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Why you are finding it difficult to move on after the break up.

Are you finding it difficult to move on after the break up?Then read this and find out why.

Why you are finding it difficult to move on after the break up9

Moving on after a break up has not always been easy. Despite the thousands of published and online articles about the topic. At One time you are good, the next time, you are up with moods swings wishing and hoping that it would all turn out to be a dream.
Healing from a heartbreakis a gradual process, it doesn’t happen overnight. However, in as much as you are still patiently waiting to be completely healed emotional. There are certain things ought to avoid. These are factors which can delay you healing process and make it linger on.


stalking an ex all over every social media is one mistake that most people often do right after break up. To some, the habit has turned to an addition. You keep checking them every now and then on their instagram, facebook whatsapp, to know their recent activities and their relationship status. You keep viewing all their pictures and recent post to know what they’ve been up to, and to also know if you are being missed or had been replaced with another. And once you see something of that nature, the feelings of hurt and rejection resurface again thus making it difficult for you to forget them. Quit stalking them everywhere, quit going to certain places with the Intention of bumping into them . Remember they are “ex’.which implies that their presence in your life has become a past. And so whatever they do should no longer be your concern. This act is unhealthy for you and will make you remain stalk in the heartbreak.

keeping memories.

When you loose a loved one, you can’t get over the lost quickly by constantly staring at the pictures they took when they were alive. The same scenario is applicable here. In other to quicken the healing process, you have to do away with things that keep reminding you of them. It could be a picture taken together when the relationship was was still awesome, it could be a gift they gave you to keep as a memory. Whatever it is, do away with them if it will keep reminding you of them

Keeping in touch

There is nothing wrong with staying friends with your ex, there is nothing wrong with contacting or messaging them once in a while, but not obviously right after the break up. Especially if the feelings are still there. You can’t obviously stop a smoke when you are always close to a fire. Communicating with your ex when you still have feelings for them is just like opening a fresh wound.. And trust me, you wouldn’t like to feel the pain, is better expressed than experienced.

False hope and reassurance

The break up is over, accept it that way and try every possible means to move on. Stop giving yourself false hope or reassurance that your ex might miss you someday. With that you would always keep expecting them back which may not happen.


Stop trying to get back at them by dating their best friend or other farmiliar friends just to make them jealous. That attitude doesn’t usually end up well. If they get to find out that it was all game you will loose at the end because you feel more hurt than you felt initially. If the jealousy you are trying to ignite didn’t get to them, the feelings of rejection will surface again. If you want to move on, quit playing games in the bid to get a revenge and focus on your healing process instead

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How to handle a close friend of the aopposite sex while in relationship

Handling a close friend of the opposite sex is one of the challenges couples tend to face in their relationship/marriage and if not handled properly may lead to break up or divorce. As the feelings of insecurity may surface from one partner. It is not uncommon or absurd for your partner to feel insecure when they discover you are becoming too close with a member of the opposite sex. Insecurity maybe unhealthy but in some circumstances, it is a sign that he/she is committed and values the relationship and wouldn’t like to entertain any form of infidelity from the other.

And so she is a close friend, you both ain’t dating. But She calls every now and then, always asking to hang out with you. Your partner is becoming suspicious and insecure. You’ve tried to explain to her that nothing is going on between you both. , but she wouldn’t believe. She always keep tabs on you, going through your phone to clear her doubts. If she ever finds something suspicious like addressing each other with intimate names, hell’s gonna let loose. She will yell at you. Nevertheless, inasmuch much as you love your partner or spouse, you still don’t want to loose your friendship with them. They are just awesome to be with. Though not intimate, but you both get each other’s back all the time. You are confused on how to handle it in a matured way without loosing both relationship.

