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How to Adopt self appraisal amidst of rejection

And so you have been jilted and betrayed by your significant other whom you've ever loved and trusted so much. It feels like the world has really come to an end. Moving on has become a difficult and strenuous process for you. Partly because you've built your world around them that you tend to forget other vital reasons for having a breath in you. Your career, your social life, skills and hobby, has been in a pause mood all because there is a misconception within you that your entire life would not be valid without your significant other thus making you ignore other vital aspects of life.

Have an awesome life aside relationship

You have equally neglected your family and friends, because you are always seen in each other's company.And this might be the reason why they suddenly got bored and decided to walk away thus leaving you with scars and broken heart. Being in a relationship does not mean you should ignore other important aspects of your life, there is nothing awesome as giving your partner the impression that life still exist even in their absence. It creates self confident and makes you independent. It attracts the opposite sex and commands self respect from them.Nobody wants to date an emotionally dependent man/woman who have no other plans and routine in life aside spending time with their partner. And what if they eventually walks out of your life, what would be your fate???? This is the phase where self independent plays a major role. No doubt,

Success is the key

Heartbreak is a depressing and heart wrenching period in any individual's life. It does not matter how long you have experienced it, what matters most is how you were able to get back at your feet immediately. To some individuals, situation like this actually brings out the best in them and instead of wallowing in self pity, they began to keep themselves busy, so as to be strong again. It might not be easy at first, but a stage it becomes a hobby. And that's when they would realize that there is actually a hidden talent in them they have been ignoring all because they were so stuck in a relationship. That is why is often said that the best revenge for someone who broke your heart is to achieve success. Life is all about lessons, some situations emerged in order to bring out the best in us and have a positive impacts in our lives.

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How to rekindle the spark in a relationship/marriage

You seems not to forget those early years of dating, when you were always seen with your significant other all over the places, occasional outings, couple's dinner nights,display of affections in the public. All of a sudden and to your greatest amazement, the feelings vanished into thin air. You seems to have fallen out of love. The more you try to comprehend what actually went wrong, the more confused you get. Initially this is someone you vowed to stick to and probably spend the rest of your life with. But what was happening at the moment was really beyond your imaginations. So many questions begins to crew up in your mind such as Why the sudden change of feeling? Was that love I felt initially or infatuation? How can I rekindle the spark? You don't need to panic, you are not alone in this. So many people have experienced such. if you find your self in such situations. It is very normal to fall out of love or not to continue feeling the same way you felt during those early lovey dovey days. Every relationship/marriage passed through a delicate and special stage known as''the honey moon phase''. This is the stage where the feelings of love for each other is at its peak. During these stage,many people tend to impress their partner and this might include hiding certain characters or behaviors from them for fear of being rejected. At this period, you might not really understand him/her no matter how you try to. Then the big question is after this honey moon phase, what happens next??? Just like the saying usually goes, there is no smoke without fire. This will take us back to our topic what causes lost spark in a relationship/marriage and how to rekindle it.

Lack of understanding

so many relationships/marriages has been destroyed because couples don't understand themselves. Love is not just enough to sustain a relationship. Just like was explained, after the honey moon phase, the next phase is getting to know each other and adjusting with each other's attitude. This is the most critical stage in every relationship. The romance stage has pass. This is the time to face reality and know if actually you truly love your partner as you claimed. And that is why is not advisable to be in a relationship with the intention of changing someone because after the honey moon phase you might not be able to cope or condone their attitude any longer. And this might make you loose the feelings you once had for them. intending couples should not shy away from any unusual behavior from their partner during courtship, because if it is taken into marriage, it might lead to misunderstanding. If you know you can cope with your partners attitude, then you must be ready to understand that this is who they are,and be ready to accept them that way. Otherwise, it will be best to back off.

Lack of Trust

Trust is one of the essential ingredients that gives rise to a successful marriage/relationship. Trust should be earned. Don't create rooms for doubt and don't build the foundation of your marriage/relationship with lies and deceit. As that will create insecurity.....the love and mutual feelings once felt might no longer be there anymore. Because there will definitely be constant nagging, complaint, doubts, fights and so on.


just like was earlier explained, most times especially after some years in marriage, couples tend to neglect those romantic things they did together during the early years of marriage/courtship that got them attracted to each other. A typical african man no longer deem it necessary to take his wife to shopping and outings, surprise her with gifts once in a while even though there might not be any special event at the moment. These are little things that spices up a relationship, on the other hand, as a typical african woman, your mindset makes you believe that is no longer necessary to dress sexy, attractive and gorgeous that caught your hubby's attention the very first day he met you. Is good you change your mindset. The truth is that most men, are attracted by what they see. Always look sexy and clean whenever your husband is around. Avoid tying wrapper always. Don't drive your hubby into another woman's arm except he has cheating as a hubby. In as much as these are not a criteria for a man not to cheat on his wife, it still contributes. Do your best as a lady.

