Posted on Leave a comment

Discover the 5 True meaning of intimacy in relationships.

The true meaning of intimacy
The true meaning of intimacy

 

The meaning of intimacy in  relationship is a very essential topic, because the word “intimacy”has been greatly misinterpreted by so many folks.

The word “intimacy” is a noun which was literally derived  from the Adjective “intimate”which means to be close or attached to someone.this shows that intimacy can occur among family members, close relatives and friends and not just in relationships.

It is a word that best describes the kind of bond that occurs between two people who may or may not be related to each other.

However, in relationship, the meaning could be broad. Aside, closeness, it is a term which we often use to describe the act of sex between two people in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is the only definition we pay much attention to. At the mention of “intimacy”our minds are often focus on sex, that we seems to forget the fact that it  also includes closeness and bonding.

With such mindset, it is common to assume that two folks who are exhibiting a kind of sexual relationship with no strings attached popularly known as “friends with benefits” are intimate with each other. It is not odd to assume that two individuals who met at a one night stand are intimate with each other.  These are what we presume to be intimacy. But on the contrary, the meaning of   intimacy goes beyond sexual relationship. In relationships, It actually entails a lot than we can ever imagine, which we are about to explain in details.

The meaning of intimacy in a relationship.

The meaning of intimacy in relationship

intimacy means friendship. 

A true friend is someone you share your common interest and goals with. Your closeness with them is one of the characteristics of having them as friend.

You are not scared of sharing your secret with them, you are not scared of confiding in them. In other words, for a relationship to be intimate, you have to be each other’s close pals. But Unfortunately, what most couples Of this days understand as intimacy is only love making.  A man would be so busy to spend time with his wife, both hardly sits down to have a good discussion, they only live as housemates.

A seminar was once organized for married couples, each couple were called out privately by the counselor and were  made to undergo an interview  concerning their partner’s preference, such as their choice of color, interest and other personal traits. but unfortunately, they all failed the test. But as soon as they were asked to mention their partner’s color of undies. They got it right. This showed that friendship was not included in their own meaning of intimacy.

Intimacy means emotional bond.

There had been several questions to what actually creates emotional bond, so many folks believes that nothing else creates emotional bond aside sex.

But Does sex create emotional bond? In marriage, it does to an extent, but true bonding is often seen among couples who found reasons to be together aside sexual connections.

Have you ever thought about couples in a longLong distant relationship  and how they cope?  They are still together despite the distance, because their bond is too strong to be broken by any factor.

intimacy means sacrifice 

One of the characteristics of an intimate relationship is the ability of both partners to sacrifice their happiness for each other and contribute to each other’s happiness, irrespective of the odds and inconveniences.

It goes both ways. Having emotional connection during love making alone and acting like casual friends thereafter does not depict love making. It can only be described as friends with benefits.

How do you explain the fact that you are in an intimate relationship, but your so called partner cannot be there for you when you are having challenges?except when he/she is in dire need to satisfy their sexual urge?

Intimacy means Transparency

The meaning of intimacy would be incomplete and irrelevant without mentioning Transparency. Initially, We defined an  intimate relationship using friendship as an illustration.

Now imagine you had a friend, so close to you that people assumed you both were both  siblings, you do everything together, you often share your secrets with them, including the ones that were meant to be confidential. But unfortunately, they keep secrets a lot and often finds it difficult to open up to you. wouldn’t you feel cheated?it shows that they don’t even trust you  as much as you trust them.

They don’t trust you enough to share their secret with you. Are such kind of people qualified to be called a friend?similarly, any relationship where one or both partners are not transparent with each other is not qualified to be called an intimate relationship. Lack of transparency also means lack of Trust. you can only open up to someone whom you trust so much. Understanding the true meaning of intimacy will help your relationship thrive well and grow stronger. It also helps to differentiate betweenLove and infatuation. In other to know if you are truly  loved or if  you are being used for a personal benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

5 Signs you are dating a narcissist

5 Signs you are dating a narcissist 1Dating a narcissist

Dating a narcissist can be so daunting and stressful especially  when you wish to be in a committed relationship.

Who is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone so  obsessed by him/herself. Narcissist  admire themselves a lot to the point that they often think less about others.

Narcissism is a negative  attitude filled with self centered attitude and ingratitude.

Unfortunately, Narcissism is often misinterpreted with self esteem. Both seems alike but differs in so many aspect. All Narcissist may possess  self esteem, but not every persons with self esteem is a Narcissist.

Here is the difference

While a narcissist values him/herself and posses self confidence. However, they think less of others. They are often Egocentric.

On the contrary, a self  esteemed individual may  have  confidence on him/her self, admires him/herself, but takes the interest of others into consideration.

In other words, they are not self centered or exhibits any trait that shows that.

Dating a narcissist is very common, but a times, we may not know we are dating one till we be begin to see some signs indicating such.

 

Signs you may  be dating a Narcissist

They are often possessive

Narcissist can be possessive to the core.

