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Why taking a break after a break up is necessary

 

 

 

 

 

Taking a break after a break up

Taking a break after a break up!!! Sounds like a huge and unachievable task huh!!! I understand,  especially when you are head over heels in love and you never saw it coming.

Love is a wonderful feelings, especially at the beginning of a new relationship where the spark seems to be more intense.

The feeling is so awesome that You can’t get enough of your better half. The relationship seems so perfect that the thought of break up never comes to your mind.

Then  all of a sudden, things began to take a different turn. Your partner suddenly became so cold and distant.you asked for explanation, but couldn’t get any reasonable one. All they could use as an excuse was their “busy schedules”. You became more confused, and wondered if they suddenly changed their job. Was that not the same job they had when they were showering you with so much attention and care, you asked yourself rhetorically?

You complained and nagged on several occasions, but all to no avail. After several complaints without positive outcome, it dawned on you that it was over. At first, it seems like a night mare, but along the line, you summoned courage to embrace reality. After all, you can’t reverse it.

You sought for closure but couldn’t get that still. You concluded it was time to move on. But the biggest challenge was  how you can erase the feelings so quick. You tried to erase their memory, but it wasn’t just working. You wondered why you were  finding it so hard to move on.

You’ve tried all the antidotes of getting over a heart break, but none seems to proffer a solution.

You suddenly recalled   you had  a crush who had been admiring you even while you were in relationship, but  never had the chance to proof it to you as you restricted them from doing so.

Now the thought of giving them a chance seems like a  nice and perfect thought to you. Not really because you loved them, but because you needed an emotional pillar. One who could get you to heal fast, and probably fill the vacuum that your ex left. At this point, REBOUND RELATIONSHIP seems like the only available option you have left. But on the contrary, its effect could be disastrous. Before resorting to such step, pause and have a rethink.

Nearly, 80% of  heartbreak victims  have once thought of having a Rebound relationship as a means to get over the heartbreak.

The thought of being single which might resort to depression and loneliness, coupled with the phobia of having to start a new relationship all over again increases our crave to get into a new relationship.

Reminiscing on the memory we had with our ex increases our phobia of taking a break after a break up. We know we may not get their replica, but we just want to feel their vacuum.

Does the above scenario describes your experience after the break up? If yes then, I suppose this advise is meant for you.

Taking a break after a break up might seems do difficult, but very necessary. Especially if you desire  to  have a healthy relationship without  having the past reoccurrence. Here are some reasons why you ought to take-break-after-breakup

Taking a break after a break up

Why Taking a break after a break up is necessary.

 

It helps in self discovery

Relationship could be awesome, but at the same time so demanding because it requires your effort and that of your partner to thrive . did you observe that ever since you got into that relationship, you began to pay less attention to your self?

The feelings and spark got you so overwhelmed that yourself became less important. It was all about pleasing your partner and that could be the reason why they they lost the spark so quickly. Have you ever heard of the saying. Familiarity breeds concept? Not every persons love clingy partners.

Not every persons loves having an overprotective partners. To some, it is a big turn off. You really need a time off relationship to discover some certain things including your self. You need to realize that you are equally as important as the relationship and so you don’t need to loose your worth in the bid to make a relationship work. This will assist you in your next relationship.

Helps to take corrections where necessary.

After break up, we are more concerned about moving on, and getting another fill the vacuum without considering the lesson to learn and some adjustment to make to avoid similar reoccurrence in our next relationship.

No relationship ends without a lesson. Every relationship certainly leaves us with one lesson or the other. Is either you realized you were doing the wrong thing or dating the wrong person. Whichever might be the case, don’t forget the lesson.

You might not be at fault, but you need to learn some strategies  in handling certain people in your life. Taking a break after a break up, will help you reminisce on the relationship, and ascertain what you ought to have done or avoided in other to avoid such occurrence again.

 

To Avoid being taken unawares.

After break up, the hurt resulting   from the experience might be so severe that  nothing else occurs to your mind. But as you recover gradually, you will begin to understand why it never worked out . you will realize how dumb you were for not reading the signs earlier.

Taking a break after a break up will help you understand the signs that a relationship was about to end so you wouldn’t be taken unawares in your next  relationship.

Inducing your self esteem

Taking a break up after break up helps to induce one’s  self esteem and confidence.

There are people who assumes that they can never be happy as a single individual. Before the break up, they had their lives revolved around their Ex. And that’s why they found it difficult to move on when it was over. Is good to take a break, and realize that your happiness does not revolve around any individual no matter their status or social class in the society.it will help you realize that you can actually be  happy even as a single.

Such mindset gives a high sense of moral and builds one’s momentum. With such perception, you would never allow your self to be taken for granted in subsequent relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gaining resilience in times of difficulties

 

 

 

 

Gaining resilence
Gaining resilience at difficult times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gaining resilience during times of difficulties has never been easy. As a matter of fact, it requires a lot of strength and determination.

But the question is, how can one develop such strength when undergoing  several storms in life? How can one possibly determine to be strong in other to avoid falling into  depression.  Honestly, such decisions are easier said and quoted than done.

We don’t choose to be sad in life, no one prefers happiness over anxiety, no one prefers sound mind over depression. But unfortunately, we may find our selves in some situations where happiness seems to have eluded us.

Frustrations, and anxiety becomes the order of the day, no matter how you try to get over this feelings, they keep reoccurring because you have little or no control over them.

You wished you can regain your self confidence and happiness, but all seems like an illusion. The more you try, the more you see your self falling helplessly again. It is really like a struggle between your happiness, self esteem and reality.

 

Gaining resilience does not necessarily  imply having your  challenges solved or getting at the climax of your struggles.

