Sexual attraction in marriage is very crucial and remains one of the significant qualities that must be present when considering a life partner as the important of sex in marriage cannot be overemphasized. It’s absence contribute to one of the Top reasons for divorce.
It is quite normal to see someone who fits into your spec, they have all the qualities you need in a partner, their character is a replica of your idea marriage, but unfortunately, you’re not just attracted to them sexually and no matter how you try, it doesn’t work. It would be disastrous going into marriage with such individual as this is the leading cause of cheating in marriage.
To sustain a marriage and ensure its longevity, couples need to connect both physically,emotionally, intellectually and sexually.
While Tolerance will ensure there’s mutual understanding, sexual attraction will ensure there’s fidelity in the marriage. And it equally creates intimate bonds, when other factors are present.
In spite the importance of sexual attraction in marriage and why intending couples should put into consideration as one of the vital qualities before settling down, it is not uncommon to realize the fact that couples who had sexual attraction at the initial stage of the relationship/ marriage can loose it somewhere along the line in their marital years. It is not impossible for a marriage with the best record of strong Emotional and sexual connection to loose it’s spark. It happens on regular basis, but the good news is that there’s a solution to it, it doesn’t signal the end of a marriage.
Note: loosing sexual attraction in marriage isn’t the same as falling out of love. There’s a solution to it, the first is to find out the reason behind the challenge, with the reasons it becomes quite easier to come up with solutions.
So why do couples loose sexual connections?
10 Reasons why couple loose sexual attraction in marriage.
1. They allow familiarity to control their feelings.
The first year of your marriage was filled with excitement and great euphoria that you can’t fathom, there was so much connections that you can’t have enough of each other.
But along the line, you notice this connection was beginning to dwindle, there was no quarrel or misunderstanding.
You never fought or argued over trivial issue, and even when you do, you tried to settle it amicably. So what actually is the problem? Familiarity. As soon as that first stage of excitement called honeymoon phase is over, you will gradually move to the next stage which is known as re adjustment stage. This is where familiarity sets in, you’re beginning to adjust to each other’s life style, the excitement and euphoria naturally and slowly wanes off.
But the good news is that this is normal. Lots of have couples have similar experience to share. Some have it that, at some point in their marriage, they no longer see each other as lovers but siblings.
Waking up each day and having the same person lying next to you, while doing the same routine with them can be boring. It is not just in marriage, it is common to every aspect of life in general. Hence the slogan. “Variety the spice of life”.
The best way to handle the familiarity challenge is to bring exciting adventures into your marriage. Introduce enough fore play before intimacy, change your intimacy styles, make your marriage lively and not a military ground by playing together, doing hide and seek games. Take a leave from work and have fun, go out on vacations. These kind of activities will make you long for more in your marriage.
2. financial challenges.
Financial challenges can be so overwhelming in marriage to the point that it will pose negative effect on couple’s sexual life.
Sometimes, when a man is surrounded with so many responsibilities but limited fund to take care of them, he will begin to loose focus, which will suppress the sexual hormones thereby leading to loss of sexual interest. A man who’s occupied with lots of thought will hardly get erection. This is psychological, this is because sex is an activity that had to do with our mindset. It is triggered most often by a stable mind.
Similarly, a woman whose peace has been disrupted in the marriage either by a cheating husband, Abusive husband or an uncaring husband will loose sexual connection for him, because to be sexually connected to someone, you need to have a stable mind especially when they are able to offer you that.
3. Misunderstanding and differences.
When couples are not in good terms, they will find it difficult to connect emotionally, thus affecting their sexual life too.
This is why it is very vital to Resolve ISSUES amicably before intimacy. Find out the source of the issue, talk about it, communicate with each other till you get the root of the problem and get it solved.
Unfortunately, most people make the mistake of assuming that sex is an antidote to solving marital problem, but this is wrong. If you’re not in good terms with each other, and you try to make it up with sex, you’ll only end up sexually satisfying yourself without any sexual chemistry or emotional connection. Sex without love making in marriage is synonymous with having sex as strangers.