Here are ways to handle the situation to avoid loosing Your relationship

Set boundaries

Becoming too close to a friend of an opposite sex can be unhealthy atimes. The scenario is synonymous to inviting problems which you may not be able to solve. There are situations you may not be able to put to check. And this is likely to be one of them.because when a man and woman often spends time together, being overly too close to one another. Feelings tends to grow gradually even when you try to resist it. And cheating becomes inevitable. So in other to avoid such instances, it is best to take precautions. As prevention they say is better than cure. Avoid being alone with each other, avoid going to serene places which can easily invite temptations. There should be a limit towards communication. Don’t give them that impression that they have a place in your heart otherwise they make the advantage of that. Let it be friends and nothing more. Remember your spouse ought to be your best friend and nothing less.

Have a heart to heart talk with your spouse

Remember they have every right to feel insecure and jealous. It is natural, especial if the feelings are there. However, you have to explain to them with a soft tone that denotes respect for their feelings. Let them know this other person is a good friend and meant no harm. Do not be harsh or yell at them for not trusting you. Otherwise they may begin to think that their suspicion is true .

Make your spouse your priority.

Don’t forget that no matter how important and good your friend maybe to you, your spouse/partner is still your best friend. Make them

Always consider their interest first. Be proud of them, tell your friend how good they are so they wouldn’t think of interfering in your relationship/marriage. .

Keep your marital/relationship issues to yourself.

If you are looking for someone to talk to Concerning your relationship or marriage issue, certainly, your close friend ain’t the one. Reason being that they might be developing feelings or having intentions towards you without your knowledge. They might use that as an advantage or opportunity in seeking for a way to pave in. They might pretend to be hurt too but secretly praying for the problem to linger on so they can easily have their way. This might not be true for some sincere friends. But since you can’t read their Minds or predict their actions, I think it would be better to take precautions. If you must seek for counsel. Please visit a good counsellor, physcholgist, or other experts in the field

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Time management tips. 1

TIME MANAGEMENT tips is one of the greatest attribute of champions and people who aspires to be successful in life. An Average human is said to be busy for at least 12hrs in a day,but yet unproductive in his/her endeavour as a result of mismanagement of time. the word ''busy' is the most frequently used word and has equally been misused by many who had no clear understanding of what it actually meant. Literally, 'busy'' can be defined as a state in which an individual engages him/herself in any activity or work. it is an exact opposite of idleness. which implies that not being idle at a particular time indicates that an individual is actually busy. sleeping eating and engaging in other normal activities ain't an exception. Now The Question is no longer how busy one is?but what you are actually found busy with? I've seen some folks who hardly take a nap,and hence usually develops one alignments or the other as a result of inability to rest but yet can't boast of any achievement. while there are few others who spend less time but yet achieves a lot. it has to do with ability to manage one's time,being able to accomplish a lot within a specific limited time.

Here are some time management tips to adopt.


there is a popular saying he who has failed to plan,is said to have planned to fail. each successful day ought to begin with a strategic plan or list of activities which must be adhered strictly to. try as much as possible to adjust your schedules in such a way that it will correspond with the time available. you can commence by starting from the most important to the least important. which automatically leaves you with the feelings of excitement and fulfillment.


Discipline involves depriving oneself from certain pleasures which is capable of consuming time needed for other vital and productive activities. Adopting self discipline in one's life helps a lot in managing your time effectively. For instance, as a student about to write a professional exam. You may have the urge to tune in to that your favorite t. V station, go the gym or sports or get busy with your mobile phone. but with the discipline, you will learn how to manage your time effectively and for the right purpose. and so instead of doing the aforementioned. you will get busy with your studies especially as your exam is fast approaching. the same goes with every other activities we do in life. As a business man/woman, discipline helps you manage your time effectively by depriving your self that early morning comfort in pursuit of your business or career. you wake up so early in other not to get stuck by traffic. Sometimes, you are awake burning the midnight candle just to excel. When you are meant to be enjoying the silent cool breeze of the night. and at the end, the result will be worth the effort. people who lack discipline end up giving into their desires and urge. They waste their times a lot doing things which doesn't contribute to their growth and improvements in life.

