How long should I wait before having sex? This is one of the most common questions people ask on daily basis, especially at the beginning of a new relationship.
Though sex might seem just like a physical act to some people, which no strings attached, to others it really means a lot that’s why they are being cautious so as to avoid anything that could lead to regrets in the future.
A new relationship is like a newly secured job, at first, you’re excited and so eager to resume. But along the line, feelings of anxiety begins to set in.
This anxiety can range from the fear of loosing one’s job or doing things that might attract sanction or penalty. This is the likely scenario that happens during a new relationship.
The fear of indulging in intimacy in the early stage and risking the tendency of having your partner loose the spark too sudden or having them cheat on you as a result of sex denial can be so excruciating. This often leads to a dilemma and the usual question. How long should I wait before having sex?
This question is commonly asked among women.
Reasons why women are eager to know the right time frame for having sex in a new relationship.
1. They are Emotional being– women are generally known as the weaker vessel. Unlike men, they attach emotion to everything including intimacy.
Unlike the female hormone The male hormone is primarily designed to ease the stress associated with sexual urges, this explains why men often feel relieved and detached as soon as they ejaculate, women on the other hand becomes attached and crave for intimate and romantic gestures such as cuddling.
Men wants space after sex, while women desires more intimacy and attachments. This is the Emotional differences In men and women.
So in other words they are often at the loose end, hence the reason for the question. Should I wait before having sex? And the curiosity to know the right frame of time, to have it.
2. Afraid of being jilted.
Having observed that some men withdraw after intimacy, the fear of becoming intimate with a man at the beginning of a relationship keeps surfacing every now and then.
The urge to indulge in the act a times is mutual. Just like the male hormone, the female hormone is programmed to naturally feel the need of emotional attachment at a particular period in a woman’s reproductive cycle known as ovulation.
However, the feelings of exploitation surfaces, if a woman succumbs to this urge and gets jilted. Especially if there’s a string attached and she desires to have a committed relationship, thereafter.
That’s why some women are not eager to succumb to this urge, hence the question, how long should I wait before having sex?
3. To avoid being tagged desperate .
Desperation is one of the Biggest turn off for men. To most women, having a man wait for sex boosts their self confidence and esteem. It is part of playing hard to get.
Hence they believe that keeping him waiting will stir up his interest more. However, while this may be true in some scenarios, its not applicable in most cases.
3. To avoid societal discrimination.
When it comes to the issue of pre marital sex, women are mostly the victims and the most discriminated against.
Female’s virginity is mostly taken into consideration and seen as a priority than that of male. Men can have as much flings as they wish to, but when it comes to women, it is mostly frowned against.
A woman who have so many body counts and sexual encounters is considered an indecent woman and in some cases, a sex hawker. Hence the reason why women are being cautious on being intimate with the right person and at the right time.
Would delaying for sex guarantee the longevity of your relationship?
Before asking the question how long should I wait before having sex? You should first ask yourself if there’s any positive effect of having to wait, would the wait worth it at the end? Would it guarantee the success of the relationship?
Weather you’ve decided to wait for one months, six months or one year, it wouldn’t have any effect. What is bound to happen will happen. In other to avoid regrets, treat intimacy as a personal decision rather than as a means to secure the heart of your significant other.
You have the right to your body, the decision to share it with another should be solely yours. One of your values in life should be having a will to stick to your personal decision and principles, if remaining celibate in your relationship is your goals, don’t succumb to the pressures of sex. Easy right? Hell no! You might develop the phobia that if you didn’t compromise you will loose your relationship, your partner will jilt you and find someone else. All these are mere assumptions and speculations.
There are factors that determines the longevity of a relationship. These factors gives the best answers to your question should I wait before having sex? And how long should I have to wait.
These factors will determine how long you need to wait before having sex in a new relationship.
1. Interest of your partner
Like I emphasized earlier, the criteria that will determine the success of your relationship is not based on how long you wait for sex, but the intention of your partner.
Their motive of being in a relationship with you. Are they with you just for momentarily pleasure or to start a lasting union with you. If former is the case, then no matter how long you wait to be intimate with them, once they have their way, they will jilt you, leaving you traumatized.
The assumption that waiting for a while before becoming intimate with your partner will stir their interest and make them more attached to you is a fallacy. Some players who are only interested in fling
Are willing to wait as long as you’re willing to give in, and as soon as you succumb, they jilt you and move on to the next victim. Some might have experienced this in their previous relationship, and then think they might have given too early. But that is not the case. Whoever has genuine interest in you will never leave no matter how soon you get intimate with them. It’s all about intentions.
2. commitment .
Commitment is synonyms to investment. Before people invest, they are certain of the result that will show forth after their investment. People hardly invest where there’s no yield.
How committed your partner is to your relationship will determine the aftermath of being intimate with them soon.
When someone invest hugely on you, I’m not referring to the scenario of being paid off after sex, but investing his resources and time towards your personal growth and career, it clearly indicates that they want you for long term keeps.
In that case, you have no reason to worry about being or not being intimate with them, or having it so soon or waiting for a certain period of time, it will make no difference.
3. your perception about sex.
Like I explained earlier, sex should be a personal decision and not purpose oriented.
People who have sex for fun or consent to it mutually have no reason to fear of having at the wrong time.
They easily move on and never feels exploited if the relationship eventually didn’t work out as expected.
On the contrary, if you’re one those people intentional about your sexuality due to religion or decision to remain celibate, the best decision is to stick to your principle, so you don’t feel emotionally destabilize if they jilt you after sex.
4. Your Emotional stability.
Some people become Emotionally attached as soon as intimacy takes place in a relationship. Such people finds it difficult to move on or detach when things goes south, they become so obsessed with their Ex, stalking them every now and then or threatening to hurt themselves or their Ex for messing up with their emotions.
Before deciding to get intimate with anyone on a relationship, make sure you’re emotionally stable especially when they haven’t shown any sign of commitment.
5. your past sexual Encounters in relationship.
Another essential factors that will influence your decision on how long you need to wait before having sex is your past sexual encounters.
You recalled how you made a vow not to be intimate with your ex. At first, they obliged and promised to wait as long as you’re willing to give in.
Everything was going as expected, not until they began to mount inexplicable pressures on you, regardless of your decision. You pleaded with them for more time to re evaluate your decision, but all to no avail as they remained adamant. You had no choice than to oblige as you were too scared to loose them.
But unfortunately, they still jilted you despite their promises to stick to you against all odds. Same scenario happened in other subsequent relationships you’ve been into. And now you are skeptical on the right time to engage in intimacy.
The best way to get out of this scenario at this point is to either give a break to sex or observe them to see their level of commitment, especially as it regards to your future needs.
