Are you stuck in the talking stage? That can be so frustrating especially when you long for a serious commitment and see them as your potential partner. The talking stage is a great way to get acquainted with someone you have a romantic interest with.
what do people really talk about in the talking stage?
Interest.
During the talking stage, interest are shared with one another. This interest includes, your goals, ambitions, hobby, likes dislikes and general personalities. At this stage, you’re eager to know if you both have mutual interest, this is what determines the tendency of moving on to the next phase in the talking stage.
Emotions/romantic stage.
This is usually the next topic in the talking stage after confirming the mutuality in interest. In this stage you talk about a lot of things which includes your spec in a partner, your past relationships, and your heart break stories if any. In this stage, more intimate topics like what it feels like to be in love can equally be discussed, depending on the particular context.
Flaws.
The next stage after the romance stage is the Transparent stage, where you discuss about your flaws. Now you’ve known each other good sides, you’ve ascertain their interest and found out that it aligns with yours, the next question is, can you condone their flaws, assuming your friendship/relationship moves to a more advanced stage(life commitment). This is why this stage is very crucial in the talking stage. Neglecting it will be at your own peril.
The talking stage might seem like the final stage of friendship, after which the romantic relationship commences. However, do you know that people can be stuck in this stage forever, do you know that this stage is not a guarantee that you”ll finally become a couple despite the intimate discussions you might have had.
This is a fact so many are not willing to accept, it becomes so worrisome when emotions has been involved by one party, practicing Emotional detachment at this stage may be difficult. This is why it is necessary to understand the talking stage and find out why it lingers or never works as expected, so you don’t end up investing your emotions and energy in the wrong source and then regret afterwards.
Reasons why you’re stuck in the talking stage.
Misinterpreted emotions and interest.
Why talking stage can be the best way to get acquainted with someone you’re interested in and willing to have a life time commitment, it is necessary to understand their intentions before living in expectations and investing your emotions.
As a lady, If you’ve been on talking stage with someone for a very long time, and they are not making any attempt to declare their intentions towards you in other to move the relationship to the next level, it could be a sign that they are not actually interested in you. And as a man,
if you’ve declared your intention towards a lady you’ve been on talking stage with, and she ain’t giving you any positive feed back, or probably always divert the discussion whenever you bring it up, apparently, she ain’t interested.
They might just be enjoying your company, or love the fact that you both share the same interest and goals, but not attracted to you. This is why a lot of people had been friend zoned why they were expecting to start a romantic journey with someone they find attractive.
Women are often at this receiving end in this scenario, due to their emotional make up. Women have this soft spot, that captures their heart easily by any little gesture, hence the reason they fall in love easily. Even without any intentions declared at the talking stage, most will begin to fantasize a romantic journey already. Unlike men, who can feel comfortable with your vibes and company without having any strings attached.
Being too spontaneous and forward.
Another obvious reason why you may be stuck in the talking stage is the fact that you’re being too spontaneous.
You want everything to happen so quick and sudden. You’re too inquisitive to know much about them, you’re too forward and moving at a faster lane, even when they want to talk it gradually. You’ve not known much about them, yet you are already talking about romance and emotion. Such desperation can be so scary and a Big turn off even for someone who has romantic interest for you. It is more attractive when you both are moving on the same pace and acceleration.
You’re not honest.
You might be stuck in the talking stage if they discover that you’re not a honest person. No matter how desperate someone is to have you in their life, once they discover a sign of deception and lies in you, they will loose interest easily.
Transparency brings out the spark in a relationship. And so you may assume that it is impossible to detect the lies from you because you ain’t dating yet.
However, detecting lies from someone you’re not dating but in a talking stage with is very possible. One of the easiest way to do that is to always take note of your discussion and words they utter.
People who lie hardly remember what they said previously during discussion because they are bent on achieving a temporal purpose.