But having the mental strength  to overcome such challenges which might have probably led to depression.

Hence resilience can be defined as the mental ability to recover quickly from depression, illness or  misfortune.

A state of being strong amidst of life struggles. A state of bouncing back to one’s initial mood and state of mind..

Here is an illustration. Imagine loosing something very crucial in life like a loved one, a juicy opportunity or a job. The feeling is better expressed than imagined. You’ve wept endlessly as if regaining  them back depends on the amount of tears you shed.

But at a point, it dawned on you that no amount of tears could bring them back. You accepted your fate. But yet, you still can’t move on. Your self had let gone, but your emotions is unwilling to let go.

You are still battling with your mental ability. Trying to recover from the shock, but all to no avail.  Inability to gain resilience is what usually leads to chronic anxiety otherwise known as depression.

Have you ever seen someone suffering from chronic depression? Most times, it is as a result of something that happened in the past. Normally, they ought to have left it in the past, but they were mentally weak to do so.

Then, how- can we build this -resilience- at -tough times?

Gaining resilience. Some tips to guide you .

Think about your breathe

Amidst of all these challenges, you still breath, your mental strength should rely on the fact  that your life was not gotten rid of  by your predicament.

Life signifies hope, courage and confidence.  Don’t assume there is nothing to live for, don’t prefer death  to the life you are living presently  no matter how horrible it might be, don’t contemplate suicide.

The owner of life never demanded your life because he has a plan and purpose for you which will definitely be accomplished in due course.

You were strong enough to conquer death. In Likewise manner, believe you will conquer your situation and challenges.

Learn to adapt at difficult times

One of the most vital method of gaining resilience at difficult times is learning  how to adapt to various moments in life. Don’t assume that life is stable, always prepare yourself at any point in time..

One of the principle of life you ought to understand is that life may not really present you with what you desire at all times.

Life may not present you with a juicy offer, this is a natural phenomenon and reality. It is only your duty to make the best out of every situation.

This is also one of the best applicable principle of successful men who had accomplished their goals in life.

Let me tell you one good thing about some challenges we face in life, it builds our self esteem.  You will have this great feelings and mindset that, ” if you can go through this, and come out victorious, then no situation can ever weigh you down. With such mindset, you’ve already prepared your mind to face any other challenge that might come your way in the future without having any fear.

Just like I said earlier, we don’t choose hardship over comfort, misfortune happens. That is life for you, but make up your mind to accept them with good fate. Acceptance does not imply being comfortable with it. But it helps to build your mental strength to recover quickly and avoid developing chronic depression.

 

Avoid Emotional materials.

Gaining resilience at difficult times can also be achieved by reading books that will inspire and boost your self esteem. Reading the biography of some great men like Abraham Lincoln Henry ford, Dr Ben Carson and so many others.  who  at some point in their life also had their own shares of hard times, but refused to quit or  be weakened by such hurdles of life. Avoid staying around emotional people or being sympathized. Remember what you need now is not pity but mental strength.

Associate with others

Don’t assume that you are alone in that situation, don’t assume that no one cares. One of the best antidote towards overcoming some trying  moments in life. Is by associating with like minded people.

Self isolation leads to chronic depression. You ought to avoid it at all cost.

You may never understand that your problem is the least till you come out of your shelf. You may not realize that there are so many others in your shoes yet unwilling to be conquered by their  fears. Till you stop isolating yourself from others. Be positive,don’t give into negativity, avoid being discouraged by people.

This can only be possible when you stop associating yourself with negative minded people. You can scale through, you can overcome. Gaining resilience is still possible. It begins with you, when you Embrace positivity.

Gaining resilence
Gaining resilience at difficult times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Handling Relationships and convid – 19

 

Handling Relationships and convid-19 pandemic
How to handle relationships and covid-19

 

Relationships and covid -19. How can you handle both?  has your relationship already lost its spark at this pandemic period? How can you rekindle the spark in your  relationship?

Especially at this crucial time where every news on social media and across media is centered on covid -19 virus. You tune in your t.v, it is all about covid 19, you log in to your social media, it is all about covid -19. Among friends and colleagues, this has always been the trending issue.

Covid -19 seems to be affecting every aspect of life and relationship is not an exception too.  Often times, couples might begin to drift apart emotionally, not really because they had fallen out of love, but because they might be undergoing some challenging times.

For a plant to germinate and produce a viable seed, it needs a  good and favorable environment. Similarly, For a relationship to thrive well, both needs to have a stable mind . it takes two individuals who have mutual interest and goals to build a relationship. However, when one is undergoing emotional or psychological problems, such goals and interest will be left unaccomplished.

You wonder why some people  request for  space in a relationship all of a sudden ? Sometimes we assume they might have lost interest, but don’t really know how to let the cat out of the bag. But reverse is usually the case a times. It might not be as you presume.  The need to desire for space  could be as a way to have a personal time void of distractions in other to sought themselves out of their predicament.

In other words, one may ask, what is the correlation between relationship and convid-19 pandemic?  As we all assume that covid- 19 pandemic only affects  lives and economy.

Then what happens if the economy is not favorable ?  People would definitely loose concentration in every aspects of life, and relationship is not left out. Just like we explained earlier,  a healthy relationship needs a stable mind to thrive better. Some men are afraid to get into a relationship as a result of the phobia of handling  a materialistic woman

This explains why Covid-19 does not just affect the economy, but also  relationships.

Handling Relationships and convid - 19 1
Relationships and convid-19

Let’s see some further aspects where convid-19 interferes with relationships.

Social distancing

How can one maintain-relationships-in-self-isolation? As we all know, social distancing is one of the effective way to curtail the spread of the virus.

Adhering strictly to this rules implies that relationship could be affected as well.

