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Men ask. How can I avoid domestic violence?

Men ask. How can I avoid domestic violence? 1
Young woman trying to protect herself from a man's clenched fist.

This is one of the greatest challenges facing a lot of men in marriages today. The ability to put their emotions at check in other not to be violent.

Marriages are full of inevitable up's and down. Even the most success foul marriages a times have to deal with marital issues which arises occasionally ranging from anger and resentment from one or both spouse. But their ability to maintain an orderly and peaceful home depends on how both were able handle their emotions at such times.

There is an increasingly rate of domestic violence in our society today because of the urge to feel superior and respected by both partners. Women don't want to be suppressed both physically and emotionally. on the contrary, men wants act bossy and authoritative at all times, owing to their egocentric nature.

Most men complain about their wife's intolerant and disrespectful attitude. Replying back in a rude manner. abusing them at any slightest provocation. Which to them is a dent on their ego. And so in the bid to retrieve their Ego, they end up becoming violent, hitting their wives and punching her like a bag of salt.

I wouldn't blame them either, because even as good as it sounds, is not always easy to remain calm when you are being offended or pushed to the wall. It is humane to want to retaliate. And to worsen it all, men receives a greater part of the blame by the society, regardless of who erred.

However, two wrongs they say can never make a right. Being violent does not make one superior but

Rather, an act of cowardice. A gentle man does not exhibit violence, but rather pursues peace at all times. Easy right? Hell No!!! But here are some steps to enable you.

. Leave the scene - you don't fight a fire incidence by waiting to put off the fire when there is an outbreak, but by avoiding its outbreak. There are scenarios when there would be heated and severe arguments, one capable of leading to violent. The best approach towards avoiding such scenarios is to leave the scene. Walking away helps you suppress your anger at that moment to avoid unleashing abusive words and becoming violent.

. Tolerance - humans generally are most times provocative in nature, and your wife isn't an exception. If you haven't learn to tolerate some of her flaws you may end up murdering her out of anger. For a home to be peaceful and accommodating, both spouse have to be tolerant and accommodating to each other. Otherwise the home would always be on fire.

.understanding - understanding the nature of women would go along way in helping you curb domestic violence. It is often said that the strength of a woman lies greatly in her tongue. This may be an idiomatic expression, but in most cases, is true. When you understand this as a man, you would always learn to ignore some of the attitudes exhibited by women especially constant and unnecessary nagging.

Emotional silence - nothing gets to a woman easily like ignoring her. Because women are emotionally inclined in nature . And that's the best and proven method of getting a woman submit rather than abusing her physically

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How I ruined my relationship 2

How I ruined my relationship 2 2
Regrets and loneliness.


I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how I try, it would never work. So I decided to take that bold step and decision of giving it a break.

People were right after all, when they insisted that true love was not actually in existence.” I thought to my self.

Even though I still needed that affections and the need to be cherished, However, I’ve decided not to be the only one always putting an effort to make it work. I vowed never to be the first to express my feelings towards another or the first to always initiate the emotional feelings.

I Decided to stay out of relationship for some period of time, in other to heal and regain back my self esteem and worth which has constantly been manipulated. During that period, I learnt a lot on how best to handle relationship to avoid being taken for granted. First, I learnt how to develop self love,before thinking of loving another. This changed my mindset and I began to realize that people appreciate what they are afraid to loose more than what is always available for them to have.

Days rolled into weeks, and weeks into months. I finally decided to get into another relationship, hoping that with my new strategy and recent ideas, things would never remain the same.
To my greatest surprise, I had a very unique and wonderful partner. Just a replica of me in the past. He loved me do much and practically worshipped the ground I walked in.
I loved the fact that I finally met someone who appreciates me the way I had often craved for. But then, I wanted it to last, I was scared that making my feelings obvious towards him would make him change and start to take me for granted like others did
.

I opted in playing games instead. Deep down, I was enjoying the love, attention and care. But was never eager to reciprocate it, for fear of uncertainty . I was nonchalant and developed a negligence attitude towards him. He complained often that I don’t love or cared about him….the truth is that, deep down, I loved him, but then, having regained my self confidence and esteem. I wanted to be certain that he wouldn’t go back to neglect me once I starts expressing my love. I might be right though, but I never knew I was over reacting and moving so extreme when things ought to be balanced.

