How can I make my partner get over their Ex? This is one of the frequently asked questions in the dating world today.
The word “Ex” is a threat To many relationships and marriage. The phobia people have when they discover that their partner is dating a random guy/girl can’t be compared to the phobia they have when it comes to an Ex. This is because with random guys/ girls, feelings or emotions may not be attached, The relationship might be a “Friend with benefit” kind of relationship” where dating for fun and personal interest might be the priority.
On the contrary, when it comes to Ex’s there’s a high tendency that emotion is fully involved. Both partners must have created a long term memory or bond which can’t be easily broken. For ex’s who were in a long term relationship, getting over each will really take a lot of time and effort.
Moving on hasn’t been easy, irrespective of the number of years spent in a relationship and the reason behind the break up. As long as the relationship was a committed one, it will always leave a traumatic past to one or both parties.
And so you’ve just began a new relationship, the excitement is inexplicable, as the spark seems to be igniting every now and then. Apparently, you’ve fantasized about a future with your new partner, but then, something seems to be amiss.
You’re beginning to suspect a case of deception and infidelity, but you ain’t certain as there are no evidence to back up your claim, but their attitude, withdrawal and distance towards you is a strong evidence. And you’ve noticed their consistency in reaching out a particular number or communicating with a particular person. So could it be they haven’t gotten over their past relationship, did they found someone new?
What are the signs that your partner isn’t over their Ex yet.
Bringing up their past relationship to your discussions
At the early stage of a relationship, or talking stage. It is quite common to discuss about your past love with your intending partner, as this will help to navigate your relationship to the next level.
However, in as much as this seems normal, it becomes worrisome when your partner can’t stop relating their past relationship whenever you brought up any discussion. The discussion about the past love can only be tagged normal at the initial stage of a relationship or during the honeymoon phase.
Anything aside this, calls for concern.
possession of their property –
It could take a lot of time to come into accepting the terms that a relationship has ended.
However, one of the quickest way to embrace the reality is by doing away with the memories and whatever that reminds you of that relationship. This is to show that you’re no longer living in expectations, or hoping that the relationship can be rekindled. On the contrary, when reverse is the case and one ain’t willing to do away with the memories, this is an indication of expectations and hope.
There could be an exception to this, as some people intentionally allow their ex’s pictures on their devices just to save memories. However, when this pictures are in a compromising state, such as being taken together or used as status/profile/screen saver on their devices, it is a strong indication that they’re still in love. Keeping the pictures might be a sign of friendship with no strings attached, but displaying the pictures in an intimate way indicates feelings.
Gifts are no meant to be discarded, but when they are securely kept as memories, it is equally a sign of feelings.
Comparison.
Are you dating yet lonely? This one of the obvious sign that your partner isn’t over their Ex yet, when they compare you with them or wish to have you behave in the exact way they do, it is a sign that they still love their ex and wish to have them back, but because it seems impossible, they would try to impose their behavioral pattern on you, hoping to have a replica of what they think they might have lost.
We are all unique individually with our different flaws, strength and weakness.
Every relationship ought to signal a new beginning, which should comprise of excitement and enthusiasm. When reverse is the case, there will be comparison indicating a regret and sadness of the end of a past relationship.
Emotional unavailability.
When someone is still obsessed in their past relationship, emotional unavailability becomes the outcome.
They would rarely give you attention nor listen to complaint but would rather tag it “nagging”. With this behaviour, it may seem like you’re being too needy, but that’s not usually the case.
This is a case of someone who hasn’t moved on yet and not really into you. A case of one sided relationship.
Stalking their Ex.
Have you ever noticed this usual behaviour of your partner always checking up on a particular person on social media,is either they’re searching their profiles, commenting and liking their pictures.
Chances are they’re still obsessed with their ex. Commenting and liking on someone’s picture doesn’t always indicate having feelings for an ex. But when this becomes a constant habit, it calls for concern.
Always keeping in touch.
Ex’s shouldn’t be enemies. There’s nothing wrong with remaining friends with an ex as long as boundaries are kept.
However, when keeping in touch becomes consistent, it calls for concern.
so the question is, how can you make your partner get over their ex
Effective ways to make your partner get over their Ex.
Find out the qualities they admire in a partner.
This is not the same as comparing yourself to their Ex’ or trying to be their replica, but knowing what their preference and making them see that in you so they won’t have any other option than to stick to you alone.
You don’t necessarily have to change who you are, but then there’s always room for improvement. You can still work on your flaws to fit into their level of compatibility. What is that special thing they admire in their Ex, what qualities got them attracted to their ex? What makes them obsessed with their Ex? These are the criteria you should focus on and equally work on, in other to have your partner get over their ex.
Note : the goal is not to fake your identity, but to work on yourself and bring out the best version of you.
Boost your value and worth.
To make your partner get over their Ex, work on your values. No matter the qualities they saw in their Ex, it is still possible to forget about them and move on, if they see a greater and more unique qualities.
There are people who had a very hard time moving on after being jilted. They got depressed because they thought they wouldn’t find someone like their Ex. But to their utmost surprise, they still met another who seems perfect and much more better than their Ex whom they thought had it all. Some ended up regretting all the crazy things they did during and after the end of the relationship like begging for attention, and being depressed for long.
All these regrets came right after finding someone more better and unique. And perhaps, they realized that their ex doesn’t worth the stress.
First, to be the one sought for, you have to find out some of the effective ways to create value to your life. The values can emerge from your intelligence, unique skills, smartness, self confidence and maturity.
Give them space.
To make your partner get over their Ex, you have to give him space. Sounds absurd and impossible right?
I know you’re probably wondering on how giving your Ex space would make them forget their Ex, when it should be the other way round, like monitoring and keeping taps on them to know who they’re actually seeing. But unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
Men are not emotional beings, in other words, when dealing with them you have to be emotionally intelligent. A man’s primary love language is respect, and this respect is appreciated more when you allow them have their own personal time without being too needy and nagging.
Some men left their Ex as a result of insecurity. They were too insecure to the point that it was beginning to choke them.
Coming into his life with the same behaviour will make no change, but rather he will see other qualities in his ex to appreciate, since you’re not better either. Men respect women who doesn’t revolve their world around them, but enjoy their own personal space.
Don’t accept to be rebound.
To have your partner get over their Ex, you have to understand his intentions, and stick to your own principle.
Most people get into a new relationship, either to assist their healing process or get back at their Ex. Such relationship is regarded as a rebound relationship“. While the new partner is the “rebound”. Such relationship is void of commitment, and there’s a tendency that they might rekindle their relationship with their Ex, if reconciliation happens.
In other to avoid this, define your intentions and let them define theirs too. Don’t let love or feelings blindfold you,As soon as you discover that they’re still communicating with their Ex. don’t allow yourself to be used as a rebound.
Once they’re approaching you with the statement like, “lets start and see where it leads”. It’s a trap, don’t fall for it, especially if they are still healing from a heart break. It’s either they’re in or out.
Give them ultimatum to either commit to you or walk away. When you stand on your decision, they will have no option than to reevaluate their relationship with you. If they find some unique personalities in you, trust me, they will gradually forget their Ex. But you have to stand by your decision to make it happen.
