Familiarity in relationships is a big threat to its success. However, it is a common and natural scenario, that needs to be managed well with wisdom, as it is prevalent in so many aspects of life.
why is familiarity a common scenario in our everyday life?
Think about performing the same routine on daily basis. You wake up each day, doing the same thing over and over again you will get used to it to the point that it will suddenly become boring, no matter how exciting it was initially. This summarizes the saying “variety is the spice of life. As far as human is concern, there’s always a crave for new adventures, exploration and varieties.
The most excitement routine/activity can loose it’s excitement over time, if it is not accompanied with other activities.
This is why an individual may be desperately seeking for job, because he or she’s tired of staying idle. But as soon as they found one and commence with work, you will still have them complain that they’re exhausted with work. The bone of contention here is not really the job, but the fact that they are still overwhelmed with boredom, as a result of being glued with the same routine. This is perfectly normal.
How does familiarity affect relationships?
Familiarity in relationships A.k.A “see finish”. is one of the greatest fear of many especially those willing to invest their time emotions and resources into it.
A lot of people can’t help but keep wondering why being familiar with someone can make them loose interest pretty soon. Aren’t lovers suppose to be close and inseparable with each other? Why do we loose spark after the honeymoon phase?.
Janet a 22 year old woman have her own complaint to share. She wrote during a counseling session and I quote. ” I thought, I was all he ever wanted, when he started wooing me, he would reach out consistently, make every effort to see me. With his consistent affection, I decided to give him a chance.
Everything was going perfectly, we talked everyday, and met regularly when we’re both free.
The chemistry and attraction was so intense that we often yearn for each other’s presence. It got to a point when we couldn’t give each other space because we felt that giving each other space may result to loss of interest, but unfortunately, reverse was the case, as the interest began to wane off few months later. There’s was no misunderstanding, or differences.
The chemistry naturally declined. We begin to see each other as mere friends rather than partners. Perhaps we’ve literally done everything within a short period of time, and so there’s no more excitement left. The spark is gone and Seeing each other eventually transformed from excitement to boredom.
Married couples are not left out too. A lot of married people cheat because they have this familiarity syndrome affecting their marriages despite the effort they initiated in the beginning and the vows they took.
They expected that the chemistry they had during their courtship will continue to exist, but all to no avail. As familiarity creeps in, they began to loose sexual attraction in their marriage. And the aftermath of that is usually infidelity.
However, there are exceptions to these loopholes. Familiarity may have an adverse effects in marriages, but it doesn’t imply the fact that every marriage is affected by that.
There are so many couples who had celebrated their silver, golden and diamond jubilee. Despite spending several years together. Rather than loosing the spark, they kept rekindling it against all odds.
so what’s their secret? How come they never grew tired of waking up to see the same face on daily basis? Their secret is simple! Understanding familiarity in relationships and the effective ways to handle it. And that brings us to the next headline, how the handle this syndrome called “familiarity”.
Familiarity in relationships, it’s causes,Effects and how to curb it.
Over expectations.
This is one of the major cause of familiarity in relationships. At the point of attraction, we always build a fantasy or the kind of standard we expect in a partner, because we assume them to be perfect. With this fantasy, we’ve created an Imaginary relationship which is so different from the reality, with time, we become disatisfied and easily bored if this expectation doesn’t equate to reality. The solution to this is expecting less of any one you meet especially when there’s the intent of having a long term relationship .
Moreover, over expectations can also lead to familiarity in relationships, when people assume marriage as a bed of roses, where compatibility and understanding can be easily attained, without realizing that sometimes, reverse could be the case, and the only way to maintain the status quo is by mutual effort.
Pretense.
This is another obvious reasons for familiarity in relationships. These factor is similar to over expectations as pretense can stir up the standard or expectations you want in an individual.
Many a times, people pretend a lot at the initial stage of a relationship or during their wooing stage so they can attract the love of their potential partners. The characters they exhibit during the wooing stage is usually quite different from what their partner became used to. And gradually, the spark began to fade till it became almost invisible. Couples who hide their character at the initial stage of a relationship have the tendency of loosing attraction because they both seems to be living in the world of fantasies.
The excitement and euphoria that once existed in the relationship dies off soon on realizing that everyone is playing a script and none is being real. Couples who have spent several years in marriage and still living together happily were able to achieve that by exhibiting their real selves right from the wooing stage.
Every phase of their marriage seems exciting and new and the spark keeps igniting, as both were transparent with each other, so there was no other special moment to anticipate for, or any other standard to hope for.
Infatuation.
Another cause of familiarity in relationships is infatuation. A lot of people misinterpret the feelings of infatuation as love, hence they jump into relationships hastily, such relationship are driven by emotions and intimacy rather than genuine feelings. Imagine being attracted to someone just because they look hot and sexy in bed.
Apparently , sex is the main factor keeping such relationship, and by sticking to the routine of indulging in sex on regular basis, the relationship will loose its excitement, thus become boring sooner than expected.
This is where people tend to claim that familiarity had thorn them apart. The familiarity is not really based on the fact that they were having sex consistently, but on the fact that they had nothing else to spice their relationship with, rather than the intimacy.
If sex was the major reason of familiarity affecting relationships, I’m certain that most married couples would have divorced each other few months after their marriage, as they must have gotten tired of the intimacy. But reverse is usually the case, despite the regular intimacy, they still have it moving.
Lack of mutual respect.
What keeps a relationship thriving most times is not usually the number of years spent together, but the mutual respect both have and accord to each other.
It is quite normal to take something for granted when it is easily accessible and available.
Many a times in relationships, people get attracted and fall in love, and then along the line, strange attitude began to surface by either of the parties causing a decline in their expression of affection. It is easy to blame it on familiarity as both got along at the initial stage, however, the absence of mutual respect tends to play a vital role here.
When couples respect each other, they wouldn’t wish to do anything that may jeopardize the future of their relationship.
Lack of space.
No matter how exciting and intriguing a relationship is, there’s this need to give each other space when necessary.
Every individual craves for their privacy. A time of solitude and sober reflection. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are isolating themselves from others.
It is natural to get bored of someone when you have to be with them consistently. Absence they say, makes the heart grow fonder. There’s this euphoria that comes with missing each other and then trying to catch up after some time apart. The feeling is like falling in love for the first time.
Everything seems new and captivating. Couples need a time apart sometimes in other to rejuvenate their chemistry and spark up their interest again. Frequent calls and messaging can also cause familiarity.
Clinginess and neediness.
These two trait is the common reason why people loose so much respect for their partners .
You remember when they couldn’t get enough of your attention, the more distance you create, the more harder they pursue you.
Until you gave in and became so attached, thus minimizing their effort towards keeping you. Clinginess and neediness will make you loose your self confidence which initially attracted them towards you.
Hence, the reason why they might start taking you for granted. As your love grows, learn to master your emotions and also guide your thoughts. Keep it natural and moderate, don’t blow things out of proportion by your intense Emotions.
