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Long engagement a good or bad idea? ?

Long engagement

Long engagement a good or bad idea?  How long is too long to be engaged  with the one i intend to spend the rest of my life with?

How long should I wear  an engagement ring? Would wearing an engagement ring drive other potential suitors away?

Would it ruin my chances of getting proposal from someone who might also be interested   assuming I end up being disappointed by my fiancee.  These and more are often the questions a lot of women ask on daily basis.

Engagement is one of the crucial moment in every woman’s  life, it is a period often anticipated for by all. That excitement that comes with having him finally pop the question after several years of waiting and dating .

But at the same time,  it can be a sensitive period for women who are at a marriageable age.    this is because wearing an engagement does not guarantee marriage.  Being engaged does does not out rightly indicates marriage.

Most women are often skeptical to continue a  relationship especially when the engagement is becoming too long without being certain of when it would finally become official.

Some women see long engagement  as a cunning and the most subtle way to tie a lady down and prevent her from meeting other potential suitors who might want to make things official without any hesitation.

Thus the reason why many despise the idea wearing an engagement ring.  To most,  it is a modern day slavery.  No woman wants to be tied down for too long all in the name of engagement,  without having a clue of when the actual marriage will take place.  Hence the reason to be skeptical and scared.

Then how long is too long to be engaged?


Before we get into the question properly, let’s talk about engagement and it’s main objective 

Engagement is an official way of letting your significant other know about your intentions to tie the nuptial vow with them.  In other words, it is the most significant form of commitment in a relationship.

At this stage of the relationship, both couples are expected to show deep level of Commitment as things are gradually beginning to take a different shape.

engagement is an indirect of saying  “keep off” we are set to be couples soon.  And so before engagement takes place,  both couples ought to be sure they are ready to tie the knot within a short period of time.  As a man Before putting that engagement ring on her finger,  you ought to be sure of your readiness in all aspect.  Both financially and otherwise.  Engagement ought to be the climax of a dating process.

But unfortunately, a lot of people misinterpret the word “engagement” a lot today.  Most guys use that as means to secure the love of a lady in other to keep her away from other guys even when is obvious that  his future with her  is  not certain .

While some others guys use that as a means to lure the gullible ones who would gladly jump in excitement as soon as they hear the word “marriage”. Without considering if it is genuine,  till they have gotten what they wanted and so they end up being discarded like a waste.

Just like Long courtship, Long engagement is not a guarantee  that a marriage would definitely become a reality.  Hence the reason why engagement shouldn’t be too long.

A typical and true engagement ought not to exceed a year at most.  I would have said six months,  but considering the fact that marriage requires a lot of preparation.

One might need to get him/her self prepared in all aspects,  especially as it regards to finance.

However,  I really see no point engaging a woman when you know you ain’t financially  ready to marry her any time soon.

Engagement literally means “I am ready to get married anytime soon.  It sounds awkward for two individuals who probably had no source of living yet to engage each other.  Engagement is quite different from dating,  and so has to be done at the right timing to avoid unnecessary long engagement.

Reasons why people  ought to stay away from long engagement .

Long engagement  Gives the wrong impression to your partner

As a man engaging a woman for so long without any plans to get married might give her the wrong impression about you, when the delay is becoming so intense,  she might assume you are toiling with her emotions or probably came to deceive, even though your intention might be genuine.

Hence she might begin to  loose interest soon. Rather than engage her when you know you ain’t ready.  Open up to her, ask  her to exercise patience with you for some time.

With that,  you’ve given her an assurance,  she is no longer left in  a confused state of mind.   Is then up to her to make the decision either  to wait or opt out.   But one thing is certain, despite her decision,   she will really appreciate you  for being honest and transparent to her.

With long long courtship, Disappointment is inevitable

Women are always at the receiving end ,  when it comes to an  engagement which eventually didn’t turn out well.

They become victims of hurt,  emotional trauma  which might  affects them psychologically.

That’s why you  see  some women finding it difficult to accept a serious date/suitor  probably because of the   disappointment they had in the necessary you take precaution when an engagement is becoming longer than necessary.

