Month: September 2019

A broken relationship they say is better than a broken marriage, yet Most people a’int willing to give up  despite seeing the signs that a relationship is truly  over.  I  understand the feelings. Is so easier to tell people to move on. but honestly, is more easier said than done.

Disentangling yourself from someone who was once part of your life is one of the difficult task in life.

Moving on from a relationship you once invested your emotions on and sacrificed a lot to keep is not always easy except there was neither love nor feelings for them in the first place.

The feelings can be equated with  moving  in to a new environment.

Despite your reasons for the mobility,,you will feel naive  at first.you will feel lonely and home sick, is synonymous to starting a new phase of life.

That feelings ranges from Observing your new environment to   learning how  to  co-exist with others and adapt. The feelings is equally  similar to an infant’s first day at school.

He/she may cry as they are being brought to school because the new environment and people around seems strange.

Similarly, The thought of building a new relationship is what  often makes people remain stuck in a broken relationship.

As the saying goes thus, the devil  you know, is better than the angel you don’t know. But what if this devil is becoming so strange that you can no longer tolerate him?what if this devil have suddenly become a thorn in your flesh?

Wouldn’t be a good idea to give that unknown angel a trial, who knows as you are getting along with him, you might  discover that he is  actually the best.

I am certain   that nothing will erase the fact that you are still optimistic of having your relationship back.

You can’t consider giving up at this time. However, do you think that  a broken relationship can ever be fixed again? Do you think that your relationship can ever be like it was initially?

Do you think that the spark and feelings will still be intact like it were when you first met or began? There is no definite answer to this questions as there are things that needs to be considered before answering them.

 

Four basic questions  to consider when trying to fix a broken relationship.

Why was it broken?

As the saying goes, there is no smoke without fire, meaning that something actually led to the break up.

What was the bone of contention? Is it something you can easily forgo or ignore?

Is it something fixeable?  Or Is it something that will pose problem for us in the future if we eventually get married? these questions are very important if you are Considering  Going back to your ex. Or trying to find a way to Rebuild a broken relationship.

Do  we having a mutual interest?

No matter how deeply in love you are,you can’t fix a relationship alone. Imagine being asked to fix a piece of of broken glassware to its original form. when you are ignorant of its original shape.

It will definitely be a hectic task for you, especially if there is nobody to assist you. Similary, a broken relationship requires the effort of two. Understand your partner’s intention.

Sometimes, we find ourselves building a castle in the air, trying to restore a relationship that had become a past. I am sorry to say this, but if is not your partner’s desire to have things fixed, then there is nothing you can do about that.

You won’t be in a relationship with yourself. A broken relationship can only be fixed when the two people involved have a mutual interest towards doing that.

Is it worth fixing?

Truth be told, some relationship are actually not meant to be especially if you’ve fought so hard to keep it going in the past.

Yet all to no avail. Such kind of relationship can never be strong as it was initially. Trying to force it may only result in further heartache. I understand the feelings, but remember that Love Is not just enough.

Some relationship are not worth the stress considering the reason for the break up. If the break up was as a result of manipulation by the other party who isn’t ready to admit his/her fact, then there wouldn’t be any need to fix things.

Are we planning for the future?

There is absolutely no point trying to fix a relationship that its future is not guaranteed.

All relationship must not end in marriage, that regardless, is still necessary to Define a relationship before getting committed or becoming imitate. the most insane thing to do is to fight over a relationship that has no purpose. unfortunately, a lot of people make this mistake.

Fighting over a relationship that was only a fling with no strings or emotions attached. And at the end of the day, they became more hurt than they were. Be really certain of who you are dating before investing your emotions. Truth be told, while you are in for something serious, on the contrary, some others  are just interested in catching their funs. You get serious and commited to them at your own detriment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Compromising  in a relationship is so common this days especially at this time when is almost difficult  to please some folks. in the bid  to get them satisfied, you may be compelled to do things against your wish. Dating folks who rarely consider other people’s interest could make you succumb easily.  Knowing what to compromise for in a relationship, could be challenging.

