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Dealing with anger and resentment in a relationship

Anger and resentment
Dealing with Anger and resentment in a relationship

Knowing how to deal with Anger and resentment in a relationship is one of the basic steps  in building  a Healthy relationship.

Anger is a weapon which is capable of destroying a lot in seconds or minute.  It is an emotional trait which has landed a lot of people in life time misery as a result of reacting so quickly without giving it a second thought.

Most times,  people indulge in so many negative vices. A lot of people find themselves doing what they never thought they could do  as a result of anger.

And before they realized what had happened, an  irreversible  damage had occurred. We’ve often heard of stories of two siblings or friends who fought each other,  and out of anger,  one out  of them murdered the other. Such kind of scenarios equally happens in relationship which is our main focus.    If one or both parties are hot tempered,  there is every tendency that one of them might react out of anger.  Thereby endangering the other.

Anger is a Red flag in any relationship.  It becomes worse if both parties has anger issues as two wrongs cannot make a right.

We don’t have any right to  natural flaws like anger since some people were created that way.  but it is our choice to decide weather to live with it or make changes.  The decision lies in our hand.  And the earlier we learn how to control our emotions,  the better.  As it would save us a whole lot of stress and misfortunes.

now the question is,  how can we curb Anger and Resentment in a relationship.

Anger and resentment
Dealing with anger and resentment in a relationship

 

Dealing with Anger and resentment in a relationship.

 

Understanding  your partner –

Love alone does not keep a relationship.  No matter how deep your love  for each other is,  when there is no understanding,  this love would fade away in a twinkle of an eye.  You can attract each other with love.  But you can only keep each other with understanding.

Relationship is all about tolerance, And what makes this tolerance possible is understanding.  We can’t change them,  neither can can we have them perfect.  But we can only influence them with understanding and tolerance.

There is always a flaw in every individual.  In a scenario where he’s /her’s is Anger,  you have to learn how to adapt with them.   When you observe he often flares up at any slightest provocation,  gets infuriated by any little things or gets provoked easily.

The best to do is to keep calm.understand that  This is his nature,  get used to the fact that you can’t change him by yelling back at him.  your attitude  of keeping calm and being silent when he is provoked might influence him to change for better.

 

Walk away when situation are becoming too intense.

 

There is nothing wrong with arguing with each other once in a blue moon.  It is part of the understandable aspect of a relationship.

However,  when this argument has suddenly become so intense to the point of insulting and abusing each other,  then there is always need to pause and walk away.

As any further action or delay might spur you to react negatively out of anger.  From abusing each other,  it can suddenly graduate to threatening each other with life threatening objects such as weapons.  This is exactly how so many marriages ended.  With the wife or hubby spending their life time in jail for allegedly murdering their spouse.

Anger and resentment in a relationship is really a monster and can be curbed if one or both parties learns to ignore the other when provoked rather than react to proof their worth.

Anger and resentment
Dealing with anger and resentment in a relationship

Communication

So many couples are so busy with their career that the only time they have for each other is during love making. They have no time to chat and discuss like partners.  They live as housemates rather than couples.

They don’t have time to analyze each other’s character in other to find out where they needed an adjustment.

The best way to deal with anger and resentment in a relationship is to have a heart to heart conversation about it.  The affected partner should pour out his/her feeling toward his partner’s anger attitude. Both should discuss about each other’s flaws and find a way to curb it individually.

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4 ways to define a relationship

 

4 ways to define a relationship 1

How can i define a relationship?especially one at its early stage, this questions has always been one of the most popular questions among folks in an intimate  relationship. For men, Committed relationship comes with a lot of responsibility. It entails being fully open to the one you wish to spend your life with.  it means declaring your intentions towards your woman . now this is where most finds it difficult, being certain that they want to spend their life with their woman is not just enough to define a relationship.

They are often scared of uncertainty. Such questions such as what if it never works out? What if i end up hurting her in the future?and that’s why a lot of them refrain from making such promises.

A man might have the intentions of getting married to a woman, but because he is scared of what fate might eventually hold for him in the future, he tries to avoid making his intentions known to her. That’s why most of them hardly commit despite their love towards you.

Similarly, most women are scared of being tagged “as desperate and needy”. Hence the reason why they  hardly ask about the future of the relationship. However, no matter the perception both gender has, the important of Definining a relationship,

From the onset cannot be overemphasized. not  Defining  a relationship is like opening up a certain business in an area without considering the needs of people in such area. You don’t have a plan on who your target audience is, or you after is just to open a business transactions.

Imagine selling a satellite dish in an area where is there is poor or insufficient power supply? of what use would it be to them? That’s why is always to good to have a proper and  efficient planning before commencing  any business plan, no matter how lucrative such business is. Make sure is something that is on high demand. As that is one of the great criteria that would determine your success.

otherwise your effort towards making a yield would be fruitless. Similarly, starting a relationship without any aim or focus is the easiest way to make oneself vulnerable to hurt, emotional manipulation and heartache.

