Is love an illusion or reality? Does it truly exists? Recently, there had been a lot of curiosity on this term called ” love”.
A lot of persons are beginning to doubt its existence as a result of the ugly experiences they had in the past.
While some few others who had not really experienced such, and have decided to give it a try, in the bid to feed their curiosity, got discouraged along the line after hearing or witnessing other people’s experience.
As human, we all crave for affection. We all desire to be in a relationship where the love of our partner supersedes our’s . but unfortunately, these expectation seems like an illusion. Hence the question. Is love an illusion?
Here is an experience of one my client who is yet to recover from a severe heartbreak.
I once doubted the existence of love.I never believed in it, not like I was some strong hearted lady. However, I wasn’t an emotional type. My philosophy and motto in life has always been ” to achieve tremendous success. I never had any flare for relationship with the opposite sex.
My routine each day was to wake up, say my morning prayers, prepare and dash off to work. Then retire home in the evening to rest and prepare my body and mind for tomorrow’s hurdles and activity.
At my leisure time, I would prefer enjoying my solitude by either reading an interesting thriller or seeing a movie. I never had interest in improving my social life.
However, a colleague of mine invited me to a birthday pool party.
At first, I declined with the excuse that I wasn’t feeling too good. But she insisted till I gave in and accepted her invitation.
My decision wasn’t a bad idea after all as I had so much fun. One I’ve never had I ages because I was so preoccupied with work. In the course of the celebration, I discovered there was this cute and charming guy who wouldn’t stop staring at me.
He finally summoned courage to approach me. He asked for a dance, and afterwards collected my mobile digit and asked me out. I played a little hard to get, but right in mind I couldn’t resist him.
He was so appealing, smart, intelligent and above all successful. He was every lady’s dream. I accepted his proposal. And from that moment, my life changed automatically. It is no longer the usual go to work and retire home to rest.
Now I had to try as much possible to strike a balance between my work, social life and relationship. I learnt how to handle my job and relationship simultaneously. It wasn’t easy at first. But I felt it was worth it. For the first time, I experienced what it feels like to be in love and to be loved. I was so carried away by fantasies that I gave in my all to ensure the relationship worked out.
But unfortunately, it never lasted. I soon discovered that my prince charming was a cheat, liar and womanizer. I couldn’t contain the hurt I felt after discovering such. I was so destabilized for several weeks/ months. Nearly lost my job, but despite all this, started wanted him back because I felt I would never find someone like him. Despite the way he treated me, I still needed him around.
Though I wouldn’t call this love but obsession . I was so obsessed with him that I became so needy and desperate to have him back.
And the more obsessed and pushy I was, the more rejection I received from him. It really took me time before I could come to the terms of accepting the reality. With such experience, I kept asking my self the rhetorical question. ” is love an illusion or a reality”.
A quite number of us has undergone similar experience. This story is just a practical way to explain why so many people assumes that love does not really exist. Is-love-an-illusion? Let’s find out.
Is love an illusion? Here are some of the reasons why most folks believes it is.
Unrealistic expectations
As human, we often seek for the best in all our endeavors and pursuit, and relationship is not an exception. We all desire to have that partner who seems perfect in every aspect. We wish to have that flawless partner who meets up to our expectations and standard. We just want to see all the attribute in one person.
But unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way. We should set our priorities right and look out for more important qualities. It should be a scale of preference.
Here is an instance. A man may desire to have a pretty, elegant, smart, intelligent, respectful and well behaved lady.
He might get the first two or three qualities in her, while the others might be absence. Or he might get the last three and vice versa. It is up to him to set his priorities right and choose the one that matters most, knowing that he may not find all in one individual.
This is why we often end up with heart breaks, and then the conclusion that love is an illusion. We focus more on abstract choices than realistic choices. Forgetting that there is no perfect individual. Is high time we began to set our priorities right, in other to avoid further heartbreak.
Just like creating an image of unrealistic partner, another assumption that gives rise to the question ” is love an illusion or reality is the usual habit of imagining and picture of how our ideal relationship ought to look like in our minds.
But ironically, most of these assumptions are imaginary. They are mere fantasies and maybe far from reality. These assumptions often occurs when we view a lot of romantic movies or read a lot of romantic novels. Those ideology and display of affections gets registered to our brain, and we assume that our relationship must be similar to that in all ramifications including in the display of affections.
For instance, you desire to have a man who serves you coffee on the bed. While these may be good, it does no actually portray that every man who desires to have a relationship with you must serve you coffee on the bed. And that wouldn’t imply he does not love you.
Everyone has gat their own unique way of expressing love. So one shouldn’t conclude that love is an illusion when is not a replica to the image and fantasies created in the mind or from media sources.
Another important factor we must understand is that no relationship is rosy.
Every relationship undergoes different phases. And each phase is accompanied with lots of challenges.
The ability of both couples to come out stronger and emerge victorious at such time really shows they are compatible and meant for each other. So before asking the question ” is love an illusion? Make sure you have a clear understanding of how relationship works. Avoid unrealistic expectations and fantasies.