No one says you should begin to cheat on your partner or leave your relationship because of your assumptions or fear of the unknown.  But don’t get relaxed, because they proposed.

Remember engagement is not marriage yet. Officially you are still single till he walks you to the alter.  So in that case,  your options still ought to be open while praying and hoping it works out.








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Is there any relationship between love and materialism


Love and materialism
Love and materialism

Love and Materialism had always been the bone of contention in most relationship.  It is one of the controversial topics/issues often deliberated about,  and discussed in most seminars,  social gatherings,  events,  social media platforms and the rest. It has also proven to be one of the causes of misunderstanding and break up’s in relationships.

A lot of people have different mindset and opinion on love and materialism as regards to relationship. Some folks strongly believes that money spices up a relationship.  And that when money is not involved,  the relationship unarguably becomes boring and uninteresting.  Some other believes that without money,  loves does not exist  as  money is synonyms to care and affection.  To such people,  lack of money depicts lack of care and affection.

On the contrary,  there are still people in opposition to the statement.  There are people who still believes that Love can never be substituted with anything,  In spite of its relevance.  Such people believes that love dominates all and overlooks every other shortcomings and Incapability including financial incapability.

With this deliberations and different views,  now the question is,  is there any correlation between love and materialism?

Can love really exist without money? Is there such thing as love or is it a mere “illusion”. Does money and other material things really add spice to a relationship? Before we answer these questions, we first have to find out the relevance of money, the true definition of love,  and why most people believes that materialism makes love stronger and active.


The Relevance of money in our society.

Money undoubtedly solves a lot of problems.  Its importance cannot be overemphasized.  It is not a source of happiness and comfort.  But it contributes majorly to it.  Money they saw answers all.  This might not really be true. It is an exaggerated way  to describe the importance of money to human needs and desire.

In most scenarios,  money brings about comfort and luxury but not really contentment.  (I will still explain the contentment part as we go on).

When one has everything that makes life comfortable, there is every tendency that happiness will follows suit. And hence the belief and misconception that money answers  all.

The true definition of love.

Every individual has their own way of defining love.  To some it is just a feelings, while to others it means more than a feeling.

Now have you ever liked someone or developed feeling for someone without having any reason behind the likeness.

You can’t really explain why you cherish them so much.  You keep wondering what you saw special in them that ignited your likeness toward them.  Yet you can’t really say.

The more you ponder,  the more your likeness for them grew.  You just can’t stop loving them despite their weakness and flaws.  Now this is what I term “love”.

Other things might contribute to it,  but the basics implies loving without any reason.  Now if that is the case,  why do some  people often doubt the existence of love in the absence of materialism?  This takes us to our next discussion which is why most people believes that materialism makes love stronger and active.

Why most folks believes that  materialism is essential in Relationships and love.

1. Misconception about love, care and affection. 

From the definition we gave about love,  it is a natural feeling occurring often times without any specific reason.

However,  most people have their own definition of love care and affection as going out on  dates, going on vacations,   getting each other an expensive gifts, calling each other excessively.  And now when all these seems absent as a result of financial incapability ,  one or both parties might begin to feel bored or conclude that their significant other does not love nor care about them.

The pressure and desire associated with this mindset becomes intense when they watch a romantic movie portraying such display of affection or see their friends being given a special treat which often leads to comparison.  Now with such comparison,  nothing ever gets to change their mind.


This is why most  guys Often finds it difficult to handle a  Materialistic woman.  Because to them, love is all about spending regardless of how financially fit their partner is.

2. The state of the mind when broke

A hungry man they say is an angry man.  Similarly,  a broke man is an unhappy man.  Some people becomes disorganized,  frustrated and depressed when they are broke.  In such state,  love becomes the last thing on their mind.

Most people who find themselves in such state hardly thinks about love nor emotions.  To them,  they believe that they can’t express love to another when they ain’t even in love with themselves as a result of their condition.  And with such unhappiness and frustration,  trust me,  they can never thrive well in a relationship.  Even when a woman tries to prove them wrong by accepting them despite their condition.well, you wouldn’t blame them either because no one loves rightly with a shattered and broken mind.