Continue reading Compromising in a relationship, when to say No

Imaginary relationship are those relationship that  occurs as a result of the fantasies  and assumption built on our minds .

From the word “imaginary” which implies we imagine they are real, we assume they are facts, we expect them to end  in a particular way.

In this type of
relationship, we build a lot of expectations, even though the chances of them becoming a reality is very slim. It is more like a child who wakes up in the middle of the night to demand a food from the mother without considering if the food she requested for is available.

Here is A brief story to illustrate the term.

Jessica loves romantic movies and novels a lot.

Having read and watched a lot of novels and movies respectively. She always fantasized and  imagined that Her relationship would be as perfect as that portrayed by characters in the movies and stories she read.

Her idea relationship was that which seems perfect in every aspect. void of conflicts and misunderstanding. This was her own definition of an idea relationship.

Few months later, she fell in love in Dele. They both loved each other. Dele seems to possess the qualities she needed in a man.

But unfortunately she called it off as soon as she discovered that dele wasn’t perfect as she presumed.

Dele was quite different from men in the characters of movies she watched. The picture she painted on her mind wasn’t what she was gettin in her relationship.

Despite the fact that  Dele tried all her best to be a wonderful partner to her. Yet she wasn’t satisfied. Because her idea relationship has been defined by her imagination.

And so every other effort to change that status quo becomes futile. With that assumption, any conflicts, and misunderstanding often calls for nagging, and in some cases break up threats by her.  This had caused  her to loose a lot of relationship as non were stable.

Is either she nags hell out of the man’s life, that he will have no choice but to   end it or she  ends it  herself as a result of her incessant demands and expectation. I hope with this illustration, i was able to give a vivid explaination of what  the word  “imaginary relationship” is all about .

Characteristics of imaginary relationship.

Imaginary relationships are all in your head.

they are often far from reality..they are build up by assumptions. And the people creating   imaginary relationship often expect their partners to be perfect. They expect them to behave like roborts and not humans.

Imaginary relationships are often derived by infatuation.

People who are infatuated with each other are more concerned about their feelings and emotions. Such kind of relationship is often faked and built on pretence.  It is so dramatic that everyone tries to behave good so as not to stop the benefits they often get from the other. On the contrary, true love is perfect. A good and normal relationship often have a period of conflicts and misunderstanding. This misunderstanding helps both couples have a perfect understanding  and Tolerance for each other.

The psychological effects of imaginary relationship.

it gives a false assumption.

With the assumptions and pictures painted in your mind, you will always assume that  your partner or spouse doesn’t love you.

Just because they a’int behaving like romeo in the romantic novel will always make you question their love for you. You want them to treat you exactlythe way it is done in the movie.

Even though they are doing their best to ensure you are happy. You can never be satisfied because your assumption and fantasy is all you desire at that moment. This has caused a lot of people to loose a wonderful man/woman in their life.

Insecurity.

The word “insecurity” denotes doubts and fear of uncertainity. And imaginary relationship often creates so much room for that.

When you keep living in assumption, excepting your partner to follow your fantasies. You will never be happy and secured.

your will always be living in suspicion every now and then. such questions   like are  they cheating on me? Are they seeing other folks would not stop ringing in your head.

Being insecure results to Neediness and desperation.which is a turn off to most folks.

Obsession

Obsession Is  an unhealthy sign in a relationship. And creating  an imaginary relationship in your head is one of the fastest way to become obsessed with someone.

Being obsessed with your partner is synonymous to the feelings of being intoxicated with alchol. Even when the relationship is not going as you expected. You see still yourself  forcing it, finding it difficult to let go, loosing sleeps, trying to pressurize them to consider your pleas and sobbing unnecessarily.

With that imagination of having a perfect relationship, you will find it difficult to move on. Even when they have made it known to you that they were no longer interested.

just  Because you watched how a partner fought for the other’s love in a movie and won it. You assumed your’s would definitely end in a similar way. At the end of the day,,you may become more depressed and disappointed  than you were, if things never worked the way you expected.

 

Comparisons and lack of contentment.