Set a target

setting a target is one of the surest ways of overcoming laziness and procrastination. make up your mind and do everything within your reach to meet up with your target within a specific period of time see it as a task being imposed on you by another,assume it was an instruction or obligation being issued to you by an employer else you loose a job. developing that mindset gives you an insight and ability to accomplish your target. time is an essential factor,always be time conscious to avoid loosing your life time opportunity.

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How to handle a materialistic woman

How to handle a materialistic woman

Coping with a materialistic woman is one of the phobia that discourages so many young men from keeping a relationship. No doubt, virtually all men wants to have that feelings of responsibility, being able to take care of their woman’s need at every point in time, it triggers their Ego as a man and gives them that awesome feelings of responsibility. However, in spite of that, no man wants to be pressured into spending above their earning, or doing things which they ain’t capable of. Unfortunately, there are women who wouldn’t mind you selling one of your vital organs as long as their needs are met. With the quest to fit in to the societal standards and trend, they wouldn’t mind you indulging in all kinds of social vices in other to make them happy. They are never satisfied or contended even if you pull the house down for their sake. Imagine you are dating this kind of woman, how long would you continue to cope with her incessant demands? Before you consider breaking up with here. Here are some major steps to take.

Be real and set a limit

most a times, men’s unrealistic behaviours and fake buoyant life styles are the reason for women’s incessant demands. Imagine starting a relationship by taking her to every classic restaurant or suits. And all of a sudden, you expect her to feel good and OK spending time with you in your closet. It sounds absurd. No one can possibly spit out a succulent taste or reject an exclusive offer.

This is not to encourage incessant demand from women. But men shouldn’t start what they can’t complete. Be real, don’t spend more than you earn in the bid to please a woman. You are only making her become use to a certain lifestyle which she might find difficult to adjust. Don’t fake a life style. So you would know if she truly loves you or interested Only In the material benefit.

Engage her in a discussion

Don’t be shy to express yourself, don’t be timid to be confident. Don’t allow fear to restrict you of your ability to speak out. Don’t pretend like you are OK when is obvious you ain’t. Find somewhere serene where you both can sit down and discuss things as it is bothering you. Let her know that you love her and can take care of her but not at the expense of your happiness. Let her know that your family and siblings also need your assistance. Let her know that you also have a need and wouldn’t want her to act non challant about it. Make her to see things from your own point of view. Truth is that you might have given her that impression that things are Rossy with you. She might not be aware that her attitude is driving you insane.

Stand to your ground

If peradventure, you’ve tried explaining things to her, but she wouldn’t change, then is time to make your decision to either opt out or stay. As difficult as it sounds, I would still advice you to choose the former. Do not let her pressurize you or threaten you with break up. Stand to your ground. No one wants to be with a partner who knows nothing else aside their own happiness.

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How to Adopt self appraisal amidst of rejection

And so you have been jilted and betrayed by your significant other whom you've ever loved and trusted so much. It feels like the world has really come to an end. Moving on has become a difficult and strenuous process for you. Partly because you've built your world around them that you tend to forget other vital reasons for having a breath in you. Your career, your social life, skills and hobby, has been in a pause mood all because there is a misconception within you that your entire life would not be valid without your significant other thus making you ignore other vital aspects of life.

Have an awesome life aside relationship

You have equally neglected your family and friends, because you are always seen in each other's company.And this might be the reason why they suddenly got bored and decided to walk away thus leaving you with scars and broken heart. Being in a relationship does not mean you should ignore other important aspects of your life, there is nothing awesome as giving your partner the impression that life still exist even in their absence. It creates self confident and makes you independent. It attracts the opposite sex and commands self respect from them.Nobody wants to date an emotionally dependent man/woman who have no other plans and routine in life aside spending time with their partner. And what if they eventually walks out of your life, what would be your fate???? This is the phase where self independent plays a major role. No doubt,