Imagine a situation where you can’t get close to your partner because of the pandemic. Its effect is felt more for people in distant relationship. As inter state  movement has been restricted and everyone mandated to stay at home.

Communication.

Handling Relationships and covid-19 can be tough at this period, especially as many jobs has been restricted and people mandated to stay at home.

This implies that Frequent communications like calls might equally be affected as well. People would rather spend money in buying food stuff in other to survive than call cards, as no one is certain on when the curfew will be relaxed.

This has a great effect on the relationship as communication  is very vital in every relationship.

Emotional instability and inconsistency

Handling relationships and covid -19 at this period could be challenging because an unstable mind gives rise to depression and frustration. When one can’t love him/ herself as a result of depression,  . how possible can they show love to another?

How couples can handle Relationships and convid-19.

Mutual understanding

Understanding is the most vital attribute needed to maintain a healthy relationship.

Love may get people attracted to each other, but what really keeps them stick to each other is understanding.

Any relationship without understanding will fade off as soon as  the honey moon phase is over.

But when there is understanding, both can go through any storms together and still emerge victorious. With understanding, both can conquer every challenges including convid-19.

Both has to realize that this is just a temporal phase that would pass in due course. And there is a great need to be strong for each other and keep the spark igniting.

 

Alternative source of communication.

Ruling out communication entirely for whatever reason could pose a great risk to the relationship. Both should source for a cheap and alternative source of  communication. Gone are the days when money is used as an excuse for not reaching out. These days, communication issues can be sorted out via chats on messengers and other social media as they don’t really cost much like calls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Curbing domestic violence in our society

Curbing domestic violence
Curbing domestic violence

 

Curbing domestic violence is one of the antidotes towards having a successful marriage and reducing the rate of divorce.

Domestic violence is one of the biggest catastrophes destroying so many relationships and marriages today. It is more prevalent than any other marital issues couples face today. And it is one of the leading course of divorce in relationship.

It is quite unfortunate that a lot of women today are so stuck in an Abusive relationship/ marriage,  hoping that their partners might change for the better.

They are being abused physically and emotionally on daily basis. Their self worth and dignity had been dragged to the mud. They have become a shadow of themselves as a result of the ill treatment being unleashed on them on daily basis.

Their emotions had been battered severally and  their once gorgeous body physique had been disfigured as a result of constant hitting. They tolerate several forms of flaws at the detriment of their own happiness. Soaking their pillows with tears had become a constant hobby and habits every night.

Most times, they desire to voice out, but are afraid of what the society might say especially in marriages. The fear of becoming an object of ridicule or topic for discussion among friends, colleagues and religious leaders prompts  them to endure such pains for a long time.

Domestic violence had become a great menace that calls for adequate attention and eradication. However, for any problem to be tackled, the root course must first be identified. We first have to give attention to its source and origin, in order to get to its climax. The victims/ recipients of domestic violence ( women) should first understand and realize some factors leading to such abuse before seeking  for its solution. Curbing domestic violence is not an easy task, but not totally impossible if we discover some factors leading to it.

Curbing domestic violence
Curbing domestic violence

Some Factors responsible for most cases of domestic violence.

Wrong perception

Many people have this assumption or mindset that love is the ultimate factor needed in a relationship/ marriage.

And thus may ignore some certain strange attitude their partners exhibit.

They are ignorant of the fact that love is not just enough   to keep a relationship/ marriage.During the honey moon phase, the spark and attraction seems to be at its peak that one might not really discover any wrong behavior or flaws in their significant other.

However, the real relationship/  marriage begins as soon as this phase is over.

Ignorance

So many folks are victims of domestic violence today because they ignored the earlier and warning signals indicating that they might be dealing with the wrong individual.

Dating or courtship is a period meant for knowing and studying each other’s flaws and personality to an extent. It is a period meant for both to learn how to tolerate each other’s imperfections. It is equally a period of decision making.

You either choose to remain with him/ her if you can tolerate them or opt out if you can’t.

But unfortunately, so many  people get carried away with the euphoria at the beginning of the relationship, they pay much attention to the excitement and fun  without considering the most important thing which is the ability to tolerate flaws.

Most persons experience this domestic violence during the relationship/ courtship days. They saw the signs clearly but paid deaf ear to it, with the hope that their partner would change in marriage.

But unfortunately, reverse became the case as people hardly change except they really took a person  decision to turn  to a new leaf. A man who hits you in relationship will definitely do that in marriage.

Societal pressure

Some people would rather remain in an abuse relationship/ marriage than file a divorce for fear of stigma and mockery from the society. Such people pay more attention to what people say than what will be of benefit to them.

 

Low esteem. 

Individuals with low esteem are prone to any form of treatment. They often accept any form of treatment because they lack self confidence.

Such people don’t have a life of their own, they are so dependent on their partner for virtually everything. Financially, emotionally and otherwise. And that’s why they condone any form of treatment, including domestic violence which subjects them to a great risk and threatens their peace.

Such individuals have a high rate of insecurity in them. They are always threatened every now and then because of their vulnerability.

How to curb domestic violence.

Don’t rush into marriage.

Curbing domestic violence involves being observant before going into marriage. Remember we said that  Love is not just enough , a lot of people rushed  into marriage without being ready or having a proper knowledge of what it entails.

They were only intrigued by  the feelings they had  with their  partner and the euphoria/ exciting thoughts involved in getting married. Only to rush out when situation becomes challenging and unbearable.

Curbing domestic violence entails  being sure of whom you are getting married to. Though you might not really get every details about them and their personality during courtship, but try to get as much as you can, in other to ascertain if you can go ahead or opt out.

Don’t get into marriage for the sake of getting married. Ensure you are ready,  and you’ve understood the concept involved before rushing in.