Because they have this feelings that the world revolves around them.and so that mindset gives them the impression that being in a relationship with you implies that you shouldn’t have any other friends of the opposite sex. have you ever been in a relationship where talking to a member of the opposite sex signals a great taboo by your significant other?this could be a sign that you are dating a narcissist.

 

The “me”, i  and myself mentality

Just like we mentioned earlier, narcissist individuals tends to be self centered. Because they are so engulfed by their own personality and what derives them joy, they would not mind if you displease yourself just to get them pleased.

What ever it takes to make them happy, they would not mind having you do that, even at the detriment of your own happiness.

Have you ever dated someone who nags every now and then, complains of not giving them a lot of attention, without considering your busy schedules. This could be a great sign you are dating a narcissist.

5 Signs you are dating a narcissist 2

Sense of entitlement

Dating a narcissist is synonymous to being in a relationship with someone who feels is his/her right to have anything they wished for, or get anything done for them  without minding the possibility or  circumstance behind making it happen.

To them, being in a relationship involves getting a lots of benefits even when they hardly give any. You can easily identify this people by their incessant demands. because of their quest for admiration  and relevance. Most are known to be so materialistic     and insatiable.

 

Lack of empathy

One major problem about narcissist is that though they are sensitive toward their own need and feelings, they care less about other people’s feelings.

Their lack of empathy is derived from their  self centered nature. Have you ever dated someone who you care a lot for and always sensitive enough to detect their mood? whereas they  Don’t  care about your mood .You might be battling with depression  and other psychological  problem, with the assumption that they would be there for you. but alas, you were wrong. you confided in them hoping they would be a shoulder to lean on. But unfortunately, they showed no concern whatsoever concerning your burden. Rather than being a shoulder to lean on, they contributed to your burden.

 Neediness and Desperation

Most narcissist shows signs of clingy ness as a result of their excessive quest for attention.

They can be obsessed when in relationship. They handle relationship like their entire being revolves around it. Thus making them needy and desperate every now and then.

Insecurity

Narcissist often feels insecure as a result of their quest for excessive attention and love. They often get Jealous when they observe you are beginning to get too  close to a member of the opposite sex. This insecurity a times is often accompanied with nags which seems to be a turn off to most people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

Top reasons for divorce

Top reasons for divorce 3
top reasons for divorce in marriage

Top reasons for divorce are those factors that contributes to the high rate of divorce in our society.

Just like every other issues and Unforeseen circumstances in life, divorce can occur for  wide variety of reasons beyond our human control.

However,  in the course of this post, we are going to be laying emphasis on the reasons that seems to top the list based on research, statistics and individual experiences.

Five top reasons for Divorce in our Society.

Unplanned marriage

One of the top reasons contributing to the high rate of divorce is unplanned or unprepared marriage.

So many marriages today began as soon as both couples discovered they were expecting a baby.

There was no period of  prolonged friendship for sometime. The relationship was not defined  from the beginning.  Some of this marriages  were a product of a one night flings. And coincidentally, pregnancy occurred.

So in the bid to protect their reputation and image, they decided to tie the knot with someone they barely know. And ever since then, it has always been from one issue to the other.

 

Top reasons for divorce 4
Top reasons for divorce

 

Incompatibility

compatibility in relationship does not imply having similar likes, personality or trait. It goes beyond that.

There are variation and differences in every human.

However, compatibility entails understanding each other’s flaw and learning how to condone each other despite the individual differences.

when couples lack this, they will always quarrel, abuse and fight each other every now and then. They will always  make issues out of nothing.

Third party interference

Nothing kills a relationship faster than having every issue discussed with a third party.

This is one of the top reasons for divorce that needs to be paid adequate attention to.

Not every issue is meant to be discussed with people. In marriage, there are issues meant to be settled amicably by both parties.

If this issue is beyond your control. It would be better to seek for the advise of a good marriage counselor.

A lot of marriages had been destroyed as a result of applying wrong counsels received from unexperienced folks.

Always remember that the success of any marriage depends solely on what works for both.

And so, some counsels may not work in your marriage, in spite the fact that  it works for others. Stop washing your dirty linen in public, because you don’t know who is actually happy for you or envious of you.

Listening to sigh Talks and gossips.

This is another top reasons for the high rate of divorce in our society. Some marriage ended, not because both folks grew tired of each other, but because they admitted every gossip they heard about their spouse without doing proper investigation to verify the truth.

They heard their spouse was cheating, they accepted and began accusing them without giving them a benefit of doubt or chance to explain their own part of the story. They ran into conclusion even when  they haven’t caught them in the act.

  Lack of trust

Lack of trust  is another top reasons for divorce. lack of trust often leads to Insecurity, unnecessary suspicion and conclusions.

Lack of trust denotes the reason why must folk would accept any gossip or sigh talks about their spouse without doing proper investigations.

lack of trust is the reason why most people would jump into conclusion without giving their partner a benefit of doubt. And before you knew what has happened, a lot has been damaged beyond repair. Partners should learn how to How to build trust in their marriage

EGO.

