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How I ruined my relationship 2

Regrets and loneliness.


I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how I try, it would never work. So I decided to take that bold step and decision of giving it a break.

People were right after all, when they insisted that true love was not actually in existence.” I thought to my self.

Even though I still needed that affections and the need to be cherished, However, I’ve decided not to be the only one always putting an effort to make it work. I vowed never to be the first to express my feelings towards another or the first to always initiate the emotional feelings.

I Decided to stay out of relationship for some period of time, in other to heal and regain back my self esteem and worth which has constantly been manipulated. During that period, I learnt a lot on how best to handle relationship to avoid being taken for granted. First, I learnt how to develop self love,before thinking of loving another. This changed my mindset and I began to realize that people appreciate what they are afraid to loose more than what is always available for them to have.

Days rolled into weeks, and weeks into months. I finally decided to get into another relationship, hoping that with my new strategy and recent ideas, things would never remain the same.
To my greatest surprise, I had a very unique and wonderful partner. Just a replica of me in the past. He loved me do much and practically worshipped the ground I walked in.
I loved the fact that I finally met someone who appreciates me the way I had often craved for. But then, I wanted it to last, I was scared that making my feelings obvious towards him would make him change and start to take me for granted like others did
.

I opted in playing games instead. Deep down, I was enjoying the love, attention and care. But was never eager to reciprocate it, for fear of uncertainty . I was nonchalant and developed a negligence attitude towards him. He complained often that I don’t love or cared about him….the truth is that, deep down, I loved him, but then, having regained my self confidence and esteem. I wanted to be certain that he wouldn’t go back to neglect me once I starts expressing my love. I might be right though, but I never knew I was over reacting and moving so extreme when things ought to be balanced.

He begged n begged, nagged and nagged for me to proof my love towards him..but all to no avail. Instead I remained adamant and continued with my games.
He continued showing me love, to the point where he got weary and just couldn’t take it any longer. He decided to opt out.

It was at this juncture that I came back to my senses. The love I had always longed for was right before me but I ignorantly sent it away all because of my own selfish motive.
It then dawned on me that being good pays only if one can be patient enough.

You might have constantly been taken for granted, jilted and neglected. You might have loved but had never been loved back. You don’t really need to change your personality, you don’t really need to change your golden heart. All you need to change is the people you love. Always be patient, because your replica is somewhere wishing you remained like an angel they had known.

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