A defined relationship is often not scared of uncertainties. Though there might be a future occurrence or misfortune as life is unpredictable. But whatever happens in such relationship is usually something destined to happen , and so the couples/partners won’t take any blame.

As we’ve known the importance of  a relationship, the next question is how can we define a relationship in an appropriate way without the aforementioned issues?

4 ways to define a relationship 2
4 ways to define a relationship

How to define a relationship.

Be honest with your intentions.

I am with the opinion that If we have more honest people in the society, the issue of heartbreak, hurts, disappointments and betrayal would rarely occur.  So many folks innocently and unknowingly  got into an undefined  relationship with a sincere heart,  they went to for love, but unfortunately their partner only wanted flings. They came with the intention of building their future together, but unfortunately,their partner only wanted a one night stand. And so they were left with a broken heart.

And most times, the Hurter often finds a way to defend themselves to avoid feeling guilty. By insisting that they never promised marriage or relationship to their victims. But why lead someone on when you have no intention of being with them in the future? you might not have verbally promised them the future,

but your affection towards them might be leaving them  expectant. Is always good to make your intentions known as it will enable you attract your replica. If it is a fling, make it known from the onset, if is a casual friendship, make it known,  if it is a serious relationship, make it known by telling them your expectations. With that, no one would feel cheated and hurt.

Go for your preference

We all have preferences as to the quality and traits we desire in a relationship. One of the best ways to define a relationship is by stating clearly the qualities you expect from your idea partner and sticking with your choice. One common  problem we often have in relationship is not being certain of what we want from our partner.   After some weeks or months of dating them and discovering that they are entirely different from our choice, we would suddenly expect them to change overnight. Which is not possible.

Avoid promises till you are certain.

Even when your intentions is known, is always tempting to start making promises of spending your life with your partner. However, the best way to define your relationship  is to give them green lights .With that, you’ve given them assurance without making promises.

Be transparent with your emotions.

Often times, we get hurt because we hide our emotions. You should let your partner be aware  of your feelings. If they ain’t treating you right, let them know. Avoid concealing your emotions. Is your right to protect your emotions, is your right to say that what you can’t tolerate. Sometimes, they might not be aware that they are hurting you till you voice out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Signs you might be ruining your relationship

Signs you might be ruining your relationship
ruining your relationship

Do you know that you might be ruining your relationship without knowing? Most times when a relationship fails, both parties  often claims the victims, no one accepts being the defaulter, no one wants to take the blame, no one is willing to admit  being guilty.

We all want to be assured that we did the right thing, we all want to receive the empathy, we all wish  to be sympathized with, we all wish to receive accolades that we are the best, we are scared of taking the responsibility of our actions. But deep down in our hearts, we know we took part in the cause of the break up, deep down we are aware that we contributed toward the break up, if not being totally responsible for it.

And this is why most relationship doesn’t last.

We hardly own up to our faults, even while in the relationship, we hardly admit we have erred. But one thing we fail to understand is thatApology is an antidote to a successful relationship/marriage. Our inability to admit our fault and work towards them always comes back to hunt us in our next relationships. This explains why most folks cannot maintain a stable relationship, you keep running from one relationships to the other with the assumption that you were in the wrong relationship without realizing that you  are the one ruining your relationship,

as you kept on repeating the same mistakes on regular basis without making any effort towards working on your flaws. And the  next question is what are these negative attitude that signifies that you might be ruining your relationship?

Signs that you might be ruining your relationship.

Inability to control your emotions

Emotions speaks a lot about us, it signifies who we are  and what we are capable of doing or not doing.and sometimes we unknowingly react negatively to our emotions which may cause a lot of damage to our lives.

Your ability to control your emotions determines your tendency to either make something out of your life or ruin it.

similarly in relationships, the way you handle your emotion determines how long it would last. a lot of folks had ruined  and currently ruining their relationships as a result of jealousy, anger and insecurity.  Unnecessary Jealousy    had caused a lot of misunderstanding and differences among couples. your significant other received a call from an opposite sex , and out of jealousy you began to suspect him/her and even threatens to call off the relationship without being patient to hear  their own side of the story.

How do you react when infuriated? Do you flare up at any slightest provocation?or do you keep calm  and allow your emotions to subside before thinking of your next line of action?Anger can push you into an actions which you might  end up regretting in life. It is also capable of ruining your Relationship. Being unnecessarily insecure depicts lack of trust for your significant other,  and most people detests that.  Learn to control your emotions. avoid acting or talking when provoked or angry. If possible walk away and allow the anger to subside, to avoid saying or doing things you might regret later.

Unnecessary comparison

one of the greatest quality to adopt in a relationship is understanding. With understanding every other thing follows suit including love. You have to understand that your partner ain’t perfect. you have to understand why they behave in a particular way. And not not behaves like some other persons. such understanding would help you not to compare them with their friends or colleagues.

no one would like to be compared with others, as it reduces one’s worth and may lead to low self esteem and depression. It is always advisable to date someone you truly understands, someone whose character you can curtail so as to avoid ruining your relationship with them in the future.

involving a third party.