He begged n begged, nagged and nagged for me to proof my love towards him..but all to no avail. Instead I remained adamant and continued with my games.
He continued showing me love, to the point where he got weary and just couldn’t take it any longer. He decided to opt out.

It was at this juncture that I came back to my senses. The love I had always longed for was right before me but I ignorantly sent it away all because of my own selfish motive.
It then dawned on me that being good pays only if one can be patient enough.

You might have constantly been taken for granted, jilted and neglected. You might have loved but had never been loved back. You don’t really need to change your personality, you don’t really need to change your golden heart. All you need to change is the people you love. Always be patient, because your replica is somewhere wishing you remained like an angel they had known.

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How I ruined my relationship

How I ruined my relationship 3
Regrets.

CIt is often said that past experiences may sometimes have a correlation with the future. And that was exactly my case.

I have never experienced true love and happiness in my past relationships. Being an emotional and sensitive type, I have this quest and need to feel loved, cared for and attended to. But unfortunately, it had never worked that way.
I’ve heard a lot of people talked about zodiac signs and how it speaks a lot about individual’s personality including their love and emotional lives. Being an Aries, I couldn’t doubt its possibility as it seems so true in my case.

Initially, I often get pissed off and irritated when people complain that true love was not actually in existence. Because I was a fan of true love and commitment. I usually try my best to put my all in a relationship, I have this capacity to express my love towards whomever I was in a romantic relationship with. I ensured they got the very best of me..my love, care and attention. But despite all my effort, it seems not to be working.

Having giving all my all to my partners in the past..I expected to have it reciprocated, since relationship was meant to be mutual and not one sided. But unfortunately, my expectations never came to pass.

The need to be loved seemed so strange and was like a night made to me. because no matter how much i invest, i couldn’t get it. I gave out my royalty, my commitment, my love and everything, but all I got was series of heart break.

They all knew my weak point, they all knew how emotional and sensitive I was. That’s why they manipulated and took me for granted. They made it seem as though they were doing me a huge favour by dating me. I would apologize and admit I was at fault just to keep things going. I endured their nonchalant attitude and negligence towards me, hoping they would change, but all to no avail.
I practically begged for their love because I was so scared to loose them. The love I had for them turned into obsession that I find it so difficult to let go even at the detriment of my own happiness . I lost my self esteem
.

I became needy and obsessed which made then distanced themselves the more.
It has usually been the same line of words. ” he is not the right man for you”Each time I sought for an people’s opinion . I had to ponder on it, and at first, I felt and thought the same way. But then , having been in several relationships with others and experienced similar experience. I began to wonder what the problem was? Could it be possible that none of them was the right man for me? All did they all conspired against me to subject me into emotionally trauma??? The more I ponder on this rhetorically question, the more confused and devastated I became.

I keep getting the assurance that the right man will come. But when will that be?? I kept on asking my self. Maybe when I might have given up on love? I was becoming so impatient. I couldn’t hold back the feelings anymore. I was at the verge of giving up on love and treating people exactly the way I was treated.

To be continued

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Should I leave school?

Should I leave school? 4
Don't leave yet.

And so you heard that bill gate dropped from school to pursue his dreams of becoming a Microsoft developer . Aliko Dangote never saw the four walls of the classroom, yet, these are men that has a top ranking in the list of world's richest. They are just doing fine even without a formal education. Now you wonder why you are stressing yourself, attending lectures, studying so hard to achieve a wonderful Result, having to deal with some lecturers who wouldn't give a damn in stressing life out of you and trying to pull you down with their last blood. When you can easily quit school and starts making million within few years or perhaps months as you ain't even sure of making it via the labour market. I am very certain that this question might have been running through your mind.

However, before you rush into making a drastic decision which is capable of ruining your future, pay attention to what I have to say. A successful life begins with planning and so much analysis. Now bill gate didn't just wake up one morning, and thought of abandoning his education without having any concrete reason. That choice to quit education was a very sensitive one. He must have sat down and thought of ways to become a problem solver to the society that could generate revenue for him in the nearest future. rather than a consumer. He must have drawn a plan and thought of possible ways of achieving his dreams. He must have viewed life in a more elaborate way rather than Just going to school to get a certificate and anticipating for a white collar job in an over saturated labour market thereafter. He must have done a lot of analysis by comparing the advantage of entrepreneurship over an employee.