This is one top reasons of divorce that is broad and speaks a lot. Most marriage ended because one or both couples has their Ego as their priority.

The word “sorry”was regarded as a word meant for the weak.hence they barely use it, causing issues to linger for a very long time.

couples should learn how to overlook some certain things in their relationship. Marriage union ought to be mutual. For two minds that truly understands each other, Apology.  Should be a great antidote in preventing any marital issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on 2 Comments

Self love quotes To boost your confidence

 

Self love quotes
Self love quotes

self love quotes are not just quotes or Factual words, they are inspirational and powerful words purposely written with the aim  of boosting our self confidence and relieving us from low self esteem.

Many a times, we are faced with challenges,  intimidation, suppressions, Depression, rejections, denial, betrays,  and  disappointments.  Such life situations are capable dragging our self esteem to the mud. The fear of failure has its way of reducing our self worth.

However, self love  quotes helps us to realize who we are, and our purpose on earth.

It gives us an insight and direction on how to reach our goals. It encourages us to stay strong and confident amides of challenges, rejections and denial.

It helps us to realize our worth. it helps us to move on easily even after break up. self love quotes  helps to boost your confidence and keep you going.

Self love quotes To boost your confidence 5
Self love quotes

Top  self love quotes to keep you going

Be proud of who you are

This self love quotes is aimed at giving you self satisfaction and reminding you that you are the best of your kind, despite your flaws and weakness. It helps to eliminate self comparison and Inferiority complex. It also reminds you on the need to appreciate yourself as no one is perfect.

you are original. 

you know how important an original product is?no matter how attractive, appealing or good looking, a duplicate is, the original is always preferred at any time.

When submitting a very important document for an official use, you might be asked to present the original copy,,when buying a product, you will always seek for the original you know why? Originality denotes authentic and sincerity. While duplicate denotes fake and imitation.

No matter what people say about you, or how inferior you rate yourself,,just know you are real, you are authentic, you can never be someone else. Your beauty lies in being you.

Being original while working on your flaws is better than copying others and trying to live up to their standard. You are unique just the way you are.

 

you are your Rival

This self love quote is to remind you that You have no other rival apart from yourself.

Your aim should be to have your present better than your past. You should be striving to have your future better than your now.

You are not in competition with anyone but yourself. Having others as rivals would only result to bitterness, envy and hatred. While being your own rival would spur and inspire you to achieve your goals.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

Your happiness lies solely on you. Is not how other sees you and rates you that matters, but how you rate your self. If you give people the impression that you worth nothing,

they would surely treat you like you worth nothing. If you give them the impression that you are inferior, they will surely take advantage of that .

Make them believe that you are unique in -spite of your flaws, they will forever appreciate you and respect you. Be who you want to attract.

 

self love is the ability to look Good without needing anyone to tell you. 

self love begins with you. self love quotes would have no effect on you, when you always expect to get recommendations, approval or accolades from people before leaving the life of your dream.

you are unique and fearfully made. re-assure your self this on regular basis. The best form of appraisal is Self appraisal This is because the appreciation you give yourself is the most sincere appreciation. while that which you may get from others might be as means to acquire one favor or the other from you.

Believe in yourself even when no one does.

many a times, we tend to give up,when it seems like no one recognizes us, we loose hope when it seems like the world has rejected us.

If a creature like lizard could have self confidence and worth praising itself even when no one does, how much you that is more advanced? Believe you can, believe you can soar higher. Change that impression people have about by by proofing that you are eager and capable.

It is not who you are that brings you down, but who you think you should be.

Self love quotes can only be relevant in your life, the moment you realize that you may not be the best, but you are better than the rest.

There are people who desires to be like even when you underrate yourself. While you are busy envying some other people, a lot of people might be wishing to be in your shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on 1 Comment

understanding your spouse

understanding your spouse 6
Understanding your spouse

Understanding your spouse takes a lot of patience, hard work and a times humility. This is because human attitude and personality varies with individual. No matter how emotionally attached you are to your partner or spouse, your personal attitude still varies.

Even identical twins who shared same placenta in the womb does not possess similar individual characteristics, let alone people who are not related by blood.

You might be compatible emotionally, but having the similar qualities in every aspect is so rare. And this lack of understand is what kills a lot of marriage and relationship. It is the reason why so many homes are not living in peace despite their Long period of courting, and successful relationship.

After courting and dating successfully They got married only to discover that every character exhibited during the dating or courting days were not real. It was all scripted with the intention of attracting each other. Reality begin to dawn on them when  they realized that they had no understanding of each other.

So many people can’t stop wondering why their partner or spouse behaves weird a times. Today they are in good mood, tomorrow, they are all up with mood swings.

They tried every possible means to know what is actually eating them up. But got no reply. The absence of reply indicates that everything was alright.Yet their behavior seems unusual.

I don’t seems to understand my hubby says a young woman who had been battling to save her marriage.

His unexpected mood swings and unusual behavior keeps me off balance.