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How to curb Ego in your relationship/marriage

How to curb Ego in  your relationship/marriage 5
Curbing Ego in a relationship/marriage

About Ego

EGO is one of the negative trait being exhibited by one or both partners in relationship/marriage. It is an unhealthy habits that can mar a long lasting marriage/relationship. No doubt, there is a desire for supremacy and power in individuals, everybody craves to have his/her opinion being respected and accepted by their partner. This is common to both genders and not just restricted to men alone as presumed and believed by people. It is a normal perception, but becomes abnormal when it is done at the expense of your relationship. A little dispute/misunderstanding that ought to have been settled amicably is allowed to linger for so long because one or both partners are contemplating in their minds on who to be the first to say ”sorry”. To most folks, apology implies accepting defeat and having a low self esteem. Unfortunately, this is a fallacious belief and I want to proof it wrong.

Difference between self esteem and Ego

There is a huge difference between ”SELF ESTEEM AND EGO While the former can be defined as an individual’s value and self worth which includes, self appreciation and charisma in relating with others. The later is synonymous to feelings of pride, arrogance, supremacy and dominion. It doesn’t really matter who has defaulted, what matters is saving your relationship from collapsing.

These are questions you need to answer

1) Do I value my relationship/marriage???

2) Are they worth the Fight?

3) Do I regard my partner as a priority and important personality in my life?? If the answers to the above questions are in affirmative. Then is time to let go of pride in order to save your relationship/marriage. Quit the mindset of ”I shouldn’t be the one to apologize first as am not ”guilty”. Remember the main objective is to save your relationship first, after which you can have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Pouring out your heart to them and explaining to them why it is very necessary to apologize whenever they offend you and not the other way round. Have it in mind that no relationship is perfect and no perfect human exists. Exercise patient with them and give them a little time to deal with their weak point ”EGO” I.e if they are willing to change. The word ”sorry” is so simple that it wouldn’t remove any strand of hair from your body but rather save you from heart ache that might be caused as a result of breakup or divorce from your relationship and marriage respectively.

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How to identify a healthy relationship

How to identify a healthy relationship 7
Couples in a healthy relationship

Having a healthy relationship is the dream of every young person who desires to build a life time union with the intent of marriage. Introducing someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend is not just enough. They are “mere”tithle”.what really matters is the state of your relationship and how excited you are to have them as your partner. And that brings us to the topic “identifying a healthy relationship “.from the word “healthy”.a healthy relationship is said to be a relationship in a good state. One devoid of Unresolvable issues.

Here are some ways to identify a healthy relationship .

Mutual communication

Communication plays a major role in a relationship. It increases the bond and intimacy in the relationship. When you find yourself struggling to keep the communication going, whereas your partner does nothing to reciprocate

Then the relationship is no longer healthy for you and there may be a need to discontinue.


Imagine you have something confidential you would like to share with someone. Am very sure you wouldn’t like to share it with just anyone. But someone you trust and believe in so much. Now imagine, being secretive to your partner, it implies you don’t trust them. It gives them the impression you don’t believe in them. It also depicit that there is a skeleton on your Cupboard. A healthy relationship ought to be transparent. If you can’t confide in each other, then it means your relationship is filled with

Doubts. If you can comfortably hide things from each other, then it implies you are not both compatible being in a relationship. If you comfortably pick up their calls at their absence, then it shows there may be something fishy. Being open to each increases the friendship


A healthy relationship is a relationship where both partners see each other more like a best friend. There is respect on both sides irrespective of the age differences. You can talk to each other freely and request for an assistance from each other in a polite way without being bossy or making the other feel humiliated. You also respect each other’s boundaries. For instance, if she says she doesn’t want to be sexually involved with you yet, you ought to respect that. If he says you shouldnt pick up his calls. Also respect that regardless of the reasons behind such decision.