He must have been passionate of his dream before even thinking of venturing in. And finally, he must have been ready to apply commitment and dedication towards achieving his dream and building it from the foundation and not seeing it as a get rich quick scheme. Then I ask What is your own reason? Do you have any plans? Or you just want to quit probably because you are tired of attending lecturers or having someone order you around to do certain things. Whether or not you want to quit, just have it mind that life without plans or passion would only result to failure. You can still achieve your dreams even while in school, you must not quit. What matters is your determination and having something to back up your decision. With that, the sky will always be your starting point. Think, Plan and analyze before making your decision.

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Creativity, A path towards success.

A young girl decided to learn how to sew cloth from her mother who was a seamstress. She was so keen and passionate to learn the skills. And so she pulled in her interest in other to have her dreams accomplished.

As a newbie, it was assumed that she was still a novice, and wouldn’t initiate any idea aside the one her skill tutor ( mum) initiated. However, one fateful day, she was given a cloth to sew as a means to display some of the practical knowledge learnt so far. At first, she was nervous. But along the line, she became courageous and developed self confidence why trying out the work.

As she was sewing the cloth, she discovered that the fabric given to her wasn’t enough. She decided to call her mum’s attention towards it, but waved off the thought immediately. She quietly went to the waste bin where remnant of fabric which were no longer useful were kept. She thoroughly searched for a piece of fabric which would match the one she was sewing. And fortunately, she found one. She then decided to join it to the parts which was still remaining. And some hours later, she got the clothes done.

With the feelings of fulfillment and accomplishment,,she showed her mother. She was so amazed, as she had never thought her that particular technique before, how was she able to learn it? She wondered and muttered to herself. It is called “(CREATIVITY) I define it as a means of creating ideas from simple or unexpected source in other to accomplish a goal. Is also an ability to create something out of nothing.

This brief story is just a simple way to remind you that with creativity, nothing is impossible. Creativity breaks every limitation or impossibility. With creativity, you can always proof people wrong when they say a particular task is unachievable.

A lot of technological inventions we enjoy today came to be because people like you and i were creative enough to produce a result out of things that were often neglected.

Being a graduate does not imply one should sit all day hoping to get an oil job in an already saturated labour market.

Your ideas can be your source of income.
Look around you, there is always something to create, there is always something you need to put in place in other to stand out.
Don’t allow your dreams to be limited by some factors. Like finance. There is always a starting point. A lot of peeps started their business without a standard shop. But with their ideas and brain, they were able to pull a lot of customers. Don’t allow any factor limit you in life. You have the power to shape your life into whichever form you desire.

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Handling rejection

Handling rejection 5
Rejection

Have you ever gotten a gift for your spouse, hubby or perhaps children? With the intention of putting a smile on their face and having them appreciate your kind gesture. But unfortunately, on handing the gift to them, they rejected it right away. Without any concrete reason. How would you feel? Heartbroken right? You wished you never got it in the first place. You wished you never informed them about it.

The scenario is similar to loving someone. Cherishing them and doing all your best to ensure they are always happy and fulfilled. But rather than having them reciprocate your love, they ended up jilting you. Making it look as though loving them was the greatest mistake you ever made. .

I understand the feelings, it is rather expressed than experienced. Rejection often leads to inferiority complex and low self esteem. You may begin to downgrade your self and feel worthless. With the mindset that no one loves you and every other person is better than you. But there are ways to conquer this feelings.

Simples ways of coping with rejection.

1 ACCEPTANCE - yes, you have to admit the fact that he/ she doesn't just want you. No matter how drunk in love you are, you have to accept the fact that They don't feel same way and they may never do. Just like the scenario described above, no matter how appealing or enticing a gift is, it can only be valuable to the one who appreciates and accepts it.

2) BUILD SELF ESTEEM - this is one of the best discovered Ways to tackle rejection. Do not allow inferiority complex take its toil on you in such that people will begin to take you for a ride. You can't tell people the value of a particular food or how delicious and succulent it is when is obvious you haven't tasted it before? How do you expect them to believe you? In similar ways, you can't expect people to love you, when you don't even know what it means to love yourself. You can't expect others to value you, when you always think low of your self. Love and appraisal ought to begin with you. Don't beg to be loved. Don't beg for attention. If they reject you, see it as their loss. See yourself like a rare commodity, which its price can't be negotiated for any reason whatsoever.