People who live in imagination often lacks contentment and compare a lot. This comparison has made a lot of folks to loose a good relationship. Their insatiable quest has drove an awesome man/woman out of their lives. No matter how good one is, he/she can never be perfect .

There are individual variations. There is every need to appreciate that little kindness or  gesture being shown to us by our significant other. The grass may not be greener at the other side, not all that glitters is qualified to be called a gold. The picture of that relationship you are comparing with yours may look appealing from a distance. But zooming it  may give you an ambigious and different pictures than the one you saw previously. be contended in your relationship. They may not be perfect, but there is always a room for improvement. Give them that benefit of doubt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before the proposal is an article aimed at preparing your mind  before proposing to that special one or accepting proposal from that special one you desire to build your forever with.  In other to avoid some mistakes commmon among  married folks, And avert some negative situations that may occur in the course of your marital journey.

 

Proposal is a very vital aspect in everyone’s life. Especially singles at a marriageable  age. Having been in a relationship for some months or probably years. You can’t wait for him to pop up that  question.  As no other romantic words could be equated with that.

No matter how a woman is being treated, pampered or shown affection to. At a certain time, she will begin to feel paranoid, hopeless and cheated on. If no proposal is coming forth from the relationship.

To women, it is an end product and what determines any successful relationship. Hence the need to Define their relationship. From the onset before getting committed. to men, it is a life transforming moment in their life . A transition from youthful age to a full grown man with responsibilities. Most men are usually careful at this period while  making their decision of a life partner,as any decision made can either make or wreck their future.

Before the proposal, men are often gripped down with a lot of curiosity. And often ask questions among themselves. Such as How long did you get to wait to propose to your girl friend? What if he rejects my proposal? The questions raises a lot of uncertainities in the hearts of many men.

As no one wants to experience rejection especially after being with someone for a very long time, with lots of commitment being invested in the relationship.

The feelings is better expressed than experienced. But then, is proposal the only thing we should be worried about? What about other preparations that ought to come before the proposal?

Preparations like knowing the journey  you are  about to venture into and whom you are  taking along with you to avoid future regrets. This preparations and thoughts should come before the proposal, as that is what determines the success of the marital journey. So what are this preparations and how we should go about it?

Before the proposal? five things you should know.

 

Marriage is not honey

After attending a marriage seminar, a friend told me that she was scared of getting married.

when i tried to know the reason behind the statement. she said that  the counseling and stories she heard  from experienced folks reduced her interest and expectation towards marriage.

She thought that marriage was the best way to escape from the troubles  at home. But she was disappointed, getting to know that marriage is just similar to the relationship with her sibilings.

The only difference lies in the fact that the environment and the individual involved are not  similar. but the arguments, conflicts, misunderstanding  and sometimes fights can never be erased. It all depends on the approach in handling them amicably.

Marriage is not dating.

This is another vital point to note before the proposal. Often times, we assume that marriage is similar to relationships. During the dating phase, our emotions seems to be much important than any other factor. We seems to make feelings our priority.

That’s why we often see people who date someone they a’int compatible with. one with a questionable character, with the intention of changing him or her in the long run.

They focused more on what they feel rather than what is obtainable in the future. They ended up getting married, only to discover that love alone couldn’t sustain them. And that was the begining of their marital conflict.

The greatest mistake to make is to think that you can manage an individual in marriage, just the way you do in relationship while hoping they would change.

Imagine spending the rest of your life in jail. no freedom, no joy, no life of your own. this is what  it feels like being with someone whose character you can’t put up with for the rest of your life. dating is an illusion, while marriage is a reality. Dating is like a pre trest that prepares you for the main exam(marriage).the main objective of dating is to ascertain wheather or not you are both compatible. It shouldn’t be just for fun, or  a time to display your affections only.

Remember a time will come when emotions and sexual feelings would become less important to you because you’ve had enough of it. and now craves for peace.

 

marriage is not a contract.

To some folks, they just want to get married. Have their kids who would take care of them and continue their generations, in their old age. And that is it.  what about the companioniship? which ought to be the first objective of getting married. sometimes, we make plan without putting some important things into consideration. marriage is not a contract where you can easily sign up a  deal, and have it go as you wish. don’t forget that what will make your plans become a reality is your relationship with your spouse.

