Finding your spec in a partner could be challenging a times, especially in a time like this where people fake their personalities a lot just to get attention. But the most challenging aspect is having someone you love meet up to that quality you’ve always desired in a partner.
Often times, our spec in a partner seems abstract and unrealistic. We all crave for a perfect partner who’s physically and intellectually endowed in all aspects.
Ask an average man her ideal woman, you will often hear qualities like tall, pretty, good curves, homely, God fearing, submissive, hardworking and so on. Same is applicable to women, Ask an Average woman her idea man, you will definitely hear qualities near to perfection such as A tall, handsome, responsible, , resourceful and God fearing man.
This is one of the major reason why most marriages suddenly becomes uninteresting and boring, after few years. Because we are often attracted by unrealistic qualities thus leafing to the wrong decisions.
Is normal to have a specification when choosing your life partner or considering settling down. But the question is,, Are your specifications real? Will they guarantee your happiness or will they leave you in trauma for the rest of your life.
60% of the problems faced in marriage/ relationship usually occurs as a result of our ” spec”. We want everything in a partner, but unfortunately, we rarely see all we want in an individual and rather than settle for our needs, we still insists on wants thus leading us to the wrong choices which can deter our happiness in the future.
There’s usually this feelings of excitement whenever we find the rightful one for us, the partner that fulfills at least 70% of our expectations. But unfortunately, life doesn’t always make all we need available at our beck and call.
The one we presume to have met our criteria may not be interested in us, whereas the interested ones may not possess the qualities we admire. Making the scenario more complicated.
However, always know that finding your spec in a partner involves two thing. Is either you find your desirable, or you go for the available.
The former may seem so nice, but the truth still remains that it is not always obtainable. And so you might end up settling for the later. And so the question now is, how can we make the available also desirable? Let’s look at some tips that will help us in such decisions.
finding your spec in a partner. Making the available look desirable.
Focus on the need-
Finding your spec in a partner is usually not feasible at all times, so in the bid to get your desire, you need to focus more on what you need in a partner, and not necessarily what you want. So what are the needs in a life partner? Tolerance , loyalty, morals, loving hearts and friendship.
These are qualities that sustains a marriage, when the physical qualities seems to be gradually fading away. The physical qualities are the wants. It attracts people to each other, but what will keep them afterwards is the need.
People who understands this tend to overlook the physical qualities. That is not to say that the physical qualities are not equally vital. But in the case you can’t find both in a partner, you have to draw the scale of preference.
keeping your specification open
Finding your spec in a partner usually entails that you keep your options and specification open. One of the major challenges we often face when trying to find our spec in a partner is that we are so obsessed with certain attributes. We often create a stereotypic traits in our minds on how we want our partner to be. We don’t give rooms for other options which might suit us.
A typical example is having having the notion that you must marry a fair girl or a tall guy . Another instance is having the notion that you must marry from a particular tribe. And so when such specification ain’t coming your way, you will unknowing miss the right choice you ought to have embraced because you are so obsessed with a particular attribute.
When you make your options open, you might surprisingly meet someone who has a higher quality than you’ve anticipated.