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Four things to do when he says he needs space

Four things to do  when he says he needs space 1
When he say he needs space.

He has told you he needs space on several occassions, And you keep wondering what it actually meant. You are scared it might mean a break up or loss of interest. You aint sure but the thought of break up sends goose bump to your body. You can’t imagine it.

What does space actually mean in a relationship? Is it synonymous to break up? Do i still stand the chances of winning him back after saying he needs space? Would giving him space make him loose interest in the relationship? These are the question so many people ask on daily basis. Before we go further lets see an illustration from this story.

Kennedy had dated lovina for two years, their relationationship had been awesome, but unfortunately, few months later, kennedy started pulling away emotionally. Lovina noticed how emotionally distant he had become. She became worried, and asked for an explanation.

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Kennedy told her that everything was alright, just that he needed some space to solve some personal issues. Lovina became more worried, she freaked out on hearing the word “space”. To her, space meant broke up. So many thought ran accross her mind such as ” he may have lost interest and rather than tell her outrightly, he sought for an unhurtful way to break the sad news. Lovina became needy and began to bug him with so many calls and messages. The more he bugged him, the more he became distant. Until one day, she became fed up and sent him a a break up message.

After they broke up, lovina heard that kennedy was really going through tough time in his work place, but felt there was no need to bother her about his problem.. His boss was becoming a thorn in his flesh, and needed time to sought himself out.

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He needs space.

He never intended quitting his relationship. He still loved lovina, but wasn’t emotionally stable to continue providing her with lots of attention and affection as he normal does.he needed to invest that time towards solving his current predicament.

But that doesnt mean he stopped picking her calls or replying to her messages.

But unfortunately, lovina was to quick to conclude, she didnt get close to kennedy to find out what the problem was.

She was ignorant of the fact that kennedy needed her support. if she had persisted, she may had find out What the problem was.

since kennedy was the type who doesnt love bugging people with his problems.

But she nagged him instead, accused him of cheating and trying to dump her. She learnt her lesson never to rush into conclusion.

Why this story?

There is really no definite answer to what space actually means in a relationship.

It all depends on the reason to which the space was demanded. to some, space could mean a polite way to break up from their partner.

While to others, It could be a way to refrain themselves from distraction in other to handle more pressing issues in their lives. since you aint sure of their reason for asking space.

And they aint willing to open up to you either. The only way out is to observe their behaviours from that moment they began demanding for space.

Three things to do when he suddenly demands for space .

Check your attitude.

Sometimes, when a man Says needs space, it could be that he is already feeling suffocated and needs a moment to cool off.

Check your attitude since the relationship began, do you often nag him? Do you see more of his flaws than his good sides? Do you focus more on his weakness than his strength?

Are you supportive or do You often nag him? He may feel the relationship is becoming too stressful hence the demand for space in other to invest his time and energy towards solving a more thrival issue. Be sure his reason for demanding for space aint from you.

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try to control your emotions.

I know it hurts when a partner suddenly begins to demand for a space especially when you needed their affection most. But you must try as possible to control your emotions at this period.

Avoid using hurtful words or bugging him with calls. dont draw your conclusions yet till youare certain of the purpose.

the truth is that it may or may not have anything to do with you or the relationship. Your attitude at this period will determine how long his demand for space will linger.

If you continue bugging him, chances are that he will begin to feel more pressurized making him avoid you more. try and respect his decision when he said he needs space. If possible, give him a doze of it, try and focus on your life. Soon, he will get out from his cave and seek for your attention again. If he still has interest in you.

Observe him at this period.

When he say he needs space, His attitude at that period will determine his reason for demanding of space. A man who wants to break up with you wont just demand for space, but will also try as much as possible to avoid you at all cost. this includes avoiding your calls, messages and presence.

on the contrary, answering your calls and responding to your messages could still mean he hasnt lost interest yet. especially if he still makes out time to see you. He may only need time to adjust and Things would go back to the way they were initially .

Check how long his demand for space is taking .

He needs space, and you’ve resolved to give him. Thats good!!! But pay attention to how long his demand for space is taken. if it is taking forever to get his attention back, chances are that he has lost interest. it could be his own polite way of breaking up with you without having to confront you.

he may have moved on and wish you would comprehend the signs in other to move on as well. But if it is a way of getting him self to focus more on his career or predicament, it will only be a temporal situation. and soon he will be back again showering you with lots of affection as usual. Also read

In summary, When a man tells you he needs space, dont give up yet, try and found out his reasons, then proceed from there.

