Topics couples should discuss before marriage is one of the essential ways in building a healthy and lasting union.
Marriage is quite different from dating, not every couple in relationships have the intention of getting married. People date for diverse reasons like fun, personal benefits. Hence, may not deem it necessary to do thorough investigations and ask sensitive questions about each other before commencing the relationship.
Little or no attention is paid to compatibility and understanding. It’s all about infatuation, attraction and feelings. However, marriage is entirely a different journey. A lot has to be taken into consideration.
Often times, people might not have the intention of marriage at first, they may start off as friends, and along the line, their intentions might proceed from friendship to intimate relationship as attraction and chemistry builds up. At this stage, mutual interest had been achieved. The next is to plan on how to move the relationship to the next level. And this involves asking necessary questions, discussing certain topics.
So why do couples need to have a discussion prior to marriage?
TO attain mutual value and interest.
One of the Top reasons for divorce is that people get married to someone whose vision doesn’t align with theirs, and this can be disastrous as having different perception in marriage can often lead to misunderstanding.
Two can’t walk together except they are in agreement. The perception as regards to various aspect of life ought to be similar.
As a career and resourceful woman you need to get married to a man who has passion for career building regardless of the gender involved. A man who wouldn’t feel intimidated or EGO threatened because you’re earning more than him. A man who wouldn’t feel that being a resourceful woman is synonymous to being non submissive. Hence the reason why topics couples should discuss before marriage is non negotiable.
To build Emotional connection.
One of the rising cause of failure and infidelity in marriages is lack of emotional connection. A lot of intending couples tend to ignore this fact, hoping that character and love alone will sustain the marriage, but reverse is usually the case. When couples are not sexually or emotionally connected with each other, one or both might be tempted to cheat on the other.
To build trust.
Often times, couples misunderstand each other due to petty factors which could have been avoided if certain discussions were held. Marriage is made up of two individuals with different background, upbringing, perception and mindset towards life.
Things that means nothing to you, might be a big deal to another. Your partner might fall into the category of people who attach so much meaning to things which might not be a big deal to you. It doesn’t mean they are wrong either. That is their own perspective/opinion, and they are entitled to it. Trying to change them will be a wrong and difficult approach, as you can’t easily change an adult, especially if they had adjusted to their own way of life. The best and only approach is to have an effective communication with them in other to discuss some sensitive topics to avoid unnecessary suspicion and insecurities.
To set boundaries.
Individuals tend to differ as regards to their privacy. Some people detest it when their privacy is being invaded irrespective of who’s involved and how close they are.
While some people wouldn’t mind as long as they from their loved ones.
Some individuals are so transparent to the core, that they wouldn’t mind allowing their loved ones access to their phone, while some are over protective of their privacy. It doesn’t always imply that they have skeleton on their cupboard, but this could just be attached to the upbringing.
Some grew up in a family where phone calls could be picked by any member of the family in the absence of the owner, while in some families, no one is expected to pick anyone’s call except on emergency purposes.
Growing up with these mindset will in turn have a great influence in marriage. This is why certain topics about boundaries should be brought up and agreement reached so there won’t be a misunderstanding or mistrust on the long run.
To build tolerance.
Certain discussions are necessary during courtship as flaws and weak points are addressed to establish tolerance and compatibility.
Most marriages couldn’t stand the test of time because one or both couples were living in pretense, not until after marriage, their partners began to discover some lapses which they couldn’t condone. It is necessary to talk about each other’s weak points especially weak points like anger and emotional management, so they wouldn’t come as a surprise to your spouse during marriage. It can be easily handled when they are discussed than when they are displayed.
To ascertain compatibility.
Not every relationship or courtship will lead to marriage. Remember that the primary goal of courtship is to ascertain mutual interest, and compatibility which will determine the tendency of either breaking apart or progressing to the next stage which is marriage. The goal is not to attain perfection, but to determine your level of tolerance on each other and to be certain of what you can or cannot condone.
Having known the importance of certain discussions in marriage. The next question is , what are those essential topics couples should discuss.
Essential topics couples should discuss before marriage.
Financial management
This is one of the topics couples need to discuss before saying “I do”. Finance is one of the greatest assets in life because we can’t virtually do any form of activity without involving money.
This is why it is sometimes regarded as the weapon against humanity. Money can strengthen a relationship and as well mar it, if both partners are not guided on how to manage it effectively.
The bone of contention in marriage as regards to finance usually occurs as a result of the difference in the salary of both couples.
Men are regarded as the head of the home, and are required to bear 70% of the family’s responsibility as nature made it,while women are help mates.