Success is the key

Heartbreak is a depressing and heart wrenching period in any individual's life. It does not matter how long you have experienced it, what matters most is how you were able to get back at your feet immediately. To some individuals, situation like this actually brings out the best in them and instead of wallowing in self pity, they began to keep themselves busy, so as to be strong again. It might not be easy at first, but a stage it becomes a hobby. And that's when they would realize that there is actually a hidden talent in them they have been ignoring all because they were so stuck in a relationship. That is why is often said that the best revenge for someone who broke your heart is to achieve success. Life is all about lessons, some situations emerged in order to bring out the best in us and have a positive impacts in our lives.

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How to rekindle the spark in a relationship/marriage

You seems not to forget those early years of dating, when you were always seen with your significant other all over the places, occasional outings, couple's dinner nights,display of affections in the public. All of a sudden and to your greatest amazement, the feelings vanished into thin air. You seems to have fallen out of love. The more you try to comprehend what actually went wrong, the more confused you get. Initially this is someone you vowed to stick to and probably spend the rest of your life with. But what was happening at the moment was really beyond your imaginations. So many questions begins to crew up in your mind such as Why the sudden change of feeling? Was that love I felt initially or infatuation? How can I rekindle the spark? You don't need to panic, you are not alone in this. So many people have experienced such. if you find your self in such situations. It is very normal to fall out of love or not to continue feeling the same way you felt during those early lovey dovey days. Every relationship/marriage passed through a delicate and special stage known as''the honey moon phase''. This is the stage where the feelings of love for each other is at its peak. During these stage,many people tend to impress their partner and this might include hiding certain characters or behaviors from them for fear of being rejected. At this period, you might not really understand him/her no matter how you try to. Then the big question is after this honey moon phase, what happens next??? Just like the saying usually goes, there is no smoke without fire. This will take us back to our topic what causes lost spark in a relationship/marriage and how to rekindle it.

Lack of understanding

so many relationships/marriages has been destroyed because couples don't understand themselves. Love is not just enough to sustain a relationship. Just like was explained, after the honey moon phase, the next phase is getting to know each other and adjusting with each other's attitude. This is the most critical stage in every relationship. The romance stage has pass. This is the time to face reality and know if actually you truly love your partner as you claimed. And that is why is not advisable to be in a relationship with the intention of changing someone because after the honey moon phase you might not be able to cope or condone their attitude any longer. And this might make you loose the feelings you once had for them. intending couples should not shy away from any unusual behavior from their partner during courtship, because if it is taken into marriage, it might lead to misunderstanding. If you know you can cope with your partners attitude, then you must be ready to understand that this is who they are,and be ready to accept them that way. Otherwise, it will be best to back off.

Lack of Trust

Trust is one of the essential ingredients that gives rise to a successful marriage/relationship. Trust should be earned. Don't create rooms for doubt and don't build the foundation of your marriage/relationship with lies and deceit. As that will create insecurity.....the love and mutual feelings once felt might no longer be there anymore. Because there will definitely be constant nagging, complaint, doubts, fights and so on.


just like was earlier explained, most times especially after some years in marriage, couples tend to neglect those romantic things they did together during the early years of marriage/courtship that got them attracted to each other. A typical african man no longer deem it necessary to take his wife to shopping and outings, surprise her with gifts once in a while even though there might not be any special event at the moment. These are little things that spices up a relationship, on the other hand, as a typical african woman, your mindset makes you believe that is no longer necessary to dress sexy, attractive and gorgeous that caught your hubby's attention the very first day he met you. Is good you change your mindset. The truth is that most men, are attracted by what they see. Always look sexy and clean whenever your husband is around. Avoid tying wrapper always. Don't drive your hubby into another woman's arm except he has cheating as a hubby. In as much as these are not a criteria for a man not to cheat on his wife, it still contributes. Do your best as a lady.