Have you formed the habit of always taking your relationship issues to the public, social media or discussing them among your friends and colleagues?Chances are you might be ruining your relationship without knowing. Not every issue is meant to be publicize, you really don’t know who is mocking you as everybody pretends to be nice. But behind the scene, you are being made an object of ridicule. Except you have a trusted friend who you confide in, or a trusted relationship counselor/platform  where your identity can be hidden.  Do not publicize your relationship issues.as not advise is meant to be taken.

keeping secrets

Keeping secrets in relationship a times signifies that you have a skeleton on your cupboard. A good and healthy relationship ought to be transparent as ever. As it depicts trust and understanding.

Imagine getting married to a woman who had a child out of wedlock but hid it from you for so many years of dating and courtship, only to unveil it after marriage. with such secrets.do  you think you can still trust her again? Even if you can, it will definitely take a whole lot of time to build that trust again. This shows how Secrets can Ruin a relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 strategic ways to monetize your hobby

    6 strategic ways to monetize your hobby 5ways to monetize your hobby

To monetize your hobby, You must first believe its possibility. Unfortunately so many individual still finds it difficult to believe that certain hobby or skills can actually be turned into a passive income. Because we have this general belief and mindset that hobby is all about fun.

Often times, we engage in certain hobbies as a means to relieve stress, cure boredom and have fun with our friends during our leisure time.

Unfortunately, some folks who are unemployed  often use their hobby as a means to avoid depression which may occur due to their unemployed state.

Without realizing that it can actually change their job stature from unemployed individual into self employed individual.

If you have ever read the biography of most celebrities and successful individuals, you will discover that their success was borne  as soon as they found out the efficacy that lies within their hobby. Their life transformed from From zero to hero,  because they discovered a potential that lies within their source of fun. But one important thing you must have in mind is that they didn’t just wake up with the intention of turning their hobby into a massive income. it all began with the idea of let me blog because  i love sharing my ideas,  i love football a lot.

A renowned blogger once shared  her autobiography on how she started blogging just for the fun of it, without having an intention of making a dime out of it.

But fortunately, the so called hobby did not just become her source of income, but it also became her source of fame.

similarly a renowned footballer popularly known as lionel messi began his football career as a hobby. He narrated how he used to play with tins of container along the street. Till his hobby became his source of fame.

This stories are just to motivate you to understand that there is no special skills  process or time frame involved to monetize your hobby and there is no specific time either.

The idea to do that can strike at any time. Do not assume it is late already. It is not. However, there are steps you ought to follow and rules you  have to adhere to, to ensure your dream comes true. We would explain this steps in details, As  this is the main objective  of our discussion.

Basic Strategic ways to monetize your hobby.

Developing Passion

passion is like a fuel that drives your effort toward achieving your goal. before you monetize your hobby, you must have passion for it.

Passion is what keeps you glued toward your hobby or skills even before discovering the idea of turning it into a passive income.

Famous and successful people who turned their hobby into an income were able to achieve that because they had long developed affection in their hobby.

And that’s why they do it consistently even they are yet to achieve anything from it. Your hobby has to do with something you love doing and engaging on, otherwise it is not worthy to be called a hobby.

consistency

Passion gives rise to consistency, your love for your hobby Can spur your effort towards practicing it on daily basis .consistiency derives positive result. Your fame, success and victory can happen in just a day, irrespective of how long you’ve been practicing it. But the possibility of its occurrence lies on your consistency. Since life is unpredictable, and  we  don’t really know the specific day our success story would occur, we ought to be consistent and active at all times. Consistency also brings about perfection. Monetizing your hobby also entails creating room for improvement, because you are gradually transiting from the stage of hobby into the stage of professionalism.

Adopting an optimistic spirit

One of  Qualities of great and successful people is the ability to see an opportunity in every thing. Especially what people regard as nothing.  Optimism is the ability to see possibility in what others  might have  termed impossible. This is what distinguishes great people from their counterparts. With your hobby, Where do you hope to  see yourself in the next five years? Are you still living in doubts? thinking of becoming perfect or having a special skill before you start being positive and optimistic.

The truth is, you might not need any other special skill to become perfect apart from your passion, consistency and optimism.

You really don’t know how much you worth as a comic reliever till you become optimistic and give it a trial. You really don’t know how much income that surrounds you as a music artist, till you become optimistic. Say no to your fears, and believe you can.

Striving to become better

Creating room for improvement is one of the best strategic ways to monetize your hobby. You are not the only one performing or engaging in  such hobby, a lot of people had done that in the past and are currently doing it. you are not the only music artist, blogger or footballer, but what would give you an edge over others doing the same thing is your creativity and unique styles. Yes you might be doing similar things as your rivals, but in a more unique style. That’s why you must never relent in improving yourself and learning on daily basis. Change is the only constant thing in life, to become great you have to avoid stagnancy and embrace changes.