Pay attention to early signals.

Curbing domestic violence implies paying attention to some warning and early negative signals.

Just like we explained earlier, most times, these signs are obvious during dating or courtship, but most people ignore thinking that such character will magically disappear in marriage.

But reverse seems to be the case. Don’t remain stuck in an undesirable relationship with the intention of influencing your partner positively.

The tendency of such happening is  almost impossible or rare. Identify the character you can’t put up with, then make your decisions from there.

Be self dependent

Curbing domestic violence implies that you ought to be self dependent. Don’t trust or put all your hopes in your partner no matter how wealthy , influential or successful they are.

Try as much as possible to have a life of your own. Get your own source of livelihood. Be an asset, not a liability.

Men value women with such characteristic and hold them with high  esteem.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that having your own source of livelihood would stop him from abusing you domestically.

However, in a situation whereby his abuse becomes unbearable and unpardonable, you can easily opt out without the fears of how to survive and begin life all over again.

Develop self love and appraisal

curbing domestic violence calls for self love and appraisal. When you place much value on yourself, no one would  take you for granted. Don’t give people room to toil with your emotions.

Be confident about yourself. Don’t make anyone your sole priority and source of happiness. Know your worth, such feelings erases any form of insecurity.

 

 

 

 

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Sex on the first date, a positive or negative effects?

 

Sex on the first date
Sex on the first date.

 

Sex on the first date had become one of the most controversial issues as regards to relationship. A lot of people are in the notion that having sex on the first date denotes lust or infatuation and equally alters the future of the relationship. While others believes  that sex create emotional connection.

This controversies about having sex on the first date is greatly felt among women. Because they are often at the receiving end.

One of the reason is this, men attach little or no value to sex. Most men have sex just to satisfy their sexual urge and libido.

On the contrary, women especially does who are committed to their relationship and partners attach so much emotions and importance to sex.

A woman deeply in love does not just have sex to get relieved from sexual urge and libido. But she does it with the purpose of having more connections, attachments and bonds with her partner.

Though revise might be the case. And when that happens, the woman usually feels used and betrayed. This is why the topic is greatly deliberated on among women.

Most times, sex on the first date is not planned by both parties. Some occurs in the course of the euphoria or chemistry that begins to exist between the two parties in the course of being in  each other’s company. However, what we are yet to understand is if that chemistry or feelings is really love or infatuation. Most women  narrated on how the supposed relationship became Imaginary as soon as sex  was introduced on the very first meeting.

And the euphoria and excitement they thought existed vanished into thin air. Everyone has different opinions as regards to having sex on the  first date. But before we deliberate on whether it has a positive or negative impacts on the relationship. Let’s discuss some facts about it.

Sex on the first date
Sex on the first date

Some facts about sex on the first date.

 

Not intentional all the time

Just like was earlier explained, most sex on a first date never happens intentionally or planned by both parties .Sometimes it occurs during a sensitive discussion.

One thing usually leads to another, and before you say jerk, it had already happened.

But the question is what happens next? Would it create an atmosphere for commencing a lasting relationship or would it just be seen as fun? The answer to these question lies on both parties. If there is a mutual feelings, it might progress to a relationship, but if reverse is the case, then it might turn out to be  nothing but a fun .

One party usually gets hurt after the act

Sex on the first date might leave some people with a broken heart if their expectations after the act never turns to reality. It leaves them with a broken and devastated heart.

There are people who might not have feelings at first, but as soon sex occurs, their feelings begins to develop. Such people are the victims of the described scenario. After the act, they  might begin to crave for a serious relationship and commitment, and if  that doesn’t happen, they will be heartbroken.

Depends on the mutual  interest of both parties

You wonder why some gets dumped after having sex on a first date, while others are just fortunate to have everything fall in places despite having sex on the first date?the reason is simple.

There was no mutual interest or intention. You can’t force people to love you or be in a  relationship with you . if he has  no interest or plan with you in the first place, he will never  proceed to have a relationship with you. Irrespective of  the mutual and explicit love making you both shared.this is why  it  may work for some people, and may not work for some  others.

It might just be a fling

Not every first date is meant for a serious relationship. Some are just for fun or to alleviate boredom. In such scenario, expecting a serious relationship after that might be suicidal as the outcome usually turns out to be hurting and heartbreaking.this is why most women are advised never to be in a haste to give in to sex on a first date.

Sex on the first date. A positive or negative effect to the relationship?

is first-date-sex a relationship killer?Some people strongly believes that whatever happens on a first date does not really matter as long as both has mutual feelings for each other. However, this might not be true in all cases as there are few exceptions to that.

Imagine neglecting the foundation of a building, commencing a building project with inferior materials and unskilled laborers . What do you think would become the fate of such building?

No matter our views and perceptions as regards to sex and first date, the foundation of every relationship really matters a lot. It is what will determine the fate and tendency of the relationship surviving through turbulent and challenging times. If the relationship commenced as a result of the excitement that emerged from having sex on the first date, the spark will wear off as soon as such excitement becomes minimal. But if the relationship happened for a tangible reason beside sexual feelings, , the spark will continue to ignite despite every challenges.

 

 

 

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Some misconceptions about Tolerance in relationships

 

 

 

 

 

Misconceptions about tolerance
Misconception about Tolerance

 

There  are lots of misconceptions about tolerance especially as regards to relationship/ marriage.

Tolerance is a great virtue and quality in relationship, no doubt about that. but unfortunately, there are lots of misconception about the phrase. A lot of people had been misled  and made to remain in an Abusive relationship, all in the name of tolerating a partner.