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How to curb Ego in your relationship/marriage

Curbing Ego in a relationship/marriage

About Ego

EGO is one of the negative trait being exhibited by one or both partners in relationship/marriage. It is an unhealthy habits that can mar a long lasting marriage/relationship. No doubt, there is a desire for supremacy and power in individuals, everybody craves to have his/her opinion being respected and accepted by their partner. This is common to both genders and not just restricted to men alone as presumed and believed by people. It is a normal perception, but becomes abnormal when it is done at the expense of your relationship. A little dispute/misunderstanding that ought to have been settled amicably is allowed to linger for so long because one or both partners are contemplating in their minds on who to be the first to say ”sorry”. To most folks, apology implies accepting defeat and having a low self esteem. Unfortunately, this is a fallacious belief and I want to proof it wrong.

Difference between self esteem and Ego

There is a huge difference between ”SELF ESTEEM AND EGO While the former can be defined as an individual’s value and self worth which includes, self appreciation and charisma in relating with others. The later is synonymous to feelings of pride, arrogance, supremacy and dominion. It doesn’t really matter who has defaulted, what matters is saving your relationship from collapsing.

These are questions you need to answer

1) Do I value my relationship/marriage???

2) Are they worth the Fight?

3) Do I regard my partner as a priority and important personality in my life?? If the answers to the above questions are in affirmative. Then is time to let go of pride in order to save your relationship/marriage. Quit the mindset of ”I shouldn’t be the one to apologize first as am not ”guilty”. Remember the main objective is to save your relationship first, after which you can have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Pouring out your heart to them and explaining to them why it is very necessary to apologize whenever they offend you and not the other way round. Have it in mind that no relationship is perfect and no perfect human exists. Exercise patient with them and give them a little time to deal with their weak point ”EGO” I.e if they are willing to change. The word ”sorry” is so simple that it wouldn’t remove any strand of hair from your body but rather save you from heart ache that might be caused as a result of breakup or divorce from your relationship and marriage respectively.

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How to identify a healthy relationship

Couples in a healthy relationship

Having a healthy relationship is the dream of every young person who desires to build a life time union with the intent of marriage. Introducing someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend is not just enough. They are “mere”tithle”.what really matters is the state of your relationship and how excited you are to have them as your partner. And that brings us to the topic “identifying a healthy relationship “.from the word “healthy”.a healthy relationship is said to be a relationship in a good state. One devoid of Unresolvable issues.

Here are some ways to identify a healthy relationship .

Mutual communication

Communication plays a major role in a relationship. It increases the bond and intimacy in the relationship. When you find yourself struggling to keep the communication going, whereas your partner does nothing to reciprocate

Then the relationship is no longer healthy for you and there may be a need to discontinue.


Imagine you have something confidential you would like to share with someone. Am very sure you wouldn’t like to share it with just anyone. But someone you trust and believe in so much. Now imagine, being secretive to your partner, it implies you don’t trust them. It gives them the impression you don’t believe in them. It also depicit that there is a skeleton on your Cupboard. A healthy relationship ought to be transparent. If you can’t confide in each other, then it means your relationship is filled with

Doubts. If you can comfortably hide things from each other, then it implies you are not both compatible being in a relationship. If you comfortably pick up their calls at their absence, then it shows there may be something fishy. Being open to each increases the friendship


A healthy relationship is a relationship where both partners see each other more like a best friend. There is respect on both sides irrespective of the age differences. You can talk to each other freely and request for an assistance from each other in a polite way without being bossy or making the other feel humiliated. You also respect each other’s boundaries. For instance, if she says she doesn’t want to be sexually involved with you yet, you ought to respect that. If he says you shouldnt pick up his calls. Also respect that regardless of the reasons behind such decision.

Less pressure

Couples often complain about having a manipulative partner who often compells them to do things without considering their happiness first. A healthy relationship does not have to be manipulative. For e.g threatening you with break up every now and then if you ain’t ready to succumb to their wish. If a relationship restricts your freedom to concentrate in other vital aspects of your personal life such as your career, skills or hobby. Then is no longer healthy for you.