Always work on your flaws

your imperfection does not make you weak, your flaws does not make you weak, what does is your inability to admit and work on them. Being Egocentric  is one of the easiest way to become a failure.

Your Ego makes you believe that you are perfect and so don’t really need an adjustment or corrections. To monetize your hobby, you have to humble yourself enough to admit your flaws and accept corrections when necessary.

consider your audience need

As you’ve taken a  decision to move your hobby to the next stage, you have to understand that it is no longer about you, but about your audience.

As a hobby, is just about you and what gives you fun. but as a source of income, is all about your audience and the service you are rendering to them, while having fun at the same. so in other to achieve the best result, you have to put your audience into consideration by striving to give them the best.

You have to build that trust among your audience/followers, then money would automatically follow suit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to deal with being friend zoned

How to handle being friendzoned
How to handle Being friend zoned

Being friend zoned is the worst night mare for individuals desiring to be in an intimate relationship with someone they admire so much. no matter how close they are with the individual,  they can never be fulfilled or satisfied until such friendship develops into an intimate relationship. The worse scenario is receiving  Mixed signal from them.

Raising your hopes, only to realize they were false hopes. Being friendzoned can make one begin to fantasize about an   Imaginary relationship  which does not have a real life existence.

In Imaginary relationship,there is usually a romantic  picture you have in your mind.

You can’t help but wish you were romantically involved with them already. Any sign of closeness to you, is usually misinterpreted as relationship. Thus leaving you in disappointments.

However, We can’t talk about how to deal with being friend zoned, without mentioning some of the signs indicating that you have been friend zoned. You have to first find out if your relationship has moved to the next stage or would definitely end in friendship

Signs of being friend zoned.

How to deal with being friend zoned 7
Being friend zoned

They treat you like a casual friend

One of the signs indicating that you are being friendzoned or have been friendzone by the one you admire is that they often treat you like a casual friend.

No matter how close and intimate you try to be,they ignore the signs. Even when you give them green lights, indicating your interest, they hardly comply simple because they have no  intention of moving the relationship further.

 

Delay in accepting proposal.

Being friend zoned is often characterized by delay in accepting proposal. Have you ever had a crush, whom you desire to have an intimate relationship with, you’ve wooed them several times, yet they’ve refused to come up with a definite response, it has always been i will think about it.

Several weeks, months and perhaps years had past, and they are still thinking about it, yet you communicate often.

This is a sign of being friend zoned. One who really desires you as much as you desire them wouldn’t hesisitate to say yes to your proposal. I don’t think there is really anything to think about, as long as they are not skeptical about it.

Everything sounds official.

When they often use this phrase “you are like a sister to me” or you are like a brother to me”. It could be a sign of being friend zoned.

They appear too rigid whenever they are with you. They sound more official than intimate or friendly during conversation. They often avoid certain intimate discussion with you so they won’t lead you on.

They are scared of loosing their friendship with you.

Most folks have this mindset that once they develop an intimate relationship with a particular member of the opposite sex, they might loose their friendship with such individual because when you are too close, you may start discovering some flaws in each other which you never knew were in existence.

And so in the bid to avoid that, they try rather keep you in a friend zone rather than date you.

How to handle being friend zoned.

Use the silent method.

There is no crime in approaching someone you admire for a more close and intimate relationship.

But when you notice they are begining to keep you waiting for a very long time, it would be best to ignore them too. I know this will be a way difficult as a result of the curios nature of human.

That curiosity to hear their reply would always make you to pester them into saying something you would love to hear. And when they discover that the pressure is becoming so much, they would  Friend zone you just to have their peace. The best would be to ignore them while giving them some time to come up with their own personal decision.

Accept no when it is necessary

Being friendzoned most times occurs as a result of fear of rejection. The reason why most folks have been kept on a friendzone for long is because they have refused to accept the reply “No”.

And so after much pressures, their crush might decide to keep them on a friendzone so as not to hurt their feelings and also to prevent further pressures from them.  Sometimes, As they are being friend zoned, they might be optimistic, hoping that their crush might change their mind soon, but all to no avail. In other to prevent the hurt and emotional trauma associated with being friend zoned, learn to accept and handle Rejection.  it will help you to  move on quickly and will equally  save you a whole lot of stress. Except they later came up with their own personal decisicion to accept your proposal.

Build your self esteem

With high self esteem, you will  understand the fact that being rejected by someone does/would not lessen your worth.

You will understand that your value is not dependent on the people who rejected you. This mindset would help you a lot not to accept any form of treatment or attitude from anyone including being friend zoned. Is either they say yes or you move on, in other to pave way for the one who might be willing to accept you in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How can i stop being desperate in a relationship?

How can i   stop  being desperate in a  relationship? 9
How to stop being desperate

To quit  being desperate in a relationship requires a lot of self control especially for folks who made their relationship a top priority.

Desperation is a negative trait which triggers the mindset to get something at all cost, irrespective of the odds or disastrous outcome.

Desperation occurs when there is sudden quest to acquire something.  And that’s the leading factor of so many social vices people indulge in .