Now imagine a situation where both salaries are equal or the man earns more? Who will bear the major responsibility in the home. This issue needs to be addressed properly otherwise it will cause a great deal of discourse in the home.
Career/ Home management.
Another essential topic couples should discuss before marriage is career management. This topic is centered on how to manage your career/ job so it wouldn’t interfere with your home.
Unfortunately, most couples place their priority on the pursuit of money. In the quest for luxury and comfort life which is still not bad, but placing so much emphasis on it and neglecting their home is the dispute.
They tend to forget that as long as marriage is concerned, it is not just about them, but also about their unborn kids. Soon, kids will start coming which entails an adjustment /balance in their career so as to raise them morally and uprightly. Often times, emotionally and psychologically damaged kids comes as a result of busy parents who never had the time to nurture their kids. They end up being a victim to societal pressures and stigma.
Related articles How to balance your love life and goals.
Social life management.
This is one of the topics couples should discuss before marriage in other to ensure the longevity of their marriage. We are in the era where social media seems to have dominated every aspect of life including marriage, the quest for fame and recognition seems to have surpassed the quest to build a home.
Most people are more interested in seeking for public validation in their marriage than actually working on their home. Hence privacy seems to have been disrupted in most marriages. Prior discussion as regards to the use of social media in marriage will avert this.
If you don’t like posting your marriage on social media, your partner should be well informed, so it won’t bring a misunderstanding tomorrow. The use of social media should be well regulated too, so it doesn’t interfere with the marital privacy especially when one party isn’t the social media type.
Sexual compatibility
Sexual compatibility is underrated, a lot of people pretend like it’s not important during courtship. A lot tend to shy away from such topics due to religion. But with time, they will realize that it is one of the essential topics couples should discuss during courtship to ensure they are sexually compatible. Knowing what turns each other on, knowing each other’s sexual/romantic preferences, your love languages, etc. ignoring these questions /topics will always result to misunderstanding as one of the top reason for marriage is to curb sexual desires..
Couples who had agreed to remain celibate can still know each other’s sexual compatibility by having an intimate discussing prior to marriage without actually practicing it.
The goal is to ensure that the intimate part of the relationship ain’t neglected.
Child bearing/family planning.
This is very crucial as it tops up in the list of topics couples should discuss before marriage . Procreation is one of the primary objectives of marriage.
The number of children needed in marriage should be well discussed prior marriage, as that will make both couples foster their plans towards planning to avoid breeding outrageous number of kids beyond their financial capability.
Goals and values.
One of the essential topics couples should discuss before marriage is their individuals goals. Like we earlier explained. One of the reason for such discussion is to be certain that you are dating the one who supports your visions and goals in life.
Unfortunately, many goals got terminated as soon marriage calls. Many gave up on their goals in the bid to respect their partners wish even at the detriment of their own happiness. Such would have been avoided, if sensitive discussion was held prior to marriage.
Marriage isn’t just about child bearing or intimacy, but also supporting each other to fulfill their visions in life. Marriage ought to accomplish you and not drain you. This is why you need to have this discussion with your partner to be sure they’re thinking towards your direction.
Weak points/strength
This is a very vital discussion in the lists of the topics couples should discuss before marriage.
Knowing your partner’s weak points will foster understanding and erase unnecessary marital disputes.
Weak points is a common trait in human, though it varies from individuals to individuals. It is necessary you talk about them, to be sure you can condone the other weak points. It is not about knowing your partner when they are good in mood, but how well do you know them when they are provoked or agitated?
Can you control their temperament in the heat of arguments?
Resolving issues.
In marriage, we can’t erase the possibility of issues arising, but how couples tend to handle it is what matters. There should be intense discussion on how to go about so as to avoid normal marital in differences escalating to a more severe cases. It is during this kind of discussion that you can be able to know if your partner can use the five lettered word “sorry” or they are to full of themselves.
Related article RESOLVING ISSUES IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.
Past relationships.
This should equally top the list in the topics couples should discuss during marriage as a lot of marriages had been ruined by Exe’s.
Such discussion are important in other to find out the current status of their partner with their Ex’s, if they still have a thing for them or emotionally attached to them. Some people left a relationship but were never disentangled with their partner, they still have unresolved feelings and thus in the bid to forget their partner went into a new relationship as a rebound Relationship . If such relationship tends to progress into marriage, there will definitely be cases of infidelity.
Discussing about Ex partner can help both parties to know if they are actually in love each other or using each other as a rebound.
Discussing about past relationships also helps to identify past mistakes in other to make amends where necessary so as to avoid subsequent mistakes in marriage.
Related article Moving on from an Ex you still love. 10 tips to guide you .
