To rebuild trust after cheating is not always an easy journey. To some folks, once infidelity is involved, that marks the end of the relationship or marriage, while to some others, you might be lucky to be a given a second chance with the hopes that you”ll turn a new leaf.
Often times, some people who are fortunate enough to get a second chance end up ruining their chances of getting re connected and accepted by their partner, which mostly leads to regret.
Infidelity is one of the biggest Red flags in a relationship. It is often a sign of lack of discipline, as majority of people who cheat have no reasons for it. They believe that variety is the spice of life, hence wouldn’t hesitate to have a taste of others who may seem available. There are some few cases where cheating may occur as a result of negligence, couples loosing sexual attraction in marriage, or partners or falling out of love.
In such cases, cheating shouldn’t be the best or last resort, such issues need to be addressed, than hurting another.
In negligence, effective communication can proffer a solution. In loss of sexual attraction between married couples..they need to work on it by making a research on the reasons why couples loose sexual attraction attraction in marriage.
So they can have it solved. That is, if they still value their marriage and want to rekindle the spark. And then in relationships where both may have fallen out of love, if there’s still mutual effort to keep the relationship, they need to research on the reasons why people fall out of love.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on, victims of infidelity can feel emotionally traumatized after finding out that their partner is cheating on them.
And one of the biggest risk involved is that cheating can ruin trust especially in marriage. Even a midst of forgiveness, it may be difficult Regaining your partners trust .
However, all hope is not lost yet, just like every other marital challenge, it can be solved. As long as you’re still with your partner, there’s still every chances of making things right, no matter how difficult it might be at first.
Perhaps, you’ve made that mistake of initiating infidelity into your marriage, and you’re regretting it, the good thing is that you’ve realized your mistake. You’ve suddenly discovered your partner’s worth and realized that they doesn’t deserve to be treated in such manner.
That’s a good realization. The next step is how to fix things and bounce back to the lovely couples you used to be. Before I share the tips on how to rebuild trust after cheating on your partner, there are few things you must know in other to make your tips more effective.
Vital things you should know before trying to rebuild trust after cheating.
it won’t happen overnight.
Infidelity is not an attitude people can deal with easily. It is difficult to be swept under the carpet, considering the trauma it comes with.
The memories will keep resurfacing in their mind, even when they try so hard to forget it. It’s normal to see them act cool this minute and then aggressive the next minute. Sometimes, a midst of argument, they might bring it up, such attitudes are quite normal. It shows how pained and hurting they are, even though they might have forgiven you. All you need from them is patience, in other to navigate through the pain. Don’t give up, and don’t retaliate to their anger, remember it was all your fault.
you’ve created an insecure mind in them.
One of the reason why people suddenly become insecure in a relationship is as result of the experience they had in the past, which mostly involves the case of infidelity. Infidelity can turn even the most confident woman into an insecure woman. The mindset of being cheated on has automatically been registered in their mind, so it will be extremely difficult to explain that someone you’re talking with on the phone is your colleague at work, it will be difficult to explain that the long conversation you’re having with someone is a business call. You have to keep making an explanation every now and then because the trust is broken already, and insecurity had set in. These are the normal challenges you will face, but time still does the magic.
So how can we rebuild this trust and make it stronger as it was initially?
How to rebuild trust after cheating.
Take accountability of your actions.
Just like every other challenges, the first step in getting it solved is admitting that you were wrong. There’s no need for lying or explanations. The more lie you speak to cover up your wrongs, the more escalating the issue becomes. They won’t just see you as a cheat but a liar, as well. This is why you must not tell more lies to cover up, as long as you’ve been caught. The best is to admit that you’ve erred. Admitting your wrong is a sign that you’re remorseful, respects them and willing to change.
Set your boundaries.
One of the effective ways to rebuild trust after cheating in relationship/marriage is to set your boundaries . These boundaries include cutting all ties with your partner with whom you cheated with. Avoid the idea of staying friends with them as there’s a big possibility if rekindling whatever connection you once had. Avoid intimate friendship with members of the opposite sex, remember you’re trying to make your partner trust you again, and any form of closeness will jeopardize your plan.
keep apologizing.
It may seem like the more you apologize, the more heart hardened they are to forgive. I understand the frustration, you just feel like giving up. But always remember that it won’t be an easy phase. They are hurting, and probably more frustrated than you’re. They feel disappointed, betrayed and overwhelmed with jealousy and bitterness. This is the reason why you shouldn’t give up. Be consistent with the apology till they forgive you.
Rebuild the spark.
To rebuild trust after cheating, try and ignite the spark, a lot of things appeals to different people. To some, the easiest way to capture their heart is through gifts, while to others it could be romantic gestures like dinner night, public display of affections. I believe you already know your partner’s love language and one of the best ways to rebuild this spark is to apply their love language. Perhaps, that might soften their heart. But note that you ain’t trying to bribe them, but sincerely doing that to ease the hurt and convince them that you sincerely apologize for your actions and that you’re a changed person.
cut all ties with their rivals.
It is easy to fall back to infidelity especially if you’re still communicating with the one you cheated with..keeping them as friends is a risk on its own, because while you want to detach yourself emotionally from them, the question is, do they also want to detach from you? The best way to keep them at distance and avoid falling back with them is to cut all ties, delete their number, if possible have them blocked. Whatever to save your relationship/marriage is worth doing, you don’t have to feel bad about it.
Invite a third party.
I’m not a fan of third party . I’ve always frowned about third party interference in relationships and marriage. However, some situation might call for it. In a scenario where you’ve exhausted every other options, yet they still remained adamant, your best bet will be to sought for another alternative, which is to seek the assistance of a third party. It could be a friend, sibling, mentor, parents or someone they respect so much and hold in high esteem. You have to approach them to plead on your behalf. They could pay a listening ear to them.
focus on your relationship.
To rebuild trust after cheating in a relationship/marriage, you ought to re channel your energy into your relationship. Don’t entertain any distractions. Be fully committed. This commitment can soften the heart of your spouse or partner to forgive and accept you back. This commitment involves always being available when they need your presence, offering them a shoulder to lean on at times of difficulty. They may not be eager to accept all this from you, but in other to win their heart and trust again, persist in doing them, as that might be the strategy in winning their hearts again.
Adopt Transparency.
To rebuild trust after cheating, you have to learn how to be Transparent. Transparency is the only virtue that will give them a benefit of doubt that you’ve truly changed. You can’t be pleading for forgiveness while you still have lots of skeletons on your cupboard. Being secretive, deleting your call logs every now and then, taking calls at odd hours and going to secluded places to receive calls will only keep them in more suspense and make them doubt if you’re truly repentant.