Such people strongly believes that love and materialism has a very strong connections.

Is there any correlation between love and materialism?

Love answers all but not contentment

Just like I mentioned earlier and promised to explain the word “contentment as regards to love and relationship.  Money might solve a varieties of problem,  but does not give contentment.  “now the word “contentment”. here implies being satisfied in all areas of life.  Human beings are insatiable,  and so no amount of money really gets one satisfied.  As long as  love is concerned.  (I mean true love and not flings or friends with benefit).  Money or any materialism can never bring contentment.

In true love, love and materialism might not really correlate because  physical needs is as important needs.  There is equally a need to satisfy the emotional need.

There are lots of people who have everything at their beck and call,  their physical need had been taken care of by their partners,  but they constantly yearn for emotional needs on daily basis.  The luxury is there,  they live a very comfortable life as regards to materialism. but they are unhappy because their partners are often not around them to give them emotional support and companionship.

This issue had led so many couples to. Infidelity and  marriages to Divorce  .   Cheating is so common and prevalent this days even when couples are together   let alone when they are emotionally apart.  So many people had resorted to the saying when the desirable  becomes unavailable,  the unavailable becomes desirable.









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Coping with marriage pressure

Coping with marriage pressure
Coping with marriage pressure

Marriage  pressure is becoming a norm in our society today. And this is one of the leading course of divorce . People fall victims to wrong marriages and partners on daily basis, as a result of unreadiness, rushing into marriage due to family and societal pressures.

Marriage pressure could be daunting especially when is coming from close ones . You feel rejected and traumatized because the people who ought to encourage you turned out to be the ones mounting pressures on you. 

Women are affected mostly in this scenario especially in the part of the world where marriage is seen as one of the greatest achievement.  You feel like your world is crashing right before you . Sometimes,  the pressure becomes so intense that one begins to loose the freedom he/she has at home or around his/her colleagues.

I know of several women who moved out of their ward’s home not necessarily because they are ready to move out,  but because the pressure was becoming unbearable that they were beginning to lack concentration.  Life became unbearable, with this,  they had no choice than to seek for alternatives. 

Before we discuss about several ways to cope with marriage pressures.  Let’s look at some of its effects to the victims. 

Effects of marriage pressure. 

It can lead to marital differences 

A lot of marriage has crashed because one or both couples got married as a result of pressure.  A lot of people especially women rush into marriage just to get away  from pressures at home, and in the bid to get away from pressures,  they unfortunately ended up with someone they ain’t compatible with.

it leads to  low self esteem and  inferiority complex

Inferiority complex is one of the effects of marriage pressures.

Singles who are pressurized to get married at some point in their life may begin to feel inferior especially when they are in the midst of their married colleagues.

With the consistent pressure from the family,  society and social media,  they might begin to think less of themselves or start having the assumption that they are failures as a result of their marital pressures.

it leads to Depression

It has recently been discovered that one of the leading cause of Depression   among women is marriage pressure. This depression has led a lot to their early grave.

At a point in their life, they might begin to see life not worth living any longer as a result of intense pressure around them.  At that point,  nothing seems to interest them any longer.  This is when they will start having their minds piled up with negative thoughts.  Hence the suicidal attempts.

Making wrong decisions

Marriage is a life time commitment, thus one needs to apply caution before making a decision.

But unfortunately, when there is pressure to get married,   one might be tempted to succumb to that pressure,  thus making a drastic decision which might end up in life time misery.

How to cope with marriage pressure.

Get busy with other activities.

Don not let the pressures around you limit you.  Do not let the family and societal pressures of marriage pause other vital activities in your life. One of

The greatest mistake to make in life is to get worked up with the fact that you ain’t married yet to the point of loosing focus and concentration in your work place  career or academic pursuit. Marriage is just an aspect of your life,  which you must not allow to interfere with other aspects.  I understand that pressure can be hurtful.