It could be the desperation to acquire material things, desperation to achieve fame and so on.

Similarly, in relationship. Being desperate entails desiring for long time  commitment, attention  and love from your spouse or any member of the opposite sex even when they are unwilling to give out it out freely.   People who are desperate do not mind even when  they are  ignored and treated  unfairly.

All that matters to them is having their intentions accomplished. With such desperation, the rate of heart break had been on the increase,,with women toping the list as the most  affected, as desperation is highly seen among women.

Especially for women at  marriageable age. With the desperation, the tendency of being heartbroken, jilted and  betrayed is on the increase mostly by  men who may not really want any serious commitment from them aside flings with no strings attached. Ever seen a Desperate woman in a relationship? She is like an infant awaiting to be breast fed by the  mother. The desire is so intense to the point that the baby might not survive if he/she was denied. In other words,

Being desperate is an unhealthy habit that needs to be stopped. But how can we do that? Before we begin to explain some steps that could enable one to stop being desperate.

Lets look at some reasons why people are desperate.

How can i   stop  being desperate in a  relationship? 10
How to stop being desperate in a relationship

Reasons why people are desperate.

 

Giving more than required.

Most times, what pushes most lady to desperation is their commitment and the effort they invested in a relationship.

Hence this triggers their desire to long for more. And thus they may begin to show some signs of desperation if this desires are not met. This categories of ladies often show sign of Insecurity.

They are the ladies that could go to any length including casting a spell on a man just to get his attention. Or can even try doing something weird like attempting suicide if  they couldn’t  get the attention they crave for.

2. Moving too fast
Being desperate can make a lady to initiate a topic relating to marriage proposal or directly ask her supposed date his intention toward their friendship at the very first date.

There is nothing wrong with inquiring to know about the future of your relationship, but you shouldn’t be too fast on that other as it  may signify desperation. There are stages in a relationship ranging from the wooing stage to the point of proposal.

And some really love following these steps systematically without trying to skip or maneuver. Is all about individual preferences.

Some prefer starting off with friendship, then seeing how it goes from there before considering being intimate. So trying to rush them might become disastrous as it might drive them farther. To some people, slow and steady is really the best.

Inferiority complex

Inferiority complex is the leading cause of insecurity.

 

People with low self esteem are usually the most desperate because they are always sensitive to detect who loves or who does not love them.

They lack self confidence, and self love, and that often makes them to desire for love from other source at all cost.

Not reading the Red flags
Most people are lost in emotions as soon as they fall in love. In such  that they often ignore some signals indicating that their partner might have lost interest.

Such red flags are evidence indirectly showing that a relationship is practically over. And when this happens, the one who had lost interest would suddenly become distant, cold and less active towards this relationship. Thus, arousing the desperation in the affected partner.

Societal pressures

This affects young  women the most. When a young woman is ripe for marriage, there might be intense pressures from her relations, siblings, friends and colleagues. Thus leading her to desperation which might equally lead to making the wrong decision.

Steps on how to stop being desperate.

Take things gradually

Don’t be too fast to express your emotions, especially when you ain’t sure of their intentions yet. Don’t read too much meanings to the affections and care they might be giving you till they come out openly to declare their intentions.

The fact is that they might not want anything more than friendship, and so reading so much meaning to their kind gestures would only leave you in disappointments. While arousing the curiosity and desperation in you. Is always better to take it one step at a time. Don’t be in a hurry to invest your emotion.

Don’t ignore the red flags

Another factor that can enable one to stop being desperate in a relationship is to pay attention to the warning signals indicating that a relationship is about to end. Most times, this signs are there, but our instincts keeps giving us false hopes. Do not allow your emotions becloud your sense of reasoning.

Build your self esteem

Love begins with you, affection begins with you. I understand the fact that you are not getting younger, i am not disputing the fact that you want to settle down. But do you know that you can actually be Single and yet happy while waiting for the right one. Also, note that happiness and self love is in the mindset. You are solely responsible for your happiness. That’s why you must derieve a source to be happy within without waiting for any one to make you happy. Ignore every pressures around you. Remember you have to live with your choice alone.  don’t let your desperation lead you to the wrong choice. .

   Define a relationship from the onset .

Defining a relationship or friendship from the begining  will save you a whole lot of stress including being desperate.

Don’t just relax and assume things. you both ought to come up with a decision or conclusion on what you tend to achieve at the end. you can bring it up, if they ain’t ready or willing to reveal their intentions. but make sure you ain’t doing that too early, especially on a first date. Otherwise, it would definitely be nothing else other than desperation.

 

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4 Myths about marriage

4 Myths about marriage 13
Five myths about marriage

Myths about marriage, what comes to your mind at the mention of the word marriage?

What are the things you’ve heard about marriage that scares you? Or made you develop a different view about marriage? Your mindset and perception towards anything in life is what determines the amount of effort you would invest on it and the effect it would have on you.

