What are common mistakes to avoid in a new relationship?
Starting a new relationship can be another exciting phase of life after experiencing a long period of break from your last relationship.
It feels good trying to reconnect back to emotional feelings of loving and being loved. However, the thought of returning back to single life again can be phobic.
The thought of experiencing another heartbreak can better be imagined than experienced, this is why it is necessary to evaluate on some of the mistakes which might have contributed to the break up.
Evaluating on these mistakes doesn’t mean that the break up was all your fault, it only means that you need to reflect on what may have caused the heart break even if it was all your ex’s fault to avoid subsequent occurrence.
After break up,there are common mistakes you must avoid. Especially as you’re about to embark on a new relationship journey. So what are these mistakes?
15 Common mistakes to avoid in a new relationship
1. .Trusting too soon–
one of the common mistakes you must avoid during courtship is trusting so quick. Trust is a very essential quality in a relationship/marriage.
However, Trust is earned by loyalty and honesty. Allowing this trust come naturally, rather than enforcing it out will enable you differentiate sincere people from fake people. You ought to learn how build trust before trusting to avoid betrayals.
2. Ignoring Red flags –
can you still recall how your last relationship ended? You saw so many Red flags but intentionally ignored, hoping that they will change, which never happens, in your previous relationship, you thought the love you had for them could cover their negative lapses, but you were wrong, as it eventually turned out to hurt you. Some red flags are clear indications that the relationship is about to end, but a times we tend to focus more on the momentarily feelings forgetting that
Love is not just enough. It takes a mutual effort and energy to maintain a healthy relationship if they are not returning the same energy you’re giving them, it is best to quit.
Unfortunately, some people were so emotionally overwhelmed that they never paid attention to the kind of energy being given to them.
They kept investing more of their emotions and resources, until they were taken unawares on realizing that the love was one sided.
3. Not setting boundaries –
one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship is to allow certain friendship because you think they doesn’t matter.
Your partner is a human with feelings. It is natural to feel jealous when you are head over heels in love with someone, whose attention is drifting away from you.
Jealousy is a healthy trait in a relationship,we all like to protect what we value, it only becomes unhealthy and turns out as obsession if not controlled.
Respect your partner by keeping some friends at distant. Anything you had in the past with your Ex should remain in the past.
Perhaps, this might be the bone of contention in your last relationship.
To avoid your Ex interfering in your new relationship, ensure that you’ve gotten over them and healed completely.
Create boundaries by understanding the differences between friends, significant other and acquaintances. Don’t give your partner the room for suspicion.
4. Insecurity –
insecurity has done more harm than good in a relationship. There’s no easiest way to loose a relationship than being insecure.
Creating negative scenarios in your mind, which often times may be false. inferiority complex is usually the major course of insecurity.
When you don’t value yourself enough, you”ll think every other person is taking you for a ride.
On the contrary,when you know your worth, you won’t bother about the tiniest relationship your significant other have with other member of the opposite sex. To curb insecurity, learn to be confident about yourself.
Understand that your partner have life outside your relationship and have every right to be friends with others, as long as boundaries are respected.
5. Being too available-
one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship is making yourself too available. Human being are weird to crave more of things which are scarce, while giving less attention to things which are available.
No matter how we value something, when we realize that we can’t easily have it, we tend to invest more energy and effort pursuing it.
But when there’s a realization that we can always have it at our disposal, we spend less time pursuing it. The same is applicable to human.
Do you still recall the kind of energy your Ex exhibited when he was making advances at you? Then he was so patient to receive a positive response.
The more you resist his advances, the more pressure he applies in pursuing you. You finally accepted, but discovered that his initial energy has dropped all of a sudden.
What could have gone wrong? The simple answer is that you’ve become too available that he no longer have to miss you.
You don’t give him breathing space. Always calling randomly, and visiting unannounced to the point that he began to avoid your presence by giving flimsy excuses.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Make up your mind to make yourself a mystery in your next relationship. Be committed, but not loose. Create a space to be missed and as that would trigger their interest more .
6. Avoid Assumptions –
one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship is Assumption. before you venture into a new relationship, be certain that there interest is mutual as yours.
Be certain that they really want to be with you. Don’t misinterpret kind gestures as love. Imaginary relationship, can really hurt when you realize that it was all in your head and not what you think it is.
No matter the green lights your crush exhibits. Don’t assume they want a relationship, till they’ve officially asked for one, to avoid disappointments.
Sometimes, all they may want is just friendship, but our craving desires may want more leading to misinterpretation of feelings.
7. Admitting their mistakes-
one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship is always admitting your partner’s fault, so as to save your relationship.