The more i tried to understand him, the more confused i became. She is not alone on this, a handful of other are undergoing similar experiences. Many couples claim they are in love with each other and are maintaining a happy marriage, yet seems not to understand each other.

Understanding your spouse involves a whole lot, ranging from knowing their emotional needs, physical needs, understanding their mood swings, love languages and being sensitive. We would discuss all the aforementioned as that will give a clear knowledge in the topic “understanding your spouse”

understanding your spouse 7
Understanding your spouse

Four factors that are essential in understanding your spouse.

knowing their emotional needs.

Every human  has an emotional needs, and that includes the needs to feel loved, cherished and appreciated. even an infant desires to be loved and cared for by the parents.

And when he/she doesn’t get that attention, they  begins to feel unease hence the need to cry and disrupt their parent’s activity. similarly, human adult also yearns to have their emotional needs satisfied. And the best way  to understand your spouse emotional need is to know theEmotional differences in men and women. The way a man tends to react to emotions a times differs from women.

For women emotional need, Attention usually tops the list. While for men, it is usually intimacy. Even if you give your woman the world, get her the most expensive car, fill her ward robe with lots of clothes and accessories, but doesn’t give her attention, she may not value your kind gestures. she won’t be a complete woman without having you by her side occasionally.

Being sensitive to know when she is in the right mood or not. On the contrary, men are fascinated more by intimacy. For married couples, understand when your hubby is in the mood for sex.this lack of understanding is the leading course of so many problems in most marriages today.

Some men will be like “but i provide everything she needs, and i make sure she lacked nothing. Why then does she behaves weird? what about your presence?does she get your attention when she needs it? do you spend more time with her?don’t you think this could be the reason why she is acting weird? she may not communicate this too your verbally, she might expect you to read her mind. but since you are not a mind reader, effective communication Will solve the problem.

Similarly, It  is quite unfortunate that most women assumes that the only way to perform their marital duty is by taking care of the home and preparing a delicious meal for their hubby? they are all good,  but what about knowing when he is in the mood for intimacy?

while do you always give excuses?this could be the reason why he often acts wired despite performing your assumed wifely responsibilities.

we ought to know that physical need is not complete without the emotional need. your gift and services are all important,but your presence speaks more and can never be substituted for any other thing. Stop being too busy for your spouse. it kills a relationship. Learn How to balance your life and goals.

physical needs

As human, we all have our physical need. for women, their physical needs can always be met by satisfying their material quest and making sure they are comfortable. while for men, it is all about helping them to render one service or the other.

Physical needs are important as emotional needs and therefore shouldn’t be neglected too. professing your love to a woman who isn’t being taken care of properly is an error. have you ever wondered why your wife isn’t responding to your sensitive touches? You yell at her for being cold at you during love making, rather than communicate with her to know what is actually wrong.

Perhaps there might be something she urgently needs at that moment. And because she doesn’t want you to see her as a nag, she kept mute, hoping you will understand. on the other hand, a man’s need goes beyond emotional need or intimacy. There are times, when he may need your assistance. Gifts are not meant to be given only by  the male folks. You can as well surprise him during his birthday, or any special events.

Love languages

Understanding your spouse entails learning how to express your heart felt commitment to your spouse via the love languages. The five love languages are receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.

knowing when to give each other gifts, spend quality time with each other, reassure each other of  your love, render services to each other and be intimate with each other is a good way of showing commitment.

Sensitivity.

understanding your spouse equally entails being sensitive to their moods. a lot of couples are living like strangers because they can’t detect each other’s   mood. you don’t have to wait for your spouse to  communicate to you verbally. Sometimes you can always tell their mood from their countenance and sudden change in behavior. men often hide their feeling a lot as a result of their  egocentric nature and  in the course of that,often  finds it difficult to confide in their wife when they are passing through hide times.  Without being sensitive, you may not understand his mood. Which might lead him to wallow in self pity and depression.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on 1 Comment

How can we stop constant arguments?

How can we stop constant arguments? 8
How to stop constant argument in a relationship.

How can we stop constant argument? Is arguing with your spouse a natural part in a relationship?This is one of the common questions married couples or folks in a committed relationship are seeking for an answer to. And a problem which seems to have defiled solution.

Arguments are common trait in human especially as it relates to our inter personal relationship with others. It is an evitable trait as long as communication is concerned. Siblings argue almost all the time,friends argue at one point or the other.

So relationship and marriages are not an exception too. With the variations in our individual reasoning and understanding, is almost impossible to eliminate argument as part of our communication.because we all have this intense desire  to have our opinions heard  and accepted. So in that case arguments are inevitable, as long as human co-existence is  concerned. It is normal. However, when the arguments becomes habitual, then is no longer normal . It becomes a problem which calls for urgent attention.

Some relationships and marriage are at the verge of collapsing because both couples often argue, any conversation automatically turns to argument, you can hardly differentiate between their conversation  from their misunderstanding. Because they can’t hold a reasonable conversation without having it end with an argument. Such argument can easily lead to unending fights, which in turn may result to break up or divorce.