Less pressure

Couples often complain about having a manipulative partner who often compells them to do things without considering their happiness first. A healthy relationship does not have to be manipulative. For e.g threatening you with break up every now and then if you ain’t ready to succumb to their wish. If a relationship restricts your freedom to concentrate in other vital aspects of your personal life such as your career, skills or hobby. Then is no longer healthy for you.


For a relationship to be healthy, couples ought to be compatible with each other. It doesn’t Mean they should be perfect. But there should be Some level of understanding between both, ability to condone each other’s flaw. And tolerate each other’s attitude from time to time.

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How to know when a relationship is over.

How to know when a relationship is over. 9
knowing when a relationship is over

One of the most challenging aspect of dating is knowing or detecting when a partner is no longer interested and wants to back off. Often times, a lot of folks especially male folks lacks the courage to confront their partners and break the sad news or the fear of not hurting him/her especially when they had done nothing wrong . Hence the exhibition of weird and usual attitudes which leaves them with a mixed signals. However, in other not to waste your time, effort and resources in a relationship that is no longer in existence. Here are some signs that he/she wants wants to back off.


The rate of communication declines

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. Communication increases the bond and intimacy especially for a distance relationship where both partners hardly see each other. With communication, both partners can feel each other’s presence despite the distance. Check out the rate at which your partner communicates with you recently. Compare it with the rate at which it was when the relationship began. Now if there is a drastic reduction on the communication. Then there is chances that he/she wants out. Though there could be exception in few cases. For instance, what is the nature of his job? Is it so demanding that he/she hardly make out time to handle other social activities. Did he change to a new job recently and so finding it difficult to adjust to the new system. These are the questions to consider before jumping into conclusion.





If the answer is yes. Then you may have to relax and calm your nerves.and maybe give him some benefits of doubt but you ought to Pay close attention to his/her attitude at this period. Does he calls back as promised assuming he was busy when you called. Does he still picks up your call when he is less busy? Does he makes out time to visit you especially on weekends which are his free work days? If the answer to this is no?. Then you may need to have a rethink because in spite our busy Schedules. There is always room to make out time for our loved ones. I. e if we value the relationship and wants them to still be part our lives. .

He tries to avoid you.

When you begin to observe the rate at which your partner avoids seeing you, then there is every tendency that they may want out in the relationship. Even at your complaint of his nonchalant attitude. He still dodges having a discussion with you, because he knows that the most dreaded question as regards to the fate of the relationship will definitely pop up

he sees fault in everything you do.

You both have been doing great, you can’t remember doing any thing to upset him. Then then all of a sudden, he picks fault in whatever you do,

talks to you rudely and flares up at any slightest provocation. This is the most complaint laid by women. Their partner all of a sudden begins to see them as a “nag” whenever they talk about an issue that requires to be addressed and given adequate attention to.

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Relationship is like a game.

A illustration with a game.

Relationship is like a game. 11
It takes two mutual effort to keep a relationship.

Relationship is like a game, even before you venture in, you are optimistic that it will be successful. Though skeptical and uncertain of what fate holds for you at the end, but yet, You are still confident that it will work. Despite the unpredictable future, you are still hopeful that it will be successful. Unfortunately, at a may see your self struggling to keep it going. Within you, you know the right thing to do is to walk away. But you belief you've come along way to give up so soon. The above scenario illustrates the views and perception most individuals have about relationship. Both scenarios are synonymous, but quite contradictory in some aspect. While game may require the effort of one individual, relationship requires a mutual effort of two individuals who truly understands the reason of being in one.

How it should be.

It should be a 50.50 effort. When you begin to make it as though your life is in total dependent of it, while your partner enjoys their stress free life. It is no longer relationship, but OBSESSION.. When you see you self doing all it takes to make it successful, while your partner contributes nothing in any aspect. Is called, DESPERATION. When you are ready walk the miles for them, when they can't move an inch for you, then is called EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY. Just free your self and allow love to find you. A successful relationship does not require much hardwork. It only entails being with the right partner who shares similar interest with you. One who is ready to sacrifice and give out his/her best. One who isn't in for any material benefits rather than love. and this can only be guaranteed by being with the right one.

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What do men want?

What do men want? 13
A man having a good time with a woman that truly understands him.