For a relationship to be healthy, couples ought to be compatible with each other. It doesn’t Mean they should be perfect. But there should be Some level of understanding between both, ability to condone each other’s flaw. And tolerate each other’s attitude from time to time.

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How to know when a relationship is over.

knowing when a relationship is over

One of the most challenging aspect of dating is knowing or detecting when a partner is no longer interested and wants to back off. Often times, a lot of folks especially male folks lacks the courage to confront their partners and break the sad news or the fear of not hurting him/her especially when they had done nothing wrong . Hence the exhibition of weird and usual attitudes which leaves them with a mixed signals. However, in other not to waste your time, effort and resources in a relationship that is no longer in existence. Here are some signs that he/she wants wants to back off.


The rate of communication declines

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. Communication increases the bond and intimacy especially for a distance relationship where both partners hardly see each other. With communication, both partners can feel each other’s presence despite the distance. Check out the rate at which your partner communicates with you recently. Compare it with the rate at which it was when the relationship began. Now if there is a drastic reduction on the communication. Then there is chances that he/she wants out. Though there could be exception in few cases. For instance, what is the nature of his job? Is it so demanding that he/she hardly make out time to handle other social activities. Did he change to a new job recently and so finding it difficult to adjust to the new system. These are the questions to consider before jumping into conclusion.





If the answer is yes. Then you may have to relax and calm your nerves.and maybe give him some benefits of doubt but you ought to Pay close attention to his/her attitude at this period. Does he calls back as promised assuming he was busy when you called. Does he still picks up your call when he is less busy? Does he makes out time to visit you especially on weekends which are his free work days? If the answer to this is no?. Then you may need to have a rethink because in spite our busy Schedules. There is always room to make out time for our loved ones. I. e if we value the relationship and wants them to still be part our lives. .

He tries to avoid you.

When you begin to observe the rate at which your partner avoids seeing you, then there is every tendency that they may want out in the relationship. Even at your complaint of his nonchalant attitude. He still dodges having a discussion with you, because he knows that the most dreaded question as regards to the fate of the relationship will definitely pop up

he sees fault in everything you do.

You both have been doing great, you can’t remember doing any thing to upset him. Then then all of a sudden, he picks fault in whatever you do,

talks to you rudely and flares up at any slightest provocation. This is the most complaint laid by women. Their partner all of a sudden begins to see them as a “nag” whenever they talk about an issue that requires to be addressed and given adequate attention to.

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Relationship is like a game.

A illustration with a game.

It takes two mutual effort to keep a relationship.

Relationship is like a game, even before you venture in, you are optimistic that it will be successful. Though skeptical and uncertain of what fate holds for you at the end, but yet, You are still confident that it will work. Despite the unpredictable future, you are still hopeful that it will be successful. Unfortunately, at a may see your self struggling to keep it going. Within you, you know the right thing to do is to walk away. But you belief you've come along way to give up so soon. The above scenario illustrates the views and perception most individuals have about relationship. Both scenarios are synonymous, but quite contradictory in some aspect. While game may require the effort of one individual, relationship requires a mutual effort of two individuals who truly understands the reason of being in one.

How it should be.

It should be a 50.50 effort. When you begin to make it as though your life is in total dependent of it, while your partner enjoys their stress free life. It is no longer relationship, but OBSESSION.. When you see you self doing all it takes to make it successful, while your partner contributes nothing in any aspect. Is called, DESPERATION. When you are ready walk the miles for them, when they can't move an inch for you, then is called EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY. Just free your self and allow love to find you. A successful relationship does not require much hardwork. It only entails being with the right partner who shares similar interest with you. One who is ready to sacrifice and give out his/her best. One who isn't in for any material benefits rather than love. and this can only be guaranteed by being with the right one.