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How to cope with a workaholic partner

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Coping with a workaholic Partner is one of the toughest challenge in Every relationship. the feelings could be devastating because they seems to focus more of their attention towards their job. Getting their attention seems almost like an impossible task as their job seems like their priority.

And that may trigger your doubt towards their love for you. You cant have a good conversation with them, without having them bring their work in the picture. You keep wondering if they have any value for you, or is it all about their job?

I understand this feelings, and a lot of us have been there at one point or the other. However, before going further, here is a short story to illustrate the experience.

Anie met stanley few months ago, thier relationship was awesome until stanley got a job in a telecommunication company.

He was one of the customer care representative,,and that meant he had to be always active and regular In delivering his service of attending to his customers. Ever since he started the job, Annie observed a great change in their relationship. He became so cold and distance. Each time she tried to complain about it, his respond was always centred on his job.

He had apologized severally with the promise of changing for better, but rather his attitude grew worse. On several occassions He had promised to return her calls as soon as he closes from work, but never did.

Annie felt bad, stanley tried to explain how his job had been demanding and wouldnt give him the chance to be with her, but instead she continously nagged him for his negligence and lack of attention towards her emotional need.

Stanley soon became tired of her insensitivity and constant nagging. And in other to save his peace and sanity they broke up mutually. Now what could you deduce from this scenario?especially with the attitude of Annie? Even though Annie was right about her complaint, she went about it in a wrong way .

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with complaining about your partner’s lack of attention and busy schedules. But the way is being handle will determine the fate of the relationship. If handled correctly or maturely, there may be adjustement in your partner’s end. But if reverse is the case, you may end up pushing them farther away.

Here are some proven method to cope with a workaholic partner.

understand the nature of his job.

Any relationship where one or both partners lack understanding between each other would never last.

And that was with the case of Annie. She wasn’t wrong by demanding for attention and seeking for explanation towards stanley’s negligence. But she was insensitive about it. You’ve drawn their attention towards it right? Good!!! Then give them time to adjust. Dont draw your conclusions yet. They might not be happy neglecting their primary responsibility in the relationship,

but most times, they cant help it. Understand that his job is too demanding. Understand the fact that his job is eqaually as important as the relationship and need not to be neglected too . Remember they have their responsibility to take care of too. This job sustains them, it is the source of their livelihood.

Encourage them and give them time to re-adjust especially if they are just starting up new, instead of being insensitive and self centered as that could ruin the chances of having him change for the better.

Avoid nagging him.

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Nagging is a wrong way to handle a workaholic partner. But unfortunately, so many are ignorant about this.

No matter how good you are, nagging is a big turn off to anyone. nobody loves to be nagged. nobody loves to be pressurized to do something, even if they have the intention of doing it in the first place.

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Nagging is like acting bossy towards another and nobody cherishes that. Nagging doesnt just make you appear needy and clingy. but also makes your partner see you as a threat to their peace and sanity, hence the need to avoid you more.

Get busy too.

One of the best way to cope with a workaholic partner is to have your mind occupied.

You know why you are always whining about your workaholic partner, is partly because your mind is less occupied. Dont neglect other vital aspect of your life. Get busy too. he needs to miss your absence too, he needs to feel that void you are feeling. and that wont be possible if you are always over him, nagging every now and then and freaking out or getting paranoid for not texting you, messaging you or paying attention towards your emotional need.

if you suddenly get busy with Your life, that will arouse his curiosity that he will begin to wonder what you’ve been up to. no matter how busy he is, he will try as much as possible to adjust his busy schedules in order to have your attention.

Trust me, i’ve once experience this,and it works perfectly. There is this saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder. people value things which are less unavailable more than things which are always available.

Sometimes, your neediness might be chocking him and that could be the reason for always using his job as an exuse even when he can easily adjust. Give him that space and i bet you he will be the one seeking for your attention. Except otherwise he has lost interest. And there is no other to ascertain his interest status in the relationship than getting busy and giving him space. With that, you can conclude on what next to do.

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How to cope with loosing a job.

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how to cope with loosing job

Loosing a job or contract could be a devastating moment in one’s life especially When there is so much responsibility to take care of at that monent .As the bread winner,, you feel like your entire world has crashed. That thought of not receiving the usual monthly alert to take care of certain needs inflicts an invisible but sharp pain in the heart. this feeling if not guided may lead to suicidal attempt. Here is a story to illustrate this experience.

Mark read his termination of appointment letter over and over again. He couldnt control the tears as they flowed like drops of water. It was like a night mare, and he wished to be woken up soon.