How do I please him? How do I get him feel the same way like I do or reciprocate my love? If you are pondering on this question, then I must confess, you ain’t alone on this. A lot of female folks out there feels the same way. And had been constantly asking the same rhetorically questions. All men are the same,, a friend of mine recently lamented after being jilted by her lover of 2years. My past relationships also ended in a similar way she complained bitterely . You love them, you are clingy, you doesn’t, you ain’t caring, “she continues amidst of tears. A lot women had gone through similar experience and probably wondering what it really takes to get a man reciprocate their love. First, I have to correct that impression that “all men are the same”. Even an identical twins that shares the same umbilical cord still have different individual trait, let alone individuals that ain’t bloodly related. Most a times, men are not really the issue, but understanding the nature of a man, and how it tends to differ from that of female folks.

Here are four basic things a man want from you

Men love adventures

while women are derived and controlled by their emotions. Men are derieved by their ability and what they can achieve. Men are goal gaters, their strength lies on their abilities and achievements. They don’t want to be seen as a failure, so they would everything possible to avoid that status quo. Have you ever observed that when a man is having hard Would become emotionally detached from his his relationship. He needs space- the way most women reacts to situations often differs from the male folks. For e. g when a woman is passing through pressures or hard times, she may need a should to lean on and someone to confide in probably her partner, relations or trusted friends. On the contrary, a man wants to handle his alone as a way to prove his masculinity. And boost his Ego, Thus he may want his doesn’t imply he has lost interest in the relationship. And the worst thing to do at this period is to pressurize will only drive him farther away. Is not about you, he needs time to concentrate and think. And trust me if he truly loves you, the relationship will be back to nolmacy when everything becomes OK. He needs support- nothing excites a man than having that assurance that he is dating a supportive woman. A woman who doesn’t nag him every now and then but a woman who would help him actualize his dream . A woman who isn’t self centredness but who puts his partner’s happiness into consideration before taken any decision. .

He needs respect

no matter how good or down to earth a man is, he needs a submissive and respectful woman. Men are egocentric in nature hence wants to feel that relevance and importance from their women. They hate nagging. Men detest nagging so much. They hate being nagged several times over a particular issue even though they might be guilty of that. You Would become emotionally detached from his his relationship.

He needs space

the way most women reacts to situations often differs from the male folks. For e. g when a woman is passing through pressures or hard times, she may need a should to lean on and someone to confide in probably her partner, relations or trusted friends. On the contrary, a man wants to handle his alone as a way to prove his masculinity. And boost his Ego, Thus he may want his doesn’t imply he has lost interest in the relationship. And the worst thing to do at this period is to pressurize will only drive him farther away. Is not about you, he needs time to concentrate and think. And trust me if he truly loves you, the relationship will be back to nolmacy when everything becomes OK.

He needs your support

nothing excites a man than having that assurance that he is dating a supportive woman. A woman who doesn’t nag him every now and then but a woman who would help him actualize his dream . A woman who isn’t self centredness but who puts his partner’s happiness into consideration before taken any decision. . He needs respect- no matter how good or down to earth a man is, he needs a submissive and respectful woman. Men are egocentric in nature hence wants to feel that relevance and importance from their women. They hate nagging. Men detest nagging so much. They hate being nagged several times over a particular issue even though they might be guilty of that. You You have to be diplomatic when laying a complaint to him. It might be an annoying attitude from him that you wants him to quit or something that he needs to improve on. The way you approach the issue would determine if he would give you an audience ignore you, or tag you a “nag”. Be polite about it. Address the issue in a polite but matured way. Don’t talk about it consistently. Give him time to remininsense over it as most times habits are difficult to quit.

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Marriage, a woman’s greatest weak point.

Marriage, a woman's greatest weak point. 15
Marriage, a woman’s greatest weak point.

I am very certain that if marriage was a laid ambush, a lot women would fall victim as a result of their desperation and irresistible quest to get married.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, it is a union approved by God and meant for two individuals who had already taken a decision to spend the rest of their lives together. Note the word ” two individuals”. This is to say that it is meant to be a mutual agreement and desire.