However,  worrying or putting your life in a pause wouldn’t proffer a solution either.  You don’t have to loose all just because one aspect of your life is yet to be fixed. An idle mind they say is the devil’s workshop and this where negative thoughts such as suicide often originates  from.    Get your mind busy while waiting for the right one, have fun and hang out with people who shares the same interest with you,  with that you wouldn’t even notice the pressure.

Avoid isolation. 

Isolation is what often leads to Depression and negative thoughts. When you discover you are getting depressed,  try as much as possible to avoid loneliness.  Go out to seminars, workshop’s, engage in religious activities where you will  get so many inspiring and motivational words which will help to enlighten your of the advantages of attending social activities is that from meeting other people and hearing their experiences,  you will observe that you ain’t alone in that situation, you will also discover that there are whole lots of people you are much better than,  this will help to get your mind relaxed.

Talk to someone

When the pressure had becomes so intense that you are beginning to loose your mind,  I will advise you to talk to someone to get your mind relieved.  Don’t bottle it up.  confide in someone you trust,  if possible a relationship or marriage counselors and any other psychologist around you.  but make sure you ain’t concealing  the feelings.

Move out from the pressure scene/abode

Rather than have this pressure interfere with your work, career, business or whatever you do for a living,  I will advise you to relocate to another apartment if you have the means.    assuming the pressure is from your family.  If the pressure is from your peer group or friends,  the best is to disassociate yourself from them,  so you can easily concentrate.



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What every woman should know

What every woman should know

What every woman should know is an article aimed at giving women a clear insight about what relationship and marriage entails in other not to fall victims to lies and deceit by men who had no good intention toward them.

Women are known to be the weaker sex, hence more vulnerable than their male counterparts. With their emotional make up, they are more susceptible to hurts and heartbreak. Hence the need to apply caution when dealing with the male counterparts in relationships.

A handful of women fall victims on daily basis with lots of issues ranging from teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and marital pressures.

Also the rate of single parent had been on the increase lately. And the question is? What is the major factor contributing to this societal issues among women and how do we curb it?

Knowing this will go a long way to assist us to understand what every woman should know in relationship and also help us to curb some of the listed problems affecting women in relationships.

What every woman should know
What every woman should know

Here are some vital information  every woman should know about relationships.

Go along with your brains and not just hearts.

Love can be intoxicating especially in the early stages of the relationship. At that phase, emotions seems to be at the peak.

This is the stage where mistakes seems to be inevitable, this is the stage where one especially women needs to apply caution, this is the stage when lies and deceit seems to be at its peak, This is the stage where is quite difficult to differentiate between Love and lustas every thing seems real and true. This is the stage when lies is common  and  women easily succumb to deceit.

However, no matter how intoxicating the emotion seems, is always good to involve your brain and not just your heart.

The heart tells you that everything they do is right even when is obvious you are being subjected to emotional trauma.

The heart tells you to overlook some flaws even when is obvious you can’t condone them, for example he is violent and inflicts domestic violence on you, yet you keep loving them hoping they would change.

Women involves their heart more in a relationship and that’s why they keep getting hurt often.

Be sensitive to know when a man has lost interest.

every woman should know that Men and women react differently to emotion.  Men talk less and act more,  while women talk more and act less. When a man looses interest in a relationship, he means it and might not reverse his decisions.

But  a woman might say her intentions and tomorrow,  she might reverse it.   In addition to that,  a man might find it difficult to  express himself verbally when he looses interest,  but his action speaks more.  You know the relationship is over when they suddenly starts showing signs of negligence such as lack of communications.

Unfortunately, most women ignore these signs and hence they try to force themselves on a man who no longer cares about them.  This is is the major reason why the rate of single mum had been on the increase.  Women imposing themselves on a man who wants nothing but sexual satisfaction.  And at the end of the day the end up as baby mama’s rather than wife.

understand that marriage promises ain’t marriage.