The thought of his sick mother and his younger sibilings shattered his heart. Where do i start from? The voice keep echoing in his mind. He sobbed uncountrollably.

For weeks, mark remained indoors. Despite the pleas from his relatives and friends to move on and search for a better offer.

He kept reminiscing on what lead to the termination of appointment, and blaming himself for having caused it all. One fateful day, mark looked himself in the mirror and discovered he was gradually getting lean. He has suddenly became a shadow of himself . After some weeks of inadequate care of malnutrition. He heard a voice asked him. What has really changed ever since you resolved to remain stuck in the past? At that monent, he realized he wasnt helping his situation in anyway, but rather complicating it while delaying his future opportunity.

He decided to quit blaming himself by putting his past behind, since there was no need crying over a spilt milk.

The next day, he dusted his shoe, brought out his c.v, prayed and dashed out to look for a better opportunity.

At first, it wasnt all rossy. He searched and searched but all to no avail. Until one day, he met a friend who introduced him to a company that was about to recruit employers. He applied, and fortunately, he was called for an interview and he emerged successful. the intresting part of the whole story is that the job he later got was actually better and more promising than the former which nearly took his life.

He became restored to his normal being.hope you learnt something from this brief story. I will still go ahead to explain some other related ways to handle loosing of job.

Three ways to cope with loosing a job


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Just like loosing everyother vital or valuable thing in our life. Loosing a job could be truamatizing especially when you never see it coming.but no matter how hurtful it is, you have to accept the fact that you can no longer avert the situation.

Let out the cry, sob, but endeavour not to make it exceed for a very long time. Since there is no point crying over a spilt milk, you have to brace up and overcone you fears. easy right? Hell no!!! but you ought to give it a try. first, try and look back into your attitude towards your work, were you the reason for the termination? if yes!!! Relax, is no time to blame yourself but to think of what you would have done right in other to avoid such mistakes in your new job.

talk to someone. avoid isolation.

Loosing a job could lead to depression. And one of the characteristics of depression is the urge to be left alone.

However, this is no time to isolate yourself from people or suddenly turn to an introvert. Try as much as possible to avoid that urge of being alone to avoid contemplating evil thoughts like suicide. confide in a trusted family member, close relatives and friends.they can assist you financially and with words of encouragement to stay put. And who knows, they might connect you if there is a better offer.

see it as a blessing in disguise.

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sometimes,certain things happen to us in life in other to pave way for a better opportunity. Also read

And loosing a job aint an exception. It maybe an opportunity to see beyond your present offer and look foward to a better offer just like we saw in the story. it could be also be a way of unleashing the potential in you by thinking you outside being an employer to being a job creator. Your 8am-5pm job may have occupied much of your time in such that you had no time leveraging your skills and potential. Either ways, is good you utilize and make use of every opportunity.

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Domestic violence

Domestic violence a call for concern in our society.

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You are a useless woman!!! I would have left you where you were abandoned by your good for nothing parents who never valued your existence. I regret ever picking you from the dust bin and giving your life a meaning. I think it was all my fault, I would have just allowed you to waste and get discarded like a tissue paper. MPk”Michael” cursed and backed at his wife Annabel, who just stood helpless, staring at him, while sobbing. She couldn’t control the tears flowing freely from her eyes. Her eyes looked swollen. The situation would have been worst if she dares reply back at him. His yells, insults and mockery had already broken her emotions, let alone being accompanied by beatings. The last time she attempted to reply back at him, he nearly hit her to an unconscious state. Ever since then, she desisted from that. Instead would only sob and stare helplessly like a fowl ready to be slaughtered. being while being unleashed with the emotional torture.

Annabel laid down and fixed his gaze on the ceiling. A lot of thought popped through her mind. She had often read about domestic violence and its devastating consequences. She had heard a lot of people talk about it, but never thought or believed she would someday experience what it feels like.

She wondered what happened to the loving and caring man, he once dated and courted. The Michael he once knew worshipped the ground she walked on, and wouldn’t even hurt a fly. He treated her like a queen during their dating and courting periods. And even at the early stage of their marriage. But reverse seems to be the case presently. Being abused physically and emotionally on daily basis.

She can’t seems to forget the constant embarrassment, he got from her husband on occasional basis in the presence of a lady whom she believes was his “side Chick”. One in which she ordered her to move to the back seat, while her side chick uses the front seat of the vehicle.
Not to talk of the constant nagging, yelling, forceful sex without considering her emotions and readiness towards her. Gone are the days she would romance her and engage her in fore play and ascertain her mood towards sex before going down on her. These days, he will just mount her like a hungry lion looking for whom to devour. Even a times she isn’t feeling too well. And when he is done satisfying his sexual urge, he dozes off. Abandoning her like a discarded waste.