A lot of women are suffering and going through hell  all because they were asked to adopt the virtue ” tolerance” in their marriage. Many had ignorantly believed that as long as they are had been legally married to their spouse, they should accept any form of treatment including clue treatment from their partner.

A lot had been mocked and  blamed for walking away from a marriage that was about to ruin their life and future. While others had been persuaded to remain in their respective relationships/ marriage irrespective of what they might be passing through. With the perception that ” tolerance ought to be adopted”.

Some Religious bodies are not  equally helping matters. They have this misconceptions about “Tolerance “.which they often impose on their members

They believe that as long as you are legally married, you have no alternative than to accept whatever you are passing through in good fate. Laying complaints or involving a third party often seems like a taboo. They believe one should always resolve issues when undergoing one with their partners amicably rather than lay complaints every now and then. Such perception is true anyway?

However, what about a scenario where issues seems unresolvable and lingers for so long, especially when one is dealing with a   a difficult spouse? How can one cope in such situation?

Misconceptions about Tolerance originates  from the lack of proper understanding of the term. The word ”

Tolerance means to endure pains and hardship”. Note the word “Endure” and not “accept”. You only Endure things which does incurs an excruciating pains to your life. Now you are not Enduring those pains because you love them or wished to have them linger. You are only enduring with the hope and belief that things will change for good someday. You hope that those experiences and pain are just momentarily and not permanent.

And when it tries to linger, you might start seeking for an alternative,either to initiate a third party/ counselor or opt out. But unfortunately, our society frowns at this. You are expected to accept the situation the way they are because at such times, you are no longer enduring. Remember marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured.

However, when you begin to endure in some scenario, it depicts Tolerance which is a nice virtue. But you can only endure for a while. Tolerance does not mean you should accept the situation the way they are and live with it for the rest of your life.

Other misconceptions about Tolerance.

Tolerance means suffering 

One of the misconceptions about tolerance is that tolerance denotes suffering. Yes, even if you’ve been turned into a punching bag, you should keep on tolerating, even if you’ve been threatened on several occasions and your life is at risk, you should continue tolerating. No!!! That is not it.

There are situations  meant to be tolerated, while there are situations meant to embark actions on. In the former, such scenario usually occurs when things are not the way they ought to be in your marriage. Like when you are passing through tough times or struggling financially. Is okay to have a mutual understanding and tolerate each other. While hoping things will fall in place soon.

On the contrary, the later  usually denotes a scenario where one had been subjected to emotional and physical abuse including domestic violence.

Now telling one to keep enduring such scenario is like telling them to automatically sign their death sentences. For how long would they keep enduring?

Misconceptions about Tolerance

Tolerance means silence

Another misconceptions  about tolerance is that one shouldn’t express his or her feelings in the course of enduring. This is a fallacy. That you are tolerating your partner does not mean you shouldn’t solicit for help from a good source. It could be psychological or emotional help just like good counsel or even financial assistance. But that should be from a good and reliable source.

Remember you are only enduring,  you don’t intend to remain stuck in such situation. Feeling relaxed and reluctant at this period only implies one thing. And that is, you are comfortable with the situation existing in your marriage. This period of endurance should not be spent wallowing in self pity, as that will not alleviate the situation. But rather it should be a time both parties can seek for a way out. that’s why people seek for relationship and marriage counsel in various platforms. They had been enduring and so rather than remain silent, they began to sought for a way out.

Similarly, disregard any misconception or belief that tolerance means to suffer in silence.ignore anyone trying to make you feel bad for letting your issues out. There is a popular adage, a problem shared is a problem almost solved.

You don’t have to remain mute with the guise that you are adopting tolerance. Speak up, if need be, but just make sure you are speaking to the right audience and source.

Tolerance means subjection.

Just like we earlier explained. Some people had been deceived and brainwashed into believing that one most tolerate all form of clueless and inhumane behavior from their significant other.

This is a lie from the pit of hell. Remember you are human too, who deserves to be respected and cherished as much as you do. You are human too  with feelings and sensitivity. Nobody in deliberately  touches a hot object and remains calm, there is usually a reaction and sensitivity to take the hands off it immediately in other not to get stuck the pains.

Similarly, no one feels comfortable enduring pains. There is usually a reaction that shows you don’t want to remain stuck in such situation. Why people  usually adhere to some misconceptions about Tolerance is the fear of stigmatization and mockery from the society.

-tolerance-is-important-in-relationships, but ought to be

 

 

 

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Why do we loose spark after the honeymoon phase?

 

 

Why do we loose  spark after the honeymoon phase? 2
Why we loose spark after the honeymoon phase

 

Where is the spark after the honeymoon phase? Why does it usually fade away so soon? Was it a fling or a relationship.

How can we  rekindle the spark in a relationship/marriage? These and more are usually the question that comes to so many minds, on discovering that their relationship had suddenly become a night mare  and illusion.

The honeymoon phase is the exciting phase of every relationship. It is the phase everyone tries to bring in their best in other to attract the love of their partner. It is the stage most individuals  initiates whatever strategy they could think of including pretense   in other to win the hearts of their supposed partner.

It is the stage where the euphoria seems so intense  that nothing else matters to both couples.

It is a stage where one or both partners might be blind to each other’s flaws and shortcomings because the chemistry and emotions are still at its peak.

At this stage, your partner might seem so perfect to you and the relationship too good that you can’t imagine that it would ever come to an end.

This stage is often referred to as a  love blinded stage”. Because you try as much as possible to avoid nagging, arguments and misunderstanding even though there are thousands of reason to engage in one .

There is every tendency that you will overlook every flaws that signals you might be dating a bad  partner including abuse, domestic violence etc.

Every individual desires to have this stage last forever but unfortunately, it  doesn’t in most cases.  It does not only happen in relationship but also in marriage.but that does not imply that  the relationship/ marriage would not thrive.