The word “marriage”had always been the common lines most men often use to achieve their selfish motives.with the flare and excitement women often have about marriage,    Most  players use marriage promises to lure their victims.  They use marriage promises to lure the gullible ones who end up being deceived and left with a broken heart.

Women should know that men can be tricky when it comes to marriage.  A man who just want to have a carnal knowledge of a woman can go to any length,  including promising her marriage and doing all sorts things which might indicate his interests toward marrying her.  And at the end of the day,  would still dump her.  Women ought to be careful and not fall for any marriage promise.

Every woman should know that sex is not Commitment

Most women mistaken sex with commitment and that’s why they fall victims to deceit.  A man may decide to have sex with anyone regardless of the absence of emotional connection.  This rightly explains the reason behind the high  rate of unwanted and  teenage pregnancy.


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How to be Self dependent and happy.


Self dependent and happy
Self dependent


Being Self  dependent and happy is one of the attributes that defines a champion or one willing to live up to his/her dreams.

But yet comes with lots of challenges.  Just like the saying goes,  no man is an island,  it is natural to crave for companionship,  friendship and relationship.  We all want to experience that special feelings of having someone around who by all indication have our interest at heart.

We all desire to have that caring friend  who comes to our aid in times of need,  we all desire to have that close relation who wouldn’t mind sacrificing their time and finances just to ensure we are happy and have our problem solved.  But what happens then if they eventually walks out from your life?

What happens if they suddenly woke up one day,  and to your greatest amazement,  comes up with an excuse of why they could  no longer render help to you,  thereby leaving you with the feelings of disappointments and resentments.

What happens if they suddenly grew cold toward you,  keeps their distance and tries to avoid you in other not to be bothered any longer?

What will you do in such scenario? Hang yourself? Give up on your self?yell on top of your voice?quit your dreams? Or sob till you get weary? Well if any of these could prefer solution,  I think a lot of persons would have had their problems solved.

The only constant thing in life is change.  We have to come to the realization that no one stays in our life permanently.humans are unreliable,   Your friends and relatives are human capable of disappointing you.  They can fail you despite their promises,  they can leave you amides of confusion and brokenness, they can leave you pondering if they actually existed in your life?they can desert you at that very time you needed help the most.

This is why every individual ought to be self reliable.  You have to practice how to be self dependent and happy.  Is not really easy especially when you’ve always depended on people for one thing or the other, but it is possible and quite achievable.  It only requires determination.

You can actually be self Dependent and happy if you’ve made a strong decision to do so.  I am going to explain some steps you have to adopt in other to achieve that purpose.

How to become self dependent and happy.

Self dependent and happy
Being self dependent and happy


Every activity we do in life requires the application of discipline in other to be successful.

Discipline simply means subjecting ourselves and mind to self control,  forgoing or curbing some flaws or challenges which seems appealing, but stands a chance to become an obstacle to us in the future. do you know that being self dependent is an Addiction.

You can be so addicted to the point that you can’t really do anything on your own without having to rely on someone for assistance.  You can’t even try because you are  already used to requesting for assistance every now and then.

Discipline your mind to do things on your own.  Assume you don’t have any assistance,  even though you have.  Be willing to subject your mind into taking action.  This will help you to be self dependent and happy.

Curbing your fears

Another significant way of becoming self dependent and happy is by learning how to curb your Fears.

Nothing makes an individual so dependent like fear.  Fear is one of the greatest weak point that can interfere with one’s dream and goals in life.  Fear can prevent one from making an attempt in life,  fear can hide one’s ability, potential and competency. Fear can enslave one.

Most times, we are more competent than people we rely on,  but because we are so engulfed with fear,  we may not recognize this fact.  Get up and conquer your fear. It is not easy,  but quite possible and achievable.  Try doing things on your own,  even if it means failing,  even if it means having to repeat it several times.

Practice they say makes perfect,  with time,  you will look back at those memories and be glad you did it yourself and never relied on anyone.  Your legacy will live on,  your children will always be proud of your achievement in the future.

Always Think of disappointments.