Now the question is how can this constant argument be eliminated?  we can’t think about eliminating them without first considering its causes.

How can we stop constant arguments? 9
How to stop constant argument

Causes of constant argument in a relationship

EGO

Ego is the leading cause of constant argument in a relationship. When one or both couples begins to feel superior over the other, apologizing would always be difficult because nobody will like to accept his/her fault.

For fear of being regarded as a weak person or to be taken for granted. Such kind of relationship usually doesn’t work, because both couples value their Ego more than their union. and so would always find reasons to argue constantly rather thanResolve  their isssues amicably.

Impatience

As human, we argue a lot because we always have an intense desire to talk  more but listen less.

We are always in a hurry to release our opinions and hence this often leads to  argument because the other parts desires to have his/her opinion heard too. a relationship where everyone talks but no one wants to listen to what the other person has to say  is bound to experience constant arguments. This arguments a times leads to fight.

Lack of respect

when people don’t respect their spouse or partner. they will always argue in every slightest provocation.

for women with Ego or womenn who regards themselves as feminist, they will always argue or talk back at their husband whenever they are being corrected.

And when this repeatition of speech becomes intense, argument becomes inevitable.

Ways to stop constant arguments in a relationship.

Both partners should learn How to curb EGO 

The absence of Ego indicates the absense of pride. The absence of Ego indicates the presence of respect, humility and forgiven spirit.

when partners value each other more than their Ego, no issues can make them argue consistently. arguing once in blue moon can be understantable, but arguing regularly will be an impossible trait.

When partners sees each other as equal irrespective of age, qualification or size. EGO would be far from them .

using the silent method

When i say silent method, i don’t mean using the silent treatment to punish your spouse.

i am talking about using silent method to maintain peace and order. there is a popular adage that goes thus “when everyone is talking, no one is talking. This implies that when you are both trying to make your opinion or voice heard without calming down to hear what the other has to say. it then implies that nobody is making sense.

You can’t both reach a compromise when you argue a lot. Not every word is meant to be replied. if your partner’s countenance has automatically changed while they were still talking, it will be better to allow them finish what they have to say. Don’t try to interrupt them.

As this often prolongs the issue. You can always come back to address the issue when they are calm.that would be the best time to get their audience and undivided attention.

Respect each other.

For constant argument to be eliminated, there is a need to respect each other. Women should Change their mindset about submission by learning what  Submission  actually implies especially in marriage,and how they can be submissive.

Practicing feminism in the wrong way and with the wrong mindset should stop.

Men should equally learn to respect their woman.irrespective of the gender variations.

They should always remember that their wives are not a commodity but their best friend and companion.

They should talk to them politely and correct them in love. Rather than yell and scream which may result to arguments or nags.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

After break up, common mistakes you must avoid.

After break up, common mistakes you must avoid. 10
After break up

Few days, weeks or months after break up is usually the most hectic and  toughest for people who are going through heartbreak.

Especially for people who are the receiving end. That phase of life is usually daunting.

You wished you could just wake up just to discover that it was a night mare, the heartache is still intense because You can feel its effects all over you.

You grew so lean because you hardly eat, you suddenly lost your appetite, you developed insomnia as a result of  so much worries and depression. You suddenly lost the sense of living as nothing excites you anymore. at that point, am very certain that you are still hopeful, anticipating and believing that they will soon change their mind and call back the relationship.immediately after break up, You always check your phone every now and then to know if they had suddenly realized that breaking up with you was the greatest mistake and decision they took.

But unfortunately, nothing of that nature seems to be happening. and that leaves you more hurting than you were. No matter how emotionally strong you are, heartbreak could be an awful feeling. Especially if you were committed in the relationship.

The more committed you are, the more you get unease when this love story becomes a history. The more committed you are, the greater your tendency of finding it difficult to let go.

heartbreak knows no individual or personality, it has the ability of making one humble and doing some crazy thing which you wouldn’t have done on a normal day

 

A male friend once bragged to me that no woman can ever break his heart. With his flirting lifestyle, he assumes that he can never fall in love, and even if peradventure he does, and it later results to heartbreak, that he would easily and pretend like nothing happened.

These were only “mere words” coming from assumption. He never realized that heartbreak actually hurts till he had an experience.

He nearly went insane. He did a lot of crazy things like attempting suicide on several occasions. Experience thought him how powerful heartbreak could be.

However, the main focus and aim of these goal is not to describe the feelings associated with heartbreak, but to outline some common mistakes people often make after break up or when trying to Survive after a break up This mistakes are the reason why majority are  are finding it hard to move on after break up

Common mistakes to avoid after break up

Constant pleas

There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting your faults after break up.we are assuming a scenario where you were the defaulter.

You ought to apologize. When you do that, the next thing is to await for a response. is either you are forgiven or not. is either he/she accepts  you or not. Is either they return or not,is either you are given a response or ignored.  whichever seems to be the case, try as much as possible to accept it in good fate.

Don’t be over expectant, so you would not end up in disappointments. No matter how hurt you are, try as much as possible to resist the urge to plead constantly, when they have already made it clear to you that they were no more interested.