As a matter of fact, married couples feels its effect more than the singles because  marriage is meant to last for a life time.

Unlike relationship where one can easily opt out at any point in time. So many couples complain that their marriage had become boring just after the honeymoon phase.

So what happens to this spark after the honeymoon phase? Let us find out.

Why couples loose spark after the honeymoon moon phase

Why do we loose  spark after the honeymoon phase? 3
Why couple loose spark after the honeymoon phase

The intention of both partners.

 

The intention of initiating   the  relationship in the first place tops the reason why  the spark  goes missing after the honeymoon phase. If the intention is not mutual, there is every tendency that the spark will be lost so soon.

One might need a serious relationship with commitment,  while the other might just need a fling, and trust me, such relationship with different and ulterior motive does not usually pass beyond the honey moon phase. Because there is no future, after all the romantic display and affections, the spark becomes missing. The same scenario equally applies to marriage, some spouse had no mutual intention initially and that is why the spark goes missing and the relationship suddenly becomes boring  immediately after the honeymoon phase and procreation. Some people got married not because they loved their spouse, but to change their marital status, get financial assistance, procreate or escape societal pressures.

Such marriages usually becomes boring as soon any of these aims had been achieved.

Adjustment stage

After the honeymoon phase, comes the adjustment phase. This phase, the emotion, feelings and initial affection is no longer a priority, is a stage where character, flaws and attitude begins to surface.

This is quite normal, there is no more fantasies  at this stage, but realities. And every relationship or marriage undergoes the phase irrespective of the mutual love or connection both partners might have for each other.

However, though feelings and emotions might become less obvious, the spark ought not to be  missing. The reason why most couples finds it difficult to cope at this phase and eventually loose the spark is because they gave much attention and focus on the honeymoon phase, forgetting that it was not going to last forever.

They never took their time to understand whom they were about to date or get married to. So the flaws and attitude came as a very big shock and surprise to them.but learning  How to handle different Phases of a relationship  will help both a lot in their thrive towards a better relationship/ marriage.

Over expectations

This usually occurs when one has an imaginary relationship is all going down in his/ her head. Imaginary relationship  is built with fantasies.

You assume they are perfect, you fantasize about a relationship that seems so perfect, in such that no arguments, misunderstanding or differences ever occurs.

So when reality begins to surface, one or both couples might find it difficult to cope and adjust.  But this is an assumption.

A true relationship  or marriage is never perfect. There are usually some moments of arguments and misunderstanding.

But amides of all that, the spark never wears off because both partners truly understands each other and the purpose of being together. In such union, there is no expectation of perfection.

Both couples are usually excited undergoing each phase with the spark still intact and burning. When both partners becomes cautious of the realities, it will help them in surviving-the-end-of-the-honeymoon-phase in their relationship/ marriage.

 

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6 antidotes to loneliness

6 antidotes to loneliness 4

 

Antidotes to loneliness does not automatically stop one from feeling lonely, but it helps to keep one’s mind busy from every challenges or situations which might have prompted the loneliness.

Loneliness is one of the leading cause of depression. And could be caused by variety of reasons ranging from heartbreaks, isolations, inferiority complex, loosing of loved one. When one of these happens to an individual, there is usually this feeling of emptiness and brokenness. Nothing seems to excite you any longer. You will begin to loose appetite, your best hobby becomes so boring. At that moment, everything becomes worthless to the victim including life.

Before explaining the antidotes to loneliness, let’s look at each of the situations explained above and the likely feelings associated with them in other console  those who might be passing through similar situations and let them know they ain’t alone in it.

Heartbreaks

The feelings associated with heartbreaks is similar to loosing a loved one because is all about not having to be close to someone who was once part of your life.

You will definitely miss them and  feel their absence especially if there was intimacy before the break up.

Their memories might linger for a while till you finally summon the courage to move on. Nothing brings such courage than time. Time heals the wounds and scars of heartbreak.

 

Inferiority complex

A lot of individuals are struggling with inferiority complex which might occur as a result of stereotype, failure in the past and low standard of living.

People who are affected with inferiority usually have low esteem. There is always this feeling of defeat which often engulfs their mind and that is why they prefer staying alone and isolating themselves from others. They assume they are not up to standard compared to their mates and colleagues, they always live in doubts and hardly believe in themselves because of the failure they might have had in the past.

There is always this feeling of insecurity as they assume everybody discriminates against them.they always assume that no one loves them or have their interest at heart. Thus leading to loneliness and isolation.

Loosing a loved one

Loosing a loved one is the most severe and critical situation because unlike heartbreak, there is no hope of seeing them again or chances of reconciling with them ever again.

The hurt feelings felt at this scenario is usually dependent on the intimacy one had with the deceased before their demise

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6 Antidotes to loneliness

Then how do we curb loneliness?
Here are 6 antidotes to loneliness.

Build your self esteem

one of the antidotes to loneliness is self esteem.

Loneliness is a natural feelings which might occur for variety of reason just like we mentioned earlier.

However, it is unnatural and an error to allow this feelings to take over you or destabilize you.

Self esteem involves building your mindset with the fact that you have the sole responsibility towards your happiness.

This a great way to curb loneliness associated with heartbreak and inferiority complex.
With self esteem you are in total control of your life knowing your happiness does not depend on any individual.

You will have this urge to concentrate on the things which makes your happy. Like choosing a new hobby, visiting new and exciting places.

Be optimistic.

This antidotes to loneliness is for people who felt they had lost it all in life and had given up or about to give up because they might have been a victim of failure or great challenges. And so rather than become hopeful, they resort to being pessimistic and isolating themselves from others.