While sex makes you reach orgasm, love making gives you both satisfaction, fulfillment and strengthens your bond.
4. Third party interference.
Third party interference is one of the significant factors that can make couples loose sexual attraction in marriage.
Always bringing in a third party to resolve issues with you and your spouse is an unhealthy habit that can destroy your bond. Each time you invite a third party, without first communicating about the issue, you’re gradually sowing a seed of discord signifying lack of trust in your marriage and this will have a great deal of negative effect on your sexual life.
Endeavor to work out your differences. A trusted third party should only be sought for when other options have failed.
5. Neglecting your partner’s love language.
I’ve heard so many women complain of not having enough fore plays during intimacy. Some men/women have this habit of thinking about and focusing only on themselves during intimacy. They don’t care about knowing what turns their spouse on. Once they reach to the climax, nothing else matters. This is wrong and can make your spouse loose connection with you.
Couples need to understand what works for both during intimacy. Knowing and practicing these will always make their sexual life exciting.
6. Regular intimacy.
Sounds weird right? How can regular intimacy make it to the list? When we’ve been told that sexual attraction in marriage is vital for it’s sustainability and growth? While sex is important in marriage, moderation is the spice of every aspects of life including marriage.
Couples who does nothing together aside having sex after their daily activities are meant to develop boredom over time. Keeping up with one routine all the time can be so exhausting and boring. You need to spice up your marriage with those things you once did during the talking and wooing stage.
Take a break from intimacy and add some adventures to your marriage. Go on vacation, go on a dinner date, celebrate your anniversaries, during More of these activities will help rekindle your love and sexual life, and this will trigger your urge for intimacy.
7. self neglect.
You were once the hottest and pretty girl that your man couldn’t resist. What suddenly changed,? You finally got married to them and felt that there’s no more need of making yourself attractive, since you’ve they’ve become yours.
You were once that prince charming that captured the attention of every lady, what suddenly changed? You got married and felt there’s no more need to keep up with the vibe that once caught their attention.
This is so wrong. You have to understand that your spouse still have feelings despite the fact that they’ve gotten married to you. It’s possible to feel attracted to random people especially when they loose their attraction for you as a result of self neglect.
This is one of the reason why people loose sexual attraction in marriage and that leads to infidelity. You don’t need to start looking unkempt as soon as you got married. Self care will always make you irresistible for your spouse no matter how long you’ve spent together in marriage. And that will keep the spark continuously burning in such a way that you can never loose attraction for each other.
8. sexual incompatibility.
Sexual attraction in marriage can only be possible when there’s sexual compatibility between intending couples. Just like I explained earlier, physical qualities alone is not a guarantee that someone is your spec. Your sexual fantasies need to align with each other too just like your personal values. Even in the absence of similar sexual fantasies, there should be willingness by one or both parties to adjust with each other.
You really don’t need to practice sex before marriage before discovering their fantasies, you can always engage one another on conversation pertaining your sexual life during courtship even if you’re both practicing celibacy . If you have a high libido, it is wise to discuss that with your partner before going into marriage with them, so one person won’t feel stressed out with sexual demands, while the other feels unsatisfied. In that way, your sexual lives won’t be affected along the line.
9. Mental stress.
Mental stress can have a troll on couple’s and affect their sexual life if not sorted out.
It is rare for couple to function sexually and keep up with the spark when one or both are mentally stressed up due to stress at work place , financial set back or loss of job. It takes a stable mind to be sexually connected. And so mental stress can disrupt that. If your partner is affected by mental stress, the best to do at this point is to understand their plight and empathize with them don’t nag or fight them for neglecting your emotional needs.
The way you handle the situation will determine how quick or longer it will take them to bounce back. Being an understanding spouse at this period is very therapeutic.
If you are both stressed out at work, you need to have mutual communication to know the best time you can both schedule your love activities.
10. Depression.
Loosing sexual attraction in marriage is easier when one or both couples is experiencing depression. Try to find out the leading cause of your spouse depression, if it is beyond your control, you can recommend or encourage them to visit a therapist. With that, their healing can be faster, avoid pressurizing them, just be patient with them till they bounce back again.