What makes us in life is that which we ingest, the idea we believe, the advise or deceit we receive from others, the opinions we accept and the belief we admit. It can either affect our live positively or negatively.

so many myths had speculated about marriage. These myths are one of the  Top reasons for divorce and high rates of break up. People can come up with so many deceits or unverified facts which tends to lure the gullible ones and makes them succumb to long time misery all in the name marriage.  Just like every other institution, Marriage Is a continuous learning process.

There is no basic or particular formula. It all boils down to the belief and conception you both have. This belief can be a product of misconception, it can be filled with lies and deceits. It gets worse, if these misconceptions are  mutual. Now how can you correct each other’s mistake? since you both admit that those mistakes are right? This is why you have to be careful in admitting and accepting any information you hear about marriage, irrespective of its source. as They can be quite misleading a times. What are the common myths you’ve heard about marriage?

What myths about marriage
Five myths about marriage

Common myths about marriage

Marriage is primarily for procreation

This is a common belief today, and that explains why most marriage looses its Spark as soon Conception takes place.

Both couples might begin to think. “since we now have kids, what is the essence of having our usual hang outs, summer vacations and couple’s dinner nights?Hence the usual attention shifted to the kids which ought not be so. do you also realize that contracts marriage is also becoming popular this days?

A man would intentionally pay off a lady just to have her give him kids. Believing that procreation is the primary reason for marriage is one myths about marriage that needs to be corrected. What about companionship?companionship is the only factor that would strengthen a marriage.

The belief that you are together because you found each other worthy enough to be with them. This will help you stay put through thick and thin, and overcome any storms that might come your way, including the inability to procreate at that moment.

2.men are polygamous in nature

This is a common myth about marriage  meant to justify the act of infidelity among the male folks. however, there is no justification whatsoever on cheating.  These myths had broken  a lot of home, by making some men feel is absolutely normal to cheat on their spouse. It has also made  most  women to pay less attention whenever they discover that their hubby is cheating, as long as he takes care of the family. However, infidelity is wrong and capable of breaking a home irrespective of the gender involved in the act.

3. marriage is all about endurance and tolerance.

I know you must be Surprised on  how this was listed as one of the myths about marriage, after all you were told that tolerance is one of the factors needed to build a healthy and committed relationship as marriage.

Now pay attention to this, tolerance is good, in fact it is an essential factor. However, there is always a limit to what we can tolerate.

There is a limit to what we can put up. We tolerate flaws and not emotional abuse, we tolerate each other’s weakness and not not physical abuse.marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.

Don’t quote me wrong. Am not saying endurance in marriage is totally bad. But  is best we endure for the right purpose. It is best  adopted when things ain’t all rosy and When challenges surfaces. enduring domestic violence and emotional abuse especially with someone who ain’t working toward changing for better is a wrong idea.

Unfortunately, This issue of tolerance has been misinterpreted a lot.Most women are experiencing domestic violence in their respective homes. They can’t voice out because the society made them to believe that marriage is for better for worse, even at the expense of their happiness. This is one myth about marriage that really needs to be looked into.

Marriage life is stress free.

Another myths about marriage is that marriage life is stress free. and so most singles get into marriage with the mindset of being free from their worrisome folks and troublesome siblings.  Only to realize that there is actually no difference, apart from learning how to be submissive, tolerant and Understanding. Most times, they make the wrong choice, because they are so desperate and eager to leave home at all cost.

 

 

 

 

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Excessive communication in relationship, healthy or bad?

The meaning of intimacy in relationship
Excessive communication

Excessive communication a good or bad idea in a relationship? Communication is one of the essential factor which had been proved to enhance relationship especially  a distant relationship relationship where couples hardly get in physical contact with each other.

That shows that communication itself is a healthy habit in a relationship. So what about having it in excess? Is there such thing as excessive communication? Do you think communicating often with your spouse would reduce the spark in the relationship or make them to stop showing you so much affection?

This had been one of the most deliberated topic. So many folks believes that communicating too much with your spouse will make them desire you less. Other believes that it is an easiest way to kill the vibe in a relationship.

However, whatever you think or assume about   excessive communication.always have it in mind that a healthy relationship is not dependent upon any particular factor. But what seems to rock for both parties. Is all about having a mutual understanding and agreements on what you both desire to achieve in your relationship.

Is there such thing as excessive communication?

Yes, just like every other aspects of life, moderation is needed to achieve a better and  enhanced result.

The body needs sugar and salt to regulate its activity in other to ensure a healthy system free of illness and other ailment. Such activity otherwise known as osmotic  regulation.

However, having this in excess Could pose a problem to one’s system. And not having it sufficient could equally pose a problem, Hence the need to keep it  at a moderate level.

Most attitude we portray in life is good. But when exhibited in excess it turns to addiction which may pose a negative influence on us. There is nothing wrong with expressing one’s emotion. but when it becomes uncontrollable, it is said to be abnormal.

Similarly, excessive communication is not an exception.

Excessive communication in relationship,  healthy or bad? 15
Excessive communication

 

When do we say that a communication has become excessive?

When one or both partner sees it more like a disturbance.