One of the factors that will help you overcome certain challenges is life is keeping your hope alive again. As long as your life was not involved in the tragedy, keep the hope alive.

Avoid isolation
This antidote to loneliness will be most helpful for people who might have lost a loved one.

During your period of grief, avoid staying alone, surround yourself with people who cares for you and have your interest at hearts.

Don’t lock up yourself in a room weeping all day. Trust me, is not gonna reverse the situation. Isolating yourselves will keep reminding of you of their memories and this is the leading cause of Depression

That’s why you see most people who never recovers from the shock of loosing a loved one even after several years of their demise.

Concentrate on moving on.

One vital antidotes to loneliness is to channel your mind toward moving on and beginning a new phase of life. Such mindset breeds positivity.

When you come to the realization that the situation has already occurred, rather  than to sit back and grief all day  while not seek for a way to get over it and become strong again.

The milk had spilled already,,there is no point crying over it. You can search for articles that can assist your moving on process. you can equally visit a therapist if it has lead to depression.

Discard old memories

This is an antidote to Loneliness specifically meant for dealing with loneliness associated with the loose of a  loved one.

Are you still having their picture hung all over your room?  Probably their pictures? And is really affecting you because each time you gaze at it, it reminds of the old memories you once shared with them? I guess is time to discard them.

Discarding them does not necessarily mean you should throw them away. You can just keep them where you can’t easily access them, till you are sure you’ve become strong enough .

Find happiness within

Sounds easy right? Hell no!!! But trust me you can still find happiness again if you choose to, is not going to be anyway easy, but is quite achievable and possible.

Make up your mind to get out from your closet and mingle with others. Low esteem is not always realistic, is just in your mindset.

When you isolate from others with the assumption that you are irrelevant and that no one wants you or your opinion. You might be making a very wrong assumption.

Till you make up your mind and move out from your closet, you will never get to know that there are thousands of people who are craving to gain some knowledge, skills and intellect from you.

Till you step out, you won’t realize that there are thousands of people who wishes  to be like you, while you keep looking down on yourself. This  feelings helps to curb loneliness and  renew your happiness once again.

 

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Is this A fling or a relationship?

 

A fling or a relationship?
Is this a fling or a relationship?

A fling or a relationship?are-you-a-fling or something more serious in their life?   One of the usually asked questions by many particularly women on regular basis. Is quite difficult to differentiate between a fling and a real relationship as we are in the age where deceit and lies has became a norm.

Is quite difficult to  predict who really wants something serious other than flings.  As everyone wants to appear responsible in other to catch their prey.

However, there are still some features exhibited by both categories  which makes a lot of difference between both possessing them. But the question is do you usually pay attention to these features or do you get carried away by the period of flings usually accompanied with lust. Before we explain several ways to determine whether it is a fling or a relationship, let’s first look at some reasons why most people fall victims to such scenario especially when they desire a serious relationship.

 

Why  most people  usually find it difficult to determine if it  is a fling or a relationship?

Ignorance of their desire

A lot of women had fallen victims to lies  and deceit simply because they really don’t know what they want. Most desire to have a serious relationship but at the same time they are skeptical of their desire. When you ask them to describe the qualities of  their ideal man.

You will hear several nice qualities like I need a God fearing man,must be responsible, must be loyal, humble and honest. To mention but a few. But when a man  with such features shows up, they are usually blind to discover. Rather they go for men who are so gifted with sugar coated tongues and skills to lure a woman to bed.

Such men usually appears so classic. Their looks are so appearing and glaring,  Their composure are so enticing, while their dictions and phonetics appears so inviting. Such sight is so tempting and difficult to ignore. For some women, they can’t ignore men with such qualities. Hence they go for their fantasies rather than the reality they once desired.  And unfortunately,  they might end up with a man who just want a fling rather than a serious relationship.

Lack of self control

A fling or a relationship? Lack of self control is another vital reason why most folks often finds it difficult to differentiate between both.

People who lack self control easily succumb to their sexual desires and urge. One of their major preferences in a life partner might be responsibility,  They might desire to have a Committed and serious relationship,but as soon as they discover the sexual prowess in someone who might just want a fling, they will succumb.

Indecision

A fling or a relationship? Indecision tops the reason to why some individuals gets lured easily by flings. Individuals who are indecisive in nature lacks the self will and courage to  reject any  act which is contrary to their value or principle.

Such people rarely have values. They don’t know what they really want or tend to achieve in a relationship, so they opt for whatever that is being presented to them, which might end up being a fling.

Is this A fling or a relationship? 6
A fling or a relationship?

How to determine if is a fling or a relationship?

Always Pay  attention to their conversation with you?

Did you just get into a new relationship or  intimate friendship? And  you might be wondering if their intention in the relationship is similar with yours? Or probably,you’ve been played  in the past, and you are scared of falling  victims again?

Then this is the time to love with caution and not with emotions. What kind of conversation does he/she discuss with you? Are they interested in your interest or welfare? Or is it all about romance and sex?

Most folks who just desires to have a fling with you will usually demand  for your nude pictures, or to have an erotic or sexual chat with you. Because all they desire is a momentarily pressure and not a future.

 

They are scared of the future

Have you ever tried discussing about your future with them or what fate really holds for you both, but unfortunately, anytime you bring up such conversation, they usually find a way to deviate from the topic.

There is a every tendency  that you might dealing with someone who just wants a fling from you. This is one of the reliable ways to Spot a player.

They know there is no future, so rather than being honest and loosing the sexual escapade they often get from you, they scare away from such discussions.

They cheat without remorse

Someone who truly wants you for a serious relationship would never cheat on you, and even if he/she does that for whatever reason, they would try as much as possible to give you that respect by concealing it while resolving not to do that again or in a case where you caught them in the act, they will  sincerely apologize.

