To loose feelings for an abusive partner, you first have to know the implications of being in Abusive relationship. and how it can mess up with your mental health.
Abusive relationship doesn’t necessarily need to involve violence. It can come in various forms such as, emotional unavailability, disrespect and verbal abuse. Such can pose a threat to one’s sanity.
People in abusive relationship are conscious of the fact that it is not healthy to be in one, but their greatest challenge is ” how to loose feelings” and stop loving the one whom they are not supposed to love.
A lot have tried to but All to no avail. The relationship is draining them emotionally, but the feelings is be clouding their sense of reasoning, today, they resolved to break up with their partner, tomorrow, they are all over them again pleading for attention, pleading to be loved and cared for.
Even when they summoned courage to break up, they are still threatened with the feelings for their ex, especially when they come across anything that reminds them of the memories with their Ex.
Such is normal, we’ve all gone through that stage, but at the end, we’ve come to realize that Love is not just enough, especially when it is one sided.
But the big question is How can can one keep love aside, when the relationship is becoming too toxic? How can you loose feelings for an abusive partner? Below are some practical ways to achieve this.
10 ways to loose feelings for an abusive partner.
Focus on their weak point –
When you truly love someone, it’s pretty difficult to focus on their weak point, it’s pretty difficult to see their faults.
All you fantasize is about having a happy ending with them, hence everything they does seems so perfect to you. It only takes a great deal of discipline to admit the fact that the relationship is toxic. Write down the qualities you’ve ever desired in a partner?
Now ask yourself,how many of these qualities do they possess? Compare and contrast the number of times they’ve made you happy/ cry? How many of your goals have you achieved since you started dating them.
Focusing your minds on all these negative aspects rather than the momentarily memories you had with them as that will help you gradually loose whatever you feel for them.
Reassure your self that you deserve better.
Most times,we loose our relevance and self esteem in the bid to preserve a toxic relationship. in other to regain our worth back, you have to see yourself as a priority.
The only way to recognize and value true love is to love yourself first. When the self love is absent, you will definitely have to accept any crumbs being thrown to you in the name of love, because you’re unaware of what true love feels like.
Love is beyond emotions. It has to be practical, and can be easily identified when your sanity isn’t threatened.
Reduce your expectations.
To loose feelings for an abusive partner, you have to expect less from them. Don’t ever hope or wait for changes or imagine that they will suddenly start showering you with the kind of love and attention you’ve always yearned for.
People with narcissistic behaviors hardly change, you either walk away from them or learn to adapt with their behavior. Over expectations will get you stuck with them forever.
Live an independent lifestyle.
It is disheartening to know that most people are enduring domestic violence, emotional abuse and molestation in their relationship/ marriage because they depend solely on their partner. Such dependency often leads to humiliation.
When an abusive partner realizes that you live at the expense of their benefits, they will keep showering you a lot of that, as long as you will keep putting up with their domineering attitudes. In other words, you’re massaging their EGO, as they will keep treating you like a piece of trash.
Being independent comes with a lots of benefits. One of such benefits is being bold enough to walk out from abusive relationship or marriage without considering what you might be loosing.
It’s really a nice decision having your own source of income, building and planning your own source of wealth so you could have something to fall back to whenever life challenges hit you.
Stop making excuses for their behavior.
If you keep making excuses for your partner, you will find it difficult to loose feelings in an abusive relationship.
Feelings can be deceptive, it gives you the impression that you contribute partly towards their toxicity, it makes you believe that you can fix them or whatever mess they created, all because you don’t want to loose them.
Feelings aren’t a magical object that can appear and disappear at any moment. But when you admit the fact that they are the problem and not you, and until they fix it, it can never work, you will tend to loose feelings gradually.
Setting your standards and boundaries.
The level of standard you set for yourself will determine the level of respect or disrespect people will accord you.
People will treat you exactly the way you want to be treated. if you set a standard of things you can’t tolerate, you’re placing yourself on a worth, and the one who truly deserves you will do all they can to adhere to it.
Setting these standard will increase your value and diminish any wanted feelings in opposition to it. Only then you will realize that your worth is more relevant to any emotional feeling associated with toxicity.
Setting boundaries helps to avoid emotional abuse that often comes from over familiarity.
When you yearn for attention a times and they deny you of that, sometimes it could be as a result of your neediness. When you set boundaries, you clearly give them space to decide if they actually wants to be with you.
Stop taking the lead.
If you want to loose feeling for an abusive partner, stop initiating every thing to spice up the relationship. It makes you yearn for more, and when you don’t get that, you will feel devastated.
Don’t try to validate your feelings for an abusive partner. They already know what to do to rekindle the spark in the relationship, but they ain’t doing it because they have no intentions to.
I know this is one of the most difficult steps to avoid, because when you love someone you just want to go extra miles to proof it.
However, not having the same energy you give returned back should be enough to inspire you to move on.
Learn to give up –
This is another hard part, but very necessary if it can be mastered, there’s no point holding on to what is not working.
Learn to give up to save your sanity. Just like break up, it will definitely be hurtful, but learning to give up begins from admitting the fact the relationship is not healthy for you. Stop giving yourself false hopes that they will change, adults hardly change except by self decision.
When you admit that the relationship is not healthy for you, the decision to move on will follow suit, it will be difficult at first, but not totally impossible.
Distance yourself –
To loose feelings for an abusive partner, you have to distance yourself from them.
Perhaps you’ve done everything listed here, but none is productive, I think it’s high time you distance yourself, if you’re really determined to loose feelings from an abusive partner. It’s time to distance yourself from them. If you’ve been cohabiting with them, it’s high time you pack your belongings.
Stop every communication, if you’ve to blacklist them, that will be a nice decision, this will enable you gradually get rid of them in your memory as out of sight is out of mind.
Avoid rebound relationship
Why rebound Relationship may seem like the best option, it doesn’t contribute to any positive effect if you intend to loose feelings for an abusive partner .
Rebound doesn’t stop your previous feelings for someone, it only subsides it, and gives you a false impression that you’re okay without them.
But when their memory surfaces from any source, you will get entangled again. The best is to get rid of the feelings naturally by applying some of the methods that was listed above.
To stop loving your abuser, you need to build your self confidence.