Just like i explained earlier, it all depends on the parties involved. If there is mutual understanding, and both are okay with the communication styles.

Then there is no cause for alarm. But when one party begins to feel you are always invading on their privacy with so much calls or text messages,, Especially for people who never jokes with their space despite how intimate they are with you.

That is when a communication has become excess. Is always good to respect people’s choice especially when they need their Space

When is becoming a source of distraction

Communication when done moderately is good as it makes a relationship stronger, however, unnecessary calls, text messages and chats can pose as a distraction to other aspects of our lives. It is also a sign of neediness, insecurity and desperation.

A lot of relationships has ended as a result of unanswered calls, un replied text messages which may be as a result of the busy schedules by the other party.

most folks out of insecurity may call their partner endlessly, without understanding the fact that they might be too overwhelmed with work and thus couldn’t take their calls at the moment. When the pressure becomes much for them, they might decide to call it a quit. As not everyone is good in Handling their job and relationshipSimultaneously.

when it has become a habit

most folks are addicted to calling their partners every now and then.the addiction has turned to a habit to the point that even while  they are ignored and taken for granted, they persisted and kept calling. interrupting their partner’s space and making themselves appear  needy.

I have seen a scenario where a woman kept calling her fiancee who was probably having fun with another lady. She kept calling and calling. The more she called, the more heartbreaking and sad she became because her calls were  ignored.

 Excessive communication, while it may not be healthy.

it reduces the spark In a relationship.

No matter how helpful and good you think it is to  communicate excessively with your partner.   it gets boring with time.

If you have formed the habit of calling your partner at every interval just to check on them, or gist them on what happened at any point in time, they will get bored of it, because they ain’t getting anything new, apart from the usual stale stories and gist.

Variety they say is the spice of life. No one desires to be tasting a particular kind of food all the rest of their lives. The only exception to this is having a partner with mutual understanding and priority. Who doesn’t see anything wrong with excessive communication, but rather sees it as fun and a  way to get more connected to you.

It can lead to loss of interest.

Absence they say makes the heart grow fonder. It is human nature to value that which is less available than that which is always available. A simple illustration is this, when a commodity is scarce, people will place a high value on it, they will handle it with care. But when it can be easily acquired, less priority and value will be placed on it.

Similarly, people will value you more, when they are scared to loose you as a result of your absence.that does not imply you should Ignore your partner and make yourself unavailable. It only implies you should keep everything at moderate level, so you can trigger their desire and longing  to have your presence always.

It can lead to unnecessary Jealousy, assumption and insecurity.

when you are always conscious of calling your partner even they might be busy. You will often get paranoid if they couldn’t pick your call at that moment.

Thus leading to insecurity, jealousy and unnecessary assumptions of what does not exist. You will begin to suspect them without giving them a benefit or doubt or at least trying to hear their own side of the story before jumping into conclusions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Discover the 5 True meaning of intimacy in relationships.

The true meaning of intimacy
The true meaning of intimacy

 

The meaning of intimacy in  relationship is a very essential topic, because the word “intimacy”has been greatly misinterpreted by so many folks.

The word “intimacy” is a noun which was literally derived  from the Adjective “intimate”which means to be close or attached to someone.this shows that intimacy can occur among family members, close relatives and friends and not just in relationships.

It is a word that best describes the kind of bond that occurs between two people who may or may not be related to each other.

However, in relationship, the meaning could be broad. Aside, closeness, it is a term which we often use to describe the act of sex between two people in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is the only definition we pay much attention to. At the mention of “intimacy”our minds are often focus on sex, that we seems to forget the fact that it  also includes closeness and bonding.

With such mindset, it is common to assume that two folks who are exhibiting a kind of sexual relationship with no strings attached popularly known as “friends with benefits” are intimate with each other. It is not odd to assume that two individuals who met at a one night stand are intimate with each other.  These are what we presume to be intimacy. But on the contrary, the meaning of   intimacy goes beyond sexual relationship. In relationships, It actually entails a lot than we can ever imagine, which we are about to explain in details.

The meaning of intimacy in a relationship.

The meaning of intimacy in relationship

intimacy means friendship. 

A true friend is someone you share your common interest and goals with. Your closeness with them is one of the characteristics of having them as friend.

You are not scared of sharing your secret with them, you are not scared of confiding in them. In other words, for a relationship to be intimate, you have to be each other’s close pals. But Unfortunately, what most couples Of this days understand as intimacy is only love making.  A man would be so busy to spend time with his wife, both hardly sits down to have a good discussion, they only live as housemates.

A seminar was once organized for married couples, each couple were called out privately by the counselor and were  made to undergo an interview  concerning their partner’s preference, such as their choice of color, interest and other personal traits. but unfortunately, they all failed the test. But as soon as they were asked to mention their partner’s color of undies. They got it right. This showed that friendship was not included in their own meaning of intimacy.

Intimacy means emotional bond.

There had been several questions to what actually creates emotional bond, so many folks believes that nothing else creates emotional bond aside sex.