On the contrary, the one who just wants a flings never feels  remorseful because they feel that they have nothing to loose at the end.

Lots of words but zero actions

A fling or a relationship? Another vital way to determine is by their rate of speech and actions.

When is just a fling, their lips are usually  sugar coated, they will make a lot of vain promises without fulfilling any. They are filled with so many words without any  actions to back it up .such words are usually a means to get their prey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Should engaged couples cohabit??

 

Should engaged couples cohabit?? 7
Should engaged couples cohabit?

Should engaged couples cohabit? Is there anything wrong with your fiancee/fiance since you both are already making plans toward sealing  your nuptial vow soon?Should I move in with my fiancee?

Co-habitation is  one of the controversial topic in relationships and dating.

A lot of people believes that cohabiting with a partner you are set to get married to is one of the best way to ascertain their character  and be certain they are in line with yours.  Their personality, character, temperaments, compatibility level, etc. While to others, it is wrong and might seem like a taboo.

I’ve equally  heard some ladies complain on how their relationship of so many years came to an end simply because they refused to move in with their fiancee when their bride price is yet to be paid because their moral and religious view is against such act. While some others complain of being deprived of the right to move  in with their fiancee, so it is different strokes for different folks. Hence the controversy.

Why do people cohabit? Let us look at some various  reasons engaged couples cohabit in a relationship.

It has become a norm in the society.

Cohabitation had become so prevalent in our society today that it now seems like a norm. It is not just seen among engaged couples but also among students, teenagers and lovers in a long term relationship. It is not a surprise to hear that most students are living with their lovers as room mates.

It is not a surprise to know that there are lovers who are already assuming couple’s role even while still single. These all sums up the reason why some engaged couples cohabit .they assume they have come to the stage where cohabitation Feels normal and OK, after all some folks in an undefined relationship  does it, how much more folks who are already making plans towards settling down.

Desperation .

Desperation to get married is the reason why most engaged couples cohabit, including non engaged couples.

Most people had waited for proposal for a very longtime, and so when they discovered that it wasn’t forth coming, they decided to take the bulls by the horns by moving in to see if it will spur their partner’s interest to propose.

On the contrary, there are others who had been engaged for a very long time, yet making the union officials seems to be taking longer than they expected, that they were beginning  to loose hope and began to  question the authenticity of the proposal. So they assume that by moving in, the marriage processes will be quickened.

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Should engaged couples cohabit?

 Insecurity and  Fear of loosing a partner.

Some folks can’t bear the sight of seeing their partner with a member of the opposite. Even in the absence of emotional attachment, they still feel a  high sense of insecurity that their partner might be cheating on them. So they assume that by moving in, they have finally secured their place in his hearts .

To study a partner

This forms the major reasons why most engaged couples cohabit. The fear of getting into a life time union with someone you barely know and the assumption that living with them for sometime will help you know everything you ought to know about them. Before finally making your decision to either quit the relationship or go ahead with the marital rights.

Now let’s get into our main topic of discussion. Do you think is right for engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation during engagements.

Should engaged couples cohabit? What are the possible effects of cohabitation.

Having known the several  reasons why most couples cohabit, it will be much easier to analyze and compare some of the pons and cons associated with cohabitation.

And know which actually outweighs the other. As we know that most people cohabit because it is a norm in the society so they feel is the right thing to do since a lot of  people are doing that . nevertheless, they seems to forget the fact that what works for A might not work for B” . there is no guarantee that moving in with your partner will secure your place in his heart or lead to marriage. If  he has no intention of getting married to you in the first place, moving in with him won’ t change any fact. It may only work out if the interest and desire is present.

Cohabitation can Lead to loss of Respect.

Familiarity they say breeds contempt. People value and respects what ain’t always available than that which is easily available.

A similar illustration is this, when you were much younger, did you observe that you accord more respect to other older adults than your older siblings. This is Because you see them everyday, every minute and second. You fight, argue, quarrel on regular basis.  So you may no longer hold them in a high esteem. But as soon as they move out of the apartment to a new apartment. You will accord them much respect whenever they visits. This is a natural occurrence. Same scenario applies to relationship. Most relationship looses its respects and turns soar as soon as both begins to  live with each other in the same apartment.

Loss of spark and interest in the relationship

There is an arousal that usually comes when you meet people whom you haven’t met for a very long time. But when you have them everyday, the spark might vanish.

There are few exceptions to this though. There are couples who had grown stronger bonds that nothing can separate them, not even cohabitation. However, you might be dealing with a partner who looses interest as soon as they begin to see you everyday. Hence the need to keep your presence moderate.

Delay in performing marriage rights

Most ladies at a marriageable age moves in to live with a man out of desperation and pressure to get married. Hoping that as soon as

they begins to cohabit with him, he might begin the marriage rights. But unfortunately, reverse is usually the case in some scenario. With such act, most men might no longer see the need to quicken the marriage right and make things official because they assume you are already performing a wife’s duty while still single,  A man who had the intention of getting married with do that without hesitation. You don’t need to cohabit with him in other to spur his interest.

Zero tolerance

Marriage is not a bed of roses. There are times when challenges will surface. There will definitely be a lots of up’s and down. Moments of arguments, differences, fights, quarrel, but amides of all this trials, what keeps most couples going is the marital vows  they made to stick to each other through thick and thin. This is what spurs their rate of tolerance and understanding for each other. Unlike singles, who feels no entitlement to stick with their partner or tolerate each other when challenges surfaces.  Living together without getting married can lead to intolerant and finally separation especially when there are severe fights and misunderstanding. Because one or  both  partners will feel they have nothing to loose.