3) Avoid Expectation - when someone rejects you, accept your fate and try as much as possible to move on. Don't hung on there, expecting or believing that they would change their mind soon. They may never do. Stop giving yourself false hope. The truth is that the earlier you accept it, the better and tendency of you getting healed from the Shock quickly . But hanging on there and waiting for someone who is probably done with you may delay your healing process, thus making it difficult to move on and meet the one who's ready to embrace you warmly. <a

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Creativity, a path towards success

A young girl decided to learn how to sew cloth from her mother who was a seamstress. She was so keen and passionate to learn the skills. And so she pulled in her interest in other to have her dreams accomplished.

As a newbie, it was assumed that she was still a novice, and wouldn’t initiate any idea aside the one her skill tutor ( mum) initiated. However, one fateful day, she was given a cloth to sew as a means to display some of the practical knowledge learnt so far. At first, she was nervous. But along the line, she became courageous and developed self confidence why trying out the work.

As she was sewing the cloth, she that the fabric given to her wasn’t enough. She decided to call her mum’s attention towards it, but waved off the thought immediately. She quietly went to the waste bin where remnant of fabric which were no longer useful were kept. She thoroughly searched for a piece of fabric which would match the one she was sewing. And fortunately, she found one. She then decided to join it to the parts which was still remaining. And some hours later, she got the clothes done.

With the feelings of fulfillment and accomplishment,,she showed her mother. She was so amazed, as she had never thought her that particular technique before, how was she able to learn it? She wondered and muttered to herself. It is called “(CREATIVITY) I define it as a means of creating ideas from simple or unexpected source in other to accomplish a goal. Is also an ability to create something out of nothing.

This brief story is just a simple way to remind you that with creativity, nothing is impossible. Creativity breaks every limitation or impossibility. With creativity, you can always proof people wrong when they say a particular task is unachievable.

A lot of technological inventions we enjoy today came to be because people like you and i were creative enough to

to produce a result out of things that were often neglected.

Being a graduate does not imply one should sit all day hoping to get an oil job in an already saturated labour market.

Your ideas can be your source of income. Look around you, there is always something to create, there is always something you need to put in place in other to stand out. Don’t allow your dreams to be limited by some factors. Like finance. There is always a starting point. A lot of peeps started their business without a standard shop. But with their ideas and brain, they were able to pull a lot of customers. Don’t allow any factor limit you in life. You have the power to shape your life into whichever form you desire.

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Why men loose interest after sex

Why men loose interest after sex 6
Interest lost afterwards sex

This has been a question that has kept so many women in a dilemma over the years. The more they ponder on it, the more confused they become.

At the initial stage, he is all over you, professing his undying love for you and showering you with so much affections. You thought you’ve found the one. Your instincts gave you the assurance that your “MR right” is here. He asked for sex. You didn’t think about it twice because to you he deserves it. You felt safe and secured with him and that’s why you didn’t hesitate to give him that access to your body even though you may not have had the experience before.

He finally had his way, and that moment you thought his love towards you would increase. But alas, you were wrong. to your greatest amazement, reverse became the case. He starts to act weird, became distant and cold. Leaving you in a devastated state. At that moment, it then dawned on you that it was all about sex after all. Now the question is, what actually happens at this period? why do men often exhibit such attitude? This kind of scenario is not new to most of us, it happens on daily basis. In other to find an answer to this question. We would talk about the emotional state in both men and women and how it differs. both men and women have a different way of reacting to emotions.

Men are often derived by their urge and does not always express their emotions. While women tends to be so locked up with emotions and often Express it in every aspect of life. For example. When a man is sexually aroused, the sexual organs becomes activated, sending the message to the brain which triggers the male sex hormone and makes it active. That’s why a man can claim to be in love when the sex drive is high, but as soon as he have his way, he becomes uninterested. That’s why a man can comfortably have sex with a commercial sex hawker without attaching emotions to it. But unlike men,,women often attach emotions during love making. This explains why most women finds it difficult to let go of a man who deflowered them or who had countless intimacy with them. Though there are few exceptions to this, a man may have sex with a woman and still be in love with her. So it all boils down to knowing his intention at the initial stage. Is he really coming for love, or intimacy? You need to define your relationship with him from the onset in other to ascertain his intention. If you are not so comfortable in being intimate with him, don’t compromise. Stick to your decision and watch his actions. Only then you can predict his intention towards you.