But Does sex create emotional bond? In marriage, it does to an extent, but true bonding is often seen among couples who found reasons to be together aside sexual connections.

Have you ever thought about couples in a longLong distant relationship  and how they cope?  They are still together despite the distance, because their bond is too strong to be broken by any factor.

intimacy means sacrifice 

One of the characteristics of an intimate relationship is the ability of both partners to sacrifice their happiness for each other and contribute to each other’s happiness, irrespective of the odds and inconveniences.

It goes both ways. Having emotional connection during love making alone and acting like casual friends thereafter does not depict love making. It can only be described as friends with benefits.

How do you explain the fact that you are in an intimate relationship, but your so called partner cannot be there for you when you are having challenges?except when he/she is in dire need to satisfy their sexual urge?

Intimacy means Transparency

The meaning of intimacy would be incomplete and irrelevant without mentioning Transparency. Initially, We defined an  intimate relationship using friendship as an illustration.

Now imagine you had a friend, so close to you that people assumed you both were both  siblings, you do everything together, you often share your secrets with them, including the ones that were meant to be confidential. But unfortunately, they keep secrets a lot and often finds it difficult to open up to you. wouldn’t you feel cheated?it shows that they don’t even trust you  as much as you trust them.

They don’t trust you enough to share their secret with you. Are such kind of people qualified to be called a friend?similarly, any relationship where one or both partners are not transparent with each other is not qualified to be called an intimate relationship. Lack of transparency also means lack of Trust. you can only open up to someone whom you trust so much. Understanding the true meaning of intimacy will help your relationship thrive well and grow stronger. It also helps to differentiate betweenLove and infatuation. In other to know if you are truly  loved or if  you are being used for a personal benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Signs you are dating a narcissist

5 Signs you are dating a narcissist 17Dating a narcissist

Dating a narcissist can be so daunting and stressful especially  when you wish to be in a committed relationship.

Who is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone so  obsessed by him/herself. Narcissist  admire themselves a lot to the point that they often think less about others.

Narcissism is a negative  attitude filled with self centered attitude and ingratitude.

Unfortunately, Narcissism is often misinterpreted with self esteem. Both seems alike but differs in so many aspect. All Narcissist may possess  self esteem, but not every persons with self esteem is a Narcissist.

Here is the difference

While a narcissist values him/herself and posses self confidence. However, they think less of others. They are often Egocentric.

On the contrary, a self  esteemed individual may  have  confidence on him/her self, admires him/herself, but takes the interest of others into consideration.

In other words, they are not self centered or exhibits any trait that shows that.

Dating a narcissist is very common, but a times, we may not know we are dating one till we be begin to see some signs indicating such.

 

Signs you may  be dating a Narcissist

They are often possessive

Narcissist can be possessive to the core.

Because they have this feelings that the world revolves around them.and so that mindset gives them the impression that being in a relationship with you implies that you shouldn’t have any other friends of the opposite sex. have you ever been in a relationship where talking to a member of the opposite sex signals a great taboo by your significant other?this could be a sign that you are dating a narcissist.

 

The “me”, i  and myself mentality

Just like we mentioned earlier, narcissist individuals tends to be self centered. Because they are so engulfed by their own personality and what derives them joy, they would not mind if you displease yourself just to get them pleased.

What ever it takes to make them happy, they would not mind having you do that, even at the detriment of your own happiness.

Have you ever dated someone who nags every now and then, complains of not giving them a lot of attention, without considering your busy schedules. This could be a great sign you are dating a narcissist.

5 Signs you are dating a narcissist 18

Sense of entitlement

Dating a narcissist is synonymous to being in a relationship with someone who feels is his/her right to have anything they wished for, or get anything done for them  without minding the possibility or  circumstance behind making it happen.

To them, being in a relationship involves getting a lots of benefits even when they hardly give any. You can easily identify this people by their incessant demands. because of their quest for admiration  and relevance. Most are known to be so materialistic     and insatiable.

 

Lack of empathy

One major problem about narcissist is that though they are sensitive toward their own need and feelings, they care less about other people’s feelings.

Their lack of empathy is derived from their  self centered nature. Have you ever dated someone who you care a lot for and always sensitive enough to detect their mood? whereas they  Don’t  care about your mood .You might be battling with depression  and other psychological  problem, with the assumption that they would be there for you. but alas, you were wrong. you confided in them hoping they would be a shoulder to lean on. But unfortunately, they showed no concern whatsoever concerning your burden. Rather than being a shoulder to lean on, they contributed to your burden.

 Neediness and Desperation

Most narcissist shows signs of clingy ness as a result of their excessive quest for attention.

They can be obsessed when in relationship. They handle relationship like their entire being revolves around it. Thus making them needy and desperate every now and then.

Insecurity

Narcissist often feels insecure as a result of their quest for excessive attention and love. They often get Jealous when they observe you are beginning to get too  close to a member of the opposite sex. This insecurity a times is often accompanied with nags which seems to be a turn off to most people.