting married to a man who assumes that he has the right to treat you the way he pleases because he is the head of the family.

These are little but major qualities we often overlook which tends to pose a big problem in the long run.  A lot of couples are living in a house rather than home. Now what’s the difference between a house and a home. A house is just a physical structure which can easily accommodate everyone including strangers. Whereas, a home is an abode made up of people who have similar interest and shares mutual connections.

A lot of men no longer have the desire to come back to their family after having a stressful day at home. They would rather hang out  with their friends, Because their home has suddenly turned to a house as a result of a disrespectful and non non-  submissive wife.

Most women  have lost the joy in their marriage,as a result of a hubby who assumes that being a man is a guarantee of acting bossy and becoming authoritative. Couples should love and respect each other irrespective of their age, qualification and social class.

Politeness .

No matter your flare in a relationship, don’t forger to include  politeness to it.

First impression they say matters a lot. The first impression they gave you on your first approach to them speaks a lot about their character.

Don’t get carried away by pretty face or curvy shape. Am certain that you don’t want a partner who talks to you  in a provocative way or a partner  who finds it difficult to use the word ” am sorry”.

Humility

In all your criteria in searching for a potential mate, don’t forget to include humility.

It is one of the essential qualities you must not overlook. A humble man/ woman is always keen and ready to admit his/ her fault and takes correction where necessary.  He/ she talks less but listens more. They are ever ready to  learn and broaden their knowledge, rather than remain static, they tend to be dynamic by being humble to learn and adjust.

On the contrary, arrogant   individuals rarely opens their mind to learn. They feel much comfortable with their personality and way of life. Everything they do seems perfect to them,   hence are not willing to adjust

Economically fit.

No matter how financially stable you are, if your wealth or source of livelihood, ain’t managed appropriately, it may vanish right before your eyes. Every man needs that woman who can manage his wealth and help him achieve more, rather than waste the little he has. As a responsible man aiming to attain an enviable height, you don’t need a wasteful or a  materialistic woman.

Now how can you identify a materialistic woman? Watch out her reaction on a first date. Does she make a descent order? or

Does she order like a glutton without considering your financial capability? How often does she make demands? How much does she need to buy groceries.

These are the things you ought not to overlook as it might become a huge problem in the future.

 

Emotional maturity

Another essential quality you must not negelect is emotional maturity.  How emotionally mature are they in handling sensitive issues especially that which has to do with your relationships?  Are they ready and patience to settle  issues  amicably with you? Or will they always invite a third part. Can they cope during challenging times? These are the questions to ponder.