A broken home breeds hatred, conflicts and separation. Good relationship and companionship with your spouse is what will make your dreams of having children who will take care of you in your old age successful. Because children who were  victims of a broken home  are often affected psychologically which may result in developing  hatred for one or both parent.

 

Marriage needs tolerance

Weather or not you want it, being provoked is one thing you should always except in marriage. It is inevitable. Your toes must be stepped on once in a while, your spouse may not always be that gentle man/woman all the time.

A times they may have mood swings either from pressures in  their work place. If you don’t possess the trait of tolerance, you may end up having unresolved conflicts at all times.

 

Marriage needs stability.

Marriage needs stability such as financial stability. You may not necessarily be bouyant or rich before thinking of getting married as a man. but make sure you are financially  stable .

Marriage comes with lots of responsibility. And the greatest mistake is to think that love would conquer all including your financial status. Love is important but can never cure an apetite or relieve hunger. It won’t pay your bills.

Love can turn soar, when frustration sets in as a result of financial incapability. before you think of proposing to a woman, make sure you have a genuine and stable source of income.

Your wife to be is meant to build her future with you. but make sure you’ve gotten the raw materials and other necessary things needed for the building.

She can’t build with someone who doesn’t even know the design of the house he wants to build. additionally, emotional stability is also needed.

Make sure your heart and mind is prepared to face the hurdles that may come with marriage. Otherwise, you will end up becoming frustrated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Financial issues in relationship has always been a bone of contention.The issue of finance  has separated so many friendships and families. It has turned friends to foes, sibilings against each other.

It has caused a lot of betrayals among people who once shared mutual interest  love and goals.

Money is a powerful tool.A times lending money to a friend entails loosing both the money and friendship, because at the end of the day, you may end up not gaining back your money, which is one of the ways to put an end to a cordial friendship which might have lasted for a very long time.

Relationships is not an exception too, financial issues has wrecked a lot of relationships and marriages. Issues ranging from dishonesty in  financial status of one or both genders, financial entitlement especially for the female folks.

One would ask? Why would financial issue pose a threat to a relationship or marriage when love ought to superceed all?

Here are some reason

Why financial issues in relationships

Lack of    Transparency    Transparency is a necessary factor needed for any relationship to thrive well.

Especially at the initial stage, when you are still getting to know each other.

Unfortunately, at the wooing stage, most single men  often claims to be bouyant when they are actually struggling. Just to attract a lady whom they have been admiring.

Most claimed to be financially stable while they are still striving to make ends meet.  and when the relationship becomes intense, and the truth finally unviels, the woman may find it hard to accept. she will feel hurt and betrayed, not just because you weren’t financial stable.

But because you weren’t honest with her. this does not just happen in relationships, but in marriages too. doing menial jobs to survive but telling your wife to be that you work in a big firm.

And thus, when she comes up with incessant demands, you become furious.

A story was told about a man who told his wife that he works in a bank, when in reality, he dumps refuses for people and gets paid for it.

One day he was caught, and that was the end of the marriage. learn to be transparent to your partner, spouse or intending spouse. they should know what you do for a living. they may not necessarily know the actual figure in your bank account, but they should know your net worth. deciding to stay or leave should be their choice to make and not yours.

Is not right to impress someone to love you. the one willing to love you would do that without hesitation, irrespective of your net worth. Learn to be transparent, so as to avoid engaging in unnecessary fights with them.

Lack of proper budgets.

this is specifically for people in marriage. one way to avoid financial issues in relationship with your spouse is by doing a  proper budget.

Don’t spend money unnecessarily without doing proper  planning for the week/month. ask your self? How much do we both earn? How much do we need  for the smooth running of the home in a week /month. Then there should be a mutual agreement on how much each of you should  contribute.

Lack of understanding

When there is no understanding in relationships. Even a little argument automatically turns into a fight. because both parties are finding it difficult to reach to a common agreement.