You can’t force people to love you, that will be an insane thing to do, because they will always rub it to your face. being loved out of pity is not ideal. Quit asking the questions like why?trying to find out why they suddenly changed their mind. or what you could have done to avert the situation? Sometimes, there is no reason, people can Fall out of love for several reasons which has nothing  to do with you. It could either they have lost the  Sparkor they have gotten a substitute for you.

Rebound relationship

After break up, you will have an intense urge to jump into another relationship immediately, as a result of  loneliness and boredom.

However, you ought to resist that urge. Because at this point, you  are likely  vulnerable to experience further and severe hurts. Loneliness may derive you to start seeking solace and comfort from people whose sole aim might be to ruin you by taking advantage of your weak point and condition.

After break up, common mistakes you must avoid. 11
After break up

Putting your life on hold.

 

This is one common mistake a lot of folks make after break up, they allow their emotions dominate other aspects of their life. they feel helpless, hopeless and worthless and thus give up on the desire to live and find love again. in as much as heartbreak is hurtful and difficult to let go. You ought to try and overcome that thought telling you that you can never find love again. build your self esteem and confidence. don’t allow inferiority complex grip you down.

Regrets.

After break up, our battered hearts are usually filled with regrets . we regret ever knowing our ex, we regret the first day we met them, we regret accepting them into our lives. these feelings are normal. however, every relationship has two purposes, is either it leads you to the alter or makes you learn the hard way. Both are important. if it doesn’t go well, don’t regret. learn your lessons and move on. the lesson learnt will help you to manage your next relationship well. Avoid regrets at all cost. with constant regrets, you would never move on. you would remain stuck with the memories of your past relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on 1 Comment

green lights to your crush without looking desperate

green lights to your crush without looking desperate 12

Giving green lights to your  Crush without looking cheap is everyone’s desire. And so you have this Cute dude  you’ve  always admired.

His awesome  looks is quite appealing. Having spoken with him on one or two occassions, you discovered that his qualities were beyond looks. in addition to his  looks,

 

He speaks and reasons smartly, he has this self confidence that often swept you off your feet.

His voice, charisma and sense of humour sends shivers down your spine . That you began to fantasize on having him as a date. Sometimes, you wished  he  would propose to you some where  in the future. You can’t get him off your mind. Bumping into him  occassionally makes your  heartbeat skips.

You wished he would notice your feelings toward him. But unfortunately, nothing of that nature seem to be happening. You want this emotions and attraction you feel toward him to be mutual, but at the same time you don’t want to appear cheap or risk being rejected.

 

I understand perfectly well, we all have been there at one point or the other.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, having a crush is normal, being scared of revealing your emotions is equally normal. An average human is   Egocentric in nature. When we are being rejected, is almost like a dent to our image and self worth.

Hence the need to be scared of  or being turned down.  And that is the major reason a lot of folks are scared of approaching their crush especially women in some parts of the country like African where it seems like a taboo to approach a man.

The thoughts and questions like, what if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he takes me for granted?are the reason why most would prefer to conceal their feelings to letting it out. And so they would rather prefer to give green light to their crush than approach them individually.

Let’s talk about green lights

What are they?and when are they necessary?

From the colour of “green”which symbolises readiness or approval.

Green light in relationship are those signs indicating that someone of the opposite sex might be interested in you. It is a non- verbal way of expressing our feelings with the hope that the other party would get the message and reciprocate.

Sometimes, the need to start a committed relationship with someone could prompt you into giving them green lights, indicating you are interested in them. But unfortunately, a lot of people do this in a way that makes them appear cheap and desperate. thus making them feel hurt or traumatized when rejected.

Giving green lights to your crush, things you are not doing right

bumping into him/her every now and then

Your crush might be interested in you, but  overdoing some things will give them the  impression that you are desperate, hence may take you for granted.

Trying to keeps tabs on them by always showing up in the places where you are likely to meet them is a great red flag which denotes desperation.

No matter their feelings toward you, doing such will make them feel suffocated and bored. especially with folks that doesn’t joke with their space. They will feel caged already especially as they are yet to accept you.

Stalking them on every social media

There is nothing wrong in commenting on the lovely pictures of your crush, or chatting them occassionally.

What then is wrong?always checking their profile to see who commented or not, who liked their pictures or not. It feels like a police detective suspecting someone of theft by monitoring and investigating every movement they make. No one wishes to be monitored by an armed robber.

This could turn them off if they find out.  Another form of stalking is showing up in their houses or offices unannounced.

We all love our privacy and feels that our peace is being disrupted if we couldn’t get it.

Trying to reach them through a third party.

Getting a third party to talk or appeal to them is not a good way to show your interest.it denotes both desperation and act of  cowardice.

That egocentric feelings that you are too weak to approach them will always be there.

They will begin to feel so important, hence the need to take you for granted.

green lights to your crush without looking desperate 13

What you should do instead?