Why men loose interest after sex 7

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Chinenye Nnamani

Relationship and inspirational forum

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How to spot a player

How to spot  a player 8
Player

This is one of the question that has raised serious concerns and has been a source of burden to a lot of women out there.

It is the dream of every woman to have that special man who just doesn’t desire to be in a relationship with her, but also treats her special and does things that sweeps her off her feet.

But unfortunately, that desire is often difficult to come by as Most men do take advantage of women’s emotional weakness and fragile heart. They tend to manipulate the gullible ones, by leading them on, and luring them to commit after which they flee having had their way and accomplished their mission.

With the societal pressures on women in most parts of the country and the general belief and status quo that women ages faster than their male counter, and so have limited time as regards to marriage. It has always been the desire of every woman to have a man who interested in having a committed relationship with him. One that can easily lead to marriage. And so in the bid to achieve this. A lot of them have fallen victims to men who only wants to exploit them sexual without having to commit and at they the end, dumps them. Leaving them shattered and hopeless.

In this write up, we are going to briefly discuss some possible ways to identify “players”. But before we proceed, let’s look at the definition of a player.

” A player in this context implies someone usually a male folk who ain’t interested in having a long term

Relationship. But rather interested in what he/ she stands to benefit. It is synonymous to the word “flirt”.

Ways to identify a player.

  1. Is always about him – players are often self centered. They ain’t interested in their partner’s benefit but only that which benefits them. Ever heard a woman complain that his partner does not include him in his plan? That’s an example of a player. He does not include her partner in the decision. He makes it alone without consulting her nor seeking for her opinion.

2. Tries so hard to impress – first impression they say matters a lot. And so players often take advantage of this word in other to lure their prey. They do this often by devising every possible means to make her succumb like excessive gifts, excessive attention and the rest. They start this at the early stage of the relationship. They don’t do it for love, but rather to impress you. Especially having you do things they desire.

3) pleasure comes first – a lot of women have complained about this..meeting a man for the first and all he’s interested is having sex with them without trying to engage them in any meaningful conversation. Because their goals in the relationship are short-term termed. they don’t see any vital reason as to talk about meaningful things like your goals, ambitions and interest in life.

4.Easily to call quit – they easily call off the relationship if you refuse to give in to their demands. To them, Absence of sex implies absence of relationship

5) cheats a lot – one of the major characteristics of a player is that he flirts with different women. They don’t really care about their partner’s feelings as regards to their behaviours.

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Insecurity

Insecurity 9
insecurity

Insecurity has caused more good than harm in a lot of relationships/ marriages today. It has contributed to the increasing rate of heartbreak and divorce .the fear of the unknown, the fear of what may not be certain and ” mere speculations and assumption.

Now the question is how do we curb this Negative trait. Let’s look out some factors contributing to this.

1) inferiority complex –individuals with low esteem tends to develop some phobic in most aspect of their lives. they always feel neglected and less appreciated. They have this mindset that they might not be too good for their partner and thus often nag, interrogate, and assume they are being cheated on. This trait makes them become too needy, pushy and emotional stable.

2) Lack of Trust – trust is like a glass ware. Once broken it can no longer be fixed to its initial state. When there had been a previous issue of infidelity. From one or both partners. It ignites an insecure feelings to the affected partner that he/ she may find it difficult to trust the other party. And this leads to constant assumptions over what may not be the fact. Trust is earned and once lost, might lead to insecurity.

3) unresolved issues – misunderstandings are inevitable part of a healthy relationships, however, When they are allowed to linger on for a long period of time and not resolved abruptly. It may lead to insecurity. Because there will always be a recall or reminiscence of the past memories one or both parties are usually scared of the same occurrence resurfacing in subsequent occasions.

In summary, insecurity can be easily gotten rid off. If partners learn to understand and tolerate each other on every aspect. Resolve every issues within themselves without any interference of third party. And also avoid other aforementioned factors which seems to be the leading course of insecurity.