Just like Was earlier explained,  human are unpredictable and unreliable.  No one can be trusted at all times.not even your close relations.

Your friends are liable to disappoint you any time despite their promises,  your relatives can fail you at the time you needed them most,  and so there is nothing you can do about that.  Always think of disappointment, even as you are optimistic that they will fulfill their promise, also think of the probability of the later.  This would focus your mind on reality so you don’t feel relaxed and at the end of the day, while being  caught  unawares.





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Getting rid of toxic relationships when in love


Getting rid of toxic relationship

Getting rid of Toxic relationships should be included as one of your new year resolution.

What is a Toxic relationship? Just as the name implies, it is an Unhealthy type of relationship which rather than become a benefit to you poses as a threat to your emotion and future. It is that type of relationship which gives you the reason to lament and sob often.

Unfortunately, so many folks are so engulfed by their emotions and sentiments that they rarely recognize they are in a toxic relationship. They can feel the torture, pains, restlessness, heart ache and Emotional manipulation. Yet they are so skeptical to take a walk.

Breaking up with their ex seems as one of the difficult task ever . Convincing such kind of people is synonymous to having a camel go through an eyes of needle. As No amount of conviction gets   them to change their mind .  they always remain adamant thereafter. Except they’ve made a personal  decision to take a walk.

However,  getting rid of toxic relationship is very necessary especially if you are aiming at leading a healthy life style and having a bright future. All these can be interrupted by a toxic relationship. I have seen some folks who grew so lean despite their earnings and good living environment as a result of excessive worries emerging from their abusive  relationships. They have everything required to be happy in life but they ain’t. I have equally seen some others who got fired  from their place of work because they couldn’t concentrate.

The thought of how bad their relationship is, had  suddenly engulfed their mind to the point of loosing concentration at their work place. Which led to their outright failure. Some others had  lost passion to pursue their  dreams because their mind was not settled to do so. The worst scenario being those who rejected their rightful potential life partner in the bid to save a relationship which had already failed or at the verge of failing.. All these are the reasons why getting rid of a toxic relationship should be included in our

To do list especially as the year just began. You really don’t want to loose yourself and dreams trying to secure someone who you might end up loosing thereafter. The worse feeling is loosing yourself while trying to secure something which ain’t reliable at the end. Before we explain some ways by which we can possibly get rid of toxic relationship, let’s look at some reasons why we often find it  difficult to detach ourselves from toxic relationships.


Getting rid of toxic relationships?why is to such a big deal and how can you deal with it?

The feelings that you won’t find anyone like your ex

This is one of the common reason why getting rid of  toxic relationship has proven to be one of the biggest task ever. The spark, infatuation and emotional feelings we feel at the intimate stage of the relationship makes it difficult for us to face the reality.  and realize the fact that our partner ain’t the right one for us.

We rarely admit the fact that the relationship is unhealthy for us, even when the signs are obvious.that feelings makes us to see only the positive sides of our partner, even when their negative sides seems to  outweigh their  positive sides. It makes you assume that you may never meet someone like your partner. Until you realize that your partner have their flaws too, Until you realize that the only solution that can liberate you from that assumption is by  walking away, you might remain stuck in such relationship for long.

Being scared of single hood and starting all over again.

So many people have had their entire life so tied to their relationship in such that when it suddenly became over, they find it difficult to move on or remain single for a while  . And that’s why they often jump into a rebound relationship which ends up hurting them thereafter.

The fear of remaining single is also the reason why most people have refused to take a walk from a toxic relationship even  when their life is at stake. The best way to get over this thought is to realize your self worth and become self confident in yourself. Understand the fact no one has the right to your happiness except you, and no one has the right to treat you wrong without your consent .

The fear of rejection.

This is the common fear that has get us stuck in life. That fear that you’ve been rejected by someone, hence no other person finds you worthy of their love. And so you rather remain stuck in an abusive relationship than take a bow.  Getting rid of toxic relationship entails conquering those fears.realizing the fact that your abusive partner just counts as one individual out of the entire and numerous population of human in the world.