Build your confidence and personality

When people have interest you, they don’t have to be intimate with you before desiring to be close to you. they will always admire you from a distance. While looking for any available means to make advances to you. Build your personality, and attach value to your life and be responsible. These are selling points that gets people recognized even without uttering any word or showing any signal.

Render assistance

One of the pratical way to express your feelings toward your crush without appearing desperate is to offer assistance to them when they need help.

Don’t do it in a way to impress them and don’t try to go beyond your limit. Just make it natural, like you will do for a friend. most especially within your capacity.

Since love is practical and entails sacrifice, they will get the message if they feel the same way.

The body language

this is a physical way to express your feelings to your crush.

However, before you consider this point, you have to be careful by first observing his own body language and ensuring he feels the same way too. otherwise your effort will be fruitless.

Continue reading green lights to your crush without looking desperate

Posted on 6 Comments

secrets toward being attracted to the right partner

Getting attracted to the right partner

    Getting attractedto the right partner

Being attracted to the right partner is one of the secrets toward having a Healthy relationship . It is the basic requirement if you are seeking for a lasting relationship.

This is because the success of any relationship lies solely on the effort of the partners involved. So he/she has a greater role to play. Hence the need to choose wisely.

Who is the right partner?

Does it imply having a partner without flaws?does it imply being in a relationship with someone who is perfect in every aspects? I don’t really think so.

Having the right partner all depends on our individual preferences in a relationship. We all have our choice of partners, we all have that quality we admire in an ideal partner. It could be their character, their parsonalities and so.

Your desire in a partner might be less important to another’s desire and vice versa. It doesn’t erase the fact that there might  be misunderstandings, arguments or conflicts occassionally. But how both partners reacts to this indifferences determines if they are truly right for each other.

Having known this, let us look at some signs indicating that he/she might be the right one.

Three Signs to know if he/she is the right one for you.

Emotional compatibility

Admiring someone from a distance  does not make them the right one for you. What indicates that they may be the right one for you is when this chemistry and bond is mutual and also felt within them too.

The scenario is just like putting on your friend’s cloth. From all indications, it fits you better, it brought out your curves at their  right places.

But then you already know that  the cloth doesn’t belong to you, despite its good  looks on you.

And the owner wouldn’t give you an access to it either. you are only left with the admiration, without having the ownership right. This is what it feels like admiring someone who does not recognize you are doing so, and does not feel the same.

Acceptance

A right Partner is the one  who would accept you totally without giving you any conditions or ultimatum. He/she accepts you for who you.they accept you because they have Seen you as that special one they desire to spend the rest of their life with. Even without informing you, they already have a future plans with you, while awaiting for the right time to make their intentions known.

on the contrary, when the intention is all about what he/she stands to benefit from you. Just know they might not be the right one.

Such cases are usually seen when a man  tries to impress a lady who has no feelings for him. but only relates with him solely for the material benefits he gets.they don’t call except they are in dire  need of your assistance.  I call such relationship “parastic relationship”. and not really healthy for you.

The best way to ascertain the right partner is to watch how he/she treats  you. Are they good to you often?do they accept you at all times? or do they give you preferential treatment only at their  convenience.

 

Respect

Respect is a great sign indicating that someone is right for you. Most times, respet is earned when the giver finds the receiver worthy enough to receive such from him or her.

Contrary to our belief, respect does not necessarily  have to come only with age or qualification. It comes when we truly appreciate the people around us.  Your true partner will always respect you in every aspect. This includes your decision, value and principle. they wouldn’t like to lure you into doing things against your wish no matter the urge.

Having known some of the signs that indicates that one may truly be right for you. The next question should be, how can you get acquainted to that right one? Is it actually possible to make your path cross? Let us find out.

Ways to get Attracted to the right partner.

Be the right one.

Everyone desires to Approach or be approached by that right one.

This Shows  that you are not the only one in the search. It is a survival of the fittest.

But what will give you an edge or make you beat others having the same interest as you is making yourself desirable too.

Be who you wish to attract. You don’t have to be desperate about it, you don’t have to be needy. all you have to do is possess the right attitude, and someone who shares similar motive might be interested in you.

Work on your flaws.

Don’t leverage on the popular belief or assumption that people should love you for who you are.

while this may be true, it is still necessary that you avail yourself the opportunity of working on your flaws. You don’t really have to be perfect, just try as much as possible to work on your weak points. Don’t just relax or feel is normal to have them. As far as human being are concerned, there is always a limit to what some people can endure.

They might accept you for who you are, but somewhere along the line, they may jilt you after discovering that they can’t  condone your attitude any longer. don’t be misinformed, nobody likes a flirt, nobody loves man/woman that has anger issues.

Nobody loves a nag, nobody loves  a sturbbon woman or dude. we only try to manage this traits because of the love and respect we have for our partner. but even amidst of managing them, one can decide to give up, if they are not willing to change for better.hence the need to work on your flaws.