This is very wrong, as that will create an entitlement mentality in them that they deserve apology even when reverse is the case. It is a simple way to tell them that you worth nothing, while they worth more.
You’re encouraging them to continue disrespecting you. And they will intentionally keep provoking you because they know they won’t have to apologize. Stop trying to save a relationship if the effort is not mutual.
That phobia that your relationship will seize to exist the moment you stop apologizing will fade off, as soon as you make up your mind to stop admitting their wrongs.
Any man or woman who can’t take responsibility of their actions, by admitting their wrong doesn’t deserve you. They only value their EGO. Avoid that in your new relationship.
They can’t apologize because they know you will. The moment you stop that, you”ll be amazed on how remorseful they will be, and how careful they will equally be not to hurt you again . Make a decision to stop the routine.
8. Avoid early cohabitation –
Avoid moving in too quickly with a man because he has professed his love towards you and equally made plans with you to spend your life together.
Humans are unpredictable, the same man asking you to move in with him in the first week/ month of your relationship might loose interest all of a sudden.
You may be encroaching their space, but they may not have enough guts to confront you about that. this is among the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship . Wait to do that at least during courtship.
9. Intimacy without forming bonds-
intimacy without bonds! Take this as one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship
you may be asking yourself why men easily pull away emotionally?The reason is obvious. Most times, it was all about sex, no bonds or chemistry formed prior intimacy, hence the reason they withdraw their attention once intimacy have been involved.
Having dated a lot of men whose interest dropped after intimacy, is enough to make you realize that real bonds are not formed by intimacy when there’s no friendship in existence.
There must be real connection, otherwise the intimacy can just be regarded as fun. Before you lament that men are scum! Make sure you’ve bonded by friendship before giving in to intimacy.
10. Neglecting important questions
Neglecting important questions is one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship.
Questions ranging from career growth, dreams, personalities, and future ideas are very essential part of a new relationship.
It is very necessary to ask certain questions and discussion about your new significant other to understand their personalities and view of life, to be certain if you’re compatibile with each other.
11. Talking frequently about your past
You’ve probably discussed about your past relationship with your new significant other. You’ve mutually shared your break up stories with your Ex’s.
That should be enough already it’s time to focus on your new relationship. Don’t go about bringing topics about your ex in subsequent discussions.
It’s a disrespect to your new partner, and may indicate that you haven’t gotten over them. They might even assume that you are using them as a rebound.
12. Incessant demands –
You can scare your new partner away when you demand incessantly. Remember they are still trying to establish trust with you.
They are still getting to know you, demanding anything from them at this point will seem ridiculous.
The challenges or their restriction in fulfilling your demand may not be as a result of lack of generosity,
but the fact that they are scared of being used as a beneficiary. They might assume that you never loved them, but only interested in what they have to offer.
Trust needs to be built first, before any demands. They wish to know that you see them as your priority. They wish to know that the interest is mutual, before making certain commitments.
13. Publicizing your relationship.
Publicizing your relationship is one of the mistakes you must avoid in a new relationship. The excitement that comes with fallen in love again After break up, can be overwhelming, to the point of taking certain decisions without having proper thoughts over it.
I understand the euphoria, you can’t wait to inform your friends and family that you’ve been taken again, after several months/ years of being single.
What about your Ex? You can’t wait to proof to them that you’ve moved on, to a better person, but then , you need to slow down.
While some people love public display of affections, some others , detests it. Your partner may be one of them. He might fall into the categories of people who loves keeping their love life secrets.
Littering your relationship status especially tagging them along may ruin it faster. It’s best to understand their preference and respect their decisions.
14. Over expectations .
Being in a relationship is not a guarantee that you have gotten to your final destination in your love life.
There’s still a probability of getting heart broken, there’s a tendency of being served a heartbreak again. It doesn’t matter how lovable or committed you are.
It doesn’t matter how deep you both love each other. Your partner is a human full of imperfections,and bound to disappoint you, regardless of their promises.
Do your best, but also prepare your mind for the worse, so you won’t be taken unawares.
Just flow with the eustacy of the moment, as Over expectations often times leads to disappointment, that’s one of the mistakes to avoid in a new relationship.
15. Moving too fast.
Another mistakes to avoid in a new relationship is moving too fast. You are literally initiating everything, while they always seems skeptical about it. You give more energy than they return, don’t you think you may be moving too fast.
Relationship should be 50:50. The energy given should be proportional to the energy returned. Sometimes, you need to allow them take the lead so as to be certain you’re both on the same page.
True love is a feeling that grows gradually when nurtured by like minds. Allow these feelings to develop gradually, don’t rush or fight it . Let time take the lead.
External link : https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/19/the-love-bubble-ten-mistakes-to-avoid-in-a-new-romance
