There are lots of misconceptions about tolerance especially as regards to relationship/ marriage.
Tolerance is a great virtue and quality in relationship, no doubt about that. but unfortunately, there are lots of misconception about the phrase. A lot of people had been misled and made to remain in an Abusive relationship, all in the name of tolerating a partner.
A lot of women are suffering and going through hell all because they were asked to adopt the virtue ” tolerance” in their marriage. Many had ignorantly believed that as long as they are had been legally married to their spouse, they should accept any form of treatment including clue treatment from their partner.
A lot had been mocked and blamed for walking away from a marriage that was about to ruin their life and future. While others had been persuaded to remain in their respective relationships/ marriage irrespective of what they might be passing through. With the perception that ” tolerance ought to be adopted”.
Some Religious bodies are not equally helping matters. They have this misconceptions about “Tolerance “.which they often impose on their members
They believe that as long as you are legally married, you have no alternative than to accept whatever you are passing through in good fate. Laying complaints or involving a third party often seems like a taboo. They believe one should always resolve issues when undergoing one with their partners amicably rather than lay complaints every now and then. Such perception is true anyway?
However, what about a scenario where issues seems unresolvable and lingers for so long, especially when one is dealing with a a difficult spouse? How can one cope in such situation?
Misconceptions about Tolerance originates from the lack of proper understanding of the term. The word ”
Tolerance means to endure pains and hardship”. Note the word “Endure” and not “accept”. You only Endure things which does incurs an excruciating pains to your life. Now you are not Enduring those pains because you love them or wished to have them linger. You are only enduring with the hope and belief that things will change for good someday. You hope that those experiences and pain are just momentarily and not permanent.
And when it tries to linger, you might start seeking for an alternative,either to initiate a third party/ counselor or opt out. But unfortunately, our society frowns at this. You are expected to accept the situation the way they are because at such times, you are no longer enduring. Remember marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured.
However, when you begin to endure in some scenario, it depicts Tolerance which is a nice virtue. But you can only endure for a while. Tolerance does not mean you should accept the situation the way they are and live with it for the rest of your life.
Other misconceptions about Tolerance.
Tolerance means suffering
One of the misconceptions about tolerance is that tolerance denotes suffering. Yes, even if you’ve been turned into a punching bag, you should keep on tolerating, even if you’ve been threatened on several occasions and your life is at risk, you should continue tolerating. No!!! That is not it.
There are situations meant to be tolerated, while there are situations meant to embark actions on. In the former, such scenario usually occurs when things are not the way they ought to be in your marriage. Like when you are passing through tough times or struggling financially. Is okay to have a mutual understanding and tolerate each other. While hoping things will fall in place soon.
On the contrary, the later usually denotes a scenario where one had been subjected to emotional and physical abuse including domestic violence.
Now telling one to keep enduring such scenario is like telling them to automatically sign their death sentences. For how long would they keep enduring?
Tolerance means silence
Another misconceptions about tolerance is that one shouldn’t express his or her feelings in the course of enduring. This is a fallacy. That you are tolerating your partner does not mean you shouldn’t solicit for help from a good source. It could be psychological or emotional help just like good counsel or even financial assistance. But that should be from a good and reliable source.
Remember you are only enduring, you don’t intend to remain stuck in such situation. Feeling relaxed and reluctant at this period only implies one thing. And that is, you are comfortable with the situation existing in your marriage. This period of endurance should not be spent wallowing in self pity, as that will not alleviate the situation. But rather it should be a time both parties can seek for a way out. that’s why people seek for relationship and marriage counsel in various platforms. They had been enduring and so rather than remain silent, they began to sought for a way out.
Similarly, disregard any misconception or belief that tolerance means to suffer in silence.ignore anyone trying to make you feel bad for letting your issues out. There is a popular adage, a problem shared is a problem almost solved.
You don’t have to remain mute with the guise that you are adopting tolerance. Speak up, if need be, but just make sure you are speaking to the right audience and source.
Tolerance means subjection.
Just like we earlier explained. Some people had been deceived and brainwashed into believing that one most tolerate all form of clueless and inhumane behavior from their significant other.
This is a lie from the pit of hell. Remember you are human too, who deserves to be respected and cherished as much as you do. You are human too with feelings and sensitivity. Nobody in deliberately touches a hot object and remains calm, there is usually a reaction and sensitivity to take the hands off it immediately in other not to get stuck the pains.
Similarly, no one feels comfortable enduring pains. There is usually a reaction that shows you don’t want to remain stuck in such situation. Why people usually adhere to some misconceptions about Tolerance is the fear of stigmatization and mockery from the society.
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