As both desires to have their individual wants/needs met with out considering their partner’s inability to do that at the moment.

Imagine being in a relationship where you take care of your partner or spouse by always coming to their aid when they needed financial help.

And suddenly, they needed your help when you were temporary bankrupt. You tried explaining to them that you don’t have at the moment hoping they would understand, considering  how you have been of immense help to them in  the past.

But instead, they flared up, became annoyed and threatened to leave. How will you feel? Bad right? You need someond that will understand and believe you when you say you are financially incapable.

One way of avoiding financial issues in relationships is to consider “understanding”when choosing a partner.

Love alone won’t keep a relationship or marriage, but understanding would always do. With understanding, the love is secured.

lack of support for each other.

 

When there is lack of support, one party begins to feel entitled.

Financial issues in relationship will be minimized if both parties comes to the realization that being financially bouyant should be a mutual effort and not just for one person.

the economy is bad, and relying in the effort of one person may cause conflict in the home as a result of numerous burden  being shouldered on him/her.

While the other sits back to enjoy and feel entitled. In other to achieve  a successful relationship or marriage,   all hands must be on deck. What are you doing to support your spouse? Are you encouraging them by being appreciative of their little effort, or discouraging them by demanding what they can’t afford. And at the same time feeling entitled for it. This should be a food for thought. You may also find this intetesting. How to handle a materialistic woman.

External source you may also love.5 ways money issue can ruin relationship.

 

Most relationship doesn’t last irrespective of how both couples began their love and emotional journey.

No doubt, love is a beautiful feelings, and being love is awesome too. Fallen in love for the first time leaves with you with this unusual feelings.

The butterflies in your tummy, the cold shivers down your spine, to mention but a few.

Those early years of friendship when your heart beat rate increases as soon as your eyes both locks together. You can’t deny the chemistry going on already, that you wished your friendship would lead to something more serious and great.

Fourtnately, your wish came to reality. You soon found yourself in a relationship with that very special person whom you’ve always  anticipated to be with.

What more can you ask for? Everything was moving well in the begining and during the Dating phase  then, all of a sudden, things began to take different shape.

The euphoria that once existed began to depreciate. And before you could say jerk, you’ve both gone your different ways.

What happened? you begin to ask yourself rhetorically. you can’t believe is all over. few months ago, you were planning on the number of kids you both wished to have, you were planning on going on vacations together in other to visit some exotic places you’ve always admired.

Is hard to come into the terms that everything has crashed, sometimes without a prior notice.

It happened so quickly that you still find it hard accepting the fact that you both  are no longer a couple. such feelings can be daunting. I’ve also received several complaint by people who lamented that they have been in several relationships, yet none had  ever lasted.

It all comes to an end at a time they never expected. I know you are also wondering. could lack of love be attributed to the reason why most relationship doesn’t last this days? Is love becoming an illusion this days? Or is there anything you could have done to avert the break up. don’t worry, i will clear your curiosity in a giffy.

Why most relationship doesn’t last.

Differences and issues lingers

This is one of the basic reason why most relationship doesn’t last..RESOLVING ISSUES IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP is a great way of sustaining a relationship. No relationship is perfect. Out of every successful marriage, there are usually couples who underwent through a lot and yet came out stronger than they were before. But what do we see this days, every issues poses a threat to a relationship, irrespective of how committed  the relationship might have been.

The mistake to make is to think that every issue or misunderstanding should  automatically become the end of a relationship. Unfortunately most people have this mindset.  Any little misunderstanding, one or both begins to contemplate on breaking up with each other.

Misunderstandings are like test, and for your relationship to progress to the next level, you both need to pass this test because this test shows how competent you are to overcome other challenges you might face in your marriage. You can only pass this test by agreeing mutually to resolve any issue or challenge you might face together. most especially without involving a Third party.

The me, myself and “i”

Most relationship doesn’t last because one or both partners have this me, myself and i mentality. no effort is made to strengthen the relationship, no effort is made to make the other happy.  You didnt give me this, you didn’t get me that. The one at the receiving end usually don’t have any other  option than to end things in other to save his/her sanity.