Don’t push it

You shouldn’t be the one reminding a man that he needs to settle down with you, you shouldn’t be the one making the move. You know your job as a woman. Is very simple. Be yourself, exhibit a good character, work on your attitude and the right man will show up. Just like an adage which says ” good market advertises itself. If peradventure it didn’t work out with him, then know it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. But the problem is that we approach this marriage thing in a wrong way. You pack your bags without an invitation and start assuming wify roles, hoping to get his attention. This was exactly the same issue I was arguing with a friend on that some days back. She said and I quote “most of my friends got married by going for what they want and fortunately achieved that. Smiles, unfortunately, so many have this kind of mindset. Listen sweet hearts, that your friend got married by throwing herself to a man doesn’t mean she was smart neither Does it imply it would certainly work out for you that exact way. The truth is that It was probably meant to be. You may not meet that kind of man, so the best resort is to be yourself. A man already knows whom he wants to get married to. Cook for him, wash for him, satisfy him with all the styles you can think of. You would never get his attention if he doesn’t want you.

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The True definition of oneness in marriage

The True definition of oneness in marriage 17

For Married/singles. Though not married, I’ve discovered that the only (1+1=1 ).language married couples especially men understands most is sex. And a man shall live his parents and cleave unto his wife and they shall become one. There wasn’t any specification or condition attached to the oness. Aside being legally married. So why do most men understands oneness only when the issue of sex pops up? What happens to oneness in understanding, tolerance and respect. Some men would treat their wives as crap, and disrespect them in public. When she denies him sex. Hell will let loose. And all of a sudden, he would remember they are one. And start calling up family meetings to know why his wife must deny him sex…… Is that so???? This category of men are the ones who would forcefully have sex with their wife without her consent. Then goes ahead to justify themselves as not being a rapist with the guise that her body belongs to him. What happens to respect? You care about the body alone, what about the heart that gives the body life and energy to perform? Dont you that whatever happens to the heart, would equally affect the body. If you let the heart pass through hurt, the body gets affected too.

Respect, love and understanding.

Respect, love and understanding is the primary definition of oneness in marriage. Oneness implies that you both are one regardless of the age qualification or gender. If you are always acting bossy on your wife, disregards her opinion and ignores her ideas. You are not one but two different individuals living together under one roof. When last did you get close to your wife? Chatted, discussed and played with her like your playmate, aside when you want sex. When last did you compliment your wife? apart from compliments on bed. Oneness should include every aspects of your marriage. Oneness includes living as best friends and not flat mates.

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How to win her heart.

How to win her heart. 19
Man displaying his affection to his woman.

There had been so many questions and deliberations as to the techniques to adopt in other to win over a woman’s heart. A lot of men believes that women are complicated and there is absolutely nothing to do in other to win their hearts or get their attention. But this is false. It all depends on your approach. The problem is that we priotrize money to everything. But there are simple things we Often neglect. These are things women take into considerations. They can be explained as follows.

Understand her emotional make up

This is the first step to be taken into consideration while trying to get her attention. But unfortunately, so many give up at this stage. With the perception that women are hard to please. However, you ought to understand that Women are emotional being, so fragile and sensitive to the core. No wonder they cry over little things and at any slightest provocation. that makes you wonder if they are crazy or have probably gone insane. No they haven’t It is just a natural trait. Which can easily tolerated be by understanding her emotional make up.

Understand her love language.

Women loves attention, they always crave for it especially from those that matters most to them. They are fragile and loves to be pampered. But unfortunately, a lot of men mistaken it as emotional weakness and clingyness . She wants a man who would always be there for her and protect her at all times. Women hate the word “busy”. She does not need a workalic,but one who is ready to spare at least some hours out of her busy schedules to be with her. It doesn’t imply You should abandon your duties. But it does mean you should spare at least some hours out to be in her company.

Pay attention to her

Listen to her .Women are like kids, they get so annoyed when they find out that you don’t give a damn of whatever they wanna say. During discussions, a woman wants your undivided attention. She is desperate for your audience. She wants you to listen, not really because she is making sense, but because she wants create an intimate bond with you. Laugh at her dry jokes. Contribute to her discussion, even if it ain’t interested. She wants to know that someone is excited to be in her company. It strengthens the communication between you both.

Be patient with her

Often times. they will display an annoying attitude, but you don’t have to flare up. It takes understanding and tolerance to handle a woman’s attitude and only a patient man can condone that. Women have a general nagging trait, they tend to complain a lot especially over irrelevant issues which you can ordinariry overlook as a man. It is not perculiar to your partner alone. But you don’t have to be rude to her. It is often said that behind every nagging woman, there is a man not doing what he ought to do. This statement ain’t a proved fact,, but is still possible though. Listen to what she always complain about. It may be what you need to improve on. Dont use abusive words on her. It can make her emotionally weak. But rather correct her in love.