She has been enduring her marriage, instead of enjoying it . now she understood the saying that marriage is like an unwrapped gift. No one is certain of its content, despite the glittering wrapping sheet till it becomes unwrapped.

She couldn’t count how many miscarriages she had as a result of Michael’s cruelty and constant beatings. She was gradually becoming a shadow of her self and couldn’t speak out. To avoid being mocked and ridiculed by her foes in form of friends.

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What will people say, she often soliloquize”each time the thought of voicing out comes to her mind. The countenance and expression of envy and jealousy she got from some of her friends the first day she informed them about her proposal, gets her scared and discouraged from confiding in anyone to avoid being used as a laughing stock.

However, the only friend she has ever thought of confiding in was Chioma. Who has showed her love and concern towards her on several occasions.

She could have confined in her widowed mother, but she never wished to burden her, considering her health and poor financial status.also read

To be continued.

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Why you must let go of your past.

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The more you tried to let go of your past, the more its experiences keeps hunting you. Does that look like your story? relax, it is something that often happens. A lot of people had gone through this at one point in their lives or other. You aint alone on this. Read this short story, and see reasons why you need to let go of your past.

If you ever speak to someone about this, “i will strangle you to death”. This statement kept echoing in her mind, the more she tried to resist it, the more they kept coming.

She recalled that fateful night when she happily rushed out of the bathroom after having a warm bath to enhance her night rest.

Unknowing to her, her pepetratator and abuser had been observing from afar. The towel tied around her body which barely exposed her firm breast. She was only fifteen. But her body structureand rapid development made her look more older and matured. just as she was about to untie her wrapper, a strong hand overpowered her, and forcefully threw her to the bed. She couldnt remember anything else, aside the fact that she struggled to let out her breath, but all to no avail.

She remembered having a sharp pain emnact from her private part. With blood dripping freely like water. Her pleads and scream went into deaf ear, as her pepetrator wasnt willing to let go of her either not until he was done. she was left with the warning. “on no account” should my wife, your madam here of this. He warned her severally. She was left in the pool of her own blood. She hated herself. She had been defiled with no one to come to her aid. Her innocence had been forcefully taken right before her very eyes.

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Speaking up implies being sent out of the house to no particular destination. Being an orphan, she had no one to go to. Who would ever believe her story. Poor kadire sobed uncontrollably.

These ugly experience she had seven years ago had always been a thorn in her flesh . she finds it difficult to erase it. She has come to develop this mindset that men are beast and the worst creature, thus the mindset made her keep scaring them away.

Kenneth met kadire few months back at a friends party. he admired her, and made advances at her. but kadire declined his proposal.

After so much pressures, she accepted. But unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last as he expected because kadir was always feeling insecure. She couldnt trust kenneth.

Both were always having issues every now and then as a result of kadir’s insecurity. She couldnt give kenneth some benefit of doubt even as he tried to show her that he was different . It wasn’t long, they broke up as their relationship couldnt progress.

As soon as the relationship was over, kadire came to her senses and realized she was Overeacting with her past experiences.

She felt bad and wished she could revert things to how they were before. But it was already late as kenneth has found love in the arms of another. She felt bad.this stories summarizes what happens when we find it difficult to let go of our past.

Three Reasons why you must let go of your past.

The past ignites fear and insecurity.

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Just like we saw in the story, when you hold on to your past, you will keep getting scared every now and then. Your life will be filled with so much insecurities. And this may mar your future, because you will see your self loosing essential things in life out of fear for not trying them out or giving them a benefit of doubt.

It brings about Inferiority complex low esteem.

Too much dwelling on the past often makes one think less of him/her self. When people talk about their dreams and achievement.

You would begin to see yourself as an introvert who can’t achieve yours as well. and because you’ve written yourself off already, you may not give it a try. dwelling on your past makes you judge your ability by your weakness in the past.

It disrupts your future.

Your future comprises of your ability to handle your past and present. Hence it is a combination of your past and present activity. Your past may not have been a wonderful story, but your attitude towards handling the story strongly determines how your future story would be.

Reminiscing on the past makes on one stagnant, because you will keep on regretting and wishing that something never happened. When you are meant to forge ahead. You may also read

Successful people aint defined by their past. there are a lot of people who had an ugly past, but today their life has turned out to be a source of inspiration. They narrate their story not to attract pity from people, but to inspire and encourage others with the need to let go of their past. Also check out