Asking for attention without being needy is one of the subtle ways to command respect in your relationship. Neediness is no doubt one of negative traits in a relationship.
Craving for your partner’s attention is quite normal, desiring to be with them every now and then is equally normal.
However, this crave for attention ought to be accompanied with a strike of balance. You have to understand that they have their own needs to which may not always revolve around yours. In as much as they would love to spend time with you, they still have their other loved ones to be with, their academics to focus on and careers to attend to.
In other words, When your crave for attention becomes inconvenience or tends to disrupt their personal lives, it is tagged “Neediness”.
The goal and aim of this post is to find the best ways to express your feelings without exhibiting this negative traits called “neediness”.
And it must start by first acknowledging the fact that you are needy and need to quit the habit. Many a times people misinterpret neediness as affection.
They want to show their partner how much they love and cherish them, they often hear that communication strengthens relationship, without realizing that while communication may be good, Excessive communication can become suffocating, which may eventually ruin their relationship. What are those needy behaviours that can ruin relationship?
Related article: 15 ways to control your Emotions in a relationship.
Needy behaviours that can ruin your relationship.
Incessant calls and Text messages.
Communication is the bedrock of every relationship, however, when communication becomes too excessive to the point of interfering in your partner’s private life, or disrupting their activities, it becomes unhealthy.
The outcome is that they will begin to find excuses to walk away from the relationship. It’s important to know that you can seek for attention without being needy or exhibiting this behaviour. Bombarding their phones with calls and text message and expecting immediate reply is a sign of neediness
Also read : Excessive communication in relationship, healthy or bad?
Over possessiveness and jealousy.
Your partner is your soul mate and not some properties that you are bound to secure. They have the right to make their decisions, and if they must involve you in this decision, they are just showing their mark of respect and regards for you. Taking advantage of this, by being too possessive, will certainly make them have a rethink.
On the other hand, it is natural to feel jealous especially when your partner seems to be giving or getting attention from the opposite gender. Jealousy is a sign of love and it is healthy when it is exhibited moderately.
Unhealthy jealousy begins from being suspicious of your partner every now and then, assuming signs of infidelity with every man or woman he or she associates with. Confronting people as a result of your assumptions.
This is a controlling behaviour and no one would love to be controlled irrespective of how they feel about you.
Dependency and Emotional attachment.
Being too dependent and emotionally attached is one of the commonest type of needy behaviours that people intentionally and unintentionally exhibit, and which is capable of ruining their relationship.
Your partner may love you so much, but wouldn’t want you to depend on him or her for emotional support all the time.
There’s this demure that comes with self confidence. Knowing that you can handle some of your emotional and psychological problems alone without bothering your partner is attractive.
Seeking for constant validation
Having your partner shower you with words of affirmation is one of the sweetest things in life.
However, always demanding that from them, including reassurance of their love, for you can be termed a needy behaviour.
Seeking validation about your appearance, worth and the status of the relationship is equally a needy behaviour.
Having known the signs of needy behaviour, the next step is to ascertain how you can seek for attention without being needy.
How to seek for attention without being needy.
Identify your weak point.
One of the best and subtle ways to seek for attention without being needy is to identify your weak point.
What are those attitude that makes you vulnerable? if you can be able to identify them and work on them, you will naturally attract your partner’s love and respect without having to remind them on how to treat you.
This weak point could be being too emotional and sensitive, inability to control your emotions especially at the slightest provocation.
By identify these lapses and working on them, you’re proofing yourself worthy to be adored and respected without having to nag about it.
Have an open communication with your partner.
Communication is quite different from nagging. By communicating openly, you’re creating a channel of understanding.
Communication involves two individuals who are ready to listen to each other’s need and opinions, whereas, nagging is all about an individual trying to force or impose their needs on others, without seeking their consent. Consent .
In communication you dialogue, but in nagging, you complain and sometimes this complaint can be accompanied by aggression. This is why people who nag in other to have their needs met are often disregarded, and instead of having their needs granted, they are being avoided the more.
Be self reliant and dependent.
This is one of the natural ways of seeking for attention without being needy . Have you ever noticed that people who don’t demand for attention are more showered with attention. While they’re busy with their lives, their significant others put so much effort towards gaining attention. They get the love they deserve without having to stress over it because they are not desperate for it.
By portraying so much confidence and self dependency, they’re displaying their significance, insinuating that they deserve to be loved and valued.
Identify and Evaluate your needs.
What do you actually need from your partner? Attention, affection, or financial support? Are these needs really necessary in respect to the kind of relationship you have with your significant other? Sometimes we date the wrong people, expecting so much from them and receiving none at the end. We nag, and wail endlessly, yet all to no avail.
Identifying your needs will help to influence your choice of a partner in a relationship, when you know what you want, you will date someone who is willing to pay attention to your needs. seeking for attention won’t be necessary, you will always get that on a platter of gold.
Engage your mind and get busy.
Most times, neediness arise as a result of idleness. When you don’t have something keeping you engaged, your focus and interest will only revolve around relationship and romance. Idle mind paves way for a lot of negative and unhealthy traits such as entitlement, desperation and clingy behaviours.
Related article Why you must stop begging for attention in a Relationship.
Withdraw your Emotions.
The fear of loosing our partner if we withdraw our interest is always the reason why we exhibit needy behaviours, but reverse is usually the case, withdrawing your emotions would rather stir up their interest than make them loose it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, attraction builds more when you are less available, less demanding, confident, focused and emotionally dependent.
upgrade your social life
There’s nothing as frustrating as dating yet feeling lonely . Being in a relationship, but not getting the affections and attention you need.
Having to plead for it or nag about it can be emotionally draining. Perhaps, they might have lost interest, or playing mind games with you, in other to keep chasing them, and did you notice, that the more you nag about it, the more it gets worse. The more needy you sound, the more vulnerable you are to be manipulated and taking advantage of. The best is to quit nagging, quit complaining, and stop doing the reverse of what they expected of you, which is to overlook their attitude and focus more on meeting new friends, hanging out with your friends, learning new skills, going on vacations.
At first, it might not be easy, but with time, it will become part of you. The goal is to get yourself distracted and find happiness in other places which doesn’t have to revolve around your partner or relationship.
Practice self care.
To get your partner’s attention without being needy, you have to learn how to take good care of yourself. Most times, our looks and appearance may cause a decline in feelings from our partner. The fact that you’ve become part of their life doesn’t mean you should stop looking attractive like you’ve been during the wooing stage.
Familiarity breeds contempt, only when there’s nothing spicing up the relationship. When you’re always dressing gorgeously, they will always find you attractive and irresistible, and you will always get their attention without being needy.
Avoid being too available.
You don’t have to be available all the time in other to proof your love. Being always available can diminish your significance. Sometimes act busy, even when you’re not in other to keep them craving for your presence.
Stop showing up unannounced. Invading their privacy signifies desperation. It can feel suffocating to them, that they will begin to avoid you by all means.