Be at the right place

Your interest determines your result and your result depends solely on your attitude towards getting it. you can’t be seeking for a way to grow your income or business among people who had never ventured into any business. it is an error. similarly, there are some  places that are not suitable to find a right partner. such kind of places might give you the opposite of what you are searching for.

An example is trying to find a responsible man  in a bar where people drink themselves to stupor. You can’t get what you didn’t order for. that is  why is good to always narrow your search in   the right direction .this tips can equally be helpful to you,if you are also seeking for the answer to the question.  How to get a life partner.?

Getting attracted to the right partner
Getting attracted to the right partner

Continue reading secrets toward being attracted to the right partner

Posted on 2 Comments

Is this love or infatuation?

Is this love or infatuation? 14

 

 

Love or infatuation?this question seems not to get out from your mind. You’ve probably heard a lot about these two words, but yet you still finds it difficult to  differentiate between both.

You are not alone in this, as so  many individuals  are in similar situations, still confused and skeptical as you are.

The word “love has become the most common used word today.

 

 

It is not amazing  knowing that teenagers and adolescents  also use this word “love” whenever there is an attraction between the opposite sex.

But then is it really love or infatuation? Can this type of feelings be equated to love? Before i proceed, i will like to highlight some of the similarities of love and infatuation. The reason why these feelings are often mixed together.

Similarities between love and Infatuation

Love or infatuation

Both are emotional feelings.

Wheather it is love or infatuation, whichever one you chose to call it, one remarkable  thing they have in common is that both has to do with desires and interest. the way we feel towards a member of the opposite sex. This desire to be with them is what often gives rise to either the love we have for them or the lust we feel for them.

Every relationship began with a desire. As human, every activity we engage in this life, first comes with desire or interest.  We  desire to embark on a journey before doing so, we desire to start up a particular business before doing so.

So relationship is equally not an exception. You don’t just meet someone  today, and all of a sudden,you are already dating them without having the desire to.

This desire shows that we were not compelled to have this feelings for them.

And so the desire could have a  varieties of meanings such as having an interest to start up a relationship with the intention of getting married in the future, the desire to be close to each other as friends or the desire to benefit from each other either materially or sexually. Other wise called (friends with benefits)

Both comes with An attraction

Every Emotions  or feelings comes with attraction.  Before you desire to be with someone, there is always something about them that prompted that desire.

It could be their charisma,intelligence, sense of humour, loyalty or physical attributes like height, beauty, stature and body shapes. And this feelings could either be derived from love or infatuation.

A lot of folks used to have this belief that attraction comes only when one is infatuated. But reverse the case, attraction can occur in both ways. Either physical attritubutes or other attributes.

Having know the similaririties between love and infatuation, is time to clear your doubt by understanding the difference between both in other to know your stand in a relationship.

 

Infatuation is spontaneous, love is gradual.

One of the ways to know if it is love or infatuation is to observe  the relationship and how it all began.  Being attracted to a member of the opposite sex is not wrong. Professing your love to someone you met on a first day is equally not wrong. what then is wrong? it is simply assuming you have fallen in love  already  with someone you just met.

Especially when you barely know them. You can feel the spark. But that alone is not qualified to be   called Love. A lot of relationship ended barely few months it began because everything happened so quick.

The feelings and emotions were the priority of such relationship, there was no time of getting to know each other.

And before you knew what has happened, everything just ended within a twinkle of an eye. and both went their separate ways because some where along the line, they discovered that apart from the emotional bond and chemistry, they practically knew nothing else about each other.

They discovered that they were not compatible in any aspect. On the contrary, true love is patient. There is this desire to know more about him/her. Aside the chemistry and emotions.

Attraction usually comes first.

 

Remember we mentioned attraction as one of the common features in love and infatuation.

There is nothing wrong being attracted to someone you love. But when attraction comes first before every other thing,especially physical attraction, then it might be termed infatuation.

You know is infatuation when there is no plans to spend the future with you,  their only interest and priority is usually in taking advantage of that gorgeous body and shape .this explains a lot why most Men withdraw after the chase.

Love is realistic and practical, infatuation is obsessive

This is strong factor in determining if it is love or infatuation?i can’t do without you, i will loose my breathe if we ever part ways, my life will come to an end without your presence in it. Am very certain you’ve heard people use this line of words on regular basis. this is a sign of Obsession.

Often times, they are not real. Such kind of feelings comes with immediate urge to satisfy the material lust, hence the profession of unrealistic words and promises.  Sometimes, it feels like your world would crash without their presence in it. You spend your whole time fantasizing about your relationship with certain pictures on your mind on how you wish it to be.

These are obsession. Obsession makes us feel like we are going insane when attracted to someone. Most times, people who utter this obsessive words are not real. They only say it to entice you. Or as a result of the butterfly feelings they were having at that moment.

A lot of them will flee when is time to make the real sacrifice. On the contrary, true love is real, it doesn’t really need to make unrealistic promises. But when is time to make sacrifices, it does that without being compelled to.

To know if it is love or infatuation, watch their actions. The way they treat you in a relationship.their action speaks more than their spoken words. infatuation is more of words, while love is more of actions.