A guy once lamented on how he ended his two years old relationship. According to him, his girlfriend was insensitive. her incessant demand was begining to choke him. even when he is depressed or passing through difficulty, he wouldn’t mind demanding one favour or the other.

Another lady complained of having a man  who places more priority and value in his sexual libido than  her supposed loved one.according to her,  He wouldn’t mind sleeping with her against her wish, as long as her sexual urge is satisfied.  such mentality and attitude usually leads to break up as nobody wants to be in a relationship where his/her own needs are neglected.

Examine yourself.

often times, we do things or portray some characters without knowing that it is a turn off to other people. we behave in a certain way, without knowing that our loved ones a’int comfortable with it.  You may not be doing it deliberately, but because you are ignorant of it, you won’t know that someone else finds it uncomfortable.

If you are wondering why most relationship you go into doesn’t last.

i think  is high  time  you examine yourself thoroughly and ask yourself certain questions like . where am i not getting it right? What am i not doing right? you may/may not be the problem. but try and find out, before going into hasty conclusion and judgement  that All men and women are the same. Don’t assume that you have the most perfect character. Find out first so you can improve. assuming you are the problem.

Social media influence.

This is another major reason why relationship doesn’t last .With the advance in technology, social media has been seen as one of the commonest and effective way of enhancing communication in a relationship. that regradless, it equally has a negative influence to relationship. most people love and copy trends a lot forgetting that what works for A might not work for B”. there are individual differences and characters.

Most people copy what their friends or others do on social media, then begins to mount pressures on their partners to have their’s done in similar way. Some compare and contrast a lot. And with such comparison, the tendency of loosing interest is on the high side. An example is pressurizing your partner to post your pictures together, even when you know they don’t fancy such publicity. you may end up loosing them out of your own selfish interest and motive.

Another typical example is in the issue of always stalking your partner to know who commented or didnt comment on their picture or post. Insecure people do that a lot, and the result is usually suspicion by the stalker accompained with unnecessary jealousy, series of uncalled fights which might lead to the end of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

What does a woman want? This question has become one of the controversial question demanding an urgent response.

It has raised so many curiosity in the hearts of men especially men who really wants to sustain their relationship but have this presumption that women are complicated and hard to please. The question “what does a woman want? Can never be answered correctly without first identifying the Emotional differences In men and women.  And how both reacts differently to emotions.

This is why so many men often finds it difficult to understand their woman. They find it hard putting up with their attitudes especially when they consider it  to be weired.

I had  been oportuned to have a close discussion with one of my male friends. the dude seriously lamented on her girlfriend’s weired attitude. He said and i “quote”. Why are you women so difficult to please? No matter how i try to please my woman, she gets more sturbbon. What is the problem? I asked him curiosly.

he hissed, “then continued”. Imagine she had been using the silent treatment on me for the past one week.

I tried apologizing for a sin which i knew nothing about and tried all i could to get her communicate with me, but all to no avail.   she kept ignoring me.

I had no option than to comply and reciprocate her silent treatment too. The next thing was, she begins to blame me for not talking to her. When she was the one that initiated the silent treatment.

Another complained of  similar issue. My wife a times behaves too childish and annoying. At any slightest provocation, she flares up, gets mood swings and warns me not to speak to her again. and if i obliged to her request.

She comes up again to blame me for ignoring her. Am really confused and tired of such insensitive behaviour. what does a woman want from a man?she asked confusingly.

Having listened to various experiences and complaint from men. I’ve come to discover that most relationship and marriage failure occurs as a result of inability to understand the needs of a woman. Is not just about providing her financial needs. It goes beyond that. Women are insatiable a times. Blame it on their emotional psychology and makeup. but this is the way they were created to be. and you have no choice than to understand and condone it.

five things a woman want from a man.

A woman want Emotional stability.

Every woman desires to have that partner who is proud of her and makes her feel secured. No woman wants  a rival. no woman wants a man that exposes her to unnecessary competition with other ladies.she wants to feel secured with you.

Hence the usual nags and Continue reading what does a woman want?