If you’re saying one thing today, and saying another tomorrow, it will make them loose interest in moving the relationship to the next stage, as the aim of a talking stage is to get to know you better assuming they want a serious commitment with you.
you’re dealing with a player.
There are guys who might not be genuinely interested in you, but only approaching you with the intention of getting you fall helplessly in love with them, so they can have their ego bloated, especially if you’ve initially played hard to get. They just want to watch you get obsessed with them, and crave to have them desperately.
Such guys understand that women fall in love easily by what they hear, hence they strategize means to get them succumb to their tactics by giving you Mixed signal every now and then. They make sure they give you maximum attention, calling you at odd hours, and talking to you at lengthy, and the more you communicate with them, the more you become emotionally attached. But unfortunately, it ends there.
They have no intention whatsoever to move it to the next level. They will keep manipulating you till you get tired and call it quit.
you’re clingy and possessive.
Another reason why you maybe stuck in the talking stage is because you’re too clingy and possessive.
Imagine being close to someone who can’t give you a breathing space, despite the attention you give them, you call them at certain time, when you’re probably free, you talk to them at lengthy, but whenever you drop the call with them, they still want to reach out, even when you’re busy at work, they wanna blow up your phone with incessant calls and messages.
You’re not yet dating them, still in talking stage, but they always want to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing. Any association with other friends of the opposite gender is usually followed by signs of jealousy, and interrogations.
Such clingy behaviour can lead to a decline of interest. So how can you get out of this talking stage? What are the steps needed or factors you should avoid in other to enhance the possibility of having a relationship/friendship move to the next phase.
How to get over the talking stage.
Guide your emotions/heart.
Just like I earlier explained, misinterpreted emotions/interest is one of the reason why you may be stuck in the talking stage. To get over this, don’t get emotionally involved with someone you ain’t dating yet. Avoid too much expectations or assumption that the friendship will progress to a romantic journey. If talking to them on regular basis will make you attached to them, consider minimizing the rate at which you communicate with them, so you don’t end up jeopardizing your mental health, when you realize they ain’t interested for any romantic journey.
If they haven’t declared their intentions towards you, don’t assume till they’ve done that.
Flow with their pace.
If you don’t want to get stuck in the talking stage or frustrated, don’t act too desperate or rush it. Flow with their pace till the connection is built naturally. Avoid asking questions that shows you are too eager to have them. It should be a mutual concept.
If the discussion is still based on interest and goals, stick to it, don’t rush to romantic topics yet.
Be real.
To avoid being stuck in the talking stage, always be yourself, don’t lie about your personality, remember the key intention of a talking stage is to ascertain the possibility of moving the relationship to the next stage. As you’re talking about each other’s interest, sharing your goals, they are gradually studying you, to make sure that your character align with theirs and they can condone your flaws. Lying to impress them will be the greatest mistake to make, rather than impress them, it will likely put them off.
Being yourself at this stage will give you every clarity you need concerning the relationship and its future.
Avoid sensitive topics.
Avoid sensitive topics if you don’t want to remain stuck in the talking stage
What do I mean by sensitive topics? Deep personal topics that has to do with your past, be transparent but not too loose. Don’t reveal so much about yourself especially if they never asked. Keep some secret to yourself, till the relationship has become defined.
While being transparent is good, also note that it takes an emotionally matured heart to handle some sensitive facts. Be careful so as not to put them off with your past.
Give them space.
Being stalk in the talking stage could be as a result of your clingyness. Haven’t you heard that familiarity breeds contempt, being less available and appearing unpredictable will make you attractive. With such trait, you’re living a mystery that they would love to unviel. You’re stirring up the desire to be pursued by them, that curiosity is what will prompt them to take a prompt action in declaring their intention or accepting yours.
Sometimes, you have to deliberately miss their calls, then call back afterwards. Don’t always be in a haste to pick up when they call. No matter how consistently they communicate with you, Resist the temptation of nagging whenever you notice